Interesting Facts About Psychopaths

I have had questions about the “WOS” that I have never been sure if they were traits that were common amongst narcissists/psychopaths or just unique to him so yesterday I went in search of answers, just out of curiosity. I am not going to quote a bunch of medical journals or thesis I read, I can get quite carried away on the net, you know how it goes, you click on a link and another and another and before you know it 5 hours have past and you have no idea how you got to where you got. (That was one of the excuses the “WOS” used to use for ending up falling asleep while looking at porn, he just clicked on a link and *BAM* there was porn on the screen!!)

Anyway, WOS had a very high tolerance for physical pain and an unhealthy lack of fear which makes for a dangerous combination and led him to have many “accidents”. According to him and his mother he was terribly accident prone as a young child and most of his life actually. As a wee toddler (now I am not sure it was the Grande Canyon but some huge canyon) they were at a national park with a cliff and he ran right up to the edge and looked over, teetering on the edge of the cliff. The parents didn’t want to scream and startle him and had to calmly coax him from the edge. He told me of the time he had matches in his pocket as a kid and fell, they lit on fire and he burned himself really badly and was afraid to tell. Another time he ripped his ass end some how and there was a parade happening in town and he was to ride on a piece of farm equipment in the parade so didn’t tell anyone he was injured. It was not until his dad saw the blood gushing that anyone knew.

As a teen he had car and motorcycle accidents, thank God he lived in Saskatchewan where the cops knew everyone and cut him some slack and where the land is so flat you can drive off the road and have a good chance of surviving. As an adult he was accident prone or so I thought, he was continually injuring himself, usually when he wanted to get out of something, like a job or trouble. If I was angry about something he would injure himself, what cold hearted woman is going to insist on discussed the personal ad when he is bleeding and needs stitches?

His unhealthy lack of fear showed in the chances he took speeding, even working on vehicles, and especially angering people and them coming after him. He had guys with guns, big Harley riding dudes who threatened to break his face because he had ripped someone off. When i first started dating him he called and told me he had been badly beaten, of course it was all a misunderstanding, he had done nothing to deserve it. I rushed down and took him to emergency. He had never had a woman do that for him. yeah ok.

But he never seemed to learn from it and would still rip people off but I think he didn’t hurt as badly as normal people so it didn’t impact him like it would a normal person. He told me more than once that he had never been afraid, he didn’t know what it felt like to be afraid. I found that strange.

He would cut himself and not even remember how he did it or know he had done it. One morning while his sister was living with us he had hit himself on the nose badly, it was swollen and had obviously bled and we both asked what he had done and he didn’t have a clue.

Apparently he had accidents in his semi where he was not supposed to walk again.

He used to say he got migraines and he seemed to be in pain, he also used to get a flu and be really sick with a raging fever etc and he said he had always been like that. Not get sick for a long time and then be delirious with fever but when I mentioned it to his mom she obviously didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. So I don’t know what I can believe and what was a lie. But I do know he totalled that pick up truck and put his head through the windshield and it sounds crazy that he would do that on purpose but it sure was convenient.

I think he probably was accident prone but from childhood he learned he could use it to his advantage.

Through studies they have determined that people who have had an injury to their frontal lobe of the brain have the same lack of fear and a very high pain tolerance exactly the same as psychopaths. This finding backs up Dr Hare’s research that showed psychopaths have deformed brains when they scanned normal brains and the brains of psychopaths.

I don’t recall WOS having a bad sense of smell but they say that is another trait of psychopaths and people with frontal lobe damage.

Another function of that part of the brain is their excitement level. They need a lot of stimulation and get bored on the job often (That is when James would end up stealing or something,) which would make sense and be why WOS never lasted more than a few months on most jobs.

It also explains why they are such good lovers (in the beginning) sex is one of the most stimulating things a person can do so it makes sense that they are insatiable sexually. I had never met a man who could have sex 4-5 times in a night. For the first 8 years of the relationship we had sex everyday 2-3 times a day. If he did come to bed he would wake me up in the night to have sex again. It explains the need for porn, why so many of them have addictions, and weird fetishes. The need for the excitement of affairs, leaving hints to their infidelity so you catch them, but of course they can’t ever be at fault and they want to be in control so not only are they getting the stimulation they crave they are getting the thrill of causing you pain.

