Empathy vs Apathy

Quite by accident last night I came across a bunch of You Tube clips of this remarkable man Sir Winton

I remember hearing about him years ago but last night I watched a bunch of the videos about him. It was rather ironic that right in between all these videos about this man who saved all these Jewish children before the war was a video of Kim Kardashian talking about parenthood. What a stark contrast and huge statement about society and humanity.

I listened to one interview with Sir Winton where near the end he gives a little smile and says, “You aren’t going to like what I am about to say.” and went on to say that he is shocked at how the world is now, that he had thought that people would have learned something from what happened with the Jews and Hitler but he said they didn’t learn anything. He said it saddened him to see the world the way it is and that no one learned anything.

I don’t think it was an accident I found him tonight ( I was looking at funny clips of animals so how I got him I have no idea, well yeah I do have an idea, God works in mysterious ways) It is such a clear example of empathy, apathy and a sociopath. Hitler would not have had the power to do what he did to the Jews without the apathy of the rest of the world. Sir Winton saved 669 children give or take a couple and that number has grown to over 7000 because they have had children etc. I can’t imagine what those parents felt like to be able to send their children to safety and the hell that they went through, that all the Jews went through. Its a scary thought that society still turns a blind eye to injustices against their fellow man. Maybe what I suffered at the hands of JC or what anyone here suffered at the hands of their abuser was not equivalent to being herded into a gas chamber but there are victims of these sociopaths who were executed as coldly and deliberately as those Jews decades ago. It is so so wrong that people should ever turn a blind eye to any abuse of any kind or heaven forbid assist the sociopath in the abuse and torture of his victim.

What is that saying? the gist of it is………..a person turns a blind eye and doesn’t come to the aid of their fellow man and then in the end they come for him and there is no one left to defend him. Why do people think they are special and immune to it? Do women really believe that a man can be abusive to every woman he has ever been with or even one woman and not abuse her? does she really believe that her love is so special that it will insulate her from his abuse. That there is actually women out there so evil and psycho that they would drive a man to abuse her physically and mentally instead of just leaving her?

I guess I have to give the new woman a break, I am sure the narcissist hasn’t told her the truth, I know JC admitted to me that he hit one woman one time and he felt so horrible about it he would never do it again. in fact he told me that about me and I believed him time and time again, when he would be crying and admit fault and profess his love. and he did go years where he didn’t hit me, during the time that I refused to let him live with me and had my truck and independence but he always managed to worm his way back into my home, and tampered with my truck keeping me in his control to some degree and I didn’t know how to break free of him. In case some women reads this and thinks that is the secret to keeping a narcissist, put that thought right out of your head immediately! You can’t maintain it forever, and it isn’t a relationship it is a game of cat and mouse and we normal people can’t compete with a psychopath. Eventually he will exact his revenge. You are playing with a loaded gun, eventually it will go off.

Just like ignoring the persecution of our fellow man will not make it go away and we (society) are going to pay a very heavy priced for our apathy.







5 thoughts on “Empathy vs Apathy

  1. safirefalcon

    This comment probably won’t be too popular. But I am not so sure that those who get involved with a N/S/P can be considered “normal.” And now I suppose I should turn to myself and speak for myself.

    If I were ‘normal’ (whatever that even means) I would not have gotten involved with the ex (if I can even call him an ex really since I don’t even feel like we were truly ever together). It was indeed the beginning of an ongoing wake up call…the entanglement and the break up. But the reason I’ve been attracted to those who are damaged is because I am damaged. I have been codependent, with little boundaries with abandonment issues.

    These root from my family of origin (FOO) and so I was groomed in such a way that my intuition was buried. My trust is skewed and my judgment is a bit off.
    So using the word normal, despite our empathy, really isn’t accurate.

    Also, within our empathy, if we’ve been with an abuser, chances are pretty good we’ve also been apathetic as well. I can again speak for myself. The man I was involved with was married. He said he was divorcing, but of course even if it were true (and it’s one of the few things I think was, given that he is now divorced from that wife and now married to another), it doesn’t take away the pain of the last spouse and what she was going through.

    I think we tell ourselves things to make it OK, plus we’re being told things that help us pretend it’s OK too, in the case of getting involved with a married narcissist. Like being told about her infidelities.

