A Beautiful Day In Paradise

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Is it any wonder I don’t want to leave? Who could possibly be depressed when they look out their back door and see this? I keep praying for some miracle that allows me to stay.
As much as I say God has a plan and I can accept whatever happens the thought of leaving here breaks my heart.
I came here with a broken soul and spirit, unhealthy physically & mentally. I spent the last year healing; from all JC did, losing my little buddy, Laila, myself.
One year exactly after coming here I feel almost complete. I wandered around in a daze most of last year, I didn’t care about the people around me. I just wanted peace, serenity and time. Time away from stress, pain and conflict. JC had other plans for me. The sign of a truly sick individual. When they have found “the love of their life” and are “living their life free to be themselves and be happy”, yet still feel the need to destroy their ex’s possibility of having some peace in their life.
That is sick, evil, beyond selfish and such a sure indication that they are disordered; and to further prove how sick they are; they feel justified in doing it.
For one thing a healthy person would not try to destroy their ex’s future happiness no matter what they did and for another thing; if they did and are a changed person (like they profess to be) they would admit to it and apologize for it.
Proof that they never change no matter what they loudly profess.
Anyway, after a year here I find I have stopped wishing I could be my old self again and realized I am, only a little more cautious and a lot more appreciative.
Yesterday I went for a walk and people I hardly noticed last year are calling out “nice day”, “stop by for a drink”, “love your dog”. I stood on the street talking to 2 neighbor ladies for almost an hour. I loaned a hand rake to the fellow who lives across the street. Talked to a couple with a dog. Chatted with my neighbor Terry and the guy doing work on a place two does down and they both played with Stella. I worked in the yard, sprayed the neighbor’s yappy dogs with the garden hose (that my neighbor Terry installed for me for free. He put an outside faucet in for me and gave me the hose)
Neighbors doing nice things for each other, ages 30 to 86.
I built a fire and watched the sunset. I felt a little lonely, I actually went into a dating site for people over 50 and saw some men I wouldn’t mind meeting. I have been in dating sites before but never even had the slightest desire to meet any of the men and yesterday there were at least a dozen. Not ready to do anything about it yet but the thought of it doesn’t make me nauseous. Haha
God, I pray you find a way for me to stay. Amen

There is life and light after the narcissist, I promise! Hugs Carrie

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7 Replies to “A Beautiful Day In Paradise”

  1. Carrie,

    I am going to say this with much love….IF you really believe that JC stole your future earning capacity from you, and you have proof, then you should find a way to take him to court and file charges and seek monetary damages. Do something with the anger that is eating away inside of you, because I can sense it, feel it. Oh , oh yes, it is very justified………………..but USE it. He can not win, only YOU can allow him to do that! This really has nothing to do with M. What she looks like, her money the money she has or used to have. This has to do with YOU and how you are feeling and why. You are a tough, tough lady, you can do it. You know he reads here, he doesn’t care about your pain or potential homelessness. A normal person may but not an N. There will be nothing coming from him that will make you feel better. But YOU can perhaps make a mark by taking a stand and dragging his azz into court, it just might be what you need to help you find peace with all this. He’s not worth the pain you are feeling, the worry. I am praying for you

    Ellie

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    1. Ellie, I replied to you via email but I have some more thoughts on the topic of JC. I mention what he tried to do as a way of informing others how vindictive an N can be and to never under estimate the depths they will go to destroy a person.
      As for losing my job because of him, in actual fact I did not lose my job because of him, he tried to get me fired and that is what finally was how I proved he had been the anonymous phone caller.
      The way it all went down was he had called my employers as a “concerned” citizen saying I was doing drugs and drinking at the Husky gas station. Once I had a chance to defend myself by saying the husky gas station is not even a mile from my house, why on earth would I sit in broad day light, in the middle of the day, in a gas station doing drugs and drinking when I could go home? the caller had apparently seen I had a drink between my legs, how could he see that if I was in the truck and the other thing was, he was apparently a law enforcement officer. So a law enforcement officer saw some one drinking and doing drugs and allowed them to drive away??
      Once I laid it out my boss saw how ridiculous the accusations were
      and the company bought me a truck that I was going to pay off with a percentage of the loads I brought in. They have other guys who operate that way through them and it was a much better deal for me anyway. I could once again be self employed so I was happy. But then the truck broke down, Ccon paid to fix it but I then had heart failure and hauling scrap was out of the picture, forever. Ccon kept the truck and gave me back what I had already paid on it.
      At that same time the park was getting anonymous calls about noice coming from my place in the middle of the night and the owners got an email from the park management board that the board never sent. I explained about JC and they all know him, he got fired from here for stealing 13 years ago.
      I suspected all this was somehow coming from JC but it wasn’t until I found his blog and he mentioned about a concerned citizen getting me fired that I knew he was the one to make the call. for one thing I had not told anyone. But even it the company had told someone and they happened to tell JC that was not what happened, they bought me a truck, but JC didn’t have that info, he only had the info he had fed them. He pretended to not know where I lived in his blog another coverup tactic.
      So I have been able to thwart his attempts to destroy me up until now, which probably pisses him off.
      The reason I am not able to keep the cabin is my heart condition which is largely due to the stress of being with JC for 10 years but not directly his doing.
      I keep a file on his activity on my blog and have kept copies of his blog posts etc just to be on the safe side. In case.
      I was ,more concerned with the fact that even though his attempts to destroy me failed he was thinking he was safe to do whatever he wanted because I had no idea where he lives. But I have figured out exactly where he lives and given the address to my mother, a friend and my son. Should anything happen to me, vehicle failure, car blows up, house burns down, I disappear. He will be the first person they go looking for and my family has his address.
      That is the message I wanted him to get when I posted that post a while back. My comment in this post is more of a warning to others to never let your guard down with these bastards.
      I hope that clears it up

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    2. Ellie, sorry just read your comment again, I don’t post anything expecting anything from JC. i think you are assuming everything I write now is because I am sending some “message” to JC which is not the case.
      I have known for a full year he was lurking and it didn;t change what or how I wrote and it isn’t going to now.
      I got the information I needed and he knows I have it. If he wants to lurk and read fine by me.
      I want nothing to do with him, there is nothing he could say or do to make it right I am not looking for that. I just don’t want to die. So now he knows he has me afraid of dying. Good God I would have to go into witness protection to get make sure he didn’t know what I am doing and that is bs. i just got mad and cut the crap.
      Now life goes on. period

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  2. Absolutely beautiful and serene back yard 🙂

    I’ll be praying for you, Carrie…just hold onto the belief that whatever God has in store for you, it will be for your highest good…

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    1. Thank you Kim, I try to believe that if it is meant to be it will and if it doesn’t turn out the way I hope then God has a different plan. I believe it was God’s plan I end up here. Everything just fell into place so well, right up to finding out I had money in the bank I hadn’t known about for the whole 10 years I was with JC and finding it enabled me to buy this place. Working for the short time I did at Ccon gave me ei benefits which enabled me to get in here, the fact that the people who own the cabin were the original developers and the guy was the one who hired and fired JC. It was like it was meant to be, but maybe it was meant to be for awhile and not forever.
      Often times when God has a plan it comes together at the last minute when you think all is lost. I have had things happen in my life that should have never come together but the right people came along at the right times or I was given information or whatever. So I will keep praying and am thankful for anyone that prays with me.

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