I hear that question all the time. If he hasn’t changed why do they look so happy? why is he still with her?
There are many reason why he might last longer with one woman than another and I think when a person asks that question it is their ego speaking more than “love”, it is what does she have that I don’t? Why wasn’t I good enough? Maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with being “good enough” or that she is “better” . You can be sure it has nothing to do with him loving her more.
There are many reasons it may seem he is happier with her than he was with you but you have to face one truth if you are to go on. It is over between you and him; for whatever reason. Who he is with now has nothing to do with you, what you have to remember is; he treated you like crap and if what he is saying is true, that it was all your fault and he was miserable with you; why did he stay with you as long as he did? What guy stays with a woman who made his life hell all those years, telling her he loves her and promising to change, being nice one minute and miserable to her the next? What man stays with a woman and purposely tries to ruin her life; to punish her for not being the woman he wanted her to be? Most men just leave a woman who they don’t love, they don’t stick around, take her money, watch porn to torture her, have affairs and tell her she is paranoid and imagining things. It doesn’t make sense. Do you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you, never living up to impossible expectations?
I know in my life I have met someone and thought there might be something there but with time realized it was not going to work out, I didn’t stay in the relationship for another 10 years, bitch and complain about him, demand things he couldn’t produce, then finally find someone better and blame it all on the poor guy and do everything I could to ruin him, financially, emotionally plus ruin his reputation. Who does that?
His relationship with the new woman isn’t over yet, let things play out. You don’t know what is going on behind closed doors. Like wospos said to me about his ex Karen who hated me because we were so happy for 10 years. He sure didn’t seem happy to me, but of course he wouldn’t let her know that and when we were out in public we did look happy. It was behind closed doors that he treated me like crap, when we were out he usually treated me great and we looked like the perfect couple. If he did say anything nasty to me it was always under his breath or very subtly. What are you expecting? that he is going to slap her around in front of you, call you and tell you how unhappy he is? that she is going to admit things aren’t great? Why weren’t you telling everyone how horribly he treated you? Why did you stay all that time with someone who treated you like crap? why do you want him back?
You aren’t being realistic, what makes her different from you? she is under the same spell you were, he is telling her the same lies he told you. Some one mentioned that my ex is still with the woman who came after me, so? He and I were together 10 years they have another 7 to go at least. I wasn’t happy the last 9 years of the 10, yes we had honeymoon period, times when we split and he begged me back, times when he threatened to leave and then didn’t, times when I kicked him out and he didn’t leave. I don’t know what happens behind closed doors and I sure the hell know he isn’t going to let me know either and neither is she because she is being loyal to him just like I was plus she is in denial just like I was. Who knows she might even last longer than me, she has a totally different background than me. She has never been self-sufficient, she was a housewife and widowed and she sold her house and bet everything on the wospos, she might feel she has no way out. He has managed to move her away from her support system and she hasn’t dated probably more than a couple of guys if that. From what I can tell she is naive, sheltered and she is not terribly pretty, I would bet the bit of money I have that she is not terribly confident and he has whittled away at what confidence she did have. I feel sorry for her, she met him at 50, 10 years down the road she will be 60, never worked a day in her life, his name on every dime she ever had (what he hasn’t spent) and miserably unhappy. He is going to hang around because she still has money left and her parents are old and when they die she is in line for more money. Why would he leave?
The thing is, no matter what I know that he lied about everything in his past he abused other women and me, he led me on and lied to me and after letting me love him for 10 years he turned around and said I was a psycho bitch that made his life hell the whole time. Yes I am hurt (or was hurt) by that but I sure the hell don’t want him back, and I don’t really care what he says his new relationship is like I know that I did not make him happy and no matter what I did changed anything so if she can live with him and she has enough money to keep him in line so be it. I am even helping her, because with me and my blog telling the truth he has to be really careful and be on his best behavior.
If you are sitting there torturing yourself thinking about how happy he is with the new woman I have to ask you; why are you doing this to yourself? You don’t KNOW what their relationship is like so why imagine it being perfect? why aren’t you imagining it the way it was with you. One woman who is plagued with thoughts of how happy he is in his new relationship has the benefit of talking to a couple of his ex’s and they all have the same story of their experience with him yet she choses to focus on how happy he is. Why does she not believe the two exs who agree with her? why is she torturing herself? I don’t know. That is something she has to figure out, because we all have control over our thoughts, every single one of us.