Leaving the sociopath before the discard

Love. Life. OM. Blog


Choosing to leave the sociopath before the sociopath is ready to discard you may cause increased cognitive dissonance if you don’t know what to expect.

In the beginning, the sociopath exhausts you of all your novelty in the early love-bombing and idolizes phase.

The sociopath is so interested in your interests and becomes so immersed in your life and daily routine that you become intoxicated by all of the attention.

You interpret this as a good thing. You interpret this as an AMAZING thing. The sociopath must love you so much to want to become your twin, huh?

The sociopath even seems to bond quickly and easily with your inner circle of friends and certain family members.

You’re in awe of how alike you are! Where has the sociopath been all of your life?

And that’s exactly the question you should be asking. Where HAS the sociopath been? Where are…

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6 thoughts on “Leaving the sociopath before the discard

  1. Loujean

    Hello Carrie, I just thought I’d up date you and everyone else with what is happening. N was suspended from his job yesterday since they found out he has been charged with harassing me. I guess he is now getting a taste of his own medicine. Now he knows what it feels like to think everyone is talking about him, scared of what is going to happen next, being controlled and the worry of the unknown. Karma is at work here.

    I was anxious when my manager told me but relieved at the same time.

    He broke his bail conditions again by swearing at me in the office on Saturday morning so the police have taken a statement from me to show to the CPS.

    They asked me if I want screens in place at the trial so that I don’t have to face him and I have accepted their offer.

    It will be a long wait until the trial but I will try my best to focus on something else in between and at least I don’t have to face his taunts in the office any more which will hopefully make me stronger.

    I suffered a few anxiety attacks the last few days but I guess that’s my body telling me to be aware and keep my wits about me should he try to do anything stupid. All them seeds he planted have been reeking havoc but attending the domestic abuse centre is helping me to realize what seeds he has sown in me.

    I have been paranoid lately thinking he might set my house on fire and wondered to myself why am I thinking such a thing. It dawned on me why. A colleague kept saying to me that he was concerned that my electrics are unsafe and that I should be careful. I realize now that he was planting a seed by proxy.. He was trying to make out he cared but in reality he was trying to make me worried. It could be paranoia but then again there is no harm in me being over cautious about such things.

    The anxiety has passed now after three nights of it thankfully. I am sure you can all relate to that feeling when it just arrives in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. You tremble with fear, feel sick, pace the floor and there is nothing that you can do whilst it takes you as hostage. This is what these evil people do and even when things are fine and you think he or she is gone for good we must not forget how dangerous they can be.

    I trust you are all ok and look forward to the day when we are all free of the N for good.

    Best wishes



    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Louise, that is great news that you are getting support at work and the cops are taking it so seriously and good on you for sticking with the sessions at the abuse center. You are a perfect example of someone taking back their life the right way and the safest way. I don’t think we are ever totally safe from the N because they are so sick and unpredictable but you are doing all you can.
      I don’t think you are being paranoid at all, I don’t want to make you more fearful but don’t doubt that he could do almost anything if he thinks he can get away with it and he is very angry right now I am sure.
      I still get anxiety attacks especially at night, I never used to be nervous at night, plus I had Kato who I knew would protect me and since I got Stella I feel a bit better but any bump in the night makes me jump, I never answer my door without asking who is there, I am very aware of my surrounding and if I am being followed. One day a car was parked on the side of the road and when I left the dog park it pulled in behind me and seemed to stay right on my ass end. It eventually turned off. I gave myself shit for getting paranoid but I think I have every right to be paranoid, they do that to a person.
      I have talked before about how JC used to blow up cars from a long distance away. All he needed was, a length of wire, a balloon,cutting gas (that he used for welding) and a lighter off of an old barbq. I had seen him blow cars apart so hard the ground shook several blocks away.
      When he was acting so strange before we split there were some young guys over and I said to JC to show the guys how he could blow up cars. The guys were all excited to see him do it. He seemed hesitant and then did it but it was nothing like what I had seen him do and he used to show every one how he could blow up cars. But this time it was a little poof and that was it.
      I thought to myself that he didn’t want the guys to know he could blow up vehicles because he planned on doing it to me. I thought I was being paranoid but was I?
      The only reason I am here now is because I had someone looking over me when my brake line went, or my front tire blew and I am a good driver. I came so close to losing control of the truck when the tire blew, if it would have blown when I was in the slow lane it would have probably killed me, his sister and taken out a few other cars on the freeway. And he had his alibi all rehearsed, sent the text messages to his sister telling us to be careful etc. I have no doubt he had something to do with it.
      I know he burned a place down where he was living and he tried to tell me his son tried to burn down the trailer we were all living in.
      I most definitely think he was capable of killing me and I have no doubt your NGreat is capable.
      Did you see the post I did about the app you can download on your cell phone?
      Thanks for checking in and keeping us informed.
      I am so happy he has been suspended. Kama is a bitch. I just wish the court date was a lot sooner.
      Take care


