How To Get A Narcissist To Fall In Love With You

bulletHow to make a narcissist fall in love with you and couple other insane search terms. Lately someone has been frantically searching my blog for answer to how to get their narcissist to fall in love with them again,, day after day the same search terms or variations of the same question;

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First I have to ask WHY? Have you dated this person before and you are trying to get them back or do you have a self-destructive streak and like being abused? If you are trying to win (I say that tongue in cheek because anyone who is dating a narcissist did not win anything except a whole lotta hurt) If he/she is a narcissist, a true narcissist, they have treated you with absolute disdain and loathing, stripped you of all your resources, including your money, self-esteem and confidence and you want a second helping of his shit smorgasbord?  Fortunately for you, relationships with narcissists are not usually all you can eat and they end it when you run out of supply, ie: when you have nothing left for them to take or they meet someone who has better supply.

But, its obvious you haven’t been able to find anyone who could or was willing to tell you how to have a relationship with a narcissist so I will tell you how to get and  keep a narcissist. I made it 10 years and probably could have squeezed another few years out of him if I would have tried harder.

1. Getting them is easy, they have no special ‘type” of woman they look for, as long as you have something they want, and that depends on them so I can’t help you there, just make sure to be attractive, have some money and be ready to be swept off your feet.

2. Once the relationship gets going you must have an endless supply of love and admiration for him at all times, if you don’t feel it, faking it is ok, it’s all about how things appear and not the truth.

3. Don’t expect the same from him.

4. You should tell him often that you love him and not expect him to say it back or show love in any way.

5. You must show jealousy when he screws around but not get angry, crying gives him a real ego boost but he will  bitch about all the drama you cause.

6. If you stop reacting he will ramp up the infidelity, abuse and rejection so you have to find a “happy” middle of showing your pain but not laying any blame on him.

7. You must never need him for any reason, which means you never get sick, the children must never get sick and if they do it must not inconvenience him.

8. No one is allowed to have a good time or be happy except him so forget about Christmas, birthday, Valentine’s or any other special occasion gifts for you or the kids.

9. Make a big deal about his birthday, even on your birthday make it all about him; he won’t appreciate it and will tell everyone how you never do anything nice for him. He could quite likely not even show up for the celebration but you should not get angry with him, after all if you love him you should be happy he did something else with someone else as long as it made him happy.

10. Give up on orgasms, after all his sexual pleasure must be your only concern but you should fake the best orgasm ever because it is all about make-believe, he knows he didn’t satisfy you, you know he didn’t satisfy you but he doesn’t care as long as you moan loud enough and tell him often what a great lover he is.

11. This is a hard one, you must be independently wealthy, so you don’t cost him anything and have enough money to bail him out of all the disasters he creates and to buy all the toys he will want on a whim, there must be an endless flow of cash going his way but you can’t have a job because you must be available to him 24/7 just in case he wants you.

12. You must not show any independence, no independent thoughts, no job, no friends, and you should cut all ties with your family, getting rid of the kids would be a really good idea while you are at cutting people from your life.

13. You must give him your full undivided attention and listen with bated breath while he tells you all about how he saved the day at work, and agree whole-heartedly that he is the smartest, most handsome, and you are so lucky to be able to serve him.

14. You must stay in top physical condition and look your best always so he can be proud to be seen with you and treat you like shit in front of his friends because that makes him look really special that you love him so much he can treat you like dirt and you are still with him. Only problem with this is you can not go to the gym or spend money on looking good.

15. No matter if he is going bald, has a paunch, wears sweats and only showers when he is going out without you; you must hold your nose and spread your legs, and if he puts on a dress you can not laugh or say “Are you fucking kidding me??”

16. You must be ready to do a lot of damage control, sooth the angry neighbors, make excuses to his boss, send his mother cards for birthdays and such, and lie to his family about him working such long hours and that is why he can’t make it for the family dinner yet again.

17. He will break up with you no matter what you do and he loves to see you turn yourself inside out begging him to not leave you, but none of it will work. Don’t worry, all you have to do is start to get your life in order and he will come back with some phony apology blaming you for the way he treated you. Accept his apology and be ever so grateful for the opportunity to be abused by him again.

18. Know that if you go back the abuse will be worse and the infidelity more blatant, pretend to believe his lies.

19. If you get an STD don’t even ask him if he has been with someone else, just get it taken care of and don’t bother him with the drama of questioning him or being angry about it. after all it is your fault he had to go looking elsewhere and it is in the past anyway. You should know this by now.

20. I only lasted 10 years so I can only imagine how much abuse you will have to accept, eventually he will be demanding you allow him to have his extra women sleep in your bed with the two of you, he will have a child with another woman and expect you to babysit, who knows what he will come up with but you wanted him, you got him!

