The Straight Goods On How To Stop the Abuse

I had another message from a woman in total panic mode yesterday. We have all been there i think. He has dumped you, given you ultimatums and you are afraid you are going to lose him, even though you have been miserable, even though you are a nervous wreck because you can never please him, even though he has made you give up all your friends and family and destroyed everything important to you; you don’t know what to do. You are afraid, ashamed and generally feel lost and frozen, not knowing what to do. I am going to tell you right now what you need to do in no uncertain terms. I doubt many will do it, but it what you should do and some day you will wish you had listened to me.

You have to start breathing, you are in panic mode and reacting to his actions, not thinking clearly, that is what happens, I remember having panic attacks when JC would say “That’s It!! It’s Over!!” I couldn’t function, I would be pacing, just panicked, I couldn’t go to work, or do anything until I talked to him and he told me he loved me. I would stop and phone from a phone booth crying and he would then say how he hated to see me cry and where was i, he’d come and get me, that i shouldn’t be driving when I was so upset. I would be so relieved to be back with him I would forget what we were fighting about in the first place.
You have to learn to breath through the panic attacks, take space for yourself away from him so you can think clearly. You know he is not good for you, you know you are not happy, it doesn’t make sense that you didn’t kick him to the curb long ago but that is because he has been manipulating you and is out to destroy you any way he can. He wants everything and anything you have and to leave you destitute and an emotional basket case.

Don’t ask why, he is a narcissist that is the only reason there is.

Yes you loved him and got sucked in by him but there is nothing to be ashamed of. Shame will keep you in his control. Shame will make you keep trying, in hopes you will prove that it wasn’t a mistake. Admit you made a mistake, just like hundreds of other women and men and take control of your life again. You can do it. hundreds have and you can to.

It wouldn’t feel good, it will hurt and you will have self-doubt and you will shed many tears but you will be on the road to recovery. By staying in contact with him you are expecting the man who destroyed you to put you back together and it isn’t going to happen, he is only going to take more from you until you truly have nothing left.

You have to have your reasonable, rational, logical mind override your emotional mind, you have to self counsel, tell yourself what you know to be the truth, not the reality he feeds you. Look around, do you know any body who has a relationship like the one he expected from you? NO! because any normal healthy woman would tell him to go Fuck himself. Who cares what his friends say.

JC used to want to do all these expensive things and to spend any money he made totally on himself and for me to pay my own way, I couldn’t afford it. I used to think that he needed a woman who was independently wealthy, without children, who didn’t work and could cater to him 24/7. Well, he found her after me, a widow with money, no kids, never worked in her life and only wanted to cater to a man, have dinner ready when he got home from work and play the dutiful housewife. It hurt at first but I knew I could have never been that woman for him, I had a kid, I needed to work, I didn’t have money to spend on him; it was the facts, I could never be what he wanted no matter how hard I tried.

