The1st and 4th of July and Other Things I Haven’t Posted About

I haven’t been posting much lately, mostly because I have been so busy, it seems I am lucky if I can respond to comments and reply to emails. What with looking for work and trying to get by on $610 a month, throw the family in there and …..well …. the days just fly by.

I finished the course I was taking, it wasn’t really the type of course where you get a grade, if you attended you passed but it was very interesting and confirmed what I already knew about myself. I had to laugh one day in class the teacher was saying how we were going to do a Meyers Briggs type personality test and the “Colours” personality test the next day and I piped up that I was an INFJ, and he said, “You know that? and you remember what you are?” I said yeah, I have the results right here and showed him the copy of the test I had done at home. He laughed and said, “Get out!”
He went on, “Who but a INFJ/Blue would do a personality test BEFORE they attend a life skills class?”
That’s me!!

So it was no surprise when at the end of the class I was told that the careers I am best suited for is counselor, teacher, activist, that sort of thing.

Two of the teachers checked out my web site and thought it could be enough to get me a job working with victims of abuse but they are still trying to get me into a year of full time study in university. They feel I have a good chance at getting it seeing as I not only have my heart condition I have a really bad neck that limits what I can do. My neck condition comes from a car accident years ago, I was T-boned by a big 4×4 going about 100 km/hr. I didn’t think I suffered anything more than a stiff neck because I was heavy into weight training at the time and the muscles held my neck in place. Years later after I had stopped lifting weights my neck went out and my whole left side atrophied and I lost all feeling in my left hand and had excruciating pain in my left arm. When they finally x-rayed I was told I was lucky to not be in a wheel chair. Any kind of repetitious work such as data entry, answering phones, many landscaping duties aggravate my neck to the point I can’t deal with the pain. It is at the top of my spine and they are very hesitant to operate because any slip and I am paralyzed from the neck down. I was told that I should never have anyone adjust my neck because they could put me in a wheel chair.

While I was hauling scrap I was able to lift really heavy but that did not involve my neck. While I worked in offices I suffered badly and every morning I wasn’t able to even hold a coffee cup because my hand would be numb. Landscaping would throw me into such agony I wouldn’t be able to sleep and my whole arm and hand would throb. I can no longer do heavy lifting like I did because of my heart.
It doesn’t leave a lot of careers to choose from. It is depressing because I have always worked, even if it caused me pain I worked anyway which only caused more damage that I am paying for now.
Once again I am looking at jobs I shouldn’t be doing just because I can’t handle living on welfare, it is degrading and quite honestly impossible to live on $610 a month.

Our welfare system is so terribly flawed, it is not a surprise that women stay with abusive men, once the man makes them dependent on him the only option many have is to go on welfare and it is not designed to empower people to become self sufficient, it is designed to keep people down. It doesn’t pay you enough to live, not even enough to survive and doesn’t encourage people to find work, in fact it makes it all but impossible to look for work. If not for the charities I don’t know what the impoverished would do, but then the government takes into account that the charities are providing food hampers and will tell you right off the bat that you are expected to go to the food banks for your food, so they calculate that when they are deciding how much a person needs to live. I have applied for disability benefits which would entitle me to a fair amount more, I think I would be getting close to $1000 a month and be allowed to make an additional $800 a month before anything was deducted from my cheque, that would be a meager but livable amount. I have been told it could be up to 6 months before I find out if I quality or not. Until then I get what every other single person on welfare gets, $610. Even though I am supposed to be on a low sodium diet and need to eat a lot of fresh veg and fruit there is no extra. I am only allowed to make $200 a month before they take dollar for dollar off my benefit cheque. No one can live on that but if you get help from family or whoever, you are supposed to tell them so they can deduct it from your monthly cheque. It is insane! and believe me people lie!

I paid into Canada Pension Plan since 1975 until 1996 and then sporadically from 1996-2014 but I do not qualify for Canada Pension Disability Pension because you have to have contributed for the previous 5 years or something like that.

My car insurance is due tomorrow and I have to pay an old speeding ticket before I can insure my car, which is $220. (there was some back insurance I owed too) I had to Air Care my car which was $25, and then there is $53 in licensing fee and another $30 for document fees, add in my insurance which is almost $1000 for the year, and (that is with a 45% discount for not having an accident in 30 years). I can pay monthly but still have to come up with about $400 and don’t have it.

I have been scraping pennies together from every where and could sell the wind chimes for $50. I have only sold 3 tickets for the chimes so far so I think I am going to have to refund those people their money and sell the chimes in order to pay my car insurance. The shipping on the last item was over $60 so in order to make any money off of the chimes I would have to sell an awful lot of tickets. So thank you to those who bought tickets but I will be refunding your money.

