Internet Dating & The Psychopath

It seems internet dating sites are the most popular way for people to meet a partner, it saves times, you get to learn about a person’s interests, personality and likes and dislikes before you even meet, On Plenty of Fish you can take the Chemistry Compatibility Test, on OK Cupid you answer questions and are matched up with prospective dates according to how many questions you answer alike.
EHarmony picks your matches for you based on a questionnaire and personality test you both fill out. There are so many dating sites offering different ways to find the love of your life you could spend years on the internet, fall in love numerous times and never leave the comfort of your pj’s and living room.
There are sites where everyone is there to simply hook up for sex and if that is what a person is looking for more power to them, it’s not my cup of tea but Hey I respect their honesty! I would rather have a guy tell me straight up, “I am only looking for a quick roll in the hay” or as one guy so eloquently put it, “How about sitting on my face?” It gives the other person the opportunity to hit “DELETE” without any of the “who pays for dinner?, should we split the bill? how the hell did I get myself into this?” bullshit of going on an actual date. In theory it is a great idea and many people have met their life partner online dating but unfortunately it is also the perfect setting for predators to find an innocent victim.
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I didn’t meet JC through an online site, I met him the old fashioned way; in a bar. It also used to be said that you would never find true love in a bar, but i know several people who did. No matter what method you use to find a man you are taking a chance and need to be diligent about protecting yourself emotionally, physically and financially. I am not saying that men can’t or don’t fall prey to a predatory just like women do, both genders, straight or gay, all nationalities and religions have to be careful and proactive about personal safety regardless of how they meet someone.
Like I said, I met JC face to face in a bar, ironically while I was waiting to meet up with a man I had met through an online dating site.  I had already decided I was done with on line dating because I was sick of reading a guy’s profile, talking to him on the phone, making clear what I was looking for, (at least 6′ tall, I am 5’11” and short guys love tall women and tend to think a tall woman makes up for their lack of height plus I hate to feel like I can squish the man I am in bed with, gainfully employed, no small children, my son was grown and out of the house I didn’t want wee ones in my life any more, I was self sufficient and independent and expected the same) only to meet the guy and find out his is living in his mother’s basement with his 6 year old daughter and isn’t working at the moment because he feels it is important for him to be there when she gets home from school, or he is 5’6″ but owns a really big truck.  I was also sick of men insisting on chatting online even after meeting, there is something suspicious about not wanting to TALK on the phone, not text, but real-time-you-have-to-give-me-your-full-attention-for-5-minutes conversation. One of the things that attracted me to JC from the very first conversation was that he didn’t even own a computer! Oh stop my beating heart, a man who knows how to have a conversation just like in the olden days! Mind you that was almost 15 years ago, Facebook hadn’t even been invented yet. AND I don’t have to tell you how this wonderful union ended, so no guarantees of meeting Mr Right face to face either.
After being out of the dating pool for over 12 years I didn’t really know what to expect so I joined several dating sites just to snoop around and see who was out there, hang out in the shallow end to get an idea of what the expectations were of the people bobbing around in the deep end of the pool.
To be honest, I was a little blown away that JC had managed to find a woman so quickly and that she moved him in within weeks. I was quite confident he was going to have a hard time finding a woman who would tolerate what I had for years. When I had met him he had a lot going for him, or so I thought but I thought he was pretty lucky that I stuck it out like I did because he wasn’t so hot any more. (I didn’t know at the time that he was a psychopath who was about to morph into the catch of the day).  Not to say I didn’t find him attractive, because I always did, well almost always, there were periods of time when he wasn’t terrible concerned with hygiene reserving his “handsome” self for when he went out without me. He also took to carrying a change of clothes and cologne in his car at all times. (you never know when you are going to have to impress a woman, there is something truly repulsive about a man who uses cologne in lei of a shower) We all age, and that’s the wonderful thing about true and lasting love, you age at the same time and even when things start to sag, and the man’s 6 pack turns into a keg, and the woman’s nipple ring gets mistaken for a belly button ring, you have history together and hopefully failing eye sight. 
But to go back into the pool when you are middle age is a little daunting. When I met JC he had a lot going for him, well I have to admit most of it was bullshit so I suppose he fed all the new women he was dating a line of crap also but I was still surprised when I read in his journal that all these women were buying HIS dinner out, and then going home with him and screwing him, with no commitment past midnight. He had picked 10 women and was dating them all with the intention of narrowing it down to one lucky sucker and these women were vying for his attention! I was stunned, so I went into the forums on POF and asked what the views were on women paying the way, going to bed with the guy on the first date and was it normal for a woman to move a guy into her house after only knowing him for a couple of weeks. I felt like I had been living in a cave or something, a lot had changed in the dozen years I had been out of circulation. Yes guys expected women to pay for dates or at least split the bill (I have always reciprocated if a guy took me out for a nice dinner but if a guy can’t afford to buy me dinner and he is 45+ years old I am going to wonder what he’s got to offer, sorry if that offends anyone. Almost everyone had the 3 date rule for sex, if the woman doesn’t come across by the 3rd date the guy is out of there! really?? really?? and yes it is very common for a woman to move a guy into HER house within the first month of dating. Really???………..well ………..
I could see I had been all wrong about JC, he was perfect for most women on these sites.
I am sure JC had a really good line of lies he wove to snare these women, he couldn’t have possibly been honest and said, “I am a loser, who; was verbally, physically and financially abusive to my ex, is getting fired for stealing, live in a mouse infested rented trailer and drive a shit box car that is actually in my ex’s name and she has to insure it for me because I owe so much money to ICBC, I am in debt up to my eye balls and expect you will buy dinner, and oh yeah…..I expect sex but I will keep dating these other 9 women and let you know if you “win” me at some later point in time.” But the sad part is, I think there are women out there who would say “OK.”
I believe in women having equal rights and all that and that a man does not have to support a woman, God knows I do not expect a man to take care of me, BUT for the love of Pete, I expect he should be able to support himself. Are women that desperate for a man in their life? I guess so because he had several to choose from and ended up with a real prize who has now sold her home and invested in joint property in timbucktoo, she lent him over $20,000 in the first 6 weeks. I still wonder what kind of lie he told her for her to invest everything her husband and her had attained into a loser with nothing. I know he told her I was a psycho bitch that bled him dry but if that was the case why on earth was his car in my name with MY name on the insurance? and why was the last time I insured it for him 2 weeks after they started dating? I mean IF I was such a psycho bitch and all, you would think I would just take my fucking car wouldn’t you? I always wondered how he got around that one. Oh well doesn’t matter, my point is that women are acting like desperate fools and it is no wonder they are getting taken advantage of. I want to say to all these middle aged women with a little bit of hard earned equity or saving,
 “For the love of God, stop being so damn desperate!”
That said, you can hardly blame them feeling desperate if this is the type of guys out there, this is a real, believe it or not, personal ad that came up in my “people you might be interested in” email the other day. Lord help us all, does this really work for the guy??
Quote:
ORGASMETRON SEEKS SOME ONE CAPABLE OF GOING THE DISTANCECatchy little user name don’t you think?

