The Truth Behind The Fairy Tale Romance

We are all familiar with the fairy tale romances we grew up with, two come to mind, Cinderella and Snow White there is always a competition between the women for the handsome eligible prince and the most beautiful woman wins and the old mean step sisters are jealous and the wicked old witch is left alone and lonely. A bunch of cute little forest animals come to the rescue to help the poor beautiful girl be the belle of the ball and when the prince sees her he is gob smacked with her beauty and must have her. The narcissist is the perfect prince of every young girl’s dreams. In my case, James walked into the bar, our eyes literally met across a crowded bar and he was my knight in shining armor saving me from the boring pompous ass lawyer I was there to meet. 


The narcissist really gets into his role as the gallant prince who saves the damsel in distress, saving widows from loneliness, unhappily married women from boring husbands, young girls broken down on the side if the road, lawyers saving the soon to be divorcee from her obnoxious soon to be ex. They swoop in and sweep the woman off her feet, taking her breath away, just like the fairy tales said he would.

No one ever tells the little girl about how the prince turns into a frog and has half a dozen fair maidens on the hook at the same time and half of them are pregnant. That the 7 dwarfs are actually his kids from as many different women and he makes them work to pay for their food etc. No one tells the children reading these stories that Old Mother Hubbard is the prince’s ex wife and he never sees all those kids and never pays his child support and that’s why the cupboards are bare, not even a bone for the dog. And the wicked witch used to be a really sweet woman who turned bitter and filled with hatred when he led her on and took all her money and then disappeared only to return time after time apologizing and asking for a second chance until she cracked. Now she stares at a mirror asking who is the fairest of them all trying to regain her youthful beauty and only see the face of a woman who lost everything and had her heart broken, the years of pain etched into the wrinkles of her face. 

snow white

Or we never hear about Cinderella’s step sisters are narcissists who sabotage Cinderella at every turn and tell lies behind her back and Cinderella tries to keep the peace but it doesn’t matter what she does because she is beautiful and the narcissists hate her for being what they will never be.

when we grow out of fairy tales then we get the love movies.

Think of any love movie you have ever seen, how many of them show what happens after the two star crossed lovers realize they love each other; finally! after a whole movie of miscommunications, misunderstandings, false impressions and jealousy. Often times there is a lot of humor mixed in with the pains of unrequited love. The bridesmaid in love with the groom, the woman who moves to a small town to mend her broken heart and the handsome cowboy who falls for her but has his own issues with a broken heart and they keep getting so close and then something happens and one or the other is hurt when the other one didn’t mean to hurt them. The whole movie is filled with near misses and then at the very end, when the audience is checking their watches to see if there is still time for them to finally to tell each other they really do love each other, 5 minutes before the credits roll……it happens. The guy finally finds the words to say he can’t live without her, or produces a ring, and the credits roll, everyone walks out of the theatre with a big smile. They got their happy ending!!

We never see what happens over the long haul.

Seeing as the narcissist studies people in order to manipulate them through their emotions, does it not stand to reason he would use movies as his reference material. He hears women talk about love movies, he sees the reaction of people who watch these movies. If he wants to make a woman fall in love with him the surest way to do that is to make her feel like she has been thrown into the most romantic movie she has ever seen. And the movies are always full of miscommunications and misunderstandings so when the narcissist shows his true colours occasionally the woman excuses it because she has seen this happen in the movies all the time, right? She keeps hanging in there for the happy ending, that 5 minutes before the credits roll.  It is perfect for the narcissist, half the work is done for him, he just has to be the poor misunderstood lover and let the victim take it from there.

Some one has to get the word out to our young girls that these predators exist and life is not like in the movies. Killers don’t all wear hockey masks although narcissists do wear a mask to hide their true identity. 


12 thoughts on “The Truth Behind The Fairy Tale Romance

    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Lisa51, a game they MUST win. James said to me, “We were arguing. A person says whatever they have to in order to when the fight and shut the other person up” . I said, “Not all people, I don’t.”
      When I asked him how he could not even call someone to check on me when I tried to kill myself he said. “If I had known you meant it I would have done some something but I thought you were just trying to manipulate me.” I said, “Well, I wasn’t,”
      Then I said, “So when I was crying two weeks later why did you tell me to go kill myself because no man would ever want a suicidal, paranoid ungrateful bitch like me?” His reply, “We were fighting. It shut you up didn’t it?”
      Kinda summed up our whole 10 year relationship. Me trying to express myself and get my feelings across and him shutting me up.


  1. narcopathcrusher

    Very well written. I agree that romantic comedies can do a great damage and i have seen many of my female friends get trapped by their simplified and glossified presentation of relationships. They go out looking for the guy who will buy them a ring and not for a partner to share their lives. A shallow and materialistic view of the world. Celebrities play a good part in that too with their whirlwind romances, followed by equally quick divorces.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Narcopathcrusher, Thank you very much. You are so right, society has become a “instant gratification” based society. Everything is fast and easy, if you want to buy something you use credit instead of save for it, I hate to say the younger generation because after all who raised them to feel that way? But it is expected that people will have sex after a few dates and I am shocked at how many couples start living together after a month or two. It means nothing, they think if it doesn’t work they will just go their own way, which usually happens but commitment is not what it used to be and it creates confusion. Saying I love you is a vague sentiment, what does it mean there are so many meanings to it. I think that is why narcissist get away with a lot of what they do and people accept it because there are so many grey areas. They say there are more narcissist but is that the case or is it just that they feel more comfortable doing what they do. A few decades ago society would have really looked down on a man living off a woman. Business dealings used to be done on a handshake, “a nan was only as good as his word” that kind of thing and now it seems almost expected that a good business man is cut throat. I don’t know what the answer is when half the population is living with rose coloured glasses on and the other half has no conscience.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. anupturnedsoul

    Reblogged this on An Upturned Soul and commented:
    Excellent post!