Eventually he will leave you or you will be so broken you kill yourself or pray he puts you out of your misery and he just might oblige.


A few more questions I had to answer;


what if i dont want to hurt the narcissist – not possible. You can’t hurt someone without feelings so no worries there.

is it dangerous to be married to a psychopath narcissist – Are you serious? did you read your own question? a psychopath narcissist? If he casually mentions he has gotten life insurance on you and he wants to take a long drive in the country say no and sleep with your eyes open, oh and if he starts wanting to cook dinner, eat out.

how to let someone know not to contact you ever – Laughing out loud, oh I don’t know………. have you thought of ……. gee, not contacting them and changing your number?  They should get the idea soon enough when they dial your number and they get a recording say “this number is no longer in service”.

my ex contacted me during no contact – Then it wasn’t no contact was it? There isn’t a rule book that the narcissist will willingly follow, of course he will contact you, that is why you have to go no contact! You say “during no contact” like it is a prescribed stage of the relationship with a narcissist. If you are expecting him to play nicely by the rules you are in big trouble.

101 thoughts on “How To Get A Narcissist To Fall In Love With You

  1. Melissa Jacobellis

    So confused cause my ex is back he is a narcissist but I believe he has other issues. I believe he has feeling s but he goes from one friend to the next and back again. It’s hard cause I know he is sick and I know he has a heart this is a tough one.


  2. HOLLY Wilson

    I dated a narc and bought him a truck with everything in my name the loan etc. he did not pay any Payment which was the agreement and lied that he did. On top of me not getting a hold of him for days at a time, locking me out of his efficiency pregnant in the middle of the Miami ghetto I had enough and my family convinced me to report the vehicle stolen. He blew my phone up at 4 in the morning – the most he ever called me during the relationship saying the cops pulled him over with a stolen vehicle. I felt so bad because I loved him so I did not press charges. They took him home and towed the truck. Over the next couple days he blamed me for everything and showed his very very angry side. He preceded to say trucks titties and houses dont mean anything to him and then he discarded me like tissue. I’m so hurt. This man I loved had all the characteristics of a narcissist but still hurts me when he said to my friend he wants nothing to do with me or my family and cannot provide me closure. I had to do a voluntary repo on the truck. I lost him and the truck. I’m financially and emotionally devasted. i feel like it was my fault for getting the police involved and that was the reason he discarded me. Others tell me no because nothing happened to him. everything was lies about “us”. I wonder If i will hear from him again because in a sick way I fell in love with him and want to be with him. Please help with comments.


  3. Picking up the pieces

    The problem with a narcissist is that they will not take responsibility for their actions. It’s your fault, their fault, his/ her fault but never theirs. They will rarely compliment you, never say they love you and everything they do, is to benefit them at some point. It’s exhausting to be with a narcissist because they are totally self-absorbed and selfish. They give the appearance of being lovely people but they are the darkest individuals inside. Nothing comes from their heart, they only show morality if necessary and they are hypocrites. They will hurt you shamelessly if you let them and they feel no regrets. I had a miscarriage and he we would not discuss it, never asked how I felt then cheated on me a week later. He has no conscience and no matter how long you are with him, he will never fully commit to you. Secrets are abundant and they use silence and sex as weapons.


  4. Starting Again

    I believe this list might be directed more towards a specific kind of narc. Narcissist vary, from what I know, they exist in a spectrum. Some are more functional than others, and not all of them fit each point. For example, then not gift-giving on Valentine’s etc. I think there’s much confusion on Narcs because of the different kinds/spectrums, as well as the fact that they might treat women differently. He might treat one this way, while another one have flowers at her door. This says nothing about the victim, of course. And everything in this list Can and us accurate to a type of narc, but of course not all. Thanks so much for your post. I think some people’s self-esteem was so crashed during discard and even while on the relationship, that they try to get them back not always because they love the narc, but because they’re trying to prove themselves to be good enough after the narc treated them like disposable crap. But post like this also help , to try and figure out how they love, because an understanding of it, gives us a better understanding of them. A look or glimpse on why them treating you or acting how they did has nothing to do with you. – Thanks!


    1. AEK

      I agree – thank you. Very effective post. Narcs will never change unless they go through intensive therapy – and they’d have to want it – but they won’t because they don’t think anything is wrong with them.


  5. T

    This post is absolutely hilarious because it’s true! I think women who want a narc back in their lives only want this because subconsciously they want to restore their own ego’s. That is not something that a narc is going to do for them though. You need to let go of that ego and realise you got duped and just not let that happen again. Oh and most importantly for the ego; don’t take the narcs actions personally please, he was just mirroring himself through you. He hates himself, remember?



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