Progress! I made it through the whole song! Even a year ago…and it’s been 2 and a half years…I probably would not have made it though such a song.
I agree it reminds me of loving a narcissist. At the end though I was so confused and back and forth on my feelings (there was also a moral issue involved with our particular entanglement) but I continued to grasp, because he wasn’t LIKE a drug to me, he IS a drug to me. And that’s even despite certain things about him that repulsed me.
Songs like this, well, maybe I should listen to them more often because then I could get to my sadness and other real emotions of mine because I’ve gotten to the point of numb and can’t seem to shake it.
These songs also remind me of my ambiguity. I miss him and don’t. I want him to knock on my door, apologize for certain things and then work things out. (Knowing full well that will NEVER happen.) But then at the same time I don’t wish that and know that I will be able to boot strap my life much better without him.
The reality is that I NEED him to stay away from me the way an alcoholic has to stay out of bars and make new non-drinking friends.
And more reality is that I miss a mirage, what I thought he was and even what I believed myself to be when I felt strong and special within our bubble…which again in reality was completely distorted.
safire, I think it is normal to every once in a while still wish it could have been different. “And more reality is that I miss a mirage, what I thought he was and even what I believed myself to be when I felt strong and special within our bubble…”
Its sad that it was a fantasy, a cruel joke that we think we found the love of our life and he is nothing but a mirage. I know sometimes I remember the good times, how “special” I felt, how I felt I could face anything as long as I was in his arms. I would never go back, and I am disgusted with him and what he does and has done but I understand when you say you NEED him to stay away.
Progress! I made it through the whole song! Even a year ago…and it’s been 2 and a half years…I probably would not have made it though such a song.
I agree it reminds me of loving a narcissist. At the end though I was so confused and back and forth on my feelings (there was also a moral issue involved with our particular entanglement) but I continued to grasp, because he wasn’t LIKE a drug to me, he IS a drug to me. And that’s even despite certain things about him that repulsed me.
Songs like this, well, maybe I should listen to them more often because then I could get to my sadness and other real emotions of mine because I’ve gotten to the point of numb and can’t seem to shake it.
These songs also remind me of my ambiguity. I miss him and don’t. I want him to knock on my door, apologize for certain things and then work things out. (Knowing full well that will NEVER happen.) But then at the same time I don’t wish that and know that I will be able to boot strap my life much better without him.
The reality is that I NEED him to stay away from me the way an alcoholic has to stay out of bars and make new non-drinking friends.
And more reality is that I miss a mirage, what I thought he was and even what I believed myself to be when I felt strong and special within our bubble…which again in reality was completely distorted.
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safire, I think it is normal to every once in a while still wish it could have been different. “And more reality is that I miss a mirage, what I thought he was and even what I believed myself to be when I felt strong and special within our bubble…”
Its sad that it was a fantasy, a cruel joke that we think we found the love of our life and he is nothing but a mirage. I know sometimes I remember the good times, how “special” I felt, how I felt I could face anything as long as I was in his arms. I would never go back, and I am disgusted with him and what he does and has done but I understand when you say you NEED him to stay away.
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