Man, 47 years old

Seeking a woman 18 – 57 – Niiiiice he makes sure they are legal, You did notice he is 47 YEARS OLD

  • Occupation
  • Artist – artist, love the vagueness
  • Education
  • Other degree – what kind of degree is “other” I respect a man who works hard, he doesn’t need a degree, a BA or “other”wise
  • Annual Income
  • $25,000-$50,000 – That works out to about $12/hr, in Canada $25,000 is not enough to live on, you can make $12 an hour at MacDonalds and you did see how old he is right?
  • Smokes
  • Occasionally – minus about $3500 a year off that $25,000
  • Drinks
  • Occasionally
    About Myself
  • I’am a musician and artist : harmonica player/ singer-songwriter. (Also D.J. on the side) Luv all types of music as long as it has a good groove preferably for dancing! Am well travelled and read, with a sarcastic & witty humour. As far as my evil twin brother the Orgasmetron: He luv’s to please & be pleased. The motto your pleasure is all mine/ Butt please do not be in a rush – thus you can discover the bit about patience, virtue & maximum pleasure.Oh yes thank-you kindly butt please live with in reasonable driving distance. All you honey’s south of the Canadian border: you r welcome to visit, but due to some 4:20 adventure’s I apparently am not welcome to come down and visit. Thus the closer we live together the more time we will have to explore the Karma Sutra … Hope 2 hear from u soon, Can only reply 2 U if you e-me at the following: drdondj69 Bye For Now Cheers.

