Getting Ready-Because God Answers Prayers

I wrote this post last night and in my hurry to get ready and out the door I didn’t post it. The dinner was last night and I had a wonderful time. More on that in a later post.

I have to hurry to get ready for dinner out tonight. 
For twelve years I worked in the office of Fraser Valley Foods, it was a great job, 8-4:30; perfect for a single mom. It was 20 minutes from my house,. paid extremely well and enabled me to raise my son in relative comfort. I had many friends there and we were a fun group, the occasional night at the strippers, fun staff parties, picnics, Christmas parties, golf tournaments, and a curling party every year. 
They closed in Aug of 1996, I was one of the last to go because I was up there in seniority. Those of us who were friends stayed in touch if only to get together a couple of times a year at one of the girls homes. We would all bring an appetizer and catch up on each other’s lives; seeing as we could no longer chat at work. (For some reason I was forever in shit for talking too much) 
Well, of course when I met JC those girl gatherings came to an abrupt halt and I didn’t see them at all for 10 years. I had one or two of the girls call or Facebook me trying to keep in touch but I wasn’t terribly receptive, I didn’t know who I was any more. I wasn’t my old self and I didn’t like the new me very much. I didn’t know how to explain what I had been doing for the last 10 years, I had no purpose, nothing exciting or interesting to talk about. I was depressed and it was simply too much work to go and make small chat. I was so far from the person I had been. I was no longer the vibrant, out going, chatty, laughing, wise cracking, successful woman I had been and to be honest I was ashamed.
Tonight they are having a reunion for everyone who ever worked at Fraser Valley Foods and I was invited. I said I would be there but finances are so tight and the meal is $15. This morning I counted my dimes and quarters and thought there is no way I can go, I had $21.23 to my name. I was going to have to bow out and I was disappointed. I was finally ready to go and enjoy a night with old friends. I know who I am now and I like me, I am ready to talk about my plans for the future and I once again feel somewhat successful; at least not a failure. I am no longer ashamed of what I have been through, now I am proud of what I have survived and accomplished since.
I checked my mail this morning and there was a letter from someone in the states. I opened it and out falls a cheque for $50. I cried. Just in the nick of time, I am going to the dinner and so I must get off here and get ready. Oh my what shall I wear? It’s been 18 years since I have seen many of these people!!
Tell you all about it when I get back!
For those of you who are afraid the old you is lost forever; you are probably right. There is a new, stronger, more confident you about to break out of its cocoon, You will be stretching your new wings in no time, don’t rush it, take the time to be the best butterfly you can be. 
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17 Replies to “Getting Ready-Because God Answers Prayers”

  1. “For those of you who are afraid the old you is lost forever; you are probably right. There is a new, stronger, more confident you about to break out of its cocoon, You will be stretching your new wings in no time, don’t rush it, take the time to be the best butterfly you can be.:
    Thank you for this today.
    I am so glad to were able to go with your friends. I hope you had an awesome time, you deserve it.

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  2. Today I told My Narc – when he came around begging me to come back to work for him, “No amount of money is worth what I have to put up with you. Nothing. You have no soul, no worth, no empathy. You are a shell. A shell with money who uses his money to control everyone around him. I know why you need me because I make you look good. Well no more. I’m a 57-year old woman with a sense of self-respect that I lost to you years ago. I’ve found it. You can’t own it anymore. You can’t own me. I am too good for you and for every good thing you ever did for me, you did dozens of horrible things. It’s done. It’s over. Get the F–K off my property.” And you know what he did? (BTW we had this conversation through my closed kitchen window because I refused to let him in the condo) he said, “come on, let’s make money.”
    I looked at him. Shook my head. “go away,” I said quietly. “You’ve lost this time.” He left and I know in my gut it’s not the last time he appears. But that’s okay because I also know in my gut God smiled. Not because I told my Narc off; not because I limited my use of curse words; not because I used my quiet voice. No God and the Universe smiled on me because I was strong. I allowed God and the Universe to support me and I acknowledged my worth and my strength. Let him come back and try again. I am ready.