But guess what?! he isn’t happy with her. Why? when he has everything he wanted, he now has the vehicles, she sold her house and invested the money in him, gave up all her security to prove her love for him, every thing he has wanted in the last 3 years since he met her she has given him. So what could the problem be? She has expectations, she wants him to come in at 5 to eat supper, she wants him to sit and watch TV with her, she expects fidelity, honesty and for him to earn a living, now that she has spent her money and invested in “them” she wants a “them”.  The never of her to not be an endless supply of money and gratitude for him gracing her with his presence (not presents) She is supposed to have an endless supply of money and have no demands of her own. He used to say I had expectations and if I didn’t have expectations I wouldn’t be disappointed, that I( needed to learn to go with the flow and be more flexible. Well, damned if she didn’t have expectations and needs just like me. But he knew she would, he didn’t expect to live happily ever after with her, he just wanted to make her think it long enough to get his hands on her money. THEY ARE NEVER HAPPY, NOTHING IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH. if you give them what they want, they want something else. That is just the way they are so give up the notion that you failed him in some way.
You can wallow in shame or you can say, “Ok I made a mistake and I am going to fix it. I did what I could and I am taking control of my life back.” You can choose to keep doing the same things you have been for the next 10 or more years and only lose more or you can take your life back.
Feeling stupid and ashamed are wasted emotions, all they do is bring you down. Give yourself credit for stepping away now. Give yourself credit for not expecting your mom to apologize, give yourself credit for not moving in with him and putting your kids through that. Give yourself credit for finding this website and asking for help. THOSE are positive emotions, those are being in control actions, those are taking care of yourself. Discard all the negative shit that is running through your head that HE placed there. Don’t own it. Refuse it. You can stop the tape playing in your head, it takes work but you can do it.
Stop being a victim and be a survivor. This is day one of your new life. Start no contact now!! do not give him your answer. When he doesn’t hear from you he will contact you and I highly recommend you don’t talk to him. He will try to rage you into compliance, guilt you, and eventually love you into doing what he wants. He will be like a 3 year old having a temper tantrum because he didn’t get what he wants. So don’t talk to him, don’t take his calls don’t read his emails. Have your kids screen the calls, get your mother to come stay with you so you are not alone, call your support system around you. circle the wagons and get ready for the attack. stand firm and do not let him see you upset. It only feeds his ego. Let your family run interference for you.
This advice is golden, if you do as I am suggesting you WILL start to heal. not over night but soon. You have to break the addiction and the power he has over you. There is nothing to be afraid of by leaving him, what is it you are afraid of? can you name it.? In order to be afraid you have to know what you are afraid of. Figure it out. Then come back and I will help you face your fear.

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30 thoughts on “The Straight Goods On How To Stop the Abuse

  1. I so much want to look after my boys. I want them to see that any things possible but you have to work hard at it.
    I want to buy my own house so that I know my Harry is safe. The book you told me to read has been the most amazing book I’ve ever read.
    It’s like seeing what’s being going on in a story. I haven’t finished yet but every page is amazing.
    I got so tired, fatter, depressed, sad I just couldn’t cope and no mater how many times I said it he didn’t listen. I started eating chocolate all the time, and I got ridiculed for that but it was like a safety blanket.
    I downloaded the book to my kindle but I’m going to buy the book in paperback too so I can keep it in my bag as a permanant reminder that it’s all true. Whatever they have put in my mind to tell me what I am it isn’t true the book is the biggest reminder I’ve ever had.
    If I feel a down day or just feeling myself falling into they were right, I can read just one page of that book and I’ll be reminded that all of what’s been going on is the truth not what they are telling me.
    I have got more done in the last week that I have got done in two years, I have really pushed myself but I thought well what exactly do you have to lose?
    Does it matter if he’s gone to find happiness and someone who actually loves him? No it doesn’t because that’s a lie too. I did love him and I tried like superman to show him I did, I gave him everything I possibly could.
    I will always know whoever it is next their time will come, it won’t take him long because they will be perfect for a little while then he will rage because he can’t stop it.
    Everything has been out of fear every single thing but like you said I’ve been alone the whole time. He didn’t support my kids or be there for me when I’ve been so poorly in fact he used it as a time to ignore me or end it.
    When I have got my business going I will be supporting your cause. You are doing all this to help women get through something that is so painful, so destroying and your doing it on your own.
    If I hadn’t spoken to you when I did I think I would of been on my knees and begging him to return.
    I would of been to scared to face anything but your kind words and the book have been very powerful for me.