What I’m Looking For

I’d luv to find a kind & caring nymphomaniac contortionist, a girl with a guitar, or my next luv.Pleeeze live close by ONLY !! self-assured end Quote*****

I have this really bad visual of this middle aged woman playing the guitar with her legs wrapped around the back of her head having sex. *shudder* or worse yet, an 18 year old guitar player, oh …… I just threw up in my mouth. Everyone hide your daughters!!

And then I love the end part “or his next luv” so you don’t have to own a guitar if you are lucky enough to be his next luv and then Oh yeah…self-assured as an after thought.

OMG I can not even start to tell you what I think about this guy!! please tell me it is a joke!!

I have to admit by comparison JC is a real catch so I will have to cut women some slack.

If you do decide to venture out into the dating world via the internet even after everything I have said here are a few pointers:

1) If he only talks to you via email or text message get suspicious. Or if he only calls during business hours or late late at night. Something is up, he is avoiding a wife overhearing his conversations. Call him at dinner time, or early evening and see if he answers and how he talks to you. If he is only loving and sweet at weird hours he has a wife at the other end. The song “Say My Name” comes to mind.

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2) Texting is great, love it myself but if you call him and he doesn’t answer but text messages you he is either playing many women at once or has a wife.

3) Don’t believe everything you read, like I said in a previous post, they lie!! Google their name and see what comes up, years ago before I met JC I was chatting to a fellow for a couple of months, he was sending me lovely gifts, we talked on the phone regularly, and he wanted to send me a ticket to fly to Nashville and spend a weekend with him. I Googled his name and nothing came up. He only had a cell number and when he mailed me gifts he used a PO box return address. I asked for his address and when I Googled it an empty lot in an industrial area came up. I paid $80 to an investigation company in the states to find out if this guy was on the up and up, no one by that name lived in the United States let alone Nashville. There used to be a blogger on WordPress who was a single woman talking about her experiences dating. She met a man on line through her blog and they talked daily for over a year, they were in love, he was her soul mate and she his. She flew to a foreign country to meet him and almost ended up dead. She ran from the hotel room into the lobby where she was able to contact her mother who sent money for her to fly home. Through speaking out about her experiences with him in her blog more and more women came forward with stories about the same man. He was married, NOT near as influential as he let on, and a psychopath without a doubt.

4) Pictures say a thousand words, but they could be all lies. Believe it when you see it with your own eyes, and if he isn’t in the pictures with a current newspaper showing the date doubt its authenticity.

5) I can’t say I haven’t fallen for it myself but really …….. if he is in love and you haven’t even met see it as a HUGE red flag. When JC forgot to sign out of his POF profile on my laptop and I went into his account he was sending the exact same email to at least 8 women, just changing a few minor details. He called everyone Babe so he didn’t even have to change the “To” part. He had 8 women looking at the moon every night at 10 pm thinking he was looking at the same moon where he was envisioning walking up behind her and sliding his arms around her waist and kissing her neck. He had a “gut feeling” they were meant to be together and he always listens to his gut. Gag me!!!!! and when I sent them all each other’s emails and he started getting angry questioning responses from the women he told them all that I was his psycho ex who had hacked into his computer and trying to ruin his life. Could they please just start over and not let this psycho ruin what he knew was a match made in heaven. Some of the women believed him. It’s easy to believe the guy might have a psycho ex who would do something like that because we have all been with a psycho that would do something like that. I say cut your losses and run, maybe he is a nice guy but do you want to get involved with a guy who has a psycho ex? I don’t.

6) Challenge him on something he says. As with the women I was just talking about, some of them just said, “Seeya!!”when they didn’t accept his explanation he got angry and said, “He thought they were better than that, he had misjudged them, they were just like all the rest of the women out there,. oh well their loss.” and it worked on some of them. Everyone wants to be “special” don’t bite the bait.

7) GOOGLE – dig for info on him, just because he has a normal sounding guy looking for love profile, on POF doesn’t mean he is not on a xxx site looking for threesomes, masochistic sex, bi-curious or casual discreet sex.

8) If he removes his profile because he has found you, the love of his life. Don’t believe it, he has hidden his profile and he is still trolling, only difference is he has to do all the looking because no one can see his profile. and if you are approached by a guy who has his profile hidden because he has a psycho ex stalking him – RUN!!

