A Knock In The Middle Of The Night

Last night I had fallen asleep on the couch, (who am I tried to kid, I sleep on the couch every night since I lost Kato) but last night I had fallen asleep before I meant to and was woken up by a knock at the door. It was 11:30 pm, who comes visiting at that time?

Since I found out JC was tracking my phone calls, the tracking device was discovered on my truck and he got me fired etc  I stopped opening my door at night without asking who is there. After I lost Kato I stopped opening the door during the day light hours. I have never been nervous home alone; my mother used to give me shit all the time because I regularly forgot to lock my doors but I have gotten much more diligent in recent times. Seeing as I can’t see who is at my door through any window I have gotten in the habit of locking the door as soon as I get inside and never open it unless I know who is there, any one who visits me regularly knows this. I don’t care, if they don’t identify themselves I don’t open the door, they can stand out there knocking til the cows come home. So last night when there was a knock on my door at 11:30 my heart jumped in my throat, I yelled who’s there? and got another knock. I went right up to the door and I know who ever was on the other side could hear me when I yelled again, “Who is it?” I repeated it probably 4 times and then heard foot steps in the gravel of my driveway heading in the direction of the road. I listened until I couldn’t hear their footsteps any more. If I could hear their footsteps they heard me asking who was there. I have no idea who was at my door but I had bad dreams last night because of it.

I don’t think you ever truly completely heal after being involved with a narcissist/sociopath. I am ok today, but it took me back to the nights I went to bed with my truck keys under my pillow and my purse beside me so he couldn’t sabotage my truck or steal my money. I remembered the nights I went out to the barn looking for him in the middle of the night and he would be watching me from the shadows. How he used to sneak up on his sister and me when we were in the trailer, there was gravel all around the trailer and yet he could sneak up without making a sound and just appear at the door. When you are in the middle of it all, you really doubt your sanity, this kinda shit only happens in the movies, but it doesn’t; it happens in real life.

I can not believe I was so confused and out of touch with reality that I feared for my life and had proof he had tampered with my vehicle, slept with my keys for God’s sake!! but I didn’t leave. I know there are other women out there afraid for their lives and yet not leaving. If you have that feeling in your gut that you are in danger, if he makes you nervous with his peculiar behaviour, DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF!! get out before it is too late, tell someone, go to a shelter, just get out and stay away. Please don’t play cat and mouse with the devil! This is not love, you should never fear the person who says they love you, the person you love should never hurt or scare you, ever!!

Love is nurturing, accepting, respectful, protective, understanding, it does not disrespect, belittle, criticize, beat you down with words or physically, love should never make you fear for your life.

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24 Replies to “A Knock In The Middle Of The Night”

  1. That is REALLY CREEPY!! so creepy because he/they didn’t answer your query – WHO?
    Good girl for keeping yourself safe!!!
    The truth we know now is someone you love should never knowingly hurt nor scare you. Thanks my friend!

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    1. Heather, it is such a basic truth, I don’t even know why I would question it. It is so obvious, something that is a given and yet we all doubt ourselves or believe we somehow brought it on ourselves. it is truly insane thinking. But an N will drive a person insane.

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  2. Wow Carrie. Creepy. Almost as if whoever it was wanted you to be scared or had so little regard for your feelings that they didn’t care if you were scared or not. A friend would have called I would think. To let you know it was them. I am not thinking it was JC but there are others maybe that would want you scared. Because when we are scared we sometimes do dumb things. Like perhaps call someone we should NOT be calling and they can appear to save the day. A manufactured situation of sorts. Be smart, be wise and be safe.

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    1. Ellie, I take nothing at face value any more. too bad but I have learned that I have to watch my back and stay aware of what is going on around me. The last episode with him taught me that he will stoop to anything to destroy me. He was the king of manufacturing situations. I never get drop in visitors at that time, ever. oh well. I am fine, smarter than I ever was before.

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  3. Hi Carrie,
    I do that…I never leave my keys or wallet out of my sight. I hide them in a different place every day. Weird, isn’t it. He keeps telling me that he thinks I am mentally ill. When I leave the room, he will quietly get up and move things around. I swear, he does it every time I leave the room lately. It’s just bizzarre. The other day, my laptop mysteriously stopped working. imagine! The back of my IPAD has dents in it. Of course, he says he didn’t do it.
    I asked you for advice the other day. I knew the answer. It was still difficult to read. Well, I put a deposit on my own place, yesterday. I will be moving in a couple of weeks. It’s the first time I have done that. I have left him atleast 12 times. Always to stay with family, of course, like I knew it wasn’t gonna be permanent. I am nervous.

    Thank you, Carrie
    Your words do make a difference. Wish I could be excited but all I feel in numb.

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    1. Numb is good Ann. Very good for right now. It will get you through what you NEED to do without feeling. Enough time later after you move for the emotion part. Because , trust me, that will come. A HUGE Congrats and a BIG hug!!!!!!!

