I watched this video today and felt foolish for how I reacted when James and I split. I don’t mean to diminish your pain or mine for that matter. Yes we hurt and we had/have every right to hurt, to be angry, and to complain about how unfair life can be.
But when you watch this beautiful young woman speak, the way her eyes light up, her inner beauty and listen to her attitude about the challenges she has faced, you see what true strength is and realize life isn’t fair. The good guy gets shit on once in a while, for no reason, we can let it eat us up and wear our pain like a badge or we can dust ourselves off and get on with living. I don’t mean you have to pretend you aren’t hurting or “just get over it”, everyone is entitled to how ever long it takes to heal. You have been through hell and back and you deserve your healing time.
What I am talking about is; not letting it define you, knowing that you will heal and your life will go on and it will be up to you how you live the rest of your life.
Personally, I don’t want to forget James or the hell I went through, I don’t want to dwell in victimhood, I want to be a glowing example of someone who over came obstacles and went on to live a happy productive life. I took 3 years to heal and I don’t deny you your 3 years. I just ask that every day you find one thing to be thankful for and for you to believe you will have your time in the sun and to be happy and loved, especially if you can view your experience as a life lesson that made you a better person, and you take your new knowledge and go out into the world more aware and willing to use your experiences to help others who come behind you.
You don’t have to have a soap box, blog or hold fund raisers for domestic abuse awareness, all you have to do is; when given the opportunity to speak out at the lunch table when people are judging victims, or when you see a woman being abused you reach out to her, or you enlighten some one. You will have the opportunity to change someone’s life if you look for it.
Shake off the shame and embarrassment of having been abused, stand proud and speak your truth, you are no longer a victim, you are a survivor and you are alive and as long as you are alive you can change the world, your world and the world of people you meet day to day.
I think back to the time when I wanted to take my own life, how ridiculous of me, how selfish of me. But I saw no hope, no chance of my life ever being worth living. I let the fear that James was right take hold and it almost won, isn’t that what the devil wants? to rid the world of the kind and caring people?
I am not trying to blow my own horn because there was nothing intentional about my actions, I started the blog for totally selfish reasons. I was desperately reaching out to the infinite internet for someone who would give me a reason to live and I found it coming to me from all corners of the world. I can’t tell you how many people have been helped by that act of desperation. I don’t know exactly when it switched from me needing to me giving; but it is all the same thing really. Every time I help someone I heal a little bit myself because every time I hear “you have really helped me” I have another answer for the question, “Why me?”
This young woman died two weeks after giving this Tedx talk. Watching it made me even more determined to live my life to the fullest and be the best I can be with whatever time I have and even more determined to not let the likes of someone like James steal any more of my precious time/life.