How To Get A Narcissist To Fall In Love With You

bulletHow to make a narcissist fall in love with you and couple other insane search terms. Lately someone has been frantically searching my blog for answer to how to get their narcissist to fall in love with them again,, day after day the same search terms or variations of the same question;

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First I have to ask WHY? Have you dated this person before and you are trying to get them back or do you have a self-destructive streak and like being abused? If you are trying to win (I say that tongue in cheek because anyone who is dating a narcissist did not win anything except a whole lotta hurt) If he/she is a narcissist, a true narcissist, they have treated you with absolute disdain and loathing, stripped you of all your resources, including your money, self-esteem and confidence and you want a second helping of his shit smorgasbord?  Fortunately for you, relationships with narcissists are not usually all you can eat and they end it when you run out of supply, ie: when you have nothing left for them to take or they meet someone who has better supply.

But, its obvious you haven’t been able to find anyone who could or was willing to tell you how to have a relationship with a narcissist so I will tell you how to get and  keep a narcissist. I made it 10 years and probably could have squeezed another few years out of him if I would have tried harder.

1. Getting them is easy, they have no special ‘type” of woman they look for, as long as you have something they want, and that depends on them so I can’t help you there, just make sure to be attractive, have some money and be ready to be swept off your feet.

2. Once the relationship gets going you must have an endless supply of love and admiration for him at all times, if you don’t feel it, faking it is ok, it’s all about how things appear and not the truth.

3. Don’t expect the same from him.

4. You should tell him often that you love him and not expect him to say it back or show love in any way.

5. You must show jealousy when he screws around but not get angry, crying gives him a real ego boost but he will  bitch about all the drama you cause.

6. If you stop reacting he will ramp up the infidelity, abuse and rejection so you have to find a “happy” middle of showing your pain but not laying any blame on him.

7. You must never need him for any reason, which means you never get sick, the children must never get sick and if they do it must not inconvenience him.

8. No one is allowed to have a good time or be happy except him so forget about Christmas, birthday, Valentine’s or any other special occasion gifts for you or the kids.

9. Make a big deal about his birthday, even on your birthday make it all about him; he won’t appreciate it and will tell everyone how you never do anything nice for him. He could quite likely not even show up for the celebration but you should not get angry with him, after all if you love him you should be happy he did something else with someone else as long as it made him happy.

10. Give up on orgasms, after all his sexual pleasure must be your only concern but you should fake the best orgasm ever because it is all about make-believe, he knows he didn’t satisfy you, you know he didn’t satisfy you but he doesn’t care as long as you moan loud enough and tell him often what a great lover he is.

11. This is a hard one, you must be independently wealthy, so you don’t cost him anything and have enough money to bail him out of all the disasters he creates and to buy all the toys he will want on a whim, there must be an endless flow of cash going his way but you can’t have a job because you must be available to him 24/7 just in case he wants you.

12. You must not show any independence, no independent thoughts, no job, no friends, and you should cut all ties with your family, getting rid of the kids would be a really good idea while you are at cutting people from your life.

13. You must give him your full undivided attention and listen with bated breath while he tells you all about how he saved the day at work, and agree whole-heartedly that he is the smartest, most handsome, and you are so lucky to be able to serve him.

14. You must stay in top physical condition and look your best always so he can be proud to be seen with you and treat you like shit in front of his friends because that makes him look really special that you love him so much he can treat you like dirt and you are still with him. Only problem with this is you can not go to the gym or spend money on looking good.

15. No matter if he is going bald, has a paunch, wears sweats and only showers when he is going out without you; you must hold your nose and spread your legs, and if he puts on a dress you can not laugh or say “Are you fucking kidding me??”

16. You must be ready to do a lot of damage control, sooth the angry neighbors, make excuses to his boss, send his mother cards for birthdays and such, and lie to his family about him working such long hours and that is why he can’t make it for the family dinner yet again.

