Free Safety Plan Brochure

I have managed to finish the post I was doing on having a safety plan.

You see I made a mistake……….. I heard you all take in a collective gasp of air at the shock of it all!! haha Yes, I freely admit to the fact that I make mistakes.

The mistake I made has to do with Jill, or some of you might remember her as Eenie in the Eenie, Meeny, Miney Moe post and for those of you not familiar with any of it here is a brief explanation of what I am talking about.

A woman commented on one of my posts that she was being held against her will and being abused by her lesbian lover. I checked the personal information she gave me and it checked out, so I believe she was in danger. I promised to help her get out of the situation and long story short the FBI arrived at her location to take her to safety and she refused to leave. The next message I got from her was one saying the FBI had been there and her lover had beaten her and it was signed “Help”.

A few days later she commented again saying she had told her lover she was leaving her. That is the last I heard from her and I pray she is ok.

The mistake I made was to think she would actually leave if I sent help. Not that she didn’t want to leave or need to leave, she was unprepared to leave. I know when I was in a similar circumstance and had an offer to leave I didn’t take it. Why? because I was unprepared. I knew i was in an abusive relationship, I feared he was going to kill me, I slept with my truck keys under my pillow and my purse clutched in my hands, I watched him digging trenches with a bobcat and thought, “He could dispose of my body so easily in that boggy field, no one would ever find me.” I got his son out of there, when he punched him and I stood up to him when he made his sister miss her daughter’s wedding but when it came to me and my safety I was frozen in place, I could not bring myself to leave.

Why couldn’t I find the courage to leave? There were many reasons but one of the main reasons was that I didn’t have any money and no place to go, I didn’t want to go on welfare or go to a shelter, I kept thinking, “I just have to save enough for a month’s rent and damage deposit,” , “As soon as my truck is fixed and I can work again, I will leave.” , “If I find out he has cheated on me, again” , a ton of excuses.

I had told myself when I went back to him the last time that I was not walking away this time, this time it was for good, I had told him that also and he had acknowledged that my family would disown me if I took him back again and they had so I had no support system and I am stubborn; I didn’t want to admit defeat, that i had been wrong.

I could have eliminated many of those excuses if I had taken the time and thought to make up a safety plan. I had never heard of a domestic abuse safety plan, I didn’t know that most domestic homicides happen when the relationship is ending, I didn’t know that telling JC I was leaving (at his request) could drive him to kill me, I just felt the danger. I could have cut the tension in the air with a knife, him hiding in the shadows watching me walk through the barn looking for him, the stairs he built over the fence, locking himself in the barn for days on end, the sex that had become nothing more than a release for him and made me feel like a piece of meat. It had deteriorated to the point where I wandered around like a zombie, grateful for any civil treatment from him, thinking I was crazy and wishing he would kill me and end my torment and wondering when he would do it and how. I was afraid he would use a knife or set me on fire. How insane is that? I stayed with a man I was sure was eventually going to kill me.

When I finally did leave, because I didn’t want him to leave me; I had no plan, no where to go, no money, and feeling hopeless and helpless. I know how Jill felt, she knew she was in danger but the fear of the unknown outweighed her fear of her abuser.

The way to dispel those fears is to have a plan, check out your options, take steps to keep yourself safe until you can leave and have a plan in place in the event that he losing it and attacks you; to get away safely.

With that in mind I came up with a brochure on how to be safe in  a Domestic Abuse situation. There is never a foolproof way to stay safe but using these guidelines will certainly help keep a woman/man safe and it also gets the victim thinking about their resources and makes them check out their options which can be empowering in itself.

I crammed a lot of information into this brochure, it can be printed on both sides of a letter size piece of paper and folded by 3rds. the camera on my phone is broken or I would put a picture of it up, but here is a recap of what it contains;

On the front are a few facts about abusive relationships, you open it and there is a section on the children’s safety plan,

On the back is a place to write important phone numbers for your individual area, I didn’t put phone numbers for shelters because I don’t know where these brochures are going to end up, this is more of a reminder to look them up before you need them.