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    1. Pamela,
      I am there with you. He felt superior to me with his money, but the reality was I had more than him, Not everything is measured in dollars. I think all I did was stay for the vacations! no love by him that is for sure? That’s why I kept telling the new girlfriend, if he loved you he wouldn’t have still been with me, he would have discarded me long ago. He loves the fact she pays her way, eventually she will be aping his way too, Oh well.
      He doesn’t bother me at all, don’t think he ever will, he had the new love of his life.
      He is a control freak, this woman is in for the ride of her life.

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    2. Pamela, your comment made me cry. “But that’s okay because I also know in my gut God smiled. Not because I told my Narc off; not because I limited my use of curse words; not because I used my quiet voice. No God and the Universe smiled on me because I was strong. I allowed God and the Universe to support me and I acknowledged my worth and my strength. Let him come back and try again. I am ready.”
      That is what it is all about…………there is nothing more important and it is what victims struggle with the most…..knowing their worth and strength. Once you get that back it changes the whole “game” with the N. He can no longer manipulate you. congratulations on coming so far.!! It is great to see!!
      Big hugs
      Carrie

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  3. I love that you’re writing that you feel like a success despite having change “to your name.” Really brings home that success and money aren’t necessarily the same thing.

    Happy for you that you got to go to that dinner. Looking forward to reading about it.

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    1. Safirefalcon, I have always thought that you never know if a person was a success in life until they die because you never know what the future holds. Especially in this economy, if you base a person’s success on what they have and how much money they have it is a pretty fragile success because it could be gone in a heartbeat.
      Every person’s definition of success is different but for me it has always revolved around how a person lives their life and the good they do in their life and if they live true to their principles no matter what happens in life.
      Thank you for being happy for me. It is a small thing but very big in my world.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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    1. Stan!! LOL imagine running into you here!! Thanks for commenting. My ex husband everyone, Stan! It was funny because I went to Kathy’s after the dinner and she had a bunch of old pics there. We all were having such a good time! Pics of your birthday at the house on Carleton, What did you have all over you? something in your hair, whipped cream??
      Too funny, you were sitting beside this attractive woman in a lot of the pictures and I kept thinking, who is that woman sitting beside my husband?? There she is again!! OMG who is this woman? I don’t remember her. Then she had her hand on your leg and I looked closer and it was ME!! haha 18 years!!well maybe not 18 but 15 anyway when those photos were taken.
      I had a great time, I hadn’t realized how much I missed getting out and talking to people. I am going to have the girls over in a week or two. Linda, Rhonda, Kathy…you know the gang. Kathy is still playing ball, I was surprised to hear you aren’t anymore.
      Big Hug to you Stan, hope all is well with you and the kids.

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      1. Yes that was whipping cream all over me. That was so much fun and thanks again for that awesome time. You where and you still are beautiful. I will pass on the hi and hugs to the kids. They still talk about those days. Did you know Andrew is flying and has done soul fights so cool eh.
        So good to hear from you. Take care cause I care.

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        1. You have a wordpress site? for your artwork? I went to check it out and there are no archives? Andrew is flying?!! wow!! that’s awesome! expensive hobby, is he planning on doing it for a career?
          There are a lot of good memories, I was just telling someone the other day about us all climbing in the Dodge Caravan and going camping! Now they have kids themselves. Hard to believe.

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  4. You are a strong woman! I hope you had/have a blast!

    My Narc just lost his job and was given another job with the same company but making almost 1/2 less money. Things are about to get real hairy around here as I am on disability due to having MS…which the narc has a hard time accepting. He has lots of money hidden away and acts like he is broke…that really gets to me. He thinks he is better than I am which is a total joke!!
    I have been married to him for almost 22 years…ugh. God help me get out of this situation in a way that wont hurt my son or me.

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    1. Audbug, I hope you can find a way out, I can only imagine how difficult your life is with MS and trying to deal with the insensitivity of an N. I have heard that MS is made worse by stress (as are most health problems) but I know you would be so much happier to not have to deal with him anymore. How old is your son? Are there any women’s support services in your area where you could get some help or at least some suggestions on how you can get away.
      I know money is an issue and your ability to make money is hindered by your illness but God does perform miracles.
      I still don’t know month to month how I will get by but I always do somehow and life is taking down a path I never anticipated but I am excited to see where it leads. Sometimes we just have to have faith it will work out and make the first step.
      I pray you will find a way out.,
      Hugs
      Carrie

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