But If He Hasn’t Changed Why Is He Still With Her?

I hear that question all the time. If he hasn’t changed why do they look so happy? why is he still with her?

There are many reason why he might last longer with one woman than another and I think when a person asks that question it is their ego speaking more than “love”, it is what does she have that I don’t? Why wasn’t I good enough? Maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with being “good enough” or that she is “better” . You can be sure it has nothing to do with him loving her more.

There are many reasons it may seem he is happier with her than he was with you but you have to face one truth if you are to go on. It is over between you and him; for whatever reason. Who he is with now has nothing to do with you, what you have to remember is; he treated you like crap and if what he is saying is true, that it was all your fault and he was miserable with you; why did he stay with you as long as he did? What guy stays with a woman who made his life hell all those years, telling her he loves her and promising to change, being nice one minute and miserable to her the next? What man stays with a woman and purposely tries to ruin her life; to punish her for not being the woman he wanted her to be? Most men just leave a woman who they don’t love, they don’t stick around, take her money, watch porn to torture her, have affairs and tell her she is paranoid and imagining things. It doesn’t make sense.  Do you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you, never living up to impossible expectations?

I know in my life I have met someone and thought there might be something there but with time realized it was not going to work out, I didn’t stay in the relationship for another 10 years, bitch and complain about him, demand things he couldn’t produce, then finally find someone better and blame it all on the poor guy and do everything I could to ruin him, financially, emotionally plus ruin his reputation. Who does that?

His relationship with the new woman isn’t over yet, let things play out. You don’t know what is going on behind closed doors. Like wospos said to me about his ex Karen who hated me because we were so happy for 10 years.  He sure didn’t seem happy to me, but of course he wouldn’t let her know that and when we were out in public we did look happy. It was behind closed doors that he treated me like crap, when we were out he usually treated me great and we looked like the perfect couple. If he did say anything nasty to me it was always under his breath or very subtly. What are you expecting? that he is going to slap her around in front of you, call you and tell you how unhappy he is? that she is going to admit things aren’t great? Why weren’t you telling everyone how horribly he treated you? Why did you stay all that time with someone who treated you like crap? why do you want him back?

You aren’t being realistic, what makes her different from you? she is under the same spell you were, he is telling her the same lies he told you. Some one mentioned that my ex is still with the woman who came after me, so? He and I were together 10 years they have another 7 to go at least. I wasn’t happy the last 9 years of the 10, yes we had honeymoon period, times when we split and he begged me back, times when he threatened to leave and then didn’t, times when I kicked him out and he didn’t leave. I don’t know what happens behind closed doors and I sure the hell know he isn’t going to let me know either and neither is she because she is being loyal to him just like I was plus she is in denial just like I was. Who knows she might even last longer than me, she has a totally different background than me. She has never been self-sufficient, she was a housewife and widowed and she sold her house and bet everything on the wospos, she might feel she has no way out. He has managed to move her away from her support system and she hasn’t dated probably more than a couple of guys if that. From what I can tell she is naive, sheltered and she is not terribly pretty, I would bet the bit of money I have that she is not terribly confident and he has whittled away at what confidence she did have. I feel sorry for her, she met him at 50, 10 years down the road she will be 60, never worked a day in her life, his name on every dime she ever had (what he hasn’t spent) and miserably unhappy. He is going to hang around because she still has money left and her parents are old and when they die she is in line for more money. Why would he leave?

The thing is, no matter what I know that he lied about everything in his past he abused other women and me, he led me on and lied to me and after letting me love him for 10 years he turned around and said I was a psycho bitch that made his life hell the whole time. Yes I am hurt (or was hurt) by that but I sure the hell don’t want him back, and I don’t really care what he says his new relationship is like I know that I did not make him happy and no matter what I did changed anything so if she can live with him and she has enough money to keep him in line so be it. I am even helping her, because with me and my blog telling the truth he has to be really careful and be on his best behavior.

If you are sitting there torturing yourself thinking about how happy he is with the new woman I have to ask you; why are you doing this to yourself?  You don’t KNOW what their relationship is like so why imagine it being perfect? why aren’t you imagining it the way it was with you. One woman who is plagued with thoughts of how happy he is in his new relationship has the benefit of talking to a couple of his ex’s and they all have the same story of their experience with him yet she choses to focus on how happy he is. Why does she not believe the two exs who agree with her? why is she torturing herself? I don’t know.  That is something she has to figure out, because we all have control over our thoughts, every single one of us.

