We are all familiar with the fairy tale romances we grew up with, two come to mind, Cinderella and Snow White there is always a competition between the women for the handsome eligible prince and the most beautiful woman wins and the old mean step sisters are jealous and the wicked old witch is left alone and lonely. A bunch of cute little forest animals come to the rescue to help the poor beautiful girl be the belle of the ball and when the prince sees her he is gob smacked with her beauty and must have her. The narcissist is the perfect prince of every young girl’s dreams. In my case, James walked into the bar, our eyes literally met across a crowded bar and he was my knight in shining armor saving me from the boring pompous ass lawyer I was there to meet.
The narcissist really gets into his role as the gallant prince who saves the damsel in distress, saving widows from loneliness, unhappily married women from boring husbands, young girls broken down on the side if the road, lawyers saving the soon to be divorcee from her obnoxious soon to be ex. They swoop in and sweep the woman off her feet, taking her breath away, just like the fairy tales said he would.
No one ever tells the little girl about how the prince turns into a frog and has half a dozen fair maidens on the hook at the same time and half of them are pregnant. That the 7 dwarfs are actually his kids from as many different women and he makes them work to pay for their food etc. No one tells the children reading these stories that Old Mother Hubbard is the prince’s ex wife and he never sees all those kids and never pays his child support and that’s why the cupboards are bare, not even a bone for the dog. And the wicked witch used to be a really sweet woman who turned bitter and filled with hatred when he led her on and took all her money and then disappeared only to return time after time apologizing and asking for a second chance until she cracked. Now she stares at a mirror asking who is the fairest of them all trying to regain her youthful beauty and only see the face of a woman who lost everything and had her heart broken, the years of pain etched into the wrinkles of her face.
Or we never hear about Cinderella’s step sisters are narcissists who sabotage Cinderella at every turn and tell lies behind her back and Cinderella tries to keep the peace but it doesn’t matter what she does because she is beautiful and the narcissists hate her for being what they will never be.
when we grow out of fairy tales then we get the love movies.
Think of any love movie you have ever seen, how many of them show what happens after the two star crossed lovers realize they love each other; finally! after a whole movie of miscommunications, misunderstandings, false impressions and jealousy. Often times there is a lot of humor mixed in with the pains of unrequited love. The bridesmaid in love with the groom, the woman who moves to a small town to mend her broken heart and the handsome cowboy who falls for her but has his own issues with a broken heart and they keep getting so close and then something happens and one or the other is hurt when the other one didn’t mean to hurt them. The whole movie is filled with near misses and then at the very end, when the audience is checking their watches to see if there is still time for them to finally to tell each other they really do love each other, 5 minutes before the credits roll……it happens. The guy finally finds the words to say he can’t live without her, or produces a ring, and the credits roll, everyone walks out of the theatre with a big smile. They got their happy ending!!
We never see what happens over the long haul.
Seeing as the narcissist studies people in order to manipulate them through their emotions, does it not stand to reason he would use movies as his reference material. He hears women talk about love movies, he sees the reaction of people who watch these movies. If he wants to make a woman fall in love with him the surest way to do that is to make her feel like she has been thrown into the most romantic movie she has ever seen. And the movies are always full of miscommunications and misunderstandings so when the narcissist shows his true colours occasionally the woman excuses it because she has seen this happen in the movies all the time, right? She keeps hanging in there for the happy ending, that 5 minutes before the credits roll. It is perfect for the narcissist, half the work is done for him, he just has to be the poor misunderstood lover and let the victim take it from there.
Some one has to get the word out to our young girls that these predators exist and life is not like in the movies. Killers don’t all wear hockey masks although narcissists do wear a mask to hide their true identity.