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    2. Ann, when I left I was numb, just going through the motions, it was the last thing on earth I wanted to be doing but I knew I had no choice and you know that too. It will be hard, I won’t lie to you, but it is a hurt that will fade and eventually go away. If you stay you will continue to hurt forever more. We will be here for you, we all know what you are going through and it will get tougher when he pours on the charm trying to get you back; because he will and he will get another woman and rub your nose in it. Knowing that up front should help a bit, it is trademark behaviour of an N they all do it and ask any woman here, if you go back the abuse is worse.
      Some times in life we have to face the truth as much as we want to click our heels and make things different we can’t, all we can do is take our power back and save ourselves.
      Congratulations on making such a positive move for a better life, you can do this, and it will be worth it eventually. You deserve to be happy Ann, we all do.
      We are here for you!
      Hugs
      Carrie

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      1. Thank you, Carrie. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. Yeah..as for the woman stuff…he has been leaving stuff all over the house and making comments about all the
        different women he has. Seems far fetched, but who the hell knows. I look at him and just feel disgusted to know I am with him. Weird, I look online and see pictures, of what appear to be strong, beautiful and confident women and they end up with freakin ugly losers. What gives?! My self esteem has taken such a hit that I can’t even look another person in the eye. Is that normal? I totally believe in Karma. I’m just wondering when the hell it’s gonna come back to him.

        Stay safe!

        Thank You again.
        Ann

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        1. Ann, the low self confidence is a direct and natural result of the narcissists abuse. They beat down your self esteem so you won’t leave them and then start the screwing around, torturing you by leaving clues around the house to their infidelity. I am sure JC set me up to find little clues, a dropped letter to another woman, a slip of paper with a phone number left in a pocket. I used to think “how careless of him to leave incriminating evidence laying around” but realize now it was all part of his sick game. That makes me really angry, to know he played me like that, baffling me with bullshit in his twisted head games, torturing me little by little until I literally went mad.
          As for karma. Karma only works on people with feelings; if a person has no remorse and is so self absorbed he feels he can do no wrong karma is wasted on him. With a narcissist, when karma strikes they simply manipulate the situation to be some one else’s problem. For example; JC lost every job he ever had due to stealing and working the system. Some how he has avoided ever being formally charged or doing any jail time. He will be broke because he can never keep a job but has no fear because he always finds someone to pay the price for his crimes. When he list his job it wasn’t him that suffered; I picked up the slack, or he borrowed money from his stepdad that he never paid back and now blames on me, saying I spent it all. And when he was evicted, jobless, and I moved out he went and found another woman with money and has managed to talk her into selling her home and setting him up in his own business.
          I have no doubt that he has told her thatbthe reason he got fired is because I called his workplace (what he did to me) he set it up almost from the beginning. She would think she was proving her love by saving him from me. He would blame any bad treatment of her by him to the stress of dealing with me trying to ruin his life.
          It took him almost 3 years but he got exactly What he set out to get; they are extremely patient when they set a goal whether it be revenge or monetary gain.
          Nothing absolutely nothing can be taken at face value with them.

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          1. Hi Carrie,
            It’s like you are describing the person I have been living with. Here is something that happened yesterday. It’s so bizarre but so true. I am both dumbfounded and humiliated.
            Here’s the story: On friday, B(my narccissist) decided he was going to book a ticket to Mexico to visit his family. Yep…book a ticket on friday to leave on saturday. That’s what he said, like that’s worth anything. He left yesterday morning. He knows I plan on moving out, again, in two weeks. This is his home and, again, per his orders, I am getting the eff out. After he left, I went for a long walk. I came home and made a nice meal. I always make chocolate chip cookies and freeze them….then heat them directly on the rack in the oven for a few minutes. This time,I may have left them in too long. Sooooo…I put a few more…no biggee. The oven had a large flame coming off of the gas element thingy. Of course, the entire chain of events made me feel like, WTF! Crazy as it may sound, he is the type of person who would sabotage the oven to see if he could get away with it. Of course, I am already paranoid about what he may do next and the fact that he just up and left the country with a days notice so I left the condo and went to the lobby and called the fire department. The handsome fellas showed up and found that there was some type of food laying directly on the element and that is what was burning. So, I apologize profusely. I am so embarrased. It could have been a cookie that fell through…but, as bizarre as it may sound, it could also have been something he put there. In the process of all of this apologizing, I let out something that happened last september. My B attacked me and tried to throw me off a balcony. I also said he terrorizes me and I feel paranoid about what he may do next. I swear that I didn’t mean to say it. It just flew out. I am extremely private. Well, they called the police to come talk to me. I was mortified. I wanted to shrink up and disappear. They said they felt obligated to help. It was weird. I sat and spoke with the police woman. I told her about his attacking me. I am so embarrased. The whole day seemed like a dream. All I could do, after she left, was crawl into bed. Tell me I am not totally losing it. Tell me I haven’t gone completely off the deep end.

