Getting Back to Where It All Begins – Why Advocacy is So Important

All I can say is Bravo! everyone person on this earth needs to read this.

Picking Up the Pieces

“What would make you get involved with someone so horrible? How could you not see what they really were? Did it have to get so dangerous for you to see what kind of person they are? I don’t understand.”

Well, then, allow me to help you get the clarification you seek. Oblige me, and grant me ample time to speak, and I will use my life as an example to show how these things come to be. There is no mystery. There is no secret. There is no code to decipher. What is there, however, is a story of deception, trickery, and manipulation stemming from a pernicious heart.

Maybe you’re thinking, “I don’t know what that word means. Wasn’t there another word she could use so everyone would understand?”

Pernicious, however, is the perfect word to describe a person priming another to be abused, and I would never use something…

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4 Replies to “Getting Back to Where It All Begins – Why Advocacy is So Important”

  1. An excellent article! Thank you Carrie for sharing this link and to sweetmarie9619 for writing something so profound. I especially picked up on the notion of teaching children while at a school the differences between unhealthy and healthy relationships. Certainly something I feel is necessary. I believe it has been mentioned here in the UK that they are considering teaching more during sex education classes in relation to the relationship aspect. Actually quite surprising to think that schools never really address relationships. And yes, while it is great to acquire a variety of skills, I feel it is also paramount to be more aware of the social, emotional and psychological experiences that come when young people start to embark on relationships. And not just romantic ones either, but any form of relationship in their lives. Girls yes I think are preconditioned to find their “prince”. Even now I have people say things to me such as “oh you’ll meet a nice man who deserves you”. I don’t want anyone to deserve me as it should be of an equal stance, nor is it necessary I feel either to be with a man. I used to be quite caught up in being in a relationship. And I realise after all these years I haven’t really had time just being me. Yes it actually is quite indimidating, but with that in mind more necessary to focus on healing and coming to terms with as to why I have often been in a relationship. The world hasn’t crumbled in these 6/7 weeks since I’ve become single! 😉 I am more than capable of functioning with daily living for the most part (I do burn toast though!). Yes I still have scars from my recent experience and they may impermeate my being for some time yet maybe to some extent forever. But I certainly don’t need a man to lick the wounds so to speak. Am not against being in love again, but nor is it a necessity for me to always have someone in my life romantically. About time I flew solo to explore and gain new experiencing with me, myself and I. 🙂 x x x x

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    1. Tifa, you are being very realistic and I agree totally. I hate it when people try to make me feel better by saying, “Don’t worry, you’ll meet a man who will appreciate you and love you.” or when I say I don’t want a man in my life they tell me I will get over it and fall in love again. Like if I don’t want a relationship I am flawed. Or I need a man to be happy. I have dated LOTS in my life, I am 56, I dated a lot of really great guys and James, I thought James was going to be the last man I ever loved and he just might be but not because I hate men or he “ruined” me. I am just at the point where I have a lot I want to do and I don’t want to care for someone else and I don’t want share my life. I can’t say I will never fall in love, it is just not a priority. It used to be a priority to me and I regret that!
      I have never been more comfortable about who I am, I wish I would have had this confidence years ago. I didn’t date assholes, James was the only one, but I cared what men thought far too much.
      The longer I am without a man the more comfortable I am and less I want one.
      Being single allow for self discovery and adventures you simply don’t have when you are involved with a partner. When you are single you have to rely on yourself more and it is empowering.

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  2. I can’t say who, but I got into a discussion with a young man last night who was discouraged over women going ape shit over BAD BOYS… Guys who lie, cheat, manipulate, use and abuse them! Then as they age into the 40’s and 50’s those same women turn bitter and jaded over the lack of good men! But is it true?

    He’s a good guy of strong principles, honesty and decency! Personally, I am of the opine that he’s a real catch of ambition, of high levels of talent, ability & intelligence! Add to that he’s a pretty nice looking guy if I say so myself! He’s near and dear to my heart, so being blunt about the problems he’s facing is difficult to get into!

    What many women don’t realize is that there are websites all over the Internet that teach jerks how to mimic being good men until they have conned a woman into giving them their hearts, then their sexual favors, while opening the money spigot! These A-holes learn the right lines, and actions to scam and fool often overly trusting women who never think to make a man EARN their trust or lay in boundaries they will not allow such men to bust! Yes, it s a hard truth to accept!

    Women, trained since early childhood that finding “Prince Charming” will make their lives wonderful and that they are nothing without a man, too often have been primed to make bad choices in men who will only use and abuse them! Is it their fault? I don’t think so, but society and our culture does promote and condition these beliefs in girls and women especially in the media!

    What’s a good man to do? Maybe learn to play the game better than the creeps just looking to get into a woman’s pants or scam a woman out of her money and property? No easy answers here, but I do think we need need to teach our girls how to recognize unethical, dishonest men…basically in a nutshell recognize PLAYERS who come on too fast, too smooth, too much too soon to overwhelm our female defenses! Just saying….something to think about!

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    1. Linda, as the mother of a nice young man, (covered in tattoos) I think in a way you have a point. My son has no problem getting women and he is a really good guy, he treats women well, does romantic things, cooks, cleans, is extremely honest and women don’t take advantage of him and I have been out with him in bars and such and the women flock to him.
      I think the reason women flock to him is he “appears” to be not a “bad” boy but a boy who is quite capable of taking care of himself and any woman who is with him. He is a man’s man and won’t be pushed around by a woman either.
      I think some times the “good” guys are boring and let a woman walk all over them and appear to not have a back bone. I didn’t always date bad boys, in fact I never dated bad boys, I thought James was one of the good guys. What I wasn’t attracted to were men who didn’t act with confidence, a man who didn’t speak his mind and in general had no back bone. I am not saying the fellow you were talking to has no back bone, it is just my observation.
      I think women want a man who can and would protect her, no matter how women want equality I think they still want a man who has a big shoulder for her to feel safe in his arms. James did not offer that to me but I didn’t realize that until I was in too deep.
      It is human nature to not want a clinging vine, men don’t want it and women don’t , i think the nice guys need to make sure they maintain their friendships and their own activities. My son doesn’t allow any woman to come between his guy activities. He will always consider her feelings. In the very start of the relationship he will hand over his password to his computer, he doesn’t care if they go in his email. He says to me, “Women tend to be suspicious because I have female friends so I don’t hide anything.” Because he is open and honest he expects that if he wants to go fishing for the weekend with his buddies he is not going to be interrogated. And he has buddies that he has always gone away with and always had his own sports and things he enjoys away from the woman.
      I think it boils down to being your own person and not sacrificing for the other person. I think it boils down to confidence not arrogance but confidence.
      Bad boys appear to have confidence, usually it is false bravo that is mistaken for confidence and that is where the women run into trouble.

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