FAQ – Does the Narcissist Miss You After No Contact?

Another good one from Kim about No Contact. I had to laugh because it was so accurate. The last time JC “apologized” professed his love and promised to change I asked him, “You have said it all before, why should I believe you this time?” and he said, “Well, this time I mean it.” yeah…….right. When I turned him down then it was my own fault he hurt me all those years and he said “Well it is your own fault I hurt you, you kept taking me back.” THAT was the most honest he had ever been.

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

Sad Woman

A large percentage of people who’ve implanted No Contact with their Narcissistic partner will inevitably ask this question.  Why?  Because they are often consumed with missing the Narcissist, and they wonder if he or she has the same feelings of loss and sorrow…perhaps wondering if there’s a chance to rekindle the relationship.

The short answer is no.  When we ponder if the Narcissist misses us, we are projecting our feelings onto them.  The important thing to remember is that Narcissists do not think the way we do, nor experience the same emotions that we do.  They operate solely from ego, so the usual emotions of missing someone or feeling sadness or regret typically don’t affect them.  Below are the most common stages (emotional and physical) a Narcissist goes through when one has implemented No Contact (**These are not listed in order of rank.   These stages are for reference and can…

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4 Replies to “FAQ – Does the Narcissist Miss You After No Contact?”

  1. I don’t know how you felt the very first time you saw your N with another woman but it happened to me today. I’ve been thinking “maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m exaggerating. Maybe he isn’t an N and I’m just reading too much into this and “overanalyzing” as he used to tell me all the time but then he drove right past me this morning. Laughing and enjoying himself with her. She looks nothing like me. She’s older and other adjectives that I want to say but I don’t want to judge her on her looks–I just know she must be a nice person who’s in for a hell of a ride with this jerk. But I felt the knot in my stomach and my eyes well up with tears and I knew everything I’ve been reading here is true. He’s gone. The fake man I fell in love with, who was my soul mate, who I left everything I ever had and cherished for him–that man’s gone– I’m really sad right now and I need to know how you handled that first encounter seeing them with someone else. How did you move on? How did you feel? Thanking you in advance for anything that might help me move on 🙂

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    1. Pamela, The first time I saw them together was quite awhile after we split, like almost a year. I had seen a pic of them together but I had left the town so luckily I didn’t have the opportunity to run into them. When I did he had purposely gone to a place he knew I would be. I came out and he was dressed really nice and talking to and petting my dogs. They were driving her car and she was in the passenger seat. He handed me an envelope and said it was the computer cord I needed. I tried to be polite, I was grubby from work and the door on my truck was broken and I had to climb through the window. Great!!! I didn’t even look in the envelope. I was numb. I don’t remember what I thought I just remember not knowing how to act. Tell him to F off? Go up and say something to her? Ignore him? But I did the polite thing and smiled. Then cried all the way home. I was confused; he had wanted to br friends and I thought maybe it was an effort at that. I texted him the next day and said thanks. He said, “You’d better look in the envelope” I did and there was a letter from him saying he had found the woman he was going to marry and to leave him alone. He would never be there for me again. It was harsh and he did it in front of her.
      I fell apart for awhile. I cried a lot. My life was such hell at the time and I just felt hopeless. I can looked at pics of them together now and it doesn’t bother me. But for a long time I had dreams about them laughing at me. I didn’t do anything specific to get over it. I just went to work everyday, wrote him a scathing letter I never sent and cried myself to sleep. Eventually it stopped hurting. I imagined her crying and waiting at home for him like I used to, I tried to remember all the Shitty things he did to me and instead of visualizing them happy I visualized them the way we were.
      His sister came and stayed with me for two days and repeated over and over all the lousy things he did. She got me through the worst of it.
      Everyone is different but it helps me to force myself to think logically and not with my heart. No matter what, no matter how happy he pretends they are he treated me like garbage; worse than garbage. He had no right or reason to do that. If he didn’t love me, if I was such a bitch he didn’t have to stay and physically abuse me and mentally torture me. Any man who would do the things he did is going to do it again because a good, loving, kind and caring man would never do those things. Nothing could make a good man be that cruel. If the new woman believes her love is powerful enough to change a man that much she needs her head examined. It just doesn’t happen. I just did a post about this kind of thing. “staying friends with the N is not possible” or something like that. It might help you. There are other posts about the new woman if you used the search feature at the top of the screen.
      There is absolutely no way you did anything to make him the way he was and there is no way her perfect love has changed him. He wants everyone to think that but it is not the facts.
      She will end up just like you.
      Btw it is quite natural and normal to compare ourselves to the new woman. What does she have I don’t? My ex’s new woman is not attractive at all but I am sure a nice person who believes his lies and is acting the way she is because of that. But I am angry with her for being so smug about it.
      I have seen a recent picture of her and she looks like hell. I looked 10 years older when I was with him and she has aged at least 10 years in 3.
      You wait, once he is gone for a year or so you will notice you start to look younger and she will have aged.
      I know right now you just want someone to put you to sleep for a year so you can wake up and its all behind you. Unfortunately pain is part of healing.
      Big hugs to you
      Carrie