    From an excellent blog!

    Our ideals, our dreams, our wishes, our hopes, can sometimes make us vulnerable as much as they can make us strong through their inspiration.
    Ideals, dreams, wishes and hopes are there to inspire us… but are not necessarily a goal to be reached.
    The goal is the journey we take in trying to reach them…
    The desire to reach the goal and capture it… is always there.
    If someone is too good to be true… if someone is everything we ever dreamed, hoped, wished for, in another but thought was a fantasy never to be real… until we met this person who embodied our fantasy, our dream, our perfect person… are they real or are they… relying on us to believe that what is unreal is real.
    Dreamer beware… be aware… the person could be real… or not.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. narcopathcrusher

    ”That the 7 dwarfs are actually his kids from as many different women and he makes them work to pay for their food etc.”
    I will never be able to look at Snow White the same way *shocked*
    You are absolutely right. Personally i think fairy tails are relics of a phallocratic past where women used to be objectified and treated as inferior species. If the little insists on Disney Princesses though (because they CAN insist enough to threaten your sanity) i think it is a good idea to watch it together and talk about afterwards. I was raised with this crap, but i don’t think we need more generations of frog kissers and pumpkin riders.


  4. Carrie Reimer Post author

    Frog Kissers and Pumpkin Riders LOL I love the imagery! and in true narc fashion, at the stroke of midnight *POOF* the carriage turns back into a pumpkin. and you are left sitting on your ass in the middle of the road not knowing what happened.


  5. Eva

    Yeah, I got caught in this whirlwind romance last year. Narc contacted me via Facebook, we seemed to love the same kind of music. After seeing my pictures he commented, “Exactly what I imagined…” When I told him I was separated and had a kennel, he replied, “We have a lot in common between the separation and dogs.. Ehm…Hallo?? He started making plenty of assumptions about me, I guess they were just creations of his fantasy, what he WANTED me to be. Not what I was.He knew nothing about me then. Our conversations were only online, I live in Central Europe and he lives in Canada – 8,300 kms of distance between us. He was an incredibly witty, smart and bright conversationalist – I had never ever met anyone so good at creative writing as him before. “Fell in love” with me on day five. I became his girlfriend. Proposed to me on day six. Now I was his “lovely fianceé”. The fairly tale about Cinderella was just a very poor creation compared to this guy and his version! And his vocabulary. Everything he was writing sounded exactly like a love story movie script and not words from heart.
    Kids were mentioned after some three weeks of chatting. We will have a baby together, of course! You wanna have some fun ? Here you are : he – a 70 yo guy with erectile dysfunction and vasectomy performed many years back. Me : a 52 yo woman after menopausa. But we are going to have a baby, I love babies!! I am going to work hard on getting you pregnant! Funny? No, totally crazy, outlandish and ridiculous!
    To make a long story short : after just two months of online chatting Narc jumped on a plane and arrived to move in and live with me. Needless to say, a completely different person appeared on my doorstep. The amazing, caring, loving and warm man from the Messenger fairy tale had dissapeared and was replaced with an indifferent, disrespectful, bossy and manipulative guy. In just a couple of days he presented me all his lovely abusive tactics to figure out which one might be working the best : calling me on the carpet and giving me a lecture after I had made a small comment ( I did not want him to turn on the light so early in the morning when I was still in bed), intimidating and threatening (” I have only come here for you! If you don´t like it, I can walk out and find a hostel”), giving me the silent treatrment ( Narc spent the whole evening watching movies in a language he did not understand at all), presenting me his best behaviour on three subsequent days after his arrival ( shopping for food, cooking lunch, taking the dogs out and feeding them while I was at work, doing some cleaning) to announce on day four he had not taken the dogs out or fed them when I returned from work tired and hungry ( no food, no lunch of course). I remember thinking, ” Man… I have a spoilt teenager instead of an equal partner and a helping hand at home!”) .
    Criticizing everything: my place ( tine, cold, etc.). The city : boring, all houses look the same, blah, blah. My lifestyle : music consumes me, he “had only come for me, but I was not willing to make any sacrificies in the sake of our relationship!”, and so on and so on.
    Eight days later I was fed up, felt miserable and wished I had never talked to him when he contacted me. Quite fast dowhill road!
    Luckily, on day nine we had an argument, he grabbed his bag with the few things he possessed ( before coming here he had lived in a small car for two months. He had moved out from his ex- wife in September and got rid of practically all his stuff – his original plan was to save up for a motorhome. When he met me online, he changed his plans, instead of buying a motorhome he wanted to come and live with me). His ex later told me he had been bankrupt five times in his life, never knew how to manage his money ; he had it one day and the next day it was gone). Actually their second bakruptcy together was the last straw and she decided to be better off on her own divorced from him. I can´t understand how she could put up with thsi guy for 30 years!
    Of course, he tried to hoover me; one week later he emailed me to say he was leaving to Canada and how sorry he was for the failure of our relationship. Sad and pitiful email to make me feel sorry and take him back home. I did not, and he had to fly back to Toronto to live with his son.
    I think this has been the best fairy tale i have ever read, lol ! Too good to be true.



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