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24 Replies to “But If He Hasn’t Changed Why Is He Still With Her?”

    1. Army of Angels, I know, the lies might be a little different from woman to woman, like the wospos couldn’t say I was a drunk because no one ever saw me drink, (he tried and no one believed him) so then he tried drugs and no one believed him but to the new woman and her friends and family I am sure I am the biggest drunk and druggy going. They just reuse the same lines over and over. The ones that hook the victim the lies about the exs. If it worked once he figures it will work again and it usually does. It isn’t until the victim is the ex that she realizes that he was lying about his other exs.

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      1. Yes yes! After we separated, narc took all of my meds that he didn’t return to me (meds I had used following an accident and two or three surgeries), to a relatives house, where they looked up their uses, called me a drug addict, and peeled the labels off the bottles! ????? I was like, if I’m a drug addict, how am I to do that if he has all the meds in his possession? Why would they peel off labels rather than just dispose of them? Hmmmm….

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      2. I had to google ‘wospos’ – very apt. Who knows your exs newby could easily find your blog someday soon and wonder how to deal with whatever she’s going through herself now

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        1. Kathleen, wospos was on Google?
          you never know, she might find me some day, or she might have already. I might never know. He would be crazy to tell her about my blog but she might go looking for info one day. I have talked to two of his ex’s, I know I never would have called either one of them, they called me. If she does I will tell her the truth as nicely as possible.

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          1. Yes. I was trying to work it out having a bit of an idea. So I googled ‘texting wospos definition’ and it brought me to one of your blogs where you say ‘From this day forward my ex will be referred to as WOSPOS (waste of skin piece of shit).’ Well done. I can easily apply that to my ex too! I told one of his mistresses and, of course, being in the honeymoon phase, she wouldn’t believe me. Then a few months’ later I received a letter from her ‘your warning at Christmas came too late….. he owes me 1,000’

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  1. IMO, one way to know these Ns have not changed is their failure to make true amends to genuine people from their past who were for the most part decent to them. And when they’ve involved their new victim in smearing an ex directly, but neither the N nor the new victim makes an effort to right the wrongs of this smearing, the quality of interactions between two people who conspired to cause harm, will cause the couple to slowly deteriorate and/or implode.

    It’s because of the Elephant in the Living Room — those bad vibes become an undercurrent that shapes even the most innocent situations moving forward, because the new victim will get nagging reminders of her complicity in various ways (assuming she herself is not disordered).

    N’s almost always set up situations so that previous relationships end on a sour note, but N’s do not feel unsettled within themselves and their short-sightedness overlooks the reality that no one person can ever be all things to another. People need some contact with a few friends or family outside of their primary relationship, but the N requires creating a false aura so his partner can feel “special” and “better than” all others.

    But since N’s create triangulations that feed into the new partner’s insecurities and sense of competing with all others, inevitably there will come a time when the N is bored and the victim is exasperated. She will find herself gasping for air, but when she looks around and sees he has become the center of her universe (due to isolation) and his ego requires daily feeding off of her, the ongoing negativity and deprivation that seems normal will cause the victim to deteriorate (due to anxiety, depression, CD,etc). We who experienced these dynamics know the drill, in hindsight.

    There comes a point for most in a relationship with a N when isolation eventually contributes to feeling suffocated. Few couples can manage to get by on “love alone” — and we know the N’s don’t even offer fake love consistently — without needing to interact with others to some extent.

    No external “air” (new ideas or positive experiences from interacting with others) can enter such a closed relationship because different people and enlightened perspectives threaten the N’s ability to maintain a sense of grandiosity.

    And, as all of us know, the energy that Ns consume will drain even the most diligent person — no one can sustain giving another person that much time and attention without other things falling apart at the seams. The relationship’s lack of growth will make joy impossible, and all that will be left is an existence that resembles being imprisoned.

    Just my opinion on the unfolding process…the hate N’s embody cannot bring joy and light to anyone. And their failure to make amends and ability to continue to justify mistreatment (due to their disorder, obviously) means they cannot give a new person anything consistently different than what they gave everyone else from their past who were once significant.

