This Is A Test – Is He A Narcissist?

I met a guy today, I want to know your opinion. I made up my mind in 15 minutes.

I was running errands today and had to stop at Wal-Mart Pharmacy to pick up my heart meds. I parked and noticed a guy standing outside his vehicle talking on his cell. I walked past and heard him talking and thought it was to whoever was on the phone but then I heard, “Excuse me, excuse me” so I turned and he said, “I have to say something because this is the 2nd time I have seen you today.” I didn’t recognize him at all and I guess my face showed it.

He said, “Earlier today I saw you at the PetroCan checking your oil and gassing up. I never forget a nice pair of legs.” I smiled and he said ,”That’s not a bad thing is it?’ I said no it wasn’t, thanked him and went to walk away. He put out his hand, gave me a really firm handshake and said his name was Danny and he was a crab fisherman from Newfoundland. He asked why I was at Wal-Mart. I said i was picking up a prescription. He said he hoped it was nothing serious and I said no, just some heart meds. Guess who has had 4 heart attacks?

He asked if he could buy me a glass of wine and I hesitated a bit and then said sure. He asked where, I said “Now?” He said yeah why not? There is a pub right next door to Wal-Mart so I said “right there.” and pointed. He said he’s wait for me. So after i got my meds we drove over to the pub.

He was a nice enough looking guy, he was dialing his phone as he walked towards me and motioned with his hand that he would be one minute. I waited by the door and overheard him say he would be there in 10 -15 minutes, sweetie.

Fine, none of my business. We go up to the bar and he orders a beer, I get a cooler and we walk out to the patio. I asked what a crab fisherman was doing in Mission and he told me he had to have surgery done on his hand and showed me the scar. He asked why I was in Mission and i told him because I like it and I live on a lake. He immediately went into telling me about the 10 acres he has in Newfoundland. Then he told me about the property up northern BC that he is planning on buying and turning into a fishing lodge.

Let me just recap what I found out in the 15 minutes I was there with him.

He has never been married, no kids, crab fished for 30 years, makes $50,000 in one trip out fishing. It is just like the TV show but he is the best crab fisherman he knows. He gets up in the morning and pours himself a shot of rum and the young guys say,”You;re Crazy!” His captain tells them all to not give Danny a hard time cuz he is the best and would put all of them to shame.

He lived with a woman for 2 years, came home from 3 weeks away fishing for crabs and went to the store to buy something, used his bank card and there was no money in his account, $60,000 gone in three weeks. When he got home she was crying and he was so hurt because he trusted her (patting his heart with his hand as he says it) , it wasn’t the money, God he didn’t care she could buy anything she wanted but it was the dishonesty that got him. ( I think you know what I was thinking by this time) but it gets better.

He asks if I want to go for dinner, I asked Now? He said no later in the week and I said I don’t know. He got defensive and said,”I just asked you for dinner.” I said, “Yes I know and I said I don’t know if I want to have dinner with you yet, we haven’t even finished one drink. He ordered another beer and I declined another cooler.

He harped about dinner, why wouldn’t I got for dinner, and wouldn’t let it go, I told him I don’t like to be pressured.

He then went on to tell me that he is ready to settle down, he will be coming back every 3 weeks and did I like to travel because he wants to travel Canada. I said, I wasn’t into travelling much. He said I needed to see Newfoundland and needed a Newfie to show me around. I smiled.

He said if I tell you how old I am will you tell me your age? I said sure. He is 44, I said I was 56. He asked, “That doesn’t matter does it?” I said, “Not to me” because I knew already I was never going to see him again.

Then he was talking about me being at his house back east and how much I would love it. Then he asked about coming to my place to fish. I told him I lived on the lake but not my address and I wasn’t about to. He asked if he could have my number so he could call me about dinner so I gave him my number ( against my better judgement, I just thought it would be easier to turn him down over the phone than in person) next thing I know my phone is ringing and it’s him. I said, “Checking to see if I gave you the right number?”

He wanted to know all about me, how many times had I been married etc, I said,”a few” . He kept asking why I was single and I said “Because I like it that way.” He argued with me saying, “No one wants to be alone, why aren’t you married?” I said, “Really, I am SO happy with my life just the way it is right now that I can not even begin to describe how happy. and I really don’t feel like sharing me with anyone.”

He got offended and asked if I found him attractive, If I thought he was a nice guy, (because he really is a nice guy) I said, “I don’t know you well enough to know if I like you are not.”

He told me how beautiful I am, I choked on my drink.

He reassured me that i am beautiful. I just nodded and tried not to laugh. I know he thought I was embarrassed with the compliment and in reality I was screaming “Narc Narc Narc,” in my mind.

He asked me if I would go for dinner this weekend with him and I said no, I was busy, he asked if I would go the next weekend and I said to call me I wasn’t sure. He said again “It’s just dinner,.” I said,’ You project too much into the future. and I am really not into anything in my life, I like my life just the way it is. I don’t make snap decisions about people.”

