The announcer on the radio just said, “Good afternoon” that means I have not even brushed my teeth and 1/2 the day is gone. the reason 1/2 the day is gone is the same reason I had to pull myself away from the house yesterday to take the puppy to the dog park because I had ignored her for most of the day. What the hell was I doing that was so important?
For the first time in I don’t know how many years; at least a dozen or more, I was reading a “book” I couldn’t put down. I like to read, but avoid it because if I get a really good book nothing else gets done until I am done reading it, and if it isn’t good, well then I don’t bother reading it. When my kid was young if Mom was into a good book forget about anything more than fish sticks and fries for dinner until she was finished.

I was sent a book to read a long time ago and have had a million and one things get in the way of me reading it and to be honest I forgot about it sometimes and didn’t think it was going to be spell binding, (Sorry Amanda) and I was going to have to force myself to finish in order to be polite.

I am so sorry I didn’t read it sooner and left Amanda waiting after she was kind enough to send me a copy. I don’t promote anything on my blog, never have that is until now, I am so impressed with this book “Toxic No More” by Amanda Smith that I am actually speechless digesting right now. Amanda writes of her life in such a way that I felt we were having a tea together by the lake, sharing a laugh, tears and hugs. At times she made me smile, knowingly, other times I cried for her pain, sometimes I cried for my pain, I felt protective of her and wanted to reach into the book and slap sense into her at other times but most of all I wanted to hug her and thank her for her honesty.
It’s a book that might be a trigger for some people but I can’t see it as being anything but healing. Amanda shares the most intimate details of her struggles to be loved and accepted with courageous honesty. Thank you Amanda for sending me the book, I feel privileged to have read it and will undoubtedly read it again and recommend it to others.
Bless you. Much love to you, you are a special lady.
Hugs Carrie



“Classy, clever, unmatchable” Paul Abbott – creator/writer Shameless, State of Play, Clocking Off 

How can you have a decent middle and end after a toxic beginning? 
Amanda Smith’s raw, witty memoir reveals how after growing up in a hate-filled household with adoptive parents, she thought she’d found domestic bliss with the love of her life. Er..nope. Instead she fell, reckless, hopeless and powerless into..a psychiatric unit, alcoholism and a second failed marriage, finally succumbing to a relationship with a psychopath who encouraged her to commit suicide. At rock-bottom she realised her five children really needed their mother alive – and ‘present’. She lives to tell the tale. 

4 thoughts on “Toxic No More

  1. Amanda Smith

    Oh Carrie, thank you so much. It means a lot to hear you say those things about Toxic No More. I was drawn to your blog, perhaps it was meant to be as,I believe, we both want the same thing…to empower others to help themselves improve/save their own lives having been involved with a narcissist or toxic person..and to go on and be happy and free.. For me it’s not so much altruism as selfish – as then it means the years I’ve lost weren’t wasted because I’ve made it count. And THAT makes me feel rather good. Love from rainy England – perhaps we will meet one day.. Xxx


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Amanda, you and I have the same “selfish” reason for our sharing through writing, for me to move on I had to make the ugliness of 10 years into something positive and the blog has helped me do that. Originally I thought “If I save one woman’s life or change her life for the better it will be worth it” but it has been so much more than I ever imagined, all good. Your book will help many people I am sure. You are an amazingly strong woman, your children most be very proud of their momma. I would love to meet some day. Maybe when you are in Vancouver for a book signing you can give me a call and we can get together.
      (freezing her tush off) Carrie


  2. Jilly

    Firstly to Carrie. I have been following your blog for 8 months after I was discarded for the 2nd time by my N husband of 12 years. During that time you have given me so much info regarding N/P/S that I thought I’d read it all. Your link to this book was like a flash of blinding light. Thinking I was going so well with NC, but in actual fact realise I am in a holding pattern, knowing he will contact me again and…. rinse and repeat.
    Then I read your book Amanda, a brutally honest portrayal of my own life with him. My anxiety sky rocketed every time I picked up the book to read, so much pain and betrayal, but I found it impossible to put it down. After reading the last page, I knew I would never get sucked in again. My heartfelt thanks you to you both for your honesty, support and utter willingness to tell it like it is.


  3. Amanda Smith

    Jilly, thankyou for your kind comments. I’m thrilled for you too that you’ve decided enough is enough, and to save your own life as you rightly deserve. These people are LETHAL and it’s a wonderful thing to move out of their darkness towards a lighter life though at first, as the denial lifts, it can be so physically painful realising it really was as bad as it was..hideous to realise their cruelty is purposeful. But so freeing to understand why we made those choices which meant we kept turning up to be hurt and wonderful to know safety and peace.
    Carrie, again thankyou for your supportive words and for your wonderful blog which as Jilly reiterates is helping many, many other people in our recovery from being a perpetrators target. We definitely are all on the same team, winning victory over the darkness. And the more that people who need to hear the vital message do hear it, well, that’s just so rewarding for me as I know it is for you too – and makes it all worth it. I’d love to meet up at a – never say never. The more that people in the US are informed about the book the sooner it’s likely to be. Miracles can happen – we’re alive for a start..



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