That is why the physical abuse escalates he needs more and more in order to feel alive because he really is all most dead inside he is so lacking of normal feelings.

I just wanted to share that before I forgot. i am working on my funding package today so I have to get back to work on that.

Does any of this sound familiar to any of you?

 

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37 thoughts on “Interesting Facts About Psychopaths

  1. lisa51

    I just need to keep coming here to read and remember so I can keep no contact when I get weak. I am the one who always initiated the contact … once after 9 months. I kept thinking maybe I was wrong and I was lonely – but each time was the same in the end. It’s very hard to accept when you think something is real only to discover the whole thing is a lie.

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    1. freedwithin

      Its hard searching for them few moments we did get with them once the real image as come out….but I admit in me I still know I have feelings for dave and I know if I saw him he would probably talk me into going back. So I act hard and cold, like he as to me for probably just after them first few mths we had together that I thought omg this man loves me….
      I keep reading online and here to help me stay strong. I know in my heart I don’t want him back, I would love to start thinking there is someone out there who I could love and be loved back but I don’t see that yet… I need to stay away from being weak….if I want to message him I write it all out and leave it in drafts….then 48 hours later I re read it and usually delete it….if I haven’t deleted it I add to it more I want to say, it helped me through 9 mths of pregnancy….now I look back at the old emails I didn’t send and thank my lucky stars for it. I could write a book with all I have wrote. I had no one and lost everything, my job, money, soon to be house and my oldest doesn’t speak to me. I feel empty but I keep moving forward as I know I will help others and others are helping me and I will forever be thankful for my children as I have a reason to be strong…..keep reminding yourself and if he is a true narc…in time he will try his luck again….but please just ignore him…this isn’t him seeing sense…..its him seeing if he can mess with ur head or he as run out of offers for a time….most narcs keep trying with an ex of some sort…..until the ex wisers up

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      1. lisa51

        Glad to hear that you are staying strong .. like your handle .. you are becoming freed (from) within … I used to do that too … write a letter or make a text but don’t send it … I got to a point where I don’t have the energy for it anymore. Trying to get to a place of indifference. I’m going on 3 mos. this month. I did get closure though .. he texted .. don’t text don’t call. That’s it. But it was enough.
        You sure have been to hell and back … stay strong!!!

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  2. AnnStacy

    Hi Carrie,

    Ugh. Yes it sounds familiar. My Narc has an extensive arrest record (I found that out a little late.)

    Their accents/ arrests/ constant transgressions are exhausting and mind boggling.

    The brain defect explanation makes a lot of sense. If only they didn’t know how to fake normal so well, and could be helped. I heard that the Brainsway machine was running trials in Germany to correct brain disorders like PDs, depression, and bipolar- but it’s so new, it’s pd treatment hasn’t come to the US yet.

    I read an article about a man who tried the machine to see what it would be like to think like a psychopath for a day. I think it can be found by typing in the ‘Psycopath Makeover.’ by Chronicle dot com.

    The article gets into this person’s experience about a page worth of text into the article.

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  3. Carrie Reimer Post author

    annStacy I read that article, it was interesting and basically said what i already believe to be true except the guy kinda glorified the narcissist or made him sound rather benign. The way the guy talked he was saying we need narcissists in the world because they can be cold hearted enough to do jobs the rest of us can’t do. I don’t see that there is any useful purpose for narcissists. They have no loyalty so you can’t ever trust them and they have no conscience and are so power hungry they are like a ticking time bomb, eventually they are going to screw you over if you are in their life, they are toxic period.
    To my knowledge James has never been actually charged with anything. I don’t know how he managed to always get away with stealing, I think it was just because he would deny deny deny and people just gave up. He was accused of stealing from every place he worked but he was never charged. He physically abused every woman he lived with but never got charged and I know one of his ex’s had a restraining order on him yet when I went to the cops and told them that they couldn’t find anything on him. Mind you I know he wanted me to seal my record and I refused but I didn’t know the names of his ex’s, something might have shown up on their records.
    He was smart
    I was constantly amazed at what he got away with and it added to my confusion about what was right and wrong. I would be sick about something he was doing and he would get angry with me and tell me I was out of line and “everyone operates” and then he would get away with it and I would think, “maybe I am out of line”.
    Dealing with these people gets so confusing you don’t know right from wrong up from down.