9) if he is split from his ex but they are living together until the house sells, stay clear. Sure it could be the truth but it also means he hasn’t been split that long and has baggage to deal with before you want to get involved with him.

10) If he compares you to his ex in anyway something is not right. When I think back, all the normal guys I ever dated didn’t compare me to their ex’s, in fact they had very little to say about their ex’s usually. The only guy I ever met whose ex’s were all psychos was JC. I know with my own relationships each one ended for a different reason,I didn’t keep repeating history, if a person has repeated history in all his relationships they have a problem and they need to find out why they pick the people they do before they get involved again.

Like I said to JC, either you are attracted to psycho bitches or you turn women into psycho bitches but YOU have a problem.

Good Luck and look out for the sharks!

ONLINE+DATING_bd8a45_4838214

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10 Replies to “Internet Dating & The Psychopath”

  1. I love this article Carrie!!!! All of this needs to be said and there is probably lots more too. But, the sad fact, as you pointed out, is that most middle age women are desperate. Most want a man just to say they have one, they feel “less” than everyone else if they do not. Sad part is that most of the “men” ( using that term loosely) on the internet WILL use the middle ager, for money especially, while he carries on looking for a younger woman. Because you see, as pathetic as he may be, he still wants that arm candy. I have dabbled on the sites too some, looking mostly and most the men there are on multiple sites, what does that tell you? And most that are looking for a LT relationship are still looking months years later. Can’t be they can’t find one as desperate as the women are. SO, it must be all BS. I have come to accept the fact that men over 40, the good ones, are already happy, married, with children and grandchildren planning retirement and travel. It’s the way life is supposed to be. Sure many of them may not be attracted to their wives like they used to be but they are getting older and look at the big picture. These are the good decent ones. Many of them will not even want another relationship if something happens to their wife. The ones left out there, well, WE KNOW what is left out there. Perhaps it is better to be alone and let the women that can’t be alone fight it out over those losers. They say money doesn’t make you happy but it is a far site better to have some to keep yourself housed and comfortable in the middle years than being fleeced but able to say you have a man! My opinion only!!!!

    Like

  2. OMG Carrie. I was practically rolling all over the floor laughing, having to hold my sides. Yes, so much of what you say rings a bell with me. I’m off the sites. Honest to gosh, most of them are so unappealing, I can’t see wasting my time. I’ve been burned too often to believe in fairy tales anymore. If women want to behave so desperately (as my ex’s current OW did-met in Feb, let him stay with her several weeks on “vacation” in March, moved him into her home in April)…well, you can have them! All of them! I’m not that desperate to pay their way, bed them early on, or move them into my home when I’ve hardly known him a hot minute! Ah, no thank you! Not happening with this woman baby. I can’t imagine that the kind of man who behave like this is someone I’d want around on a permanent basis. So how did I behave with my ex? It was several months before intimacy, I never allowed him to move in with me, I never paid his way – not even with the last man I dated! I’m not that stupid! Whatever other women want to do is their problem, but I won’t let i be mine!

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  3. Love this article Carrie.
    I met my ex narc three years ago on OKcupid. I escaped over a year ago now and last year went back on ok. A few months in, I was really horrified to see that he had been stalking my profile and so I plotted my revenge. Obviously the relationship he has lined up for after out split had already or was about to end and he was again the “predator”.
    Took me a very short while to think up a plan, and, I know it is just a little “wrong” but it sure felt good doing it. I used another email address and set up a new profile for him. Using his Facebook profile picture and inserting the word Dangerous in front of his profile name I posted the following up:

    Last Online
    Online now!

    Ethnicity
    White

    Height
    6′ 1″ (1.85m).