I have sold two big cement planters that I have out front of my place for $20 each so between the $35 for the chimes and $40 for the planters I am hoping I have enough.

On the lighter side of things, I enjoyed a nice afternoon with my mom and cousin last week and last night I cooked supper for my son who came for dinner. He brought Stella’s momma with him of course and Stella is as big as her mom already!! It was so cute to see them playing, I took them both for a walk without a leash and they were awesome girls. It was great to have some alone time with my son, it has been awhile since we could just visit the two of us. I love him so much.

Living at the lake puts me in a constant state of awe. My son could appreciate the serenity and natural spectacle surrounding us. We were sitting talking and a Heron swooped down and scooped a fish from the water right in front of my cabin, then a bit later a mommy Mallard duck swam past with her baby goslings in tow. The wide variety of frogs started their grumbling and croaking like an orchestra tuning their instruments before a performance; there is the big toads that have a baritone singular croak, and the regular frogs that croak and then others that make a sound like a juice harp, a twanging sound, when they all get going at the same time it is quite a performance. and that was on a rainy day!

My neighbor ran over this morning with a slip of paper with a number on it from the fellow who taught her when she took her courses to be a social worker and he told her that I could take the course and pay whenever I have the money which was absolutely amazing of him and the course starts tomorrow night. As long as I can get my car insured and pay for the gas to get there. Always hanging by my finger nails but things work out somehow and I am sure they will again.

The only other thorn in my side is, James, every once in a while I Google Ladywithatruck just to see what comes up, if someone reblogs a post of mine or makes reference to me it will show up and seeing as the school suggested I use my blog on my resume I thought I should see what exactly comes up. Well, wouldn’t you know that James has a blog where in the first sentence he mentions my name and ladywithatruck. I have notified Word Press and requested they have him remove my name and blog name but have not heard back and I really doubt they will do anything about it because they don’t get involved unless there is a court order. The police will not get involved, it is a civil matter and I would have to take James to court and sue him for libel, which I would have grounds to do but that costs money too. I don’t care what he says, he can lie all he likes it only proves he is what I say he is but I don’t know why I have been careful to not reveal his identity when he doesn’t give a shit about my reputation. Welfare had wanted to go after him for spousal support but I had asked them not to, if he is going to be so obvious in his attempts to keep me from getting gainfully employed I think I will tell them to go for it.

That is the news from my corner of the world.
I hope everyone had a safe and fun July 1st and 4th and I ask all of you to say a prayer for the 5 year old little boy and his grandparents who have disappeared, I pray that by some miracle they are found alive.
This guy they are investigating sounds like a psychopath, highly intelligent, stole someone identity and evaded police for years.

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “The1st and 4th of July and Other Things I Haven’t Posted About

  1. Good luck with everything Carrie, it sounds like you have been very busy with positive things. Hopefully you get access to that training, the system needs more people with the unfortunate experience of having lived through abuse. It would certainly put you in a better position with employment and help so many other people. I am a teacher, and you were a huge reason why my life has changed. The right e-mail at the right time from somebody I couldn’t help but listen to due to your experience. If testimonials will help your cause I would be more than happy to put one together for you. The X has now let me know he has a girl friend, very quick aren’t they, I, as supply wasn’t giving him what he needed so he moved on. Little hurt but I can see the positive for me in it. Now I refer occasionally to your blog about the other woman! Not obessing though – I well and truly know what he is. Take care and good luck. I will be moving into my own place (yippee) from a womens refuge, what a struggle. Now I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunner.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ness, so sorry for taking so long to reply. Good for YOU!! your own place! that is awesome! so happy for you. You should be so very proud of yourself for how far you have come. I already replied to one of your other comments and know that you have gone totally no contact and that is the best news I heard all day!
      The longer you have the N totally out of your life the better life gets, trust me on that!
      If you wanted to write a testimonial I would appreciate it, I certainly would use it.
      I am so pleased to hear I was able to help you and to hear your life is getting better. Follow the light!!! and leave him in the darkness of the black cloud of evil that hangs over him.
      Hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  2. Praying that your job path be lit! I was in that hole after my first marriage ended (not a psychopath). No job, left college to be a SAHM, moved 12 hours away from my support system just a couple years before the marriage ended. The blessing was that he took responsibility for his kids. I was able to finish college and start teaching public school. I am in a better place for starting over this time, but it sucks, just the same. Psychopath kept the home, truck, furniture, and all household things! I have had to start rebuilding from zero. I still get miffed when I have to buy something that I provided for the marital home. He pays no child support and got away with leaving me and the kids homeless-dependent on family to help us get back up! He pays $0 toward his children’s care-
    I love your personality test results! I am also INFJ/blue! This 1% of the population has the potential to be a driving force in the world for compassion and human rights…