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    1. Gemgirl, I agree totally with your comment especially the part about if he was a changed man he would be making amends for how he treated the victim. I know my ex hasn’t changed because he continues to lie about me. If he had changed even if he didn’t apologize to me because I would never give him the chance and would never believe him he would stop lying about what happened.

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      1. Exactly. I haven’t been on a date even with anyone since I met my ex in 2006 but, apparently I’ve had numerous affairs since we were together (blame shifting) and as soon as I threw him out (trans: he left when I had no more money to keep him idle) I was already living with a man. The lies hurt because your reputation is at stake too. At least people who have known me a long time know I would never behave the way he claims I am.

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  2. We forget the predatory nature of the N. My ex told several times over the years that in his single days before me, he would look for a girl with low self esteem and “daddy” issues. He said he could spot them a mile away and they were easy because they were just happy to have a man in their life. Did he start out as a controlling, abusive idiot with me? Of course not. It wasn’t until the second year of our marriage and we just moved into our house and all was well and secure that the mask started to slip. He started complaining about everything and making threats to take our daughter and move out. And I became more quiet and submissive because I had worked so hard for what we had (my money for the down payment of course). Any problem in his life was my fault and I was called every name in the book. I didn’t even know the word narcissism back then or the word devaluing. I always called it downtalking and he downtalked everything and everyone. I try to keep these things in mind when I see him with the new woman. He won’t be able to keep that mask on forever.

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    1. all3girlz, thank you for your comments. Very true. We have to keep reminding ourselves until we don’t care any more. It is mind over matter. We have to remember that he treated us like crap and we deserve better, no matter what his relationship is like now what counts is the way he treated us.

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    2. Predatory indeed. A friend spotted my xN working up a new victim. They were near each other at the same restaurant. My friend over heard him tell his female dinner companion that when he is dating someone, he likes to go to church. She said it looked and sounded like they were just getting to know each other. So I guess the honeymoon is over with the one I was so confused about why it seemed to be lasting so long and he is on to the next. Thing is the part about him going to church is an out right lie. His family is very religious but all I used to hear him express about it was resentment and that it was all a bunch of BS and that they were all hypocrites. So now he’s mirroring this new person talking about going to church like it’s a regular thing he does. Lie, lie, lie. I cringe imagining this new person starring across the table at him thinking, “wow, what a nice guy and he’s religious like I am.” Then again who knows maybe she sees right through him. Now that I’m out I also see that when you are getting to know someone and they start spouting how things will go or should go when they date – implying that if they date you this is what will happen – it’s a red flag.

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      1. stronger, I think a lot of them play the religion card to hook a victim. My ex used religion to his advantage whenever possible. It was always the carrot he dangled to get me to move with him. “we would find a church home in the new town and things would be different. He would go back to the guy he used to be.” It never happened. He used to have criminals, christians and everything in between as “friends” . I used to be amazed when I would find one of his personal ads because he went after women that he had nothing in common with. He had ads on Christian Mingle, SexSearch, and everything in between. They just cast the line out there and see who bites the bait and who they can reel in. They don’t care if they have nothing in common because they are not in the relationship for love and companionship, they are only there long enough to get whatever they think the woman has to offer. No woman would be happy with him for long because he is totally unable to love and the woman ends up drained, disillusioned, and devalued and eventually discarded because she asks for simple things everyone in a relationship expects.

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  3. I just have to share this story. Is it a coincidence I received a butt dialed voicemail? I think not! I too suspected that my ex N, of just 5 short months, was totally happy with the girl he is presently stringing along, again. This particular girl was the one that when he wasn’t with me in the 5 year relationship, he was in another city, an hour away, with her. Anyhow, long story short. I have been no contact with him since he went to jail back in April. He is since out. He attempted contact with a letter, to no avail, and he has been phoning just recently under “restricted” I assumed, which I don’t answer. I have changed my number so many times and will probably have to do it again now though. I was at lunch with my family last week when 2 restricted calls came in. I did not answer. No voicemail ever either since this started. Well, when I was leaving the restaurant I noticed a new call the voicemail come through. Yeah, I listened but, what I heard really hit home causing the light to come on big time. It was the ex N and the new girl in the middle of a bout of abuse. He was yelling, screaming and drilling her over not working out with him like she said she would! Hearing him talk/yell that way to her and hearing her cry and try to defend herself was horrible and sickened me. Sickened me because so many of the things he said and how he was saying it to her was 100% exactly what and how he said/treated me!! Her responses mirrored pretty much my responses too. I sat in my car for the longest time pretty much dumb founded until I could gain my composure to drive home. My point being is that I think we all tell ourselves somehow they have changed and are “happy” with the other woman. In all reality, they are not, nor have they changed. This incident is a prime example of how true that assumption is NOT! Like I said before I will most likely be changing my number again, because I know that even him phoning restricted is something dangerous to my recovery. Especially now that I know it’s him. I did keep the voicemail to remind myself, that that is where I too came from 5 short month ago, and is certainly something my life depends on to not go back to….thx

