How can you tell it is the first rainy day in about a month? Carrie has watched a bunch of inspirational videos and is passing them along to you! Soul Pancake has become one of my favorite video makers. What they say usually makes a lot of sense.
They say that the secret to happiness is gratitude and I have found that to be true in my life. I have been down at times and thought, “What the hell do I have to be thankful for?” But there is always something. I have not exactly been on a the fast track to success lately or jumping with joy. Many of the things I thought would bring me happiness have eluded me. Like the post I did this morning about Gillian Bennett, the woman who chose to take her own life instead of slowly die with Dementia and had her husband of 57 years there holding her hand. I will never get to experience that kind of love, not 57 years of it any way and that kinda makes me sad. The longest relationship I’ve had was 10 years and it was abusive. If I were to dwell on it I could make myself quite sad and depressed over it but I don’t dwell on it; it is a fact in my life. One aspect of my life.
I have a son who I am immensely proud of, who loves his momma and called me this weekend to see what I thought of a decision he was making. I doubt my opinion would have changed his mind one way or the other but he needed verification he wasn’t “F’n crazy” (to quote him) and I told him he was asking the wrong person. How does crazy know what crazy looks like, I thought it was a great idea to buy a 40′ yacht and live on board in False Creek Vancouver. I say if you got the means and you’ve got the desire you do what makes you happy and personally I love the ocean and what better place to live? What better place for me to visit? I thank God for my son every single day.
Every morning I have gratitude for where I live and it didn’t sell this summer so that gives me another winter in the cabin and another year to figure out a way to buy it. But it didn’t sell because it is over priced and there are nicer, cheaper ones in here for sale so who knows, maybe it is not supposed to be this one. I have faith that what is meant to happen will happen when it is time for it to happen.
I have gone months living on $610 a month, an impossibility; but I have made it through by painting things, selling some things and the odd donation. Almost daily I wonder how I will make it through but somehow I do and for that I am filled with gratitude.
In this video they ask the people who had the most influential person has been in their life. I thought of my son but you know who the most influential person has been, who had the most positive effect on my life; James. Not that it was his intention to be a positive anything in my life, not that he encouraged me to be the best I could be or gave me an example of the kind of person I want to be. But he was the person who made me look at myself honestly. He stripped me down to nothing and I had to put myself back together and ultimately it was the most transforming experience, the biggest growth experience and the greatest learning experience I have ever had. It set me on a totally different life course, took me to a place where my natural abilities and passion to help others are utilized and helping others. It’s really hard to be thankful for that kind of hurt but I am glad I am where I am and I don’t know how I would have gotten here any other way.
In the video they have to call the person they have gratitude for but have no fear I will not be calling James to thank him because like I said it’s not like he did it for my benefit, it was just a lucky byproduct of him trying to destroy me. It could have gone the other way, the way he planned it go to; me dying either by his hand or mine. But none the less, he was the catalyst that brought me here.
Check out the video here.