This will be short, as I am typing it with one finger on my phone but I wanted to saying “Happy Valentine’s Day” to everyone. I know there are going to be some of you who are sad today, wishing you had someone who loves you, wishing you had a big bouquet of roses delivered to the door or even a simple card left for you to wake up to. A special someone to do something for. I used to go to great lengths with everyone on valentine’s day.
Years ago at a time that I was single I planned a Valentine’s Day celebration for my neighbors. They were a young couple with two young children, she was a stay at home mom and he was a hard working young guy. They rented the house next to me and I offered to sleep at their house and they could have a romantic night just the two of them in my house.
Before they arrived I chilled a bottle of champagne, made appetizers, salad and a dinner with instructions on how to reheat it. I lit the house with candles and lit a fire in the fireplace. I even outfitted the bathroom with red towels and faceclothes. The hot tub was ready to go with candles circling it and we had a light snowfall that day so it was especially romantic.
They were thrilled and I guess they thoroughly enjoyed their evening. The kids and I had a nice night nextdoor and everything worked out beautifully…..until they shared a shower and noticed one of them must be bleeding, the water in the shower was blood red, frantically they searched each other for the source of the blood. Then they realized it was the red dye from the face clothes. I guess it would have.been wise of me to prewash them before putting them out for use!
The first valentines I had with JC I arrived at his place while he was at work, made a romantic dinner, bought myself a sexy little number to greet him in, had his favorite drink poured, and chocolates leading a trail from the door to the bathroom where a bubble bath waited for him and then more chocolates leading to the bed.
He “forgot” it was Valentines Day but of course I understood. The whole 10 years we were together the only Valentine gifts I got were the 1/2 eaten chocolates he bought on sale after the holiday.
Which I got used to; holidays became “just another day” and I never expected anything. The only time it really hurt was after we had split and I read his blog where he talks about the Valentine’s Day immediately after he had begged me to give him one last 2nd chance to show me he had changed.
He was in Calgary and called to say Happy Vslentine’s Day and he was sorry he wasnn’t there to celebrate with me. I understood.
He said he was doing his first “father/son” activity and taking his son to the monster truck show. I tried to be happy for him but I had this feeling in my gut that I just could not shake.
Come to find out while reading his blog; he dropped his son off at the monster truck show and then went and bought flowers, a card and chicken for dinner and spent the night with his son’s mother.
All I know is she is a smart lady and even though she initially thought he had changed she quickly came to her senses and dumped his ass. He spent the next year and 1/2 trying to get her to move to BC telling her that he had waited 15 years for her and could wait as long as it took. All the while telling me I was all the woman he would ever need or want.
Kinda takes the romance out of Valentines Day. But you know what? It is just another day.
If you are in a truly loving relationship; it should be just another day. One day a year does not make a good relationship, one day a year does not prove a man’s love and commitment. Receiving roses on Valentine’s Day does not make you lovable and not getting them does not make you unlovable.
I am lucky in the fact that I met JC later in life and had the pleasure of receiving many Valentine gifts in my life. I remember getting flowers from 3 guys on Valentine’s one year. Kristofer’s father bought me roses for 5 years after we split.
He also bought me flowers for no reason. When I was pregnant and working at a bank, I turned around to see a small vase with a rose in full bloom and one rose bud. One for me and one for the baby.
But you know what? I didn’t fully appreciate how special that was of him. I was accustomed to being treated with love and respect.
I also remember a year Kris and I cut out dozen’s of red construction paper hearts and I hung them from the ceiling all over the house and baked heart shaped cookies and made heart shaped pancakes.
What am I trying to say? Who knows! I guess I am saying; no matter what you are doing today you are lovable; I love you. Don’t ever forget that God loves you, you have friends that love you, family that loves you and you have the power to make someone else feel loved. So today buy a rose and give it to the first little old lady you see or young school girl. Cut out some red hearts and hang them up to surprise the kids and make them a special Valentine’s supper tonight. Call a friend and say I love you.
Personally I am having a sleep over, Maggie is coming for the weekend. I will have enough love to do me and will probably get pushed out of my own bed tonight.
Well this got a lot longer than I planned and took me a lot longer than I planned. So I will say good bye for now.
With love and hugs
There is life and light after the narcissist, I promise! Hugs Carrie