  2. Vanessa

    Great post, really helped me today. I have been obsessing about what I went through in the relationship. Apparently it’s the mind trying to make sense of the confusion. I hope I get out of this sooner rathe than later. Reminded me that my xN would tell me that everyone in his life has eventually left him. I asked him what he has learnt from this, He replied, it’s there loss. These little clues that you let go during the relationship come back to you and suddenly make sense! Louise, I read your post, I feel for you as I know how vindictive these people can be. It can feel like life makes a little more sense when they have to pay for some of their behaviour also as they usually seem to get away with it. Sounds like you have more peace at work now at least. Good luck, it takes alot of strength to finally get them out of your life and move on.


  3. jill allison constantino

    i am in dire and desperate need of help and resuce. i am being held hostage in broken bow, ok by a woman who claimed to be rescuing me from a previous N abusive man only to now 1000% KNOW my life and my dog’s life is in danger. i am all alone in a desolate and remote camper in broken bow, ok – my mother passed away 3 yrs ago – i am from NY – my family has turned their backs on me – i have a life threatening condition due to a subclavian aneurysm (3rd time) and believe my captor has been drugging me in an effort to kill me or commit me. i am suffering from severe PTSD – verbally, physically, mentally, emotionally abused and tortured on a daily basis. my dog is my LIFE and all i have left. i am unable to drive or leave the camper unless it is to take my dog out but have been unable to leave any further out of pure terror and fear for 2 yrs. my captor claimed to be my lover – she is 12 yrs my senior and gaslighted me in the most severe way that now, i am literally trapped. no one i know anywhere – her family is here though – no where to go and afraid for my life. please – if anyone knows of a rescue organization – someone who will help me get out and get to a safe and unknown place – i am begging for help – guidance and just someone to help me plan and execute an escape with some semblance of hope for survival – i am totally broke – and am feeling without a doubt that this is where my short 38 yrs of life will wnd soon if i do not find a hero and shelter…please help me – agoraphobia and hypervigilance is overwhelming me but that is just the bare minimum of my issues, anxiety and hysteria. i hope someone will find me before its too late


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Jill, I don’t know where you are so it is hard to know what resources are available to you but you obviously have internet and that is a good thing.
      Google search for domestic abuse shelters in your area. MAKE SURE TO DELETE THE BROWSER HISTORY EVERY TIME YOU USE THE INTERNET!!
      Find a shelter, hotline, police dept, if you can’t call send an email and give your location as best as you can. Any land Mark they can locate you by. Tell them the situation exactly as you have here. I am sure someone will come to check it out. If you don’t have help in a day or two then try again and again until you get help. I don’t know what else to tell you if I don’t know where you are.
      If you think you are being drugged can you pretend to take the drugs but not take them? It sounds like you are very afraid, confused and in need of medical attention. I am concerned for you and believe you, I just don’t know what more I can do for you without more information.
      Please give us more information when you can but first contact the police.
      My prayers go out to you.


      1. Carrie Reimer Post author

        I used long and latitude from the IP address given for Allison and came up with Harrah Oklahoma. Does anyone live close to Harrah who can check into resources for this woman?



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