Your Worst Enemy-Your Own Mind

My apologies to anyone who went into my post yesterday and tried to read it. I just went in and all the formatting was screwed up and it was a mess. I don’t know what happened. I tried to correct it and it turned out worse. I have hidden it until I can find the time to make it legible. I was pleased with the information it held, it was an aha moment for me so I definitely want to share it but am too frustrated and it is a sunny day. I am not going to waste another minute of that sunshine.

Hugs to you all.

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10 Replies to “Your Worst Enemy-Your Own Mind”

  1. Dear all

    My mind at the moment is definitely my worst own enemy… I find myself beside myself again today after going to the police station to sign all the statements and evidence I have presented.

    The police woman who is dealing with the investigation say that now it will all be presented to the CPS to bring charges against N.

    I asked her what she thinks will happen now and she her answer leaves me with doubt.

    She says that N will plead not guilty on the grounds that in his mind he is having a relationship with me.

    He admits that he is in a relationship with another woman whom he lives with but he claims that we are in a relationship too.

    She says that in view of this it will go to trial. I can’t believe that he has convinced them that we are in a relationship because of a few emails which I have told him what he wants to hear because it was my only way to stop him from humiliating me in the work place.

    I have not had a relationship with N for over a year but admit that I have met up with on occasions to try and plead with him to stop.

    She told me that if the CPS decide it is not in the public interest to charge him all I can do is get a molestation order against him which I have to do myself. If it does go to trial and he is found not guilty all I can do is the same.

    She’s says that because I had no contact with him he maybe justified that in his mind he was and is in a relationship with me even though he does not deny he is in a relationship with his live in partner.

    I feel confused right now. Carrie, I would like to send you the evidence that I sent to the police to see if I am justified in what I am doing is right. I am doubting myself.

    I said to the police woman that what do I do if he gets off. I will have to live with this for the rest of my life because I know he will never stop.

    Maybe right now I am over reacting because she is giving me the worst case scenario but right now I need some reassurance that I am not blowing this all out of proportion.

    Best wishes

    Louise

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    1. Oh Louise I am so sorry. I am appalled and frankly pissed when I read this. So, let me try and get this straight in my head, IF , in his head, he believes you to be in a relationship w/ him then it is OK for him to harrass you???? How, in gods name , does that make any sense what so ever? Is it because of the kind of charges you brought? well, fine then, play his game. IF you are in a relationship with him you should be able to bring dv charges against him. domestic violence is not just physical it can be mental and harassment also. Again I am so so sorry.

      This is the shape this world is in unfortunately and I hate to say it but it appears that the Male species, assholes that they are, still seem to have the upper hand. The inference here is that it is OK for him to be in 2 relationships at the same time and not have to suffer any repercussions. For a male to be able to think whatever he wants and because he thinks it it makes it so. This is the most unbelievable bullshit I have ever heard. In other words , the law where you live gives free license to N’s and jerks to do whatever they want to do w/ out any recourse as long as they think something justifies it. GRRRRRRRRR.

      I guess all us ladies here should take note about anything we put in writing to an N, that it could and will be used against us at their whim. NC is also being used against you since you didn’t have any contact he could think whatever he wanted? I am trying to make sense of the reasoning but damn, it defies me.

      I am hoping Carrie can give you some sound advice , I surely am to confused ( as you must be) yo even begin to try and advise you. Just know I am praying for you and trusting you will find some peace. Please keep us posted we care.

      Ellie

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    2. Louise, I can understand why you feel deflated but I think the cop is just, like you said, giving you the worst case scenario. If you want to email me the papers I will be more than happy to look at them and tell you what I think, no problem.
      I can not believe that a judge would think that it is ok for him to be carrying on with two women and harassing one of them. This guy is a real loser, I wonder what his wife or the woman he lives with thinks?
      Try to not let this deflate your determination and self confidence, nothing has really changed. You didn’t expect him to plead guilty and admit to harassing you, did you? they never admit fault. You have done your due diligence, you have been honest and you have nothing to be ashamed of, you have done nothing wrong.
      What was the date on the last letter/email you sent him? and since you sent it how has he acted? In my mind it doesn’t matter that you WERE in a relationship what the problem is is that when you told him you wanted to end the relationship he threatened to expose secrets about you, lied about you, in other words blackmailed you into continuing the relationship. He jeopardized your livelihood and has been abusive in public, cornered you and threatened you and now has approached your child who he never had a relationship with and has no reason to approach.
      If a judge does not see that as wrong then I throw my hands up and shake my head. Obviously the campaign to raise awareness about domestic abuse has not worked.
      Do Not back down!! Go to court and hold your head high, there is no way what he did is acceptable.
      I know it is hard, I think the cop should have kept her mouth shut, it sounds to me like she was trying to scare you. I don’t know what is wrong with some women but they can be worse than men in domestic violence cases.
      In my mind him admitting to seeing two women at once just shows what a scum bag he is, and what? because you started a relationship with him at one time you are supposed to stay in the relationship forever more and he is allowed to destroy your reputation and life if you don’t? that is absurd.
      I wish I was closer I would go to court with you. I would cross examine the bottom feeder.
      Hugs and prayers
      It’s not over yet, don’t let the asshole get you down.
      Carrie

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      1. Ellie and Carrie

        Thanks for your replies… Ok I went to the domestic violence unit tonight to talk things through. They said the same as you Carrie that they are giving me the worst case senario. However they did say that if I compare my evidence with his defence and imagine they are a deck of cards who would win. My deck is so much bigger and with all the awareness in the media at the moment people are far more aware of the nature a N. She said that this is the normal approach of a such an abuser. They always use this as their defence because they try and make it look like they are the victim and that they did not realise it was abuse. She said they also go down the lines of making out that they were not in their right mind when they are doing such things to make people feel sorry for them.

