What Would You Do?

This is an excellent video, the end made me cry. I remember one time JC was slapping me while we were driving and a couple of guys driving behind us, passed and cut us off. The guys motioned at JC as if to say,”You want to fight? Come on.”
He never said anything but he stopped hitting me and they drove off.
I understand why people are afraid to step in, you never know what the guy might do but when someone does step in it gives the victim a little bit of self worth and self esteem back, it is telling her she doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. When people turn a blind eye to abuse they are in essence saying it is ok.

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13 Replies to “What Would You Do?”

  1. My experience with this is as follows:

    1. A man witnessed my ex punch me in the head walking down the street in broad daylight. We were walking down one side of the street and he was on the other. He knew I saw him watching. He did a quick 360 to make sure no one else was around and disappeared down a side street.

    2. My ex was trying to grab at me and drag me over next to the railing on a bridge, threatening to push me over. People drove past and ignored the entire thing.

    3. My ex picked up a rock the size of a softball or grapefruit. There was a group of people standing at the end of the parking lot watching as he tried to immobilize me with one arm so he could hit me on the back of the head with the rock. During my struggle to get him away from me, I noticed them watching, so I yelled, and they all looked around trying to act like they saw nothing, and then they walked away.

    I have learned that people think it’s acceptable for a man who has almost 100 pounds on me to do what he pleases no matter where he is and no one will step in. I wonder how easily they would have been able to stop him. Because people saw Jeremy Remy stab his ex and they tried to intervene and failed. And she is no longer alive. I wouldn’t expect a woman to intervene, but none of these people did (they were all men). I almost expect that instead a woman would have at least spoke up and called 911.

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    1. Sweetmarie, I am so sorry you went through all that and no one helped you but I have had similar experiences, the only time anyone stepped in both times it was a woman. One time I was curled up in a ball on the floor screaming for help and my girl friend was going for a walk and saw a crowd forming in front of my house so she came down to see what was going on. She heard the screams and she couldn’t believe there were 6 men standing outside and not doing anything. She was not more than 4’10” and tiny but she came through that door like a super hero! She jumped into the kitchen and shouted, “What’s going on in here?” Of course every thing stopped and he was pissed at me for what I caused.
      The other time it was his sister who jumped in front of him when he came at me with his fist raised because I wanted to charge my cell phone and he hadn’t given me permission.
      I know my son would be the guy who offered to take the guy on. I found it so touching that the one fellow lost his grandma to abuse. There are many victims when a woman is abused not just her. But too, in most cases if someone does step in the victim will just get it worse later for embarrassing the N by making a scene.

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  2. Wow, I’m always surprised at how people who know that I’ve been emotionally/verbally abused (and still, but with modified contact, much more controlled) don’t intervene or even offer a word of support, because i would NOT hesitate to do it for someone else. But to think that so many people turn away when they can actually witness the physical violence before them? I guess this is human nature.

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    1. Aveline07, domestic violence is an ugly problem that people don’t want to admit exists so they think if they ignore it, it is not their problem, some one else will deal with it, blame the victim,. I don’t know how people can do it but I think it is fear.thanks for commenting

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  3. From the video picture, I didn’t have the heart to click on it and watch. Just too painful and ugly for me. It’s difficult to know what to do sometimes. I did see an obviously abusive man grab his girlfriend once and push her into his car. I didn’t see him hit her or anything, but it sounded violent and dangerous to attempt to get mixed up in it. I wasn’t any bigger than his girlfriend or stronger. He could have beaten me up easily. Now that I have a cell phone, I’d have no problem dialing 911 and reporting the incident, and doing everything possible to ID him to the police! Good Samaritans with the best of intentions, can and do get killed trying to help. I pray for every woman caught in an abusive situation.

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    1. Linda, I would not advocate for a woman to try to get in between the abuser and the victim but usually if a person makes themselves known and shouts or threatens to call the police the abuser will stop. I would do it from a safe distance though or from inside my car with the doors locked, not right beside him. Even men who step in take a chance of getting hurt or killed and should do what they can from a safe distance but usually an abuser is really a coward and doesn’t want to take on a man. I know JC would have never hit me in front of a man. I heard from some guys that he worked with that he bragged about hitting me.
      loser.