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      1. Thanks Carrie. I know someday I’ll get over this. Somedays are worse than others. That day I saw them it was a very bad day. I saw them parked in front of his kids’ apartment building tonight ( I have to pass by there from work and saw them sitting in the visitors lot). It’s Sunday so it is probably because he took the kids and had to bring them back. However, he never introduced me to them when we first met. It was about 6 months before I met them and here he is with her there already and it’s only been 2! I’m just kind of disgusted by him and at the same time in shock that he is totally not the man I believed he was. I am more mad at me for falling for this lying piece of …well you know. I’m having a harder time getting over that than him being a breathing walking piece of —well you know again. I know it won’t work with him. I know it’s just a matter of time. I’ve read all the things you’ve posted and all the things I can online but I am just having a hard time dealing with me being so darn gullible and trusting that I gave myself to a lying con artist. Some people explained it’s like Charlie Brown trusting Lucy with the football…again.. and getting screwed…again. I know how he feels and I just want to lie there and not get up too. 😦 I will though–get over this–won’t let him take away everything.

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        1. Pamela, try to not be too hard on yourself. You are in very good company. Many highly intelligent women get duped by these guys. It was not your fault, you were in love, you believed the man you loved and did the best you could. How could you have known he was going to be an N. Now you will know what to look for and recognize the red flags but none of us did; I remember thinking I was at an advantage with JC and I had to be careful to not hurt him because I felt he cared more than I did. Haha I had to be careful not to hurt him….what a joke.
          As for introducing her to the kids; you have to remember he is a facade, a sham, he takes on a different persona with every woman. He is probably totally different with her than he was with you because he changes to suit the one he is with. After JC got with his new woman he would be talking to me and I would wonder who the hell he was talking to, it was like he forgot which JC he was supposed to be playing. We had been together 10 years and didn’t remember things about me that he should have known. It was like he wiped me out of his mind and reprogrammed himself. I have noticed too that some times they will give exactly what the ex wanted to the new woman, I don’t know if it is because the ex really wanted him to do it and he thinks it will win the new woman over or if he is doing it just to be mean to the ex.
          It is a waste of time to try to figure out why they do the things they do.
          You will survive this you just have to give yourself time. you aren’t going to get over it in a few months. yes he has moved on but he is sick and shallow and never really loved you or anyone so of course he can move on. Just because he can’t love doesn’t change the fact that you were very much in love, your love was real and it is going to take time to sort through your feelings now that you the truth about him. It pays off in the end if you take your time healing because to rush yourself you are not truly healing and you will carry that baggage into the next relationship.
          You will make it to the sunshine!
          Hugs
          Carrie

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