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    1. Gerty! thank you!! that is a perfect example of what the truth is!! It must have been, I don’t know….. sickening to listen to him ragging on her in the same way he did with you but reassuring at the same time.
      You gotta think God’s hand was in that one or some higher power. there is no better reinforcement than that, that you are better off without him.
      Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes Carrie, sickening but, truly reassuring! God has mysterious, wonderful ways of working in our lives, and I so needed this to happen when it did! A big heartfelt thank you again for your blog and the woman that you are! Thank you also to all the others for their comments and sharing their experiences… big hugs to all!

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  4. However long they stay with the new victim you can bet they’ll still have other sources of supply in the background; making a pity claim to each and everyone one of them about how awful we were to them etc. My ex N had become “close” to a model in Vegas, and they were friends before etc. They both slandered me in their conversations which I discovered the morning of the day I left when going to use his computer for work. Yes I shouldn’t have read it, but the LIES he was telling her were unreal. I’d heard it before from other women who contacted me, but seeing it displayed like that reiterated to me just how these fruit loops operate. It was like reading a conversation he and I had had in the beginning minus the fact that I didn’t join in slating his partners from before. Even if I had known them I wouldn’t do that myself personally.
    But what this young girl doesn’t realise is that all the while he is laying a load of bullsh*t on her, he’s doing the exact same to others. While she’s pretty, I know enough how shallow and materialistic my ex is, that his main aim for securing her is because of her status. He even once said to me that he wouldn’t be with me if he wasn’t attracted to me because he’s that shallow! But he will soon become bored of her. Sure, maybe they will end up together and married, but he was still playing the field and speaking to lots of women while telling her things like he had “butterflies” thinking about her. Hahahaha! 😉 He had dates lined up after we split, and am in no doubt, also hooked up with women when we were together.
    There is no sense in wondering what the new victim is like and why they’re together longer etc. Not one person shall ever be enough for these creeps. My ex N may make every effort to prove to the world how amazing this girl is; he did all of that to me in the beginning – insisting I post our relationship status, pictures etc on social media. But they do that to build a case for themselves, so they come out the other end looking like they were ultimately the victim etc when they tire of their supply. Then begins the influx of sympathy probably from more potential victims. It’s a vicious and destructive cycle they pursue.
    I could have been a model in Vegas… A celebrity… A millionaire.. It makes no odds. He even targeted more vulnerable women also, why? So he could come across as the hero, their saviour. This of course isn’t pursued nor achieved with genuine conviction for the other. No. It is to feed their ego. And when they become bored and start to ignore that person, they then get off on any contact thereafter (hence why no contact is futile!).
    Yes it hurts beyond words initially to see these freaks with someone else. But know enough you are each amazing as you are. There was nothing we could have done/been. The other/new victim will soon enough be faced with the same facts we once were. Let’s hope actually they find the support also like we each have.
    With love and hugs from across the puddle. 🙂 x x x x

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    1. Hey Tifa!

      Good response but if I may , may I ask a few questions?

      “He even once said to me that he wouldn’t be with me if he wasn’t attracted to me because he’s that shallow.”

      How is that shallow? I can not think of anyone staying with someone they are not attracted to. Sure there may be some out there that will simply accept” dates” so they can go out w/o paying but for most of us I do not think there can be a relationship of any duration if there isn’t some kind of attraction and in most cases that attraction includes looks. To an extent. I mean I could not sit across the table from someone I couldn’t stand to look at for whatever reason. We are all human , some like some things ( blue eyes, brown hair, long hair etc ). Some are intrigued with a certain type of voice attached to some look. But there has to be something there. After the initial attraction I agree there needs to be something more substantial than just looks.