    Like

    • Armyofangels, I am not surprised when someone on here says they too are an INFJ, it is the caring people of the world that the N’s target the most. Who else could put up with the shit we did?
      So typical that the victim ends up having to start their life all over from scratch, I bet 90% of victims leave with nothing. So good to hear of someone who is making it any way, we are strong people. My whole life I was made to think that being sensitive and caring was a bad thing, that it was a weakness; what a huge lie! my whole family always joked about what a marshmallow I am. Now finally at 56 years of age I find out that the truth is, it takes great strength to be that sensitive and caring. Kinda scary when you realize that 4% of the population are N’s.
      thanks for commenting
      Hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  3. The best of luck on the course! And in everything else! You are an example of strength and optimism. Good things happen to good people and I’m sure more good things will happen to you 🙂
    I hope you find a way to trade your wisdom for $$ soon, you deserve it.
    Have a great day!

    Like

  4. Carrie, I had a great laugh and a smile, I am also INFJ….We are what the Psychopath is looking for !! We are beyond blessed, actually we are, especially if we protect ourselves from this scum….. This is the first time connecting with you and your Blog. I have been fearful that HE would find it and decide to punish me… I have been reading your blog for about two years. Thanks for being here, you have been so helpful. We were together for fifteen years, I went out of town and returned to find him with a naked women, They met at a church function while I was away, on a Saturday niight. They were married the following Sunday…Traumatic to say the least… a very long story, they live nearby. She stalked me for a very long tiime. He used me to hurt her as much as possible. I believe that she has Borderline Personality Disorder…Lots of troubles in that house..so glad I am no longer in the mix…The pain was horrible! Julie

    Like

    • Julie, so glad to you finally commented after 2 years, I never know who is out there reading what I write, it is really nice to hear from people like yourself who have been helped.
      Yes we are blessed to be INFJ (I am right on the border of being a P) but it doesn’t make any difference to the end result. My whole life I have been told I was “too sensitive”, like it was a bad thing. Now I appreciate what I am and no longer see myself as flawed. Too bad there are only 1% of us, the world could use many more that is for sure.
      I am so happy to hear you are free of your ex, life with an N is always filled with drama, trauma, dysfunction and pain. you will find that the longer you are away from him the more goodness finds its way into your life.
      Big Hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  5. Carrie,

    I was thinking about the “mobile” fixit service LOL You have to give James an “A’ for ingenuity if nothing else! He has come up with a perfectly legit way to meet new supply and pass it off to M as “working”. I bet he will not make a dime fixing anything except perhaps “broken hearts” or so he will promise his customers. Gets him out and away w/ the reason of but “sweetie” it was a job that needed to be done! I bet “business” is booming! LOL

    Speaking of phsycopaths, I am following the story of the father that left his son in a hot car to “bake” to death close to here in Atlanta GA. He was originally from a place about 30 miles from where I live. So sad. The child was left in the car while he rushed into work to “sext” with 6 different women. And the Mama is defending him. I am sure as further investigation is done a story of an N will be played out for the nation to see. I am hoping perhaps it will open the eyes of the world to the fact that these “monsters” are real and abound these days.

    You are going to make a great counselor Carrie, you already are!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ellie, thank you so much. sorry it took me so long to get back to you. You have James pegged for sure, plus he can never keep a job and if you are self employed you can pretend to be busy and not accomplish anything. It gives him an excuse to stay out in his shop all night and he always has an excuse to not be at home or to be late. And now that she has sold her house and has no income and is reliant on his income he can justify getting angry with her for suspecting anything, “He is working his ass off and all she does is bitch and complain, she should be happy she is fed and watered’, I do feel sorry for her, kinda, just so happy I don’t have to deal with it any more.
      He was self employed for most of our relationship and was never home, only worked when we had nothing left to eat and we were always living hand to mouth. He has her exactly where he wants her.
      I read about that little boy, how sad!! how can the mom defend that asshole!??
      Also the mass murder just this week where the ex came and corralled the 4 children in the house waiting for the parents to come home (his ex wife and her new partner) and then once he had them all together he murdered them all. Two of the kids were biological and two he and his ex had adopted.
      You just never know what they will do or when. So sad.

      Liked by 1 person

Don't be shy, add your comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s