Selfies

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Ok I give up; it has to be an age thing. Young people take pictures of themselves all the time and they look great. The pouty lips, big eyes that look like they just saw a ghost, no neck wrinkles, no grey hair, brilliant white teeth (when they aren’t pouting and they smile) I have been trying for months to get a decent picture of myself to put up as my gravatar and to submit with my article for the magazine.

I have given up.

I came to the shocking realization that maybe that is what I really look like?!? I am actually that old and not the angle of the camera or the lighting??!!.

While helping my brother move last weekend he handed me an envelop full of old photos. Some of me as far back as when I was two but several from my twenties and damn I wish I would have appreciated how pretty I was back then.

I never felt really attractive, I knew I couldn’t be that bad; the guys were certainly interested but I didn’t “feel” beautiful. I don’t think that is that unusual for young women. Young women are always comparing themselves to other women and are so critical of their own body.

My mom always complained that she needed to lose weight, that her ass was too big (all the women on her side of the family have that pear shaped figure) I have it too but I got the height of my dads side so I am a longer pear but still always had a thing about my weight. I knew I had a pretty face; I was always told I had a beautiful smile and was nicknamed “Smiley” by most of my customers, even got jobs because of my smile.
I still get attention but mostly because I’ve been told I have “a great ass”. Lol

A couple of years ago I was loading scrap and a young guy called to his buddy to come over. I was used to be teased by this guy and others in the same complex so knew something was up.

I kept loading, which required some bending over with my back to them. Then I hear, “See what did I tell ya? And ass of a 30 year old right?”

The other guy agreed. I stopped what I was doing and turned to give them shit (in a joking way because I wasn’t offended) then the guy says, “See??? From the front 50 from the back 30.”

Now I was 52 at the time so to be called 50 wasn’t that bad; but I would have preferred to look 30 all over or at the very least split the difference and be 40 all over.

I have found that the last two years have really aged me, a lot. And as much as I tell myself I have earned these wrinkles and I am still in good shape, I don’t like getting older.

In my mind I feel sexy and I remember a day when walking around naked in front of a man didn’t bother me in the least but not so comfortable about the thought of that now. Not that I am getting a whole lot of offers.

I think what gets me the most is the qualifying remark after someone says I am pretty….”for my age”.

I will keep trying to get a decent picture of myself; I never was photogenic. That’s it!! I’m not old looking, I’m just not photogenic!!
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There is life and light after the narcissist, I promise! Hugs Carrie

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17 Replies to “Selfies”

  1. It’s not you…it’s the camera!! Seriously, it looks like you need a higher pixel camera or something, very grainy pic quality. That is the only reason you probably think you look so much older. I might be totally full of it, because I don’t know that much about photography, but this is my opinion and I’m sticking to it! LOL! 🙂

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  2. LOL Carrie!!!! I hate having my picture taken too, and yes I think it is an age thing. Unfortunately. I consider my self not photogenic too LOL You join that club somewhere around 40, I think 🙂 I tend to blame the cell phones myself!!!!!

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  3. Carrie – OMG – U know how you feel lol – Me Too – I’m 25 on the inside and 90 on the outside with the f….k narc whom has travelled off to his da da land in the life of never be old. I’m 62 now and think – na – not me? lol U are beautiful always Carrie …..Inside and your are beautiful in everyway. xxxx Happy New 2014,

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  4. Ok Carrie, I have been down this road and lived to tell the tale. Only take selfies when you are dressed up and ready to go somewhere, with makeup on and your hair done and lipstick freshly applied, the glossier the better!) You have fair skin and light hair, so it all kind of blends together when you get older (along with absolutely no lip color! lol). Know exactly where to look in your cell phone camera (mine is the upper left side). Try to take the pic from above a little bit, stick your chin out, and open your eyes a little more than usual. Voila! A selfie!