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            1. N’s tend to do that to people but you are not crazy. You talked because you needed to, you can’t hold all that inside and it is good you talked to the police, at least they are aware now of what is going on. No need to be embarrassed!! HE is the one who should be embarrassed and mortified that he did it. What did the police have to say about it?
              If there is one thing I know for sure about N’s it is that you never know what they will do next, if your gut is telling you that he did something I would bet on your gut reaction being right. I would watch my back and get the hell out of there before he returns if I was you. He is not safe to be around. I would even go so far as to suggest you not stay there at all and have a friend come with you when you go to pack. I would not trust that he left at all and will show up out of the blue. Please be very careful and do not doubt yourself!
              Big hugs
              Carrie

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    3. Ann,
      Joe used to do that…move my stuff. I would hide everything! I knew it was him…he would leave a trail like handsel n grettle. I hated that. Now I lock my room. Waiting for him to leave…as I stash my money in another state and plan my getaway.
      Tasha

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      1. JC used to “clean up” and when ever he “cleaned up” stuff went missing. He was the biggest slob but all of a sudden he would get the urge to clean my truck and I knew something would be missing. You see, if someone spreads all your stuff around pretending to clean and organize things it takes longer for you to notice that something is missing. By the time you notice, he doesn’t know what you are talking about.
        Gawd. it is so nice to not have to always be on alert and aware of everything going on around you for fear that the man you love is going to rip you off.

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  4. I totally relate to what you are going through. I have lost count of the nights I have lain awake waiting for that dreaded knock at the door, and terror of my dreams. As you say, this stuff doesn’t just happen in nightmares and movies.

    Well done on prioritising your safety. I really hope you are okay. Would you consider reporting this to the police? It may be worth it, in case a pattern begins to emerge.

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    1. strongersoulsurvivor, I was going to go to the police when I figured out he was tracking me and got me fired, and take him to court but I decided against it because it all worked out in my favor in the end any way and I didn’t want the stress of dealing with him in court. Unfortunately, it depends on which cop you get as to whether anyone even believes you and I was afraid they would think I was a nut case which is what he would have told them. He had just moved away and had it all planned pretty good, he screwed up because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and gave himself away but by that time I was over it and was just glad he had moved. If it becomes a common occurrence I will definitely talk to the cops but I don’t know who it was and really have nothing to report at this moment. Everyone in the park knows that if they see him he is not supposed to be here so I would hope that if he decided to tamper with my car or something someone would say something. But I don’t trust him as far as I could throw him and its been a year since he popped up last time plus being Christmas and all he could have been in the area. I just stay alert.

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  5. How scary is that!! And how cruel the person on the other side of the door to do that to you.
    Glad you’re safe. But I have no doubt that shook you up. I keep my door locked all the time too. Thankfully I have a male roomie.

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    1. I will feel a lot better when I have Stella, mastiffs are very protective and big. JC was cocky about my dogs because Kato knew him and he was always good to Kato, giving him treats and stuff but he never hit me in front of Kato and I don’t think he would have gotten away with it. It really bothered Kato when we argued, but I know he would have been torn on what to do if JC came in the house.
      A couple of years ago I walked out of work and JC was standing at my truck petting my dogs through the open window. Nobody would have gotten away with sticking their hand in my truck if Kato didn’t know them. JC had that smirk on his face that they get and I knew he was showing me that my dogs wouldn’t protect me from him.
      Well now my dog won’t know him so he would be in for a shock if he did try something.

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      1. And Sharpei’s can be hit or miss in the friendly factor I understand. So much for dogs ‘knowing’ huh? Truth is not all dog pick up on such people. Sounds like Laila did though, if I’m reading right. Funny, I have a friend who had a dog a long time ago who’s name was Layla…named after the Eric Clapton song.
        This dog was selective and didn’t like or trust many people. She was a good watch dog.
        I’m looking forward for you to get Stella. Patience isn’t always easy. 🙂

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        1. Safirefalcon, its funny you say that about Kato not picking up on JC’s character because when I first got him he wanted nothing to do with JC and it made me very uneasy. JC and I were split but seeing each other when I got Kato so JC was around a lot but not living with me. Kato was very sick when I got him but still he was very obvious about his dislike of him. JC worked very hard at winning Kato over and had me fooled into thinking he really cared for Kato but I don’t think he did now looking back.
          JC was in and out of our life so often through the years but I rarely left him with JC and if I did he would lay out in the driveway waiting for me or by the door until I got home. If JC called him he would come, but straight to me. I am confident and I am sure JC was also; that Kato would attack if someone hurt me in front of him. JC never laid a hand on me if Kato was around; I never realized it until just now. After I got Kato there was a long period of time JC didn’t layba finger on me. It wasn’t until we got back together the last time that JC was physically abusive again and only when Kato wasn’t around. Either he was locked in the house and JC and I were in the barn or something. Kato probably saved me a few beatings.

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    1. Me too! Thanks Paula. It really made me uneasy. Who comes visiting at 11:45 at night? No one I know. And every one knows I never open the door without knowing whose there; except JC or a friend from before I left him.

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  6. Wow Carrie, this is really scarey. She has always show up at my door when I’ve gone no contact and I’ve always answered when I didn’t know what I was dealing with. I felt like someone was watching me about 2 weeks ago as shadows passed by my window. I thought I was just being paranoid. She is now harassing and abusing me by proxy. I never fully understood to the length these people will go to hurt a victim. I definitely won’t answer my door next time.

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