I just left Tim Horton’s where I stopped to grab a sandwich. Instead of going through the drive thru I decided to sit to eat. Beside me were two women, one I’d say was in her 20’s the other maybe 40’s. I couldn’t help but over hear what they were discussing and first heard the older woman say ,”Don’t give up on him”. She then went on to say that she had left some man and it really taught him a lesson and she had told him to never lay a hand on her again and he hadn’t. But from the conversation I could tell there were still problems, he just wasn’t hitting her.
Further in the conversation it became apparent the older woman was involved with the father of the man the younger girl was talking about.
As they talked, this information came to light.
– The younger girl has been going to counseling. The guy had admitted he had a problem and needs counselling but never goes with her.
– She brought home information pamphlets on how to have a healthy relationship and the guy sneered, laughed at them and said,”You don’t actually believe all this crap, do you?
-she said that he has told her that none of his friends like her because of some message she left years ago.
– He doesn’t feel comfortable with her friends so they don’t associate with any one as a couple.
– He doesn’t like her going out with her friends but he has no problem going out with his. They used to all be friends until they started dating and now no one likes her.
– When they argue it is never his fault and he brings up stuff from the past and they never end up resolving the conflict.
– He gets angry if she discusses their relationship with anyone.
– He wants to know where she is and what she is doing all the time.
-He alternates between admitting he has problems to taking no blame whatsoever.
– When she threatened to leave he admitted he was really in love with her and didn’t want her to go. That is when he agreed to go to counselling with her.
– the young girl said she knows she is at fault sometimes because he twists things and she wants to walk away and think before she speaks because she doesn’t want to say anything she will regret but he hates her “giving him the silent treatment”.
– the older woman said she yells right back at her husband and tells him he is wrong but he rarely admits it.
– The younger woman said he never yells, he is very calm and quiet but she will get so frustrated she starts to get loud.
The older woman said she was sorry to hear that he is so much like his father and said again,”Don’t give up on him.”
I took out two business cards and on the back I wrote my website address. As I was leaving I stopped at their table and apologized for eavesdropping but I have a website on domestic abuse and I suggested they check it out.
They of course seemed surprised and I wish I would have had a brochure on me.
I think as soon as I get my laptop working again I am going to do up business cards with a list of warning signs and my web address to hand out to people.
I think both of them would be surprised to see the red flags of domestic abuse listed.
So many women/men feel that as long as you aren’t being beat to a pulp every few days you aren’t being abused and anything less then bruises and a black eye is acceptable.
As I listened to them talk I realized we have a long way to go before society understands the dynamics of domestic abuse.
I hope they visit the site.
Have a great day all!!
There is life and light after the narcissist, I promise! Hugs Carrie