    Vicky

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  2. Vicky,

    A lot of what you said hit home. I had a lot typed out to say and then when I went to walk my pup the page reloaded some how and everything was gone. Maybe that was on purpose because I really wasn’t in a place to advise. The past two weeks have been rather crazy. Over the past 7 or so years I have dealt off and on with “depression.” I have been handed antidepressants more than any person oughta be. I honestly think that it is easier to hand a woman pills…antidepressants, benzo’s, ambien….whatever….they hand them to us like candy. The thing I never got was that I never felt this was the right diagnosis. I had dealt with the stress of my first divorce without antidepressants and quite frankly at that time I had never been through anything more stressful. I have had anxiety…at times it has made me pass out…I have been so anxious it has made me sick…. Finally this last time of asking my doctor for Xanax because my xN said I needed to change the way I react or we were through (actually I was starting to not be the puppy anymore and he knew it…but since I was paralyzed with fear of losing this fuck I took my pills) and when my doc said I needed to see a shrink after he and I spilt….I went obediently. She put me on Remeron. I took it. Paid money I did not have out of my pocket to see this arrogant bitch who charged me out the ass for a drug test….never gave me shit for help….and anyway…..during this whole time I have thought I was hypothyroid. He’d test me and my TSH was always normal….nothing further…..2 weeks ago I finally said enough and went to an endocrinologist all on my own. What do you know…..I am hypothyroid. I’m too pissed she drug tested me and did not test my damn thyroid to talk to that bitch….I have not talked to my primary doc….it all just irks me….I have spent the last 7 plus years being labeled with label that was not even correct. If you wish to label me at least give me the right frigging title. I am now on medicine for it. I have a long way to go but I am done with the antidepressant, hell I was done with that before I got my blood work back, this is my last week on Xanax and I opted for some supplements because my B12 and Iron are crazy low. All of this can cause a person, any person..depression, anxiety, loss of hair…..all my symptoms and I finally had a right label. So I got a tad bit stuck on ruminating because I feel like I have lost a lot of time to stupid people and then your post, wow your post seriously made me relive a lot. This, of course, was nothing you knew and I don’t blame you I hope you know….I just wasn’t in a place to tell you what thought would be a wise way to deal with a N….I was more in a place to tell you to fuck him, how to do it and I’d help you hide the body. That last part was sarcasm but I can be a hot head and I knew from reading your post you did not need me telling you to be a hot head with your N so I opted to shut my mouth rather than post. :). I’m sorry if I hurt you. I was afraid I’d not convey what I wanted to and that is important to me. So I was silent. Oh and by the way….guess who threw my taking Xanax into me? You know him….Oh yes you do….my xN. The man whom I shared all of me with. The good. The bad. The vulnerable. All of it. He groomed me well..listening like a perfect lover…he was the man I was going to marry. That makes almost laugh now……and then he threw every single thing I ever shared back into my face. He waged a war against me with my very own weaknesses. They are a demented soul Vicky. Totally demented.

    So this will be a combination of thoughts from me to you….some of it from my original letter and some of it will be new thoughts and from what I see you have come a long way so if some no longer matters it was probably from last week, but I am telling you in hopes it makes you not look back quite as much. Ruminating kills our present. I am guilty of this. It is hard not to be with some things but in this situation you simply did not know. You came to see this man for what he was in your own time and on your terms. It make take some of us 2 years instead of 12 or 12 instead of 22 but the time we spent figuring it out is not nearly as important as the time we spend after we know and by know I don’t mean have an idea…I mean seriously having your head wrapped around the person you love is what he is and not at all what he portrayed. It takes a awful lot of self growth for us to make the unknown into the known and I am quite certain that the only way to KNOW is to of lived it so try not to be too hard on you. This wasn’t your fault. It takes a damn strong woman to get to where you are….never forget that.