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  4. I couldn’t click on it either, like missouriflower. I think people are reluctant to get involved in ANYTHING violent, in case they end up getting killed themselves, and I totally understand this. I also know if one person does intervene, then others will usually join in. My abuser was a completely violent horrible person who liked to hurt people, and I used to dread people intervening, because he would really go off on one at them and I’d be trying to protect them as he tried to attack them – knowing all the time that he would then take it out on me later. That said, the last time he majorly attacked me was outside my house and a passer-by ran over to help, and that made him run away. I think by then he was only what I call ‘convenience stalking’ me anyway – he didn’t go out of his way to do it, but if he was in the area….! Neighbours called the Police on him when they heard him attacking me during the relationship too. People are always reluctant to intervene in a domestic argument because they don’t want to be thought of as prying or nosy, but when it is bad enough to clearly be abuse, I think they will. On the down side, he was once attacking me by a bus stop – threw my phone onto the ground, then stamped on my hands as I was trying to retrieve it, then continued from there, and no-one waiting for the bus even turned their heads. But I won’t judge anyone else, I can all too easily understand ANY response. Before the abuse I was well-known for intervening in all sorts of situations, whereas now I freeze at the slightest commotion (even medical-type incidents) and my instinct is to run. I hope I would intervene if I saw abuse happening to someone else, but I can no longer be sure that I would have that courage. I used to believe I was indestructible, but he almost destroyed me, and DID destroy that belief.

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    1. Karen, I totally understand what you are saying. i used to be a lot more confident about doing something before I met JC. Like I said to Linda whatever I did I would do it from a safe distance, hopefully my locked car. but I would do something, call 911, draw attention to it somehow and hopefully help would arrive in time.
      No doubt your first instinct is to run. I am so sorry you have gone through that, how terrifying!!
      Big hugs
      Carrie

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  5. Cried watching this, brought back alot. He use to humilitate me in public and show anger towards me. Extremely jealous. There were times when men did step in. I remember not long before I left a particularly confronting incident when a man wanted to really get into him physically. He always backed off usually when confronted by males. I got the blame usually for any incidents. I remember one day, I had been out and had been drinking some wine. He always waited until I had a few wines if we were out. Walking back he kept pushing me, I had high heels on so I nearly tripped over a few times. He was also speaking about how horrible looking I was etc. The first time he physicall abused me I had a very swollen nose and mouth, his hand was swollen, he took me away. Probably to hide me from people around us, he had a swollen hand. I remember having dinner out trying to hide my face. I felt ashamed. He seemed to feel nothing. As I said Carrie, brought back things I seem to have forgotten. This was really good as I think by crying I have released a little more emotionally today. Great blog!
    Thankyou

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    1. Ness, I am sorry if it triggered a bunch of bad memories. Some times it is cleansing to cry and remember incidents in order to rid your mind of them. There are so many memories we suppress while in the relationship because we simply can’t deal with it, it is survival mode, our mind will only allow us to deal with so much pain at one time so we suppress some things until we are strong enough to deal with the pain.
      It brought back memories for me also but what really got to me was at the very end, the guy who lost his grandma. The whole family had tried to get her to leave and she refused. My heart broke for the guy, he was a quiet guy who obviously was not a fighter, but he was not going to let that woman leave. It really touched me.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  6. This brought back a lot of ugly memories. I will never forget when my girlfriend punch me in the back of the neck. I was crying and people just stared like I was a pussy

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    1. John, I am sorry it brought back ugly memories. It must have been terribly hard and demoralizing. I know how demoralizing it was for me and I know it is worse for men because of stereotyping. But what is a guy supposed to do, if you would have punched her back they would have criticized you for hitting a woman. Men have it really tough when they are abused, there are way fewer resources for men and very little understanding.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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