Inside the 3 sections are;

* Staying safe while still living with the abuser

* How to make up an emergency escape kit

* Staying safe after you leave the abuser

The brochure is saved as a PDF and as a Word document and I will email it to anyone who emails me requesting it, just give me a day or two to get around to it.

I designed it as a handout so feel free to print as many copies as you want and hand them out if you want. We just might save a life.

Anyone wanting a copy can email me at reimerc@outlook.com. Please specify if you want a PDF or word file.

 

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6 Replies to “Free Safety Plan Brochure”

  1. Carrie Please send me your brochure. I’m the lady with the 17 year kid daughter (now 18) whose daughter was in an abusive relationship. Last time I corresponded with you, she was going to prom with someone else. (Last year). Unfortunately, last fall she ended up sneaking around with HIM again.

    Now we are in a court situation and while he has pled guilty to battery (reduced charge) I am afraid this will never end… The fear.

    I thank you for your blog. It has helped me try and understand. I wish you could find a way to make money with your writing. You have a gift.

    Praying for peace and happiness, Judy

    >

    Like

  2. Is there a link to it you can post Carrie? Some ppl, for whatever reason are shy about asking or feel their email is being read, etc. Perhaps if it is posted here , a link where they could go and read it, print it it might be more easily accessible to those that need if but can not bring themselves to ask for it. What a tremendous thing for you to do to help victims! So needed! 🙂 I think we both know there is much much more to the Eenie story and I pray she is ok too. Perhaps someday we will know………….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good post. I’ve been there, living with an abusive man (my ex-husband). I know the feeling of being trapped, and learning you can’t tell these bastards your plans because they will up the abuse!

    That’s what I realized when Jill refused to leave her abusive situation – there was more to the story than just crying for help – MUCH MORE!

    Great that the FBI offered help her, but even if she’d left, you have to wonder what then? What’s going to happen after you leave? You need resources available to you post relationship! Money, a safe place to stay for an undetermined amount of time!

    Also, emotional support preferably from family and friends, but what if they aren’t available? There’s a lot of things to be considered when contemplating leaving an abusive relationship!

    One time when my husband had kicked me out of the house (He used to beat his former wife before me!). It quickly became apparent I had no plans and no resources, so I was forced to return back to the abusive environment I’d come from!

    I should mention that I’d warned my husband that if he EVER raised a hand to me, I’d press charges, and put his ass in jail! Well, he never did!

    But he turned to other forms of abuse of my children. Finally, there came a TIPPING POINT! He had horribly abused my daughter which left me no choice! When I found out I wanted to kill the bastard!

    I went to the Sheriff’s department, pressed charges. They picked him up, He plead “no contest” and was sentenced to 6 years in the state prison, and 6 hears probation. I got a pro Bono divorce, and he was gone!

    He died earlier this year! He was not mourned. Sad that when you die people feel relieved! That is how he is remembered. Currently, I understand he’s residing in a body bag or coffee can at the funeral home these past 6 months. Even in death, nobody wants to claim him!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good Morning MFlower!

      So what you are saying is that the N now is taking up precious space in the morgue like he used to take up space in your brain? 🙂 Perhaps they too will just dump him in a paupers grave, unmarked, unnamed, to free up the space, like you did. Talk about Karma 🙂 I know it is probably very unempathetic of me but your post made me smile. As they say GOD does not like ugly. Just desserts in my book 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ellie2013, You gave me a good laugh as well! Sometimes, you gotta resort to laughter to ease the pain and keep you sane! Thanks again!

        Like

  4. Ellie there is no way I can post it here because of the formatting, I can’t copy and paste it and it would be far to long. There is no way I can post it anywhere on the net. I am afraid if people want it they have to email me for a copy. I just reply with an attachment. I have everyone’s email address when they visit the blog anyway but I don’t want to send everyone a copy of it so if they email me I will send to only those who want it.

    Liked by 1 person

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