    I had to have apathy in order to continue with him, otherwise I would’ve stuck to what I said, when I told him the first time in the beginning to go deal with the divorce and then we’ll talk.


    1. Carrie Reimer

      Scarletfalcon, I understand what you are saying about “normal” I use the word for lack of a better word, “healthy” doesn’t fit either because I don’t think I was or am totally healthy, I think few people are healthy without any baggage and that is normal. The narcissist, psychopath, sociopath whatever you want to call them, are sick, and I pray to God that they never become the norm. Apaths can be empathetic but are easily influenced and tend to go with the popular vote, in my mind.
      Personally, the only time I became apathetic was when I shut down and was apathetic about my own situation because I felt I had no way out and knew it was wrong to be afraid of JC, to actually go to bed thinking I may not live to the morning and telling myself, if it happens it happens there is nothing I can do about it. When his sister stayed with us she would be beside herself with frustration and anger over things he said or did and I didn’t react at all. It really did not bother me, he didn’t come home one night while she was there and she was crying and I was going on like nothing was wrong and she said to me. “If I was you I would be going crazy, how can you be so calm?” I know there was no point, but when it came to other people I would confront him, so I don’t believe that it is necessarily the case that all victim become apathetic by association. Maybe in your case and I don’t judge anyone but my ex was not married when I met him and I had no idea he was seeing anyone until we had been together several years and he let it slip. I know he tried to get me into triangulation situations several times and I refused to play my part. When he did something I felt was wrong I told him what I thought, I confronted him if I thought he stole something. There was a point when I was trying to get money together to leave and I drove my truck without insurance, something I would never do ordinarily but I was desperate and I did get caught but not once did I not feel guilty about it or think it was ok, I just didn’t see any other way of making money to leave. As it was I left with $5 and no where to go but I had hoped to not have to do that.

      If anything the whole thing has made me more empathetic than ever before. I don’t think I was sick or abnormal when I met JC, I had never been in an abusive relationship before, I was not even looking for a man when I met him and quite honestly I was very independent and had my shit together, I was in a really good place when I met him. I have always been the kind of person who hibernates if I am not feeling healthy and I don’t date. I had been single for over a year when I met him and just thought he was a really nice guy. I thought he was too nice and actually forced myself to continue seeing him because he was so sweet but I felt he was too needy and told him he had to slow it down because he was going to push me away by being too pushy. So he did back off a bit.

      I feel healthier now than I ever have. but I believe we all have our baggage but the no one should use a person’s baggage to control them. I don’t agree with seeing a married man, but I can not judge when I have not been there myself. ‘As the woman who got screwed around on I can tell you it was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt and I would hope I would never do that to another woman no matter what the man said.


  2. Carrie Reimer Post author

    I just reread my post safirefalcon and I am just wondering what you are commenting to. I don’t see any reference to “normal” in my post or any reference to married narcissists. I am confused.
    Am I missing something?


    1. safirefalcon

      Towards the end of your post you wrote: “You can’t maintain it forever, and it isn’t a relationship it is a game of cat and mouse and we normal people can’t compete with a psychopath.”

      And I wasn’t disagreeing with it btw. It’s true that people with emotions and consciences can’t compete at their level. Best thing is to get out safely.

      As far as me bringing up the guy I had ‘dated’ while he was still married/separated or whatever, it was more about me using myself as an example of being caught up in everything that I became apathetic about his soon to be ex. I would go back and forth about caring about her and feeling really awful about the whole thing to feeling as though I’d had her blessing anyway some of the time, as she and he would talk on the phone in front of me about HER date. She was calling because she would need directions to where she was going.

      Anyway, no. You didn’t mention married people. It just went with my example and my personal situation and comparing it to the apathy part of your post. And thinking maybe I became that way in some aspects myself.

      I’m not proud of that moment of my life and he and I had a history and in fact hadn’t seen each other for almost 15 years. And when we did see each other, we found that the addiction was alive and well…or more like, sick.

      I am getting a little off track I guess. But for me in my mind, it all intertwines. In my behavior I was apathetic toward another woman. And I do still feel a lot of remorse and feel as though I turned against my own gender. It was an entanglement and I would never defend it.


  3. Pingback: I Bet You Are An Empath | Ladywithatruck's Blog

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