Ted Talks – Domestic Abuse – A Fist or A Green Truck

Have you ever been watching a movie or say TedX video and found it interesting but not something you necessarily want to share, and then all of a sudden you find yourself feeling emotion well up inside you. You feel the tears burning your eyes and next thing you know you are crying? Your emotions have been triggered, they hit that soft spot, the truth.

I was watching this video this morning and by the end of it I was sobbing. I really hate to admit that because I hate to admit that I am not totally healed. I think it is a battle many victim’s have; we want to be healed, we feel we must be healed because if we aren’t healed, we are broken. Broken = Flawed. But maybe broken doesn’t equal flawed. Maybe broken = human.

There is a misconception in society that a healthy happy person doesn’t cry, isn’t triggered by another person’s story, that if you are healed you can put the past behind you and never have a bad dream about it, never sob uncontrollably about it, and never have it affect you again. But it doesn’t happen that way. I think there are people in the world who have horrible things happen to them and they can move on quite quickly and never look back, but I think the majority of us can bring back that pain in a heart beat and when it happens it surprises us and it makes everyone including ourselves question if we are healed.

I think we are healed as much as we are ever going to be healed some times and it is unrealistic to expect ourselves to NOT cry. Some times we are hurt so deeply we CAN’T erase it from our hearts and minds.

The Story of the green truck

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3 Replies to “Ted Talks – Domestic Abuse – A Fist or A Green Truck”

  1. What does ‘a fist or a green truck’ mean? Is there more to this post? I am feeling this way today. I thought I was healed but I just want to sob uncontrollably knowing he is out there with his new supply and my baby playing happy family. All because I had asked for a little respect and that made him look bad? It’s so hard to fathom.

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  2. I think there are wounds that go so deep for some of us that it’s like peeling an onion. (Sorry to get all cliche on you.) When you’ve been working so hard on stuff, more stuff really does come up because the wounds you healed…not only do those run deep but also they aren’t the original wounds.

    I know for me, the relationships I had, including the affair I got involved in, is a result of wounds inflicted in childhood. I know… more cliche. But for me it’s true and besides emotion is part of being human as well as crying. Crying is a release of certain emotions. I tend to stay away from certain things I know will trigger me because I don’t want to cry. But I’m thinking maybe it would be a good idea to expose myself.

    I understand you weren’t deliberately exposing yourself to something you thought would make you cry but what you wrote just made me think of doing that. I don’t know, maybe it will help me cry. I’m kind of tired of NOT crying.

    Humans are a work in progress.

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  3. Bless you Carrie.. I don’t see that feeling/being broken as a result of such trauma is for anyone to pass judgement on including on to ourselves. I had to stop myself yesterday for getting annoyed at myself because I began to cry on my way home from work. It was my third day back after having had some annual leave and essentially a few difficult days. It is not the young person’s fault, but Friday I was essentially rugby tackled to the floor by one of the young people and bitten. He was upset he couldn’t go out, and I happened to be near him and in the way I guess. I was actually surprised at not being upset or more in shock, but the adrenalin I suspect was pumping that high and it was over in a matter of seconds that I picked myself up and carried on. My arm hurts though! 😦 Yesterday I was supporting someone who was very hyperactive and who kept hitting and slapping me. Again, it is the nature of their condition and I do not judge them in any way for it. It is their way of showing emotion, and I don’t take it personally either. But my point with that, is I’m realising I can’t do this work right now. I tried and tried to persevere after the N broke ties with me, for one to probably prove a point to him that I was going to carry on with my life (and still shall!), but also because I do genuinely like caring for others. But long shifts of 12 1/2 hrs sometimes with no break gets too much. Coupled with the location of being near where I used to live with the N. The latter isn’t so profound to my feelings anymore, but I still check cars as I’m driving down the motorway. But my tears last night I think were that feeling of hopelessness.. I’m not that person years before who would have breezed though such work.. I am still this nervous person deep down in certain situations as a result of him.
    Am doing better though in so much that he doesn’t enter my thoughts as often. But it’s when I get moments like with work that it all comes to the surface again. Maybe I am feeling sorry for myself, but heck I don’t see harm in that actually. I tried to carry on and continue this job but have accepted that it isn’t right for me at this point in time if ever again. So am looking for a job outside of care and have a few things in the pipeline. Figured I could always do some voluntary work at the job I was in before I met the N, or even bank work there. I just need something quiter for now to help my healing. I don’t think it is running away from any of it either as have faced the facts of what I went through for the most part. I’m actually happy and excited to try something new which shall allow for more time to consider other interests. πŸ™‚
    Yes a new job in a different field of work won’t cure all of my troubles, but am hopeful rather than hopeless with the notion of a completely fresh start. It is infuriating to find myself no longer the person I once was.. But I see this change as a step to the side, not backwards, which shall give me the time however long to keep trucking forward.
    My advice to anyone with this, is don’t feel shame or flawed by your current thoughts and feelings. Accept them as being you, as Carrie put: being human. For all I know the devastation after the N I actually feel will make for a better change in myself. Am not thanking the arsewipe for that or anything haha! πŸ˜‰ But rather thank myself for being honest towards how I’m feeling and go with my gut instinct. Any tears that fall are my healing and what shapes me for who I am.
    With love and hugs to you all from across the puddle. X x x x x πŸ™‚

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