    In my original letter I stated why I did not recommend confronting a N but I didn’t really get too deep as to why. I’ll confess I did it. I looked him in the face and told him every single thing I had never said. For me? It was beautiful. It caused all hell to be broke loose but at that point I no longer gave a damn so I was down for just about anything. This is reckless and stupid. If given the chance to do over? I’d not change a thing. BUT the difference I see between you and I is that you are (or were) still seeking acceptance from a thing that will only accept you so that he take it away again. He will glean happiness from tearing you down. He will glean even more if he can rebuild you only to shatter you again. You breaking down is like an orgasm for him. It is ruthless and once I figured out what I was dealing with and could gain some kind of perspective it was one of the most inhumane things I have ever witnessed and I was the victim of it. It was almost like I was looking into some relationship from hell but it was mine. Jesus Christ it was mine. Vicky you have got to realize he is only going to do that which benefits him. The more energy you put into him the more he is going to leech the life and health out of you and love it…..I think to try and confront him or get him to see how you feel will only make you feel worse….You feel mad because you are in a spot of absolute insanity. You are struggling with knowing you need to leave this monster and wondering how you can live without him. That is madness. I know because I have been there. I’ll discuss that too….but on a positive note you are here. That is the first step. You KNOW (or knew) something is wrong. Empower yourself with knowledge and then with anger…more on the anger later…

    Towards the end of my relationshit with my xN it got physical. He hurt me. I should of called the police when it occurred. I literally sucked it in and stayed. I had kids, pets and no place to go. I worked it out with him. In fact we both agreed to try harder, to fix us and as much as my head was screaming “wtf?” I also knew I needed time to get out. That Sunday was great. I knew at that point what I was dealing with yet I had the false sense of calm that we had some kind of meeting of the minds and the next few weeks would be ok for me to work out a place to go. I could not of been any further from the truth. After I got to work that Monday the first text he sent me was the docket number for our court date. He was legally evicting me.

    As the process went on and I was moving he would vacillate between being ugly and wanting to help me. Then he started to talk about what “we” would do after I moved. That was when it hit me….it was going to be like everything else is with a N. Once things “blew over” (according to him) then I should adjust the wind in my sails too. He was “over it” and so I should be too. You spoke of this. I’m here to tell you that doesn’t ever change. He is never going to see how you feel. He is only going to see what he can get from you for his needs. This man evicted me when he simply could of TOLD me and then he full on expected to see me after. This was after our first court appearance for this issue (yup there is another) and at this point I filed for an Order of Protection. My mother thought I was nuts. Only I understood why I could not risk contact with this man ever again. When he was violent with me he had held a flashlight above my head and asked me if I wanted him to kill me with it? I honestly just wanted him out of my life. I thought that moving out would suffice but he showed me I was wrong.

    The day he was served was the last morning I ever spent in this mans life. It was almost ironic, the sheriff who served me my notice of eviction was the same one who was served him the fact that I was granted a exparte order of protection against him. I woke him up to tell him the police wanted him. He had to leave. That morning I took a nap with my dog, which is nuts in retrospect but moving solo and amongst all of his brand of crazy was exhausting…once I woke up I loaded the few things I had left into the u-haul and left. While I was doing this he had filed a counter complaint against me to try to get an O of P against me. It failed. Honestly it got a lot uglier after that. My court advocate told me I needed to have at the very least a memo on file with the police here. This is a step down from a actual report because I was the dumb girl who didn’t call when it happened. They were dispatched to my mothers house and I gave a memo. The officer was kind. He said he would submit it and the domestic violence unit would review it and call me in a week or so. They called me the next day. He wanted me to come down. I put it off for two days. I was still wresting with what was right and wrong. My mom once again was telling me how absolutely crazy I was. For the second time in my relationshit I listened to my gut and went to the police station. My memo became a report and my report became a warrant which was issued that day. The fugitive squad called and asked me where they could find him. He was arrested the next day and he sat in jail for overs 40 hours…and missed our first court date for the O of P. I also did not have an attorney and he now did since he needed one for being charged with assault, bodily harm. So we reset the court date for the O of P. He wanted to be heard. I wish to God you could see the things that man said I did. He said I was a drug user. (That drug test my shrink did was all set to go to refute that) He said I came at him with a screwdriver…..I never laid a hand on him…..by the time the next court date came around I had qualified for a attorney to represent me free of charge but that took some time so we reset it again because I had just gotten legal representation literally that morning. Evidently in the time it took to go to our THIRD date and actually have a hearing over this matter he listened to his attorney and he accepted my Permanent O of P without further ado. At our first date in court his attorney tried to talk me down. I flat out told him when he scares you enough that you piss your pants? Come see me. So why am I telling you all this! I’m telling you all this because as sure as I am typing this to you I know he would of lied to the police about me and had I not listened to my gut and followed through I might of been the one arrested simply based on his cunning words alone. The Sargent told me it was on my behalf that I stepped forward first. They would be less inclined to hear him now since he countered on the day he was served and not prior……and I had proof….he injured me. He had zero…I never laid a hand on him…but I know…without a ounce of hesitation that he would of lied. That scares the hell out of me. I told you that so you will not underestimate the lengths they will go to. It is fucking scary. No contact is seriously the only way to sanity.