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  4. Carrie Reimer Post author

    Fee, have you ever read anything about James Fallon? he is a researcher who was studying alzheimers and made a startling discovery. Quite by accident he discovered he has the brain of a psychopath but he says that because he was raised in such a loving and nurturing family he is not c as criminally minded. He still does dangerous things and isn’t sensitive to others needs but he credits his upbringing with keeping him on the straight and narrow and basically able to function in mainstream society. So, little Jacob probably won’t have the brain of a psychopath but if he does there is still hope for him. I thought it might ease your mind a little bit. I am not saying he is going to be like his dad, I really believe it is very unlikely but anyway here is an article on it. Big hugs to you and the wee Jacob. Oh and notice the guys name JAMES again!! too spooky http://www.thestar.com/news/insight/2013/12/21/brain_scientist_james_fallon_discovers_his_inner_psychopath.html

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    1. freedwithin

      Oh and reading the link…wow…dave as OCD badly….he cleans none stop, always needs to do things NOW. He also had a loving caring upbringing and he knows he give his parents an hard time. He kept displaying himself, he did do dangerous things though but he used to do them to laugh at his moms concerns….motor bikes, fast cars, trouble with people….he got bullied so his dad took him boxing…he fought everyone of them and then hung around with the older ones who somehow would know to leave him alone. He used to go to the golf club just to steal golf balls until he was caught. They told him he needed to bring them all back….or work for them until he covers the loss….he worked for them and then loved the lifestyle of the club he decided from 14 he would search for funders to let him train. By 18 he was on £60 ph and taught people to play golf ….he said he had married women flinging themselves at him. It was a place he was someone special. He worked there years and mainly with kids who loved him and stayed in touch even to this day. He said he went to pieces when his dad died in front of him and he smashed up his house in one of his tempers….(his nickname was hulk even as a kid) his mother then kicked him out. He said he felt bad as he loved his mother and that was the first time he saw fear in her eyes. He said from that moment he had to control himself…he uses the words calm, balance and fair…..he said otherwise he knows what he is like. When I ask what he says he doesn’t want to go there. When we got close and argued even when he was evil he used to say I have no idea what he is capable of. I think he knows he isn’t liked by many people, workers who worked for him always left etc….yet other people thought he was the best thing going, so charming and won people over easily. He said he needed to be trusted and left be, but how can you trust people who act so untrustable…. reading this link I kinda understand dave more and I think its possible he could settle and lead the married life with someone as this man as….they have an understanding of themselves…but it wont be with me….too much water as gone under the bridge. Dave did go into breaking the law after his dad died he needed to help his mother pay her mortgage while then finding and paying one for himself… and dave couldn’t live in a normal house…he needed to have a detached one with 5 cars and the status….too much pressure….he wanted to be liked and successful. He then lost his job and went into working collecting money, working with sleeze and letting his violent side out more and more….he changed. He used to sit and cry and say he as lilved several lifes and wont die wondering but that his mom had battled cancer for 27yrs and all she wanted to see was him settled, married with children and he didn’t do it…..the woman he was with then cheated on him and he went in on himself and withdrew for 10mths until he joined the dating site….where he met me. I bought it all…..then when with him I found out different sites, sex sites the lot with him looking to date….it just all seemed so false.