He said, “So you’ve made a snap decision before and gotten hurt.”

I said, “Nope,”

He said Oh come on why are you single then?

I said, ” Because I am at the stage in my life where I am really busy and I don’t want to accommodate any one else. He then went on to tell me how he has been through it all in relationships, there is nothing I could tell me that he hasn’t experienced. I smiled and said,”Well, you got me pegged wrong because absolutely nothing bad has ever happened in my life.”

He was staring into my eyes and said, “You’ve got beautiful eyes.” I said, “Thanks.”

He said, “you really are beautiful.” He was about to say something about never meeting women but he caught himself and said, “Well I meet lots of them but I only ask out the really special ones.” I almost burst out laughing and was thinking “I can’t wait to get home and do up a post about this character!

I said I really had to get going, I had a lot to do. he wanted to know what. I said things. Oh yeah I mentioned Stella and he has a dog and LOVES them.

He asked if he could call me in a little while to make sure I got home ok. I said, “No don’t. I will make it home just fine.” he said, “You wouldn’t like to just talk and get to know each other better?” I said, “Nope thanks, I am busy.”

Then he said, “I bet you go home tonight and wish I would call, and you will wonder if I am thinking about you and I will be, and you’ll wonder if I am going to call, which I will, and if I don’t you will be disappointed and wonder why I didn’t call.”

I said, “Well, I really have to get going. Thanks for the drink, have a nice night. bye!”

He walked out with me and I ran to my car and drove away as fast as possible.

Oh! and earlier he had asked me where exactly I lived and I dodged the question, He said that it would be easy enough to find me and I told him not to get creepy.

That isn’t even all of it but close enough. and all in 15-20 minutes tops.

JC was not quite as obvious but I didn’t know about narcissist at that time, I bet now I would never have gone out with him.

This guy turned me off so badly I wanted to stamp a big N on his forehead!!

Go back to Newfoundland buddy and I have a few people you can take with you. CYA!!!


50 thoughts on “This Is A Test – Is He A Narcissist?

  1. loretta

    This should be given as a case study on narcissists to all eighteen year old heterosexual women. Seriously.


  2. Stephen Bach

    Hi Ellie,

    Evidently we ran out of replies to the original comment area.

    I’m sorry to hear that you had an upbringing in an N family, too. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone! The amount of damage that can be done to a child is truly mind boggling. Good for you for breaking the cycle of generational abuse!

    You mention the word skeptical. Skepticism is a predominant theme with many of the women I have met. I often feel like I’m on trial having to prove myself, which is not conducive to forming a relationship. I certainly don’t want to be in a relationship with someone where I feel I’m always having to measure up to a standard. Is that not a repeat of the environment that I have endured for the bulk of my life?

    I understand why you might be skeptical about two abuse victims having a relationship. I submit that you look at the other side of the coin. Who better to understand where I have been than someone who has been there? Who better to grow with than someone who has similar issues to the ones I have? Who better to understand the frustrations of dealing with a difficult ex than someone who has one? I do agree, a certain amount of healing must occur prior to venturing out in the dating world again, but I feel that once a person has come to grips with their past, accepted their own personal contribution to those events, and made peace with them, that they are in a position where they can form a healthy bond with someone.



  3. Mary M. Langner

    So if you want to hear something truly scary about an ex-narc, consider mine. He writes a weekly newspaper column for area newspapers in Iowa. He does this for “free”, supposedly to improve his writing skills, but I know now from experiencing his abuse, it is to goad ex victims of his abuse. In doing extensive research on narcissists, he is a true somatic although narcs display both kinds. And yes, we need to educate young women of this abuse and why we are drawn to them.

    Before the beginning of the third “devalue and dump” I broke off the relationship with him because of the huge stress I was under, increased blood pressure, etc. This was the end of a 5-year relationship. Countless lies, affairs, physical abuse, you name it and me not knowing why I would stay with such a loser. I was smart enough to visit on weekends and kept my own residence. That way, he could run around during the week with all of his minions who protect and defend to the end.

    I definitely threw him a curve. He was left to rationalize me leaving to his readers and our friends. His latest article is on Internet Dating. And guess what, he thinks he is in love! Poor woman! He is now telling about all his dates he has from a dating sites and critiques them. It would be funny if it weren’t so sad. You can also hear him read his article on the radio at There is also one on “Happiness” that is so sad it ricks narcissism.

    I am healing very well. For the first time in my 65 years of living, I am not taking care of anyone. I have survived through education about these scum bags. They create so much havoc. I love the you tube videos from Sam Vaknin, Ph.D. He is a self-professed narcissist. I look forward to seeing your new posts and need websites like this. When I have more time, I will tell you about how I got here.



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