    Body Type
    Thin

    Diet
    Strictly vegetarian

    Smokes
    Sometimes

    Drinks
    Very often

    Drugs
    Sometimes

    Religion

    Sign

    Education
    Dropped out of high school

    Job
    Other

    Income

    Offspring
    Has a kid

    Pets

    Speaks
    English

    My self-summary
    I already have a profile on here and I use it to stalk my exes!
    I am not a “chilled bunny”, I just like to believe that I am!
    I am an abusive lover and will “groom” to my dangerous and very perverted sexual kinks. I love to be beaten!!!
    I have a personality disorder called Narcissistic personality disorder. I can be soooo charming, attentive and make you addicted to my love that I allow you.
    I already have a girlfriend who, when I piss her off I go on here and plan my unfaithfulness.
    I will shower you with love within the first few weeks of meeting you and then then turn strange and muddle up your mind. All I want is a source of narcissistic supply and will stop at nothing to gain it. Be warned I am an fake~!!!
    I will cry to make you feel sorry for me, and I’m an expert actor, believe me you will fall for it, you will think you are my soul mate and don’t dare to leave(can’t bear to give up that one “true” love)
    If you love to be physically and emotionally abused, I’m your man
    I will say things and five minutes later deny I said it and call you a lier, its a syndrome thing
    What I’m doing with my life
    I clean council stairways
    I’m really good at
    Pretending I love you but will move on as though you never existed when I find a new source of Narcissistic attention(I only work on those who are kind, gentle and would love a boyfriend like me)
    The first things people usually notice about me
    I’m not bad looking(and I know it and use it to my advantage) and even when I’m abusive and I realize I’ve gone too far, will put on a great smile that will make you think I’m okay
    Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
    I love music and can’t do TV as my mind can’t understand it!!
    The six things I could never do without
    A Narcissistic supply
    A Narcissistic supply etc etc
    look it up…………
    and run the fuck away as fast as you can………..
    I spend a lot of time thinking about
    Sex and how to manipulate someone into giving it to me!
    On a typical Friday night I am
    At home with my teenage daughter, we do share a bed
    The most private thing I’m willing to admit
    I will never admit to my wrong doings. I totally believe my own lies.
    If I think you have dared to challenge me I will fly into a rage, so you will walk on eggshells, constantly!
    I’m looking for

    Girls who like guys
    Ages 28–72
    Near me
    Who are single
    For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

    You should message me if
    You really are stupid and think you could cure me!
    There is no cure for NPD!!!!

    ——————————————————————————————–
    I left this up for three days, got some messages from women who realised it was his ex but ALSO got I’d really like to know you messages too!!
    On the third day I saw that He’d actually seen his fake profile and I quickly took it down, a littlw scared of retribution( luckily none so far)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tina, I love it!! I changed my ex’s actual profile because I had access to everything. I spent most of the day on it, I knew I had to act fact because as soon as he figured out I’d been in there he’d change his password.
      He had just pulled a disappearing act, he had been living with me but planning his discard. I knew he’d be pissed but it was his own damn fault for forgetting to sign out. I did basically the same as you; told the truth about how he was unfaithful and abusive.
      I had a couple of women thank me. I sent some of the ones who appeared the most serious with him a personal email from me and those women thanked me, they both said that they had a feeling something wasn’t right but were reserving judgement until they met but now they were out of there.

      Like

      1. Oh! He was SO pissed!! He said he was disappointed in me, he thought I was a better person than that. I lost it on him!! But he got me back.
        We were no contact for a couple of months and then phoned in tears saying he’d been given 6 months to live. Who lies about dying???, that’s just bad karma!! So I went back to him. He got his revenge in spades.
        My own fault.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. LOL. Oh Tina, I wish I had thought of that! I love the women on here! You are all so talented, fascinating, and right on target! As much as I love your trolling ideas, if I did that, my ex would love it, and say that I just can’t let go of him! Ugh! I did post his profile and photos on cheater sites like Cheaterville. I later on asked to have them removed. My initial reasons for posting him on cheater sites was put out the word on what a narcissistic dog he was!

    When I first took up with him, I was constantly running background checks, Googling him, and check law enforcement/court case sites to see there was any information out there on him. Nothing ever came up. YES, REMEMBER THIS! ALWAYS DO BACKGROUND CHECKS on any swains you are interested in. The way I see it, if there’s something about him I ought to know, then I wanted to know it. He kept coming up clean!

    IMO, the ones who don’t are the ones who are most likely to end up being hurt and abused or worse – like being killed! Hold off on the early sex, and keep your emotions in check until around 6 months has passed – usually, that’s enough time for the truth to become obvious if he’s a bad dchoice! Keep your red flag radar on at all times! Just saying…

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  5. Carrie,
    Very well worded! I want to add, that it’s better have you list what will not tolerate handy than your list of what you want. I cut through a lot crap that way.

    Also we set our own price tag! Keep your expections of people high and they will rise to it, if they don’t they are worth keeping around.

    Like

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