Changes- To The Blog and In My Life- I Hope

For 15 years I have wanted things to just stay the same for a little while, long enough to catch my breath and relax but I have not been that lucky. It seems something always happens to force me into a situation where I am uncertain of my future but I am happy to say this change is not like that!

As much as it has seemed like my future is uncertain this year what with having heart failure, losing my job and the cabin being on the market; I have am amazing calmness about me that kinda surprises me. I just feel like everything is going to be ok. I am almost afraid I am delusional or not facing reality and should be panicking or something but I am not. I have never dealt with uncertainty well, long before I met JC I was always the type of person who took the bull by the horns and made things happen. Funny thing is I had the ability to do that for years because I had money, money buys you options, now I don’t have as many options and I am calmer. I suppose that makes sense in a way, why sweat it when there is nothing you can do about it anyway? and experience has taught me that shit happens and sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you try or how hard you wish; you can’t stop change so you had better learn to adapt. Look at how many of us fought to keep a totally destructive, unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship only to be discarded by the narcissist anyway and lose everything we were afraid of losing and more.

There are always options of some sort and I have been thinking of them and putting what I can into action. I would like to tell you about what I been planning lately.

I know I need to make money, welfare, even disability is not going to be enough to live and not just survive. I can not be happy living day to day never able to do anything, never knowing where I am going to live or how I will pay the rent. I need to be at least trying to better my life. 

I have basically been living off of the generosity of the people who have made donations to me through the blog and I am ever so grateful!!! Thank you to all who participated in the raffle and the other kind souls who sent money just because they feel they were helped through my blog and wanted to help me. I know not everyone is in the position to show their gratitude monetarily and I never expected people to pay for what I write. The words of support from people and the thank yous I get in comments and emails I receive fill my heart to overflowing. Every time I get a comment saying I saved someone’s sanity or life I feel what I went through was worth while and I am right where I am supposed to be, doing what God intended me to do.

Sometimes I need that reinforced and a week or so ago I went through the comment on this blog. I cried, I laughed and I only got through 40 pages of the 650+ pages of comments when I made a decision that seems natural and obvious. I am going today to talk to someone about getting funded to attend courses on becoming a Life Coach for women leaving an abusive relationship. 

I have gotten to know my neighbor while our dogs play and found out things about her that I never knew before and I have a new respect for her, which just goes to prove you never know what a person has dealt with in their life and if you are open about yourself you may be surprised what you learn about others. I have found out she was in an abusive relationship for years and narrowly escaped with her life. She was abused as a child. She has fostered many children and adopted several and most of them still visit her and consider her mom. She took children with challenges and raised them as a single mom while she worked full time. She also cared for an elderly man for many years and in a quest to heal herself she took counseling courses and now that she is retired she volunteers on the crisis line, counsels women in prison (who invariably have been abused as a child), and counsels people with addictions. Who would have guessed? For some reason we expect someone who has had that much heart ache in their life to have a big sign on their forehead that says, “Damaged”. Which ties in with my post yesterday about success. 

I see her as a success, someone to be respected and I want to be like her; taking the challenges in life and making something good out of them. 

Society has made overcoming challenges something to be ashamed of; “do it, just don’t talk about it” because it makes them uncomfortable. Society needs to change their view of abuse survivors from thinking them to be weak and flawed in some way to seeing them as strong women/men who have the capacity of care and empathy to change the world, The weak people are the ones who witness abuse and do nothing to stop it, it is the weak who can’t handle hearing about abuse and turn away when someone talks about it, Weak people can not be out of their comfort zone. Abuse survivors had to survive outside of their comfort zone for years and they are here to talk about it. 

My God, it is like I had an epiphany Survivors aren’t weak at all!!!

They are strong, they are what everyone should try to be, compassionate, empathetic, forgiving, caring, strong enough to put their own needs aside to help someone else. I was reading an article yesterday about research done by a Harvard psychologist Dr. Felix Warneken that shows children are naturally altruistic. In his studies he placed toddlers in a controlled environment where an adult dropped a clothes peg and was struggling to pick it up; 60% of the children ran to help the person pick up the clothes peg within 10 seconds. Even when they were intently playing they were willing to leave what they were doing in order to help without coaching or being asked to. This research leads me to believe that people are born caring and empathetic for the most part (excluding psychopaths, narcissists and sociopaths) and society teaches them to be distrusting and uncaring. That theory then leads me to believe that it is natural to be caring and empathetic and abnormal or unnatural to be self absorbed and uncaring. THAT means we are NORMAL!!

So where does this all lead? My neighbor said that the fellow she took her courses from is starting a course in July, 30 sessions, 2 evenings and one weekend full day per week, for only $300. She got me the info on the course and it is an Introduction to Counseling. Exactly what I need to get started. So I am now going to try to convince the government that they need to educate me in counseling so I can become a Life Skills Coach working with women leaving an abusive relationship. I am printing off a few pages of the comments I have received from people on this blog and I am presenting my case today, because the government doesn’t educate people on social assistance. I am going to convince them that they should.

It will be a great stepping stone to getting Ladies With Trucks off the ground also.