    I think you are a beautiful lady, inside and outside. I am 59 and look every bit of it, but I am vain enough to keep coloring my hair, and getting facial peels etc trying to wring some of these wrinkles out, lol. And lipstick is a MUST for me! I need all the help I can get, and I’m not afraid to use it! lol

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  5. I can certainly identify with your chagrin on how age changes us. I’m 65 years old myself! Just my opinion, but its all the the more necessary to enlist all the help you can when you do homemade photo ops. That means, trying to use some flattering make up, a nice hairstyle (and color!). Maybe even a nice outfit. (I should talk, wearing an old go-to-tell shirt, I had to throwaway because it got so worn out! LOL.). Hang in there GF, I wish I could say it gets better, but I don’t know about that! Just try to take the best care of yourself you can. Get plenty of rest, exercise, good nutrition… I’m on the DASH diet for HP. That means, lots of fresh fruits and veggies in my diet. Good luck!

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    1. I meant DASH diet for blood pressure, and when used, my makeup is very modest…just some lip gloss and mascara, and then I hope for the best! Take care girl! Stay awesome! You are beautiful! Big hugs!

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      1. haha thank you all of you beautiful ladies. I had to laugh because I had just done my makeup!! LOL but not lipstick, going to go buy bright lipstick right now. I never go out without my lips on, always wore lipstick even when I was hauling scrap. I may be grubby and greasy but I always had my lips on.

        BUT I did discover something thanks to everyone’s tips. My phone camera (which is what I have been using) has settings! Who would have thought? So I went in to setting and low and behold there is a setting for …….. selfies!! Go figure!!
        So I took a couple and I must say there is a big improvement. Going for lipstick now.
        Bye bye big hugs to you all

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        1. Sounds excellent! Hey, I wanted to tell you, that looking at the photos you have posted that you have amazing bone structure! Love those high cheek bones! I use webcams for my selfies. I do have a 14 mp camera…but I have better luck with the webcams. Unfortunately, the last time I upgraded to a webcam that auto adjusts for maximum focus…I was horrified with the results! Looking at the photos, I had to muse with a frown…”Hey, where did all those wrinkles come from!” I had never seen them in high def before! The good news is I no longer have the dark circles I had when I was younger! Old age should have some perks I guess!

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  6. By logging in you’ll post the following comment to Selfies:
    Oh Carrie,
    You have no idea what your post means to me. I have to see the stbx Nar next wed, after 15 months, in his lawyer’s office. I’ve been haunted, obsessed with my drastic change (for the worse) in appearance. My circumstances couldn’t be more pitiful, I ‘m a wreck and my exhaustion and all of this will delight him. My lawyer said we wouldn’t have to meet if he didn’t get something the ex was supposed to send three weeks ago, by this Monday. I’ve been waiting, sweating, crossing my fingers and praying it wouldn’t come so I wouldn’t have to see him looking so awful. True to form, I got it today–he wrote Dec 1 2013 on it but the postmark was jan ’14. He knows damn well I needed it before now, but slid in just under the bar legally so I will still have to show up and face him. Typical passive aggression he thrives on. We are NC except very rare texts and one hideous conversation months ago. I’m terrified to see him. I want to die over how I look. I’ve been walking all night long, wondering if I should lie to my lawyer and say I never received it, so I don’t have to see him. But I can’t prolong this forever.
    I realized at the very bottom of all of the obsession with appearance is fear of more shattering heartbreak seeing him again. I’m so afraid of the power he has over me, that I’ll crumble and shake and he’ll see it and laugh, like he used to. I have to let go. I am a shadow of the woman he saw so long ago physically now though. I came home from walking and found your post. I am going to take your picture with me on Wed and keep my eyes on your beautiful face, to give me the strength to survive seeing him again. Thank you.

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  7. I too find a discrepancy between how I feel and what I look like…and like you never appreciated my youthful good looks. One thing though someone suggested a higher resolution, and have someone else take your picture and that way you can get a better angle. Tilt you head down instead of up-it works honestly. And SMILE-the one pic where you are smiling is THE best one!