        I have noticed that he is off sick at the moment so I imagine he is playing the mentally ill card.

        The thing is I listened to his recordings again today and he clearly say things as follows

        ‘A year is not long enough for you to suffer, call it what you like bullying, harassment, it’s the only way I can get you to talk to me.’

        ‘You should find yourself a black guy because he would know how to keep you in your place’

        ‘I don’t have to humiliate you because you do that all by yourself and everyone thinks you are an idiot in the work place’

        These are only a snippet of what he says in the phone calls so it will be interesting to see how he can say that we were and are in a relationship.

        I also agree that him admitting he is already in a relationship with the woman he lives with will only make him look like a complete arsehole.

        He can’t prove that we were or are in a relationship because we were not and he has no evidence to prove it. A couple of emails are not proof that someone is having a relationship because I clearly state that I am afraid of him humiliating me in the work place.

        I will be attending the domestic abuse unit for 12 weeks who will support me through the whole process and help me make the right decisions. I feel so much better for going there.

        It is laughable isn’t it Claire that anyone should think it is ok to intimidate and abuse someone because they insist you are in a relationship with them. Thinking of it logically, if I was sitting on the bar .. I would think, what a fooken idiot and what must his partner being going through.

        I am thinking now that he must be crapping himself because it must be dawning on him that he picked on the wrong woman this time who is willing to go all the way.

        I am still going all the way with this and I will not back down. I am determined to succeed and I will have justice.

        What a difference a day makes. I feel much stronger again today.

        I will keep you posted on the next stage …. I am also going to sort out a molestation order out next week so that he and the law know that I mean business.

        When this is all over I am going to invest in some time helping others in my community who are in such situations. I am not sure how I will contribute yet but I feel so passionate about the subject now and want to turn this experience into a positive.

        Love to you all xxx

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        1. Oh thank God Loujean 🙂 Yay!!!!!! I am so so happy for you!!!! Perhaps the twit female officer at the police has fallen under his spell. After I wrote last night I thought perhaps that was a reason like she talked like a fool. That is not unheard of counselors etc falling for the person they are counseling. Thank god you went to the dv unit and got some good, concrete advise. And that they will continue to support you. You are strong and you are on your course, determined, I am admiring you so much right now. 🙂 Good for you!!!!

          Hugs

          Ellie

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        2. yippee!! yaahoo!! doing a little happy dance right now. Way to go Louise! don’t let the bastard get you down. I am so glad you are feeling strong again and carrying through. Like I said yesterday, you have nothing to be ashamed of and he is an idiot if he thinks anyone is going to believe he had a right to do what he has been doing.
          Thank God you’ve got those phone calls, what an idiot, bottom feeder, slug of a human being.
          I am so happy you are doing 12 weeks with the DV unit, they are exactly what you need in the way of support. Like I said last night, if the judge doesn’t see the guy is a nutjob then all the DV awareness campaigning that has been happening around the world has been for nothing, it is so textbook.
          It will be a victory for every woman on the planet to see him get what he deserves.
          Turning a negative into a HUGE positive. I am SO proud of you~!!
          HUgs
          Carrie

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  2. Hi Carrie,

    I can’t believe it, it’s been nearly 7 months and I thought that it had been so long since the split that it was safe to say that the whole drama was over but then 2 weeks ago he starts popping up near my work place and near my home, he doesn’t know i’ve seen him as i’ve acted like I haven’t seen him. Luckily I happened to spot him on my way to work and he was driving his new car, (well lease car, it’s not his LOL) which he had been going on about getting for the last 2 years! Anyway after not seeing him around for ages I knew he would start popping up again, he’ll be dying to show off his new wheels and show me what i’m missing! So then I get a message asking me if I want to meet up for coffee, wot the f*ck!!! What planet is he on, is he that deluded I would even give him the time of day? I’d rather drink bleach thanks! Nimster.

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    1. (((((((Nimster))))))))))) geezz how did I miss your post.?? Good to hear from you. I am glad to hear you would rather drink bleach. I hope you stay that strong, as long as you don’t talk to him he doesn’t have a chance to feed you any bullshit.
      How immature and shallow of him, just goes to show how they have no substance to them, as if you’d see the new (leased) car and think, “OMG I have to have that man back forget how he treated me like absolute crap, now he has a nice car”.
      When JC contacted me after months of not hearing from him and wanted to be friends. He said he was successful now and wanted to help me be a success also and that he always took care of his “people”. I said, “you aren’t successful, you successfully hooked a widow with money, that doesn’t make you successful and I am one of your “people”?”
      He just told me to “ssh” and carried on with his little rehearsed speech. So I let him and then when he was leaving I said I don’t want to be your friend. He just said, “Just let things play out, you don’t know how things will end.”
      I didn’t argue with him but I knew how it would end. It would end right now or I would end up getting hurt yet again. I may have been stupid for a lot of years but once I make up my mind I have had enough I don’t change my mind.
      Good for you being all strong!
      Proud of you! I really am.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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