    When he hurt me all I ever heard was how he had angina. In fact the whole relationshit that is all I ever heard was about him. Typical N. He suffered from hypothyroidism (which is kinda funny now) and that or any other bullshit he could come up with were reasons why he could not deal with me, he needed to nap. Whatever they need when they need it. You said “I have tried so hard to be good enough. When he would come round I’d make sure the dogs were sat still, I had a drink ready for when he came in then. Stressing all evening wondering if it would be a peaceful evening.” Your words. My life. I was right there with you. His rules. I learned them. Omfg I lived them. I made my KIDS live them. Insanity. The feeling of trying your very best to maintain the status quo to make him NOT rage at you then to have him do it anyway? Damn I felt like a total failure. Bullshit. He was the failure, not me. I had to stop judging the status of our relationship by his moods. Even more importantly I had to stop judging ME based on his moods. I know that is hard as hell….but he is not you. Your identity is NOT in that man. Only you complete you, The place you are in now is temporary. Your illness? I swear to God if it is psychological you will get better. It may get worse before it gets better but it will get better. I promise you this. I had let myself go too. I would look in the mirror and wonder where in the hell I had gone? (By the way I found her again!). It is amazing how much more energy you have for your OWN life once you make a break with a N. He will probably love bomb you to hell and back once he gets this time is different….but here is where the hot head girl will tell you to USE that anger. Let the anger empower you. You are going to have it. It is inevitable for awhile as is the sadness. Pull strength from it when he does finally contact you. Use it to maintain NC. If you have a journal of all the crap he put you through…read it…get mad and ignore. I know it is hard but this part was a lot easier for me when I was pissed. Eventually you’ll lose some of the anger and be able to ignore him without it but until it goes away use it for something positive. I swear your lust for life will return even if it is in baby steps….and during that time? While you are trying to rebuild you I advise you not to share with those that don’t get it….not while you are depressed and so beaten down….I tried that…and they just don’t get it…and it just makes you think you are the crazy person again…and you are not…I don’t give a damn who tells you that you are. You are NOT and vent, rant, cry….whatever you have to do….in a safe place…like here….where we get it…..even your relatives might not get it…..but this is normal Vicky….and no one dictates your healing time other than you. My friends felt I needed to get on over it…and by gawd I was trying but you have been through a trauma…..a very long….life being sucked out of you trauma and that takes TIME……you decide how long….no one else.

    Sex was always on. No matter if I was sick as a dog or we had fought like dogs. Mine would also wake me up to change positions to suit him unless of course he was mad. If HE was mad then he would give me his back. I only got to cuddle or face time with him if I was a good girl. He would use his love to punish me. He would with hold the affection I craved as punishment. It was some demented form of the silent treatment. The silent treatment, at first, would have my mind climbing walls in trying to figure out what I had done or missed and how to make him talk to me and in the beginning it was easier to avoid because I was an astute student in what it took to keep him happy….then it got random…I could keep the dog quiet, not get my kids (which is fucked) and be a good girl and still he’d rage with no reason. Then that ole silent treatment? I began to love it….hell I’d embrace it…because it meant he would leave me alone. My kids witnessed one of his rages one night. That was the night he called their dad to say they were in an “unsafe” situation. Yet I am their mother so the unsafe person was him…..He KNEW my ex and I had issues….and he did this to cause me shit. It worked…at first….then my ex realized on his own with our kids that this man had derailed the crazy train…..but it also came back tenfold because that night? The good girl was gone. She embarrassed him in front of her kids because the good girl spoke the fuck up. He got three hours of nothing but me that night. It was by far the best night of our relationshit, I don’t recommend doing it my way but that single night accomplished one thing I do believe…..I had finally become bad supply and I hope to God that mother fucker never contacts me again.