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    1. Kathy, you are beautiful! you have nothing to worry about!! I visited your new website today, nice! very nice!! I love the stuff you are doing!! Best of luck with it. I have started an Etsy store but not got any product in it, Christmas came and I was so busy painting for that and I was selling things as soon as I painted them so now have to work on getting some stock together. What did you think of Etsy?
      As for the photos, yes the resolution on the pics is really bad and I did adjust my settings on my camera and will try again, I wouldn’t worry about it but the pic I am using now is horrible and any other are getting to be over 5 years old. The best pictures of me that I have ever had taken were when I didn’t know my pic was being taken or when done professionally. My mom is the photogenic person I know, she looks great every time, me not so much.
      Mind you I look at photos now that were taken years ago and I think I look good but at the time I sure didn’t!
      And some people look so beautiful in their pictures and then you see them in person and don’t even recognize them!
      Thanks for stopping by and giving some pointers and encouragement!
      Wishing you the best of everything in 2014!!
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  8. Aww carrie what a lovely read. I was you…right back in my 20s and now. I think that’s what drew the narc to me. I didn’t feel good enough, but somehow now i don’t seem to mind that i am 3 stone overweight, my mouth still isn’t sorted and i am dying my hair a lot as these last few years i have more grey then dark 😦 but i have just turned 40 and life begins right? Am still pregnant….a very long story …but i haven’t caved in and i am not going to as even though i look like whatever i have a peace of mind that no money could buy and i wont be judged or have someone slatter me…so i don’t have to be embarrassed of myself when am on my own.
    I look at you and i see an attractive caring woman who as a lot going on, but….and this is me being honest..go out and get yourself pampered. Have a massage, hair cut and buy yourself an outfit you look at and think wow….then get someone else to take your pic….you help so many people you deserve a pamper session. I know funds aren’t great…if they was i would say get a makeover and professional pic…but just being you..the best you can be is all it takes. I know people have said buy a good quality camera but if your anything like me you will only use it once lol

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    1. (((((((((((Fee))))))))))))))))) I cried when I saw your comment (my brother would be so upset to know I cried on his laptop, keep liquids away and all) I have been so worried about you, I didn’t even realize how much until I saw your name. I am so relieved to hear you haven’t gone back to him. You WILL be ok, you will find a way and the baby will be so much better off. You are so pretty, and life does begin at 40, especially if you have just left an N. I had just turned 40 when I met JC and my life as I knew it ended and start new again after I left him. I am so broke right now I can’t afford to do anything. I did get my haircut for the first time in 15 years; I always cut my own and JC’s hair (could be why he shaves his head now lol) I was really pleased with the way I looked at Christmas, I felt attractive, but I got a killer deal on an outfit, a shimmery to the ankle skirt on Value Village with the original price tag on it for $148 and I the value village price tag was $9 and I had a 1/3 off coupon. I was thrilled and it fit well.
      Stress does horrible things to a person, I remember when my mom left my dad, she immediately looked 10 years younger but she had money and didn’t have to struggle to survive.
      Anyway, enough about me. How are you doing? how are you feeling? When is the baby due? How are you getting by? You plagued my thoughts all through Christmas. Thank you so much for letting us know you are ok.
      great big hugs xxx
      Carrie

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  9. Carrie, when I look at your selfies I see a wise woman, with sass, determination and sparkly generous eyes. A woman who has lived and continues to live, not just survive, but thrive.
    That to me is real beauty.
    You go girl – you are gorgeous!
    xx

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  10. Carrie- someone said this in a comment:
    I see a wise woman, with sass, determination and sparkly generous eyes. A woman who has lived and continues to live, not just survive, but thrive.
    That to me is real beauty.

    I completely second that.

    Also– when people see pics of me they usually say “Oh my, you are photogenic.”
    LOL. That is because if it’s a pic someone else took and it’s BAD, I try to make it go away. If I take a selfie, I do like a zillion shots and then delete every horrid one. Which means for me, most of them. I pretend I’m testing the capabilities of the camera. Damn, why won’t it do what I want, anyway? ::fuss fuss::
    I know, it’s bad. I never said I was not vain at all.
    I think every ten years or so we look back and think damn, I looked so good then, why didn’t I know? When I was 46 I took a series of pics to have for later, knowing I would probably never look as good again. In some ways I was right! But in other ways…..at 51 I have more sass, confidence [yes, I think I can say that now] and grit than I ever did. More humor, more determination, more power. It makes me look different, even with a little more age on me.
    I took a bad spill a while ago. It shook me up. It bent my spine over, pretty bad. It left a scar. But Bah, it’s just spots…the sun has given me plenty of those. Yeah, I was being all figurative there, but you get what I’m saying….
    I admire your honesty, Carrie. You make me laugh, give me courage, and I like you!
    Pearl

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