So true! Life with James was one crisis after another. I waited, always waiting, for everything, He invited people for supper and is a no show, we are going to his family for Christmas, we don’t make it, he tells me he’ll fix my truck this weekend, I wait 2 months. When we got back together the last time I thought I had him figured out and could anticipate the things that would set him off and defuse the situation before the chaos hit, Hah!! silly girl! I am reminded of a video that went viral not that long ago about a woman who is having a melt down because she wants to go to the lake with friends and her husband has changed plans because he has “important thing to do” and her husband is taping it and laughing at her. I got physically ill watching it. I knew what she was feeling. Someone who doesn’t know what it is like would think she is being childish and over reacting and that is what the N counts on. But when you have been there it is enough to drive you over the edge, it is cruelty and evil and control by every definition of the word.

Grace for my Heart

It’s Narcissist Friday!   

“You never know what’s coming next.”

The one who controls the chaos, controls the world.

 If you are a fan of the old “Get Smart” television show, you will remember that the two organizations were named “CONTROL” and “KAOS.” Back in the cold war days, Americans were taught that our side was good and the other side was evil. The subtle message in Get Smart was that control was good, while chaos was evil.

But I think chaos is a tool for those who want control. The more chaos a person experiences, the more he/she wants order. Order requires control.

In many narcissistic relationships, chaos reigns. You really don’t know what’s coming next. Sometimes we chalk that up to the fact that we don’t think like the narcissist so it is hard to predict individual choices and actions. But sometimes chaos itself is the means of control.

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2 thoughts on “Chaos

  1. Torquoisesky

    The Chaos theory makes so much sense. My abusive ex kept things in a constant state of chaos and I never knew what fire to put out first. His brothers and mothers were always creating messes too. His father said to me once “it’s just one thing after another with them” and I was glad to know he saw it too. This constant “Frenzy” state kept me anxious, worried and always on guard. I never relaxed and my ex would always tell me to chill, usually after I had discovered that he had lent his brother 30,000 or given his mother money that we needed to pay bills, etc. He was always doing something that created chaos and then dismissing my reaction as paranoid or unfair! As I reflect back on my marriage, I see the puzzle pieces coming together. There were situations that took place that made no sense, and now they do – it was all about him being in control….wow, wish I could have found this insight many years earlier.


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Torquoisesky, it is amazing once you realize what you were dealing with and it is explained, all of a sudden so many puzzle pieces fall into place and things that didn’t make sense now do. You tend to go through the whole relationship again with the new knowledge because now you can see things clearly and it changes the whole relationship. It is a tough journey but so well worth it in the end. James and my relationship was always full of some sort of chaos, trauma and drama yet now he says he is so happy to be away from me and all never knowing what to expect next because I caused so much drama. Son of a bitch they always blame the victim for what they did themselves.
      Glad you got something worthwhile out of the post.



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