    My mother. Well once he had me almost moved in….and I say almost because I had everything but the last few things in the uhual he lost it on my mother. Totally lost it. It scared me. He was screaming like a maniac and I thought he was going to lose it further… This was a red checkered flag…..I dismissed it because he said he was sorry….and the moving was hard on him….omg that is all I heard for moths was how hard it was on him….and he never once gave two shits about how hard it was on me….and that single day he single handedly eradicated my mom from my life. Isolation Vicky. They love it. It controls you. It makes them the only person you need in your life sometimes even more than your kids in some instances then they pull the rug out from under you and love watching you fall on your ass….the harder you fall? The better.

    I can honestly tell you I have never chosen to have a man in my life. They always picked me and I always dutifully made it work. I would fit myself into their lives. I was happy they loved me. This thought process is shit. So in this case? I chose to be alone. I chose to NOT be that puppy….and most certainly not to ever let my children think that THAT so how a relationship is supposed to be. I chose to be alone. It was the scariest choice I ever made and sometimes I feel selfish as hell doing things for me but I finally get that if I don’t love me? Why the hell will anyone else? Loving me is a good thing. Taking care of me is right……and my next relationship? It won’t be like the past ones…..because in all of this shit? I found me…..and I am still unearthing different parts of me…..but I’m not done yet…I am a work of art all on my own. I don’t need a man for that. I won’t ever need a man again.

    Fuck him….
    b

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    • blues, thank you for sharing that, it must have been very painful to bring up, but probably healing for you also. i hope you are ok. I could relate to so much of what you wrote. the sex, the rejection………….the bastards.
      Big HUgs
      Carrie

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  3. Hi Carrie
    God that must of taken some strength to write that all down. Thankyou for sharing it with me. I will share with you that I have been a hot head. There was one time I lost it completely. He was about to walk out again and something just snapped in me. I got two knifes and I said he wasn’t going anywhere. How dare he cause a scene yet again in front of my children and he if he moved even slightly I’d kill him. I’m ashamed I got to that point but do you know he backed down like a child. He actually looked scared. Obviously he then said he was sorry etc but for that time I had a little control. I wasn’t proud of it, he had pushed me that far I lost control.
    When I came on here, I was looking for a fake gun. I had it planned out that I would go to his house and I would make him listen to what he had done to me. To hear and admit what he was for him to say he was sorry.
    Obviously I didn’t ever do that because I found you and your site.

    Yesterday I had a text off my other mum, my adoptive mum.
    I had gone to see her back in January I was scared to even see her. The same feelings come back, all the abuse but I went to see her.
    Probably to see if she had changed with age.
    We had exchanged texts over the last few months but when mark ended it and gave me the ultimatum I was in the middle of making a final payment on a kiln I had been paying for in small payments over the last year.
    Now originally he had been helping me pay for it but obviously in January he had decided he wasn’t helping me anymore because I didn’t love him enough etc
    He was the only person I knew with a van so I was really stuck.
    The lady I was buying it off said she wanted the money now I was stuck.
    So I wrote to my mum and asked if she would help me with the final payment. She agreed we had a chat on the phone told me she was going on holiday, I thanked her end of conversation.
    Last night I got a text off her and it blew my mind.