      You also made the comment “hence why no contact is futile!).”. I don’t believe NC is futile at all. It is the best gift we can give ourselves and makes no difference how the N interprets it as we will never know. NC is for US not the effect them.

      I think you have made tremendous strides Ms Tifa 🙂 But I think you in some ways are “stuck” in the notion that N’s are all about youth and looks. IMO, I believe that is way far from the truth. Carrie’s wospos went after a woman that is plain looking, very nice though. And i think you could probably say naive not the kind that would bring him attention. Mine went after someone much younger but , hate to say it very weight challenged, even though for years he made fun of over weight women. WHY? Well, she was a bartender and he was a drunk , and she was desperate. It was a match made in heaven. There is no saying what an N is going to see in another victim. ONLY he knows. But the victim serves a purpose for him at that particular time, be it momentarily or long range. Not one is any better or any worse than the other. Trying to figure out or justify why he is with who he is with only frustrates us and gets us stuck.

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      1. Ellie bless you for your comments. 🙂 I realise now I shouldn’t write posts on lack of sleep as for one had meant to write “final” not “futile”! Whoops.. as in NC has to be the final interaction (well lack of there of) with the N. It is absolutely the most worthwhile action to take in order to heal so apologies for the confusion in my comments regarding that.
        And absolutely it doesn’t make a person shallow for wanting to be with someone they are physically drawn to. They were the words my N had used and I guess I drew upon the word “shallow” too much. But he simply was drawn to the physical aspect namely whereas normal people would look to other attributes also and not for what they can gain from another person in terms of bolstering their own image no matter what harm comes as a result.
        I apologise if I seemed to be focusing on younger victims also. My N actually targeted an older married woman also as her daughter was one of the girls that told me this!
        And yes it’s not until going over old turf I realise just how much craziness I was willing to put up with. Truly does speak volumes about how we become lured in by their actions and our own perceptions of it all at the time.
        But I can not begin to describe how much better I am feeling. Yes some days I still can get a bit disorientated with things. No direct emotion for him, but just over all the change that has had to come in my life because of my experiencing with him. However change is awesome for the most part. . In fact it os AMAZING and can now confidently look forward towards the future and not like before whereby I felt I was wondering every second what the next bout of torment would be.
        I hope you are well also Ellie. 🙂 Thank you so much for your comments and sorry to everyone for the futile comment! 😦
        With love and hugs from across the puddle. 🙂 x x x x

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        1. Tifa,
          When I accidentally found his ad on POF he had at least 8 women on the go at once and was using the same email to each of them just changing a few personal details. He was telling each one of them that he had a “gut feeling” that they were the one and he always follows his gut. when I sent them all each other’s emails some of them thanked me and others he convinced I was a psycho ex who hacked his account and he hoped she wouldn’t that his ex come between him and her because his ex (me) was trying to ruin his life. Some women fell for it.
          As for the typos? I am amazed sometimes people even understand what I am saying I make so many typos. I knew what you meant. but good to clarify in case someone doesn’t. You are a great addition here Tifa.
          Hugs and love back at you xxxx

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          1. I guess Carrie that even if we do offer any level of support to some of these women (or men in some cases) that the N is putting the “charm” on to, that there is no guarantee they would believe us… The former “psychos” haha! 😉
            But I would offer support were any to make contact. Not on a grand scale perhaps for fear of it getting back to the N. But the women that did contact me for the most part were kind. One however “kindly” said that it was because my N was “bored” of me as to why he sought contacting her. She went as far as sending me the intimate pictures he had sent her, also how he had promised to fly her to the UK. I didn’t know the full details at the time other than the blatant evidence he was being unfaithful. This particular girl he had actually tried to warn me about… That she was a jealous ex because we were together. I sadly believed it at the time, but she was in fact a new conquest and was bored of her also. I don’t think she wanted to believe that at the time, like myself, so she took revenge by demanding money from him and threatening to send myself and his family the pictures etc if he didn’t pay up. He obviously didn’t pay, but she may even have bought herself a ticket to come here and he then changed his mind, who knows and more importantly who cares. I mention my experiencing as a means to warn others on here as that I feel is important. Yes I could contact all the women he had some form of connection to, but that would make no sense and put myself in danger.
            I guess unfortunately even if you offer an arm of support to the other victims you in affect could end up dancing with the devil again, so I urge anyone to tread very carefully with this.
            I would only help anyone if they came to me and it seemed relatively safe to do so at the time. But have not had that happen to me since he and I split thankfully.
            It’s hard to know what to do as I’d hate to see other women (in my case) suffering from his actions. But selfishly I have to protect myself also. There really isn’t a line in which these N’s won’t cross, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they even pretended to be a former flame just so as to get to us again. Sounds extreme, but then we each know that not much of what they do is anything but that.
            Thank you Carrie for your sweet words. 🙂 I just ramble on me haha! But if my experiencing can aid another then that’s beyond wonderful. And I mean that for them not myself. Coming here does give me an outlet to learn, to heal. I am on a less bumpy path now and just wish for others to reach the same if not similar outcome; to be happy once again. 😀 Yes as I’ve mentioned before I still get days when I’m a bit overwhelmed, but for me that’s because I have never been in my current situation. First place on my own etc. But it’s exciting for the most part and I’m truly blessed. 🙂 Am learning so much also. Almost feels like my personal development was paused then rewinded when with the N. Have since pressed play and ready to keep moving forward. 🙂
            With love and hugs from across the ever increasing puddles (it’s now raining in the UK!). 😉 x x x x x x x