17. He will break up with you no matter what you do and he loves to see you turn yourself inside out begging him to not leave you, but none of it will work. Don’t worry, all you have to do is start to get your life in order and he will come back with some phony apology blaming you for the way he treated you. Accept his apology and be ever so grateful for the opportunity to be abused by him again.

18. Know that if you go back the abuse will be worse and the infidelity more blatant, pretend to believe his lies.

19. If you get an STD don’t even ask him if he has been with someone else, just get it taken care of and don’t bother him with the drama of questioning him or being angry about it. after all it is your fault he had to go looking elsewhere and it is in the past anyway. You should know this by now.

20. I only lasted 10 years so I can only imagine how much abuse you will have to accept, eventually he will be demanding you allow him to have his extra women sleep in your bed with the two of you, he will have a child with another woman and expect you to babysit, who knows what he will come up with but you wanted him, you got him!

Eventually he will leave you or you will be so broken you kill yourself or pray he puts you out of your misery and he just might oblige.


A few more questions I had to answer;


what if i dont want to hurt the narcissist – not possible. You can’t hurt someone without feelings so no worries there.

is it dangerous to be married to a psychopath narcissist – Are you serious? did you read your own question? a psychopath narcissist? If he casually mentions he has gotten life insurance on you and he wants to take a long drive in the country say no and sleep with your eyes open, oh and if he starts wanting to cook dinner, eat out.

how to let someone know not to contact you ever – Laughing out loud, oh I don’t know………. have you thought of ……. gee, not contacting them and changing your number?  They should get the idea soon enough when they dial your number and they get a recording say “this number is no longer in service”.

my ex contacted me during no contact – Then it wasn’t no contact was it? There isn’t a rule book that the narcissist will willingly follow, of course he will contact you, that is why you have to go no contact! You say “during no contact” like it is a prescribed stage of the relationship with a narcissist. If you are expecting him to play nicely by the rules you are in big trouble.

101 thoughts on “How To Get A Narcissist To Fall In Love With You

  1. blindsight

    I just got discarded a month ago by my Ex-Narc GF and still trying to pick up the pieces of my sanity. All the traits listed sound exactly like her. I feel like such a fool now. I want revenge but it’s just better to let it go I guess cause Karma is a bytch!!! lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Merrily

      Your best revenge is to go no contact for good and go on about your life! They hate being ignored and they hate the fact that we can and will move on and be happy without them! They will never be happy, not for a second, remember that! And they’re the fools, not us! 😊

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Christine

    I have never laughed so hard at a blog on the internet! You should be a stand up comedian. Brilliant information. And anyone who stumbled across this should really heed this free information. It will save your soul.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Pam hiltzman

    Everything I read Is how my marriage was to the letter,, he now is with a woman who had enough money to take Care of him he don’t have to work, she buys him clothes, he goes to church now he does as she says so he can keep her Happy, does whatever he has to in order for him to keep being taken Care off,, after all he’s worth it,,, in return she feeds him so his ego is stoked only for her, I think now she’s the narc and he is the victim,, he can’t see it, I can

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pam hiltzman

    All that was said,, is true. I lived it.. but she had made sure he won’t come back to me, made him get very angry at me so he wouldn’t I still love him deeply she know he loves me,, its a control issue,, all that was said is true


  5. Lori Boleyn

    I had never even heard of the word Narcissim a few months ago. I just remember coming across it by mistake on the internet. As I read the article I got this sick feeling …….I realized I was living with a Narcissist. He has done EVERYTHING it says they will do & more. He kicked me out of our home, stole my cat, my money, stole my phone & then turned it off & won’t give me my personal property. I have blocked him on Facebook & got a new ph. #. He emailed me yesterday saying, “hey”, but I refuse to talk to him. I know he can’t stand that & I’m hoping it makes him give in & give me my cat & stuff. But if he doesn’t I’m just going to have to get the law involved. I don’t want to do that because he will do something stupid. It’s hard to believe a person you love could treat another this way, especially someone who you thought loved you. He had me going crazy for nine years. He had me questioning my sanity & wondering what I did to him to deserve this. But I know now I did nothing wrong, I was just the unlucky one that got caught in the Narcissists trap. Thanks to who ever wrote that article I stumbled upon & to you, ladywithatruck, I am slowly getting my life back.