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      1. Carrie Reimer Post author

        Fee, so much of what you tell me about Dave sounds so much like james, the staying up all night and coming to bed just in time for sex before I would have to go to work. Some times he would keep me awake because he was up making noise and I would only get a few hours sleep and he would be pulling me on top of him for sex. Sometimes I wondered if he even knew who he was screwing, he would look at porn for hours and I felt like he just came to bed and kept his eyes closed so he could fantasize he was with someone else. After all he called every woman Babe or Baby, I’m sure so he wouldn’t accidentally call someone the wrong name. *shudder* it still makes me sick to think about having sex with him and he probably just came from some other woman. Yuck!
        James was really well liked by everyone when they first met them, until he screwed them over in a deal or something, eventually they all get pissed off at him. But when he moves to a new town everyone thinks he is a great guy and every where he worked they always loved him in the beginning. Dave sounds like James also in the money making schemes at a young age. They say they mature sexually at a young age and they do have charisma and sex appeal, James was having sex with the married woman across the street from him when he was 12 and she was in her late 20’s and rich.
        James loved to play the high roller, he was always a big spender on himself and expected me to keep up with him, I never could make the money he did and I didn’t need the fancy life style but he always had to have the best and what he didn’t have he just lied about. James swears he had a great childhood also. He always said he put his parents through hell and how much of a worry he had always been for them.
        Imagine if they had a bad upbringing what they would be like!! That is when you get the serial killers and stuff.
        James led a totally different life on line, he had two face book accounts, one for family etc and one for all the women he was chasing etc, at least half a dozen dating sites, mail order brides, even a gay xxx porn and dating site. He lies about everything. He goes on trucking sites and says he owns a semi and drives the ice highway etc and he didn’t even own a semi at that time. He is a legend in his own mind!
        At first I believed everything james told me but now I don’t know what to believe, I caught him in so many lies I don’t have a clue what was true and what was make believe. I know that they will play the sympathy card as often as they can and I am sure he is not near as concerned about his mother as he says he is. When James’s dad died and he flew home he pretended he was so upset, his mom was so worried because James was such a sensitive guy and he just couldn’t handle his dad dying. Even with his dad dying it was all about him. He told me that his dad hung on until he got there and how he sat for hours by the bedside. Then I hear him telling a friend how he got there and immediately went down to his mom’s car and fell asleep and when he woke up there were a bunch of nurses looking at him through the window cuz they thought he was dead. So he wasn’t that concerned if he fell asleep right away. His mom said it was because he was so sensitive.
        When his grandma died and his mom paid for him and his sister to flew to her death bed he set it all up to pick up his sister and they were to fly out together. I was away seeing my kid and I guess he met some woman and drove her to work in the morning and missed his flight, never called his sister to say he wasn’t coming, never answered his phone the whole 3 days and he didn’t see his grandma before she died. He told me that she lived longer because she was waiting for him. He even set it up to hook up with an old girlfriend while he was there. (i read all about it in his journal after we split) Don’t believe a word of it Fee. I doubt the woman cheated on him too, more than likely it is the other way around.

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  5. Carrie Reimer Post author

    I just remembered something else about James that used to drive me crazy and makes sense with this new information about their sensor levels being low compared to other people. He used to have noise all the time. He could have the TV on, the stereo and be playing his guitar with the car stereo going outside and and the radio going in the shop. It used to drive me crazy. I would be watching a show on TV and he would come in and turn the stereo on or start playing the guitar. Or he would change the channel and then walk out of the room.