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  5. Today it’s 14 days absolute NC – by which I mean, 14 days since he last contacted me (about some minor matter). Now he has either run out of excuses to contact me or has given up. And I feel awful. Does this mean it really is, finally, over? The elation of breaking free – finally away from all that walking on eggshells, all that awful talk of violence to other people he used to do – all over. Now I have to rebuild my life and I feel alone and afraid.

    The longest we ever did this was 4 weeks, a year ago. His pattern is that he will come back in January.

    This time feel awful but I am hanging on. I know how it’d feel to get in touch with him. I know that the relationship is broken beyond repair. Unlike other times, I have no clever schemes for “making it work next time.” I can only see the wreckage that can never be re-assembled. That hurts too.

    I hope he doesn’t come back. I hope if he tries to (“just as friends” or whatever) I can stand firm. This relationship was utter poison. I am lonely as hell and I feel nostalgic. But I can also remember the hell it was, too. Need strength. I’ll be all over these sites with this till I feel stronger. Thank you.

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    1. Huytongirl, we have all been where you are and you have to stay strong, the longer you go with no contact the less you will want to have contact because you know it will only ruin your day and if he is kind and loving it is only for a short while.
      The secret to no contact is to make sure he does not have a chance to contact you, then you never know if he tried. Block him on email, change your phone number, some phone companies let you block someone’s calls if you say they are harassing you and some phone allow you to block numbers so you never know if they tried to call you. They get a message saying “the party you are trying to call is not taking calls from this number.” No contact means you don’t look at his facebook or other social media and block him on yours (if you block him then you can’t see his FB page either) No text messages nothing. It isn’t “No contact” if it is just that he hasn’t contacted you and you are waiting for him to call. No contact means you take control and make sure he can’t contact you. I know it is hard to let go but it is the only way to heal. He will probably call, they always do, eventually, and you can say you will be strong or hope you will be strong but lets be honest with each other; you are hoping he is going to tell you a good enough lie so you can lie to yourself and everyone else and say he has promised he’s changed but you know and I know he won’t ever change.
      It is a dance you are used to doing with him, he knows exactly what steps to take and you follow his lead, waiting for him to finish “punishing” you and to call. He will give some feeble excuse or apology and you will be so relieved that he called but you will pretend to be strong and not forgive him right away. You will make him work for it a bit, but not too much because he might get angry and not call again so you will tell him how much he hurt you and expect him to change because he feels bad which he never will.
      Eventually he will meet another woman and leave you for good and won’t call, i don’t know if it is this time or next time or the time after that, but it will happen when he has totally stripped you of all your dignity and self respect and money. When that happens you won’t be able to get him to change his mind, he will loath you like never before and take great pleasure in your pain. he is still toying with you right now, wait until he discards you for good and you will know what the wrath of an N is all about. You think he has been cruel so far? you have not experienced how cruel and cold he can be. Believe me, you want it to end now on your terms.
      Welcome to my site btw 🙂 Don’t mean to be harsh, but you need to know the truth. Come here as often as you need for a shot of reality and to cry and rant all you want. We have all been there and understand. If you go back to him now the abuse will be worse than before and the honeymoon shorter. Hugs Carrie

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