After my post today I read this post from the divorce minister and I thought it complimented a lot of what I was saying today and have said many times in the past.
The narcissist expects immediate forgiveness and to be totally absolved of any crime he committed and demands he not be held accountable or have to prove himself in any way. The victim is expected to forgive and go on like nothing happened, no questions, no anger, no tears or suspicion,………. as James said to me, “I came clean, now you have to let it go because you are driving a wedge between us.” All the while living with another woman when he was out of the province.
I was just reading an article about a celebrity couple who are probably getting a divorce because of his infidelity, the article stated that when the woman found out she trashed the house, punched holes in the walls, throw the wedding photos in the pool and flushed her wedding ring and then she kicked him out of the house. I laughed because if that had been James there is no way on God’s green earth I would have gotten away with that kind of reaction. I would have been punched or choked for one thing, and like hell would he ever leave if I told him to. He would have called me a crazy psycho who drove him to screw around and he has had enough of my shit and this is exactly why he doesn’t think it will ever work because I have a warped view of the world and he can not live with my antics any more. He would have walked away from me and refused to discuss it until I calmed down and it would never get discussed because if I brought it up later he would accuse me of living in the past.
“My soul refused to be comforted.” – Psalm 77:2b (NASB).
“‘For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.’” – Jesus (Matthew 6:14-15, NASB).
I suspect that most Christian survivors of adultery have been told that they have to forgive their cheating spouses. A well-meaning pastor likely told them this as soon as the adultery came to light and anger appeared in the faithful spouse’s voice. Or, perhaps, the adulterer/adulteress led the charge in reminding the faithful spouse of the command I just quoted above from Jesus?
Regardless of who reminded the faithful spouse of this Scriptural mandate to forgive, I feel it is important to make a few comments and unpack the complexities surrounding forgiveness after adultery.