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    1. fee

      Morning Carrie,

      I will read that in a minuet thank you 🙂 I have been reading loads as I have guilty moments where I think what if we could be a family, or at the very least what if Jacob could have a dad….but then I keep reading and read about men/women brought up by narcs/psychos and I think no don’t feel bad. The more you write the more I think omg…the small things I wouldn’t think of. Dave always as the tv on….morning till night…by night I mean morning when he can come to bed eventually at anytime up to 4 am….to wake me for sex. I had to drive back at 5 am and to him he wouldn’t care about that. I look back and think why did I bother. Because I met him online I have every email I sent to him from the beginning to the end….from his advert online. I was really insercue when out there dating as I had gone from op to op over my mouth, met a married man (didn’t know) online who had lied and it had totally wrecked me because I felt bad on the wife, went on afew dates with a lovely guy to have his g/f turn up on a date. I had said…this is my last try….and I met dave. I look back and now see a pattern. I cant blame everything on dave as me reading these emails I had clearly told him all my weakness before he got into a relationship….he used to say he had difficulties writing, hence why it took him a day to reply. He always replied early hours of the morning and I had been waiting for a reply from 7 pm. Looking back he never really showered me with anything …apart from in the bedroom. So I cant even say I had to admirations stage. Maybe this is why I questioned if he was a narc. He never bought me things, didn’t promise things….not until mths in…then he lied and said he had never said it. I truly could write a book…I have so much stuff saved and I look back and see the red flags in the emails ….the only time this man bothered is when I had had enough….if he had enough he would ignore me for mths….the first time we broke up I more or less pestered him for 3 mths….its sad looking back I didn’t think I could do better…..but I know why to that too. As I had a good reputation and wouldn’t sleep about I tried so hard once I got with someone, to a stupid point. I was always sticking up for myself though, but he just ignored me and give me silent treatments and I would go crawling….it was the speeches….we are good together fee, what we have is special, we will always be in each others life, once these business have run out of lease I can plan a future (never talked of more than tomorrow and always branded me his friend). Only when he knew he totally lost me as he shown abit of human….but as he can have anyone he doesn’t go crawling. He as come crawling…..says….u know I wont beg fee but I love you and I have changed my life, you know I haven’t promised anything but we can go for help so to build trust, I can offer you everything and this is the first child I have and I will not walk away unless you make it hard and I think its better for my son…..but then he can get mad and say alsorts of hurtful things. He always says he is the master of manipulation and he knows how to hurt someone. I could say loads but these men like insercue women or women who can offer them either money, power, attention or status. I could look in his eyes now and buy he hasn’t cheated or lied….he is that good at it…but I know in my heart I wouldn’t need to stand infront of him to be told more lies too. Everyone will buy him, he is an horrible man. I am glad I can read back as I never really went into the small stuff….he knows I take blame…so he gives me more and more. I just woke up.
      I am studying laws of attraction and I really believe we attract what we send out. I never felt good enough so I got people who wasn’t good enough for me. I will stay single until I work on myself.

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      1. Carrie Reimer Post author

        Its good you can look back and see the reality of the situation. I still wouldn’t want to be alone with james, I can’t think of anything he could say to make me change my mind but he had such control of me I don’t even want to test it. Even at times when I really felt i had made my mind up that I was not going to go back this time, he would wear me down. No contact works for me. James used to say, “I don’t know why you get so upset, we always end up together again.” It was the same with me, he only ever treated me good when we broke up. In the beginning he didn’t lavish gifts on me, he took me out to eat a lot, he always did but that was because he hated being on a schedule and ate at all kinds of weird hours, often times we shared a meal. He usually gave me things he found some where. I used to stick up for myself also, I didn’t just take it, I would get spitting angry (and then feel guilty) but he would disappear for a day and then come home and act like nothing ever happened. One of us would call the other at some point and it would start all over again. I begged him to come back the 2nd time we split and the last time. I grovelled the last time, I am ashamed to say, i was pitiful, I really wish I would have held it together better but I was a mess. and he was in his glory, he loved every second of it and the new woman must have thought she was getting a real prize if I was that upset. Mind you he had told her we had been split 6 months when in fact we had been split less than 3 months and been dating the whole time and been to dinner the night before he moved in with her.
        You are smart to stay single until you build up your confidence, you need some time to just breath.

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    2. lisa51

      That was fascinating about James Fallon! I used to sleep with headphones on every night with my 1st husband .. he had everything on all the time .. a total insomniac .. he also had the heat and air conditioning on at the same time. Only way he could sleep was to pass out. Found out he died 3 years ago .. probably like a homeless bum. There wasn’t even an obituary …

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