    She said ” I am so sad that you did not tell me that you got the money. Don’t ever contact me again. I am very pissed off”

    Now this was a huge moment for me of realisation.
    I hadn’t text her because she was on holiday. I was waiting for her to get back. But do you see what I saw? She didn’t text and ask why I hadn’t text her. She immediately told me to never contact her again!
    It has all come from her. The abuse at home, the fear it was all from her.
    You don’t tell your only daughter who you haven’t seen for 20 years to never contact you again. I wrote a letter last night to her, telling her all the things she did, how she adopted 3 children and how many did she have left? She has none. I told her everything in it. But I deleted it afterwards.
    My fear had been caused by my mum, she made me this way living in fear and that text confirmed it.

    Everything I have been told I am, started with her. Begging her to talk to me when she would give me the silent treatment, trying to stop her killing herself. Telling her my brother was abusing me and being told ” why would he be interested in you” all of it came from her first. Then I have carried it on myself.
    That text from her has confirmed it all.
    In the letter I wrote to my mum I had told her I was being abused that he won’t help me out and I need to get away and I need to get this kiln as I’ve paid a lot and it’s only the final payment I need and if she could help I’d really appreciate it.
    And she says that to me.
    When she sent it I felt that sick feeling of oh my god she thinks that of me and she doesn’t want to see me again panic panic.
    But then I re read it and those words of never contact me again hit home.
    Just like mark says all the time never contact me again.

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    • Vicky, I think maybe you confused me with Bluecitygirl. But I agree that your mother is probably an N or sociopath/psychopath, I am sure from what you have said she was most definitely the cause of your self esteem issues and need to please. they all use rejection as a tool to control people. You are really experiencing some epiphanies, that happens once you start to heal and realize what you have been dealing with, puzzle pieces start to fall into place. It can be freeing but also very tiring. Very necessary for healing though. Good for you! Good to see you sticking with no contact and doing stuff in your best interest! I can not tell you how proud and amazed I am at how far you have come in such a short time.

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  4. In that moment Carrie I felt a sense of relief.
    She has shown me, she has confirmed it all came and started with her.

    The image I have in my head of mark is fading, I don’t remember exactly how he looks now. Do you know I can have a bath now without having to rush out so he can talk at me on the phone until he’s tired.
    I can go to bed at 10.30 because I’m tired.

    I can breathe, I can go outside without the pressure of being available to answer his texts.
    It is all still the first thing I think about when I wake up and rumination about things still come into my head but I have my chance now.
    It doesn’t matter what he’s doing, he’s probably got someone else lined up but it doesn’t matter anymore. He has probably lied the whole time anyway and been with women or had sex I don’t know.
    I’m glad I’m not that woman now. I’m glad I don’t have to be the one that has to listen to him and give him all my attention. I’m glad I won’t be the one that he rages at and puts down.

    I have a long way to go yet but I can do it.
    I will read that book every day if I have to, to remind myself about reality.

    I still don’t love me not just yet but that will come with time.

    You were right Carrie, I don’t need a man . I chose them at first because they looked kind, not because I fancied them but because they seemed kind. Then I have no idea what happened. They turned from kind to abusive and I turned them into Johnny depp!

    It’s a waste of time even trying to get them to see what they’ve done. They would never admit it and they couldn’t care less. I too wanted to make him see. To admit what he had done but I suppose it just gives them more life to suck out of you.

    I will say it again, I think your amazing Carrie. You have been through so much, so much pain but your still standing. Your still here and you are helping so many ladies with your blog.
    You should be really proud of yourself.
    Just think for a moment. You have helped me, just by talking to me you have saved me from going back. You have helped other ladies from also going back. That is an amazing thing to do.
    Just by sharing what has happened to you and being completely honest you have helped many, many people.
    When you have been in that relationship, to have somewhere to come and talk that is safe, to have somewhere where someone will listen is the best medicine ever because the relationship your in or have been in you haven’t been listened to at all and to be listened to is everything.

    Be so proud of yourself Carrie

    Vicky

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