  6. Crow Girl

    Narcissism can be deadly. Was with my boyfriend (NPD) for 14 years and once I cut off the much needed supply he died within a months time. I loved him so much I just overlooked so many of the red flags. Also, I am a bit of a narc myself. Notice how many times I said “I” so far. It was tragic. He accidently overdosed and died about 2 months ago. This information on narcissism is critical in order to move on. Be very careful if you are prone to be attracted to narcs. They are highly intoxicating. In this case, the narc ended up dead instead of the supplier.


  7. Shawna

    I spent over 13 years with a narcissist abuser. It took me forever to realize the man I fell in love with and the man I am still madly in love with is just a mask. To this day I still miss that man and want him back, but I am not stupid enough to believe that the mask was the real man. I am staying strong, or trying to.


  8. poppy

    I was with a narcissist for over 12 years. He has destroyed my life and is still playing games. He even got his new GF calling me and emailing calling me a toxic habit!!!! cos he couldn;t leave me alone! once a cheat always a cheat. A narc will never change. Keep clear. They will truly destroy years of your life!!! I still love him but he just wants to control and manipulate and see me suffer and hear me beg, Let his new supply find out for herself.


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Poppy. You are right; it is not your responsibility to inform the new woman. She will learn soon enough and no doubt feel pretty stupid that she helped him in his attempts to hurt you.
      Block them both!! No contact is the only way and if they persist get a restraining order. She will learn pretty quickly that you are not the problem.


      1. lisaeatsmindfully

        love this and the blog, best thing i have ever read and somehow something so tragic is written in a way that made me laugh. i too did 11 years and all of the above pretty much happened and currently at the receiving end of the new supplies verbal attacks following what he tells her to say now iv ended contact with him… thank god for your blog Xx


  9. Trisha pascal



  10. Daisy

    I am lucky I only wasted 2 years of my life with the narc. I absolutely fell in love with the man I thought he was. I knew him for 3 years before we got into a relationship and I never knew he was a narcissist until we we were deep in a relationship.

    I could feel things were off for awhile. I hardly ever get flatulence but I noticed anytime we hung out it would happen. I thought I was developing an allergic reaction to alcohol since we always would hang out at bars or have wine or beer when we would hang out at each other’s houses. But then I noticed i wouldn’t get gas if I was drinking without him. It got to the point just anticipating seeing him later that night and the gas and bloating would start. No amount of gas-x, beano, etc would make it go away. I only saw him once a week so I started picking up That it was my body/subconscious trying to tell me something!

    We got engaged on new years after i learned AGAIN and took him back AGAIN that he had been seeking out other women on facebook. And lied and denied it for a week and got mad at me for not believing him until i showed him screen shots of their conversations that she sent me. He swore crying and threatening suicide it would never happen again.

    We broke up over 3 months ago over him seeking out women AGAIN. It’s funny that when we dated if I brought up going to church he would tell me Jesus and the bible were fairy tales. Now I see on his public fb posts the attractive women he’s interested in …who also happen to be religious..hes quoting bible verses. We arent friends anymore on social media by the way..but I can’t help but spy on him. I miss who I thought he was. I miss the mind blowing sex as he talked to me in Spanish. I miss the future with him that I was expecting to get better.

    I can’t believe I fell for someone so deceitful. I have never been so in love with someone and have never had my heart broken so bad in my 42 years…i wasn’t even in love this much with my ex husband of 17 years.

    I wish I never met him because I can’t stop thinking about him constantly and it’s been over 3 months now!


  11. Rose

    All of this is true. Yes you will consider maybe life would be better off if I wasn’t here if you get involved in this kind of relationship. It literally takes everything, your soul, and all of the happiness you have ever known will vanish. You will have to pick up your broken, almost dead-self and put back the pieces. Once you have put back the pieces you will feel as though you can conquer anything that comes your way.



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