BC, the province where I live in Canada has the highest rate of domestic abuse, and the highest rate of child poverty. The provincial government has been under the gun for years to do something to end domestic abuse, but for all the money they say they are throwing at the problem and all the money they have spent on studying the issue we have epidemic domestic abuse. In the last 7 weeks 7 women have been murdered by their significant other, of those, 2 were murder suicides and in 4 of the cases children were involved. Those are just the women who lost their life, there are 2 other incidents that I know of where the woman managed to escape. I have another post discussing this so I won’t go into everything here, but it is painfully obvious something needs to be done and quickly, what they are doing is not working and police report that they respond to 120-130 domestic violence calls every month, imagine how many go unreported. This is unacceptable but it is accepted every single day by most of society. People say, “What can I do?” I know what I can do and that is take every opportunity to educate myself and others, arm women with knowledge and share my experiences.

I am also going to be changing things around here. I want to clean house sort of speak and make information easier to find. I have opened another site, Lady Witha Truck Support Forum. There is a link in the sidebar. So many times people don’t know where to comment if they just have a question or need to talk and it doesn’t pertain to a post. This site is for those people. I will provide links back here for any posts I do but I am keeping it bare bones so it is confined to supporting each other and it is easier for people to have a continuing conversation and be able to find it. The comments stay together and won’t get lost like they do here. You will have to enter your information again when you hit the Follow button, but comments will be posted in real time and not be moderated which will be much better for people seeking help. It is up and running now but I still have some fine tuning to do but feel free to go over to it and play with it and see how it works. I think it will be better for chatting but we will have to see, so if you go over there and comment I can see if it does what it is supposed to do.

I also am putting together information on developing a safety plan and will be offering to email one to anyone who wants a PDF copy of the file. More on that later.

I have to get out of here!!! Times just flies by.

Have a great day every one.

Big hugs

Me!

 

 

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12 Replies to “Changes- To The Blog and In My Life- I Hope”

  1. Carrie, I feel that those of us on this site can help with the $300, and by doing so, invest in saving lives — LITERALLY!!! This post brought such joy to my heart to know that you are going to do this!!! BRAVO!!! As a school teacher both money and time are tight. I have still been able to walk alongside others who have needs, but certainly not to the extent that you have and will be able to. Donations for a good cause, anyone??? Care to save a life today???

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  2. You have helped so much, the lady you touched upon who was abused, then fostered, helped and worked….shows much strength and I believe a life time of hurt seems to heal when helping others. I am a qualified life coach..believe it or not 😦 and I passed my counselling and psychology level 4 (online that one 😦 ) I also did Hypnotherapy and passed that..all the while being with an abusive mindless ‘man’. I got into it to heal myself in some way too. I then left him and went on to start building my business….silly me went back to him 4 mths later and it as all gone.
    I am not sure what I will do in future but I know am good with people…as are you. I struggle to make do at the minuet but I would donate alittle to try and help you as I think your wonderful. Let me know where I pay. It is never too late and you can reach out to so many people, experience makes us who we are…..and we can empathise with so many experiences no one would even know we went through. x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Fee, you are a doll, I can’t take your money, you are struggling with soon to be 3 kids. I appreciate the offer but you of all people need to take care of yourself!! I have been wishing I had more money so I could help you out lol
      You can get your business back, maybe it wasn’t quite time yet, I bet something will come up and you will know THAT is what this has all been leading to and your courses will be exactly what you need and all the pieces will fall into place.
      I think you would do very well as a life coach, you are so compassionate, maybe you will work with young mothers or abused women yourself once you are more healed. I know that something grand is waiting for you!!
      big hugs!!
      How are you doing anyway? How is your heart? Have you been resting?

      Like

    2. Fee!!!!

      I have been worried about you sweetie! I didn’t see your post when it was posted, would have saved me a few days of worrying.

      Are things going better for you? In your last post you told us the womans center was trying to provide you some help. I was so glad to hear that! Please give us an up date and let us know how that precious little baby is doing 🙂 It won’t be long now, right?

      Big Hugs
      Ellie

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      1. Hello Ellie and Carrie,
        I have been really busy, school holidays here and my mom took my little girl away for afew days. I got on with painting my kitchen and that’s one room now done…now for next. I am aiming to put it on the market and hoping to sell but my sister as had hers on forever and nothing seems to be selling but we will see.
        I am going for an ECG on Tuesday and getting it fitted for 24 hours then weds I am having a ultrasound of my heart etc…am sure all will be well and its been down to extra weight and stress. I feel embarrassed that you think this is number 3…I had 4 children with my husband of 18yrs…that was it…2 girls 8 and 22 and 2 boys 16 (nearly) and 20…I was NOT wanting more but my head is now around this is happening…so this is my number 5! I know I know…but as I see it now…I was going to foster so 🙂
        I went to pick my little one up today and was kinda disappointed in my mom, I love her very much but she replaced my abusive drunk of a dad when he died with another…she sticks up for him all the time but my girl told me he was drinking and shouting at her nan…so she wont be going now without me or her older brother and I had words to say the least. I have told them am ruling out anyone negative out of my life…my mom is soft and lovely but she lets him talk to her like crap, I know I haven’t had the best but I always felt I was defending myself. I don’t want to be like that.
        I feel more positive now…not thought about him for afew days until someone stopped me over there and said I had a lovely big belly and bet dad is so proud….wasn’t going to go into it …so replied yes…but I know why am hiding it here.
        I went back to womens centre, they give me a book to work on at home until I go back in 2 weeks. Isnt it funny how on paper u think wow he was most of them. I will send the signs of mr wrong…but you more or less covered it.
        I do want to help, even a small donation of £20 its just my way of saying ‘thankyou’ and I mean it and it would mean a lot for you to take it in the way it is offered 🙂 If or when I get anymore I will help when I can.
        You ladies are fantastic…
        Love fee x

        Like

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