More On Forgiveness

Not wanting to flog a dead horse or start another debate on whether a person “should” or shouldn’t forgive their abuser I want to share this article in Psychology Today that I found interesting. Near the end of the article they mention narcissists, which perked my interest. Check it out here.

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8 thoughts on “More On Forgiveness

  1. Amen to this article. What this author explains is what I tried to in an earlier post only they did it so much better. 😉 Even God expects us to ask for forgiveness and REPENT, and then he will forgive us. We certainly can’t be expected to be bigger than God! Seems to me forgiveness in the absence of repentance is just giving license to your abuser to sin against you again. I definitely love how this author mentions narcs…clearly they have experience with one or more!

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  2. Good article. Forgiveness for my ex SOB will never happen. That is how most of us stayed with the Narc pieces of shit, by constantly forgiving there abusive behavior. now that I am clear as to what he was and still is, forgiveness for him, would give him more supply that he requires. How could I ever forgive that SOB for giving me cervical cancer, and never ever did I get one ounce of an I’m sorry? Even if he didn’t mean it. I forgive me for allowing myself to be stupid and vulnerable, but for him NEVER. His day of reckoning will be with God and the I.R.S. if I had gotten any form of an apology I never would have done what I did. Well got my confirmation from the govt. and it is going to happen to that narccistic low life piece of Shit. Who knows maybe I can retire from my award. not holding my breath, but for once someone finally has put him in a position to hurt, yes Loosing his MONEY will hurt because besides himself that is the only thing he loves.

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    • Hey Susan!

      How are you doing? LOL I guess you have moved into the anger stage. I agree w/ the forgiving yourself, it’s necessary to heal. Just want to caution you to be careful. Retaliation against an N is never advocated. They can be very dangerous and ugly when crossed. Not sure why they all pull the cheating on taxes thing, mine did too and I also turned him in. Not to be vindictive BUT I was given the right to claim my children as dependents unless i signed a form to give him the right to. He obtained the form and forged my signature. He might have gotten away with it too if he hadn’t called me and bragged about doing it. Their arrogance I believe is what sometimes does them in. I quietly called the IRS and well the rest is history. 🙂 I am sure HE will never ever forgive ME for that LOL I don;t want to be though. I had the law on my side. No forgiveness needed 🙂

      I don;t think that , as inferred in the article, that any of us need to forgive their N’s. And most of them aren’t ever sorry anyways. So what is the point? I do believe we get to the point where we are past anger that fades along with the love the feelings. And it all gets easier down the road. I DO believe that some things should NOT be forgiven, like STD’s. God will be their judge, as you say. My take on that is, GOD forgives all as long as the person is truly repentant. I don;t think that ever happens with N;s but……….it is between them and the man upstairs.

      What’s done is done, none of us can go back and change things, we learn we move forward and hopefully never make those mistakes again with anyone.

      Glad to see you post.

      Take care,

      Ellie

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      • hi Ellie,
        Nice to hear from you. The extent of his problems is not cheating on taxes, it is embezzlement, non filing with mega income and money laundering. I guess that’s why he has his new lady the MONEY (lol). he is literally laundering cash through this ladies bank account, oh yes and to name her because she was stupid to do it. he was a CPA and for the 5 years I could never figure out how he had all this money! and getting shit for Social security. Apparently the govt. took me seriously, especially when he didn’t file for sale of home and business. over the course of 20 years that is a couple of million and criminal. There is no statue of limitation for that.
        All the piece of shit had to do was end it with me when he found her, and I would not have the STD and no hatred. But we all know narcs! can’t do that? I know the piece of shit is running scared, when I got into his travel account, she is paying for all there trips in cash, amazing. the money is his daughter illegal drug money. He knows it’s coming… Poor baby,
        not sure if you saw my post a few weeks ago I saw the piece of shit! he has gained at least 30 lbs, triple chin and finally turning grey, I walked right by him. he did look like a very happy person. right now the lovebirds are in china, he must being having loads of fun, I play pinochle on
        Iine, he playing while in china. must be having fun.. LOL.
        I was always taught when someone maliciously hurts you because that is their intent, you think what they do care about and attack it, so money was it? it is quite obvious that the IRS believes what I told them which is the truth otherwise. I would not have gotten a claim number, agent personal number to report more info if I have it.
        it might take a while, but he knows it’s a coming.
        As for me dating a few people they are not narcissits, but out here in Vegas most are mentally unbalanced so I will welcome Prince Charming when and if he finds me! not looking. focusing on my work, and making my holiday travel plans. The only anger. I still struggle with is the STD, cancer is gone but still have the virus.
        How are things going by you?
        I forgot to tell you was in Alabama over the summer! earned myself a 265.00 speeding ticket.

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        • I have my issues Susan, we all do. Not in the best frame of mind right now, hopefully this too shall pass and I shall emerge stronger than ever! Thanks for asking!

          Those AL police will get you for sure, even though most everyone flies down the interstate here. Like any other situation anywhere, here it is about money. Thank you for helping the state economy! 🙂

          Just wanted to mention, that through prior experience, there are NO prince charmings around anywhere. They are all knights in tarnished dented tin. I long ago decided that as I got older that the men ( as they got older ) had more baggage and the chances of finding one that was still available and didn’t have major “issues” wasn’t going to be an easy feat. No one was going to “find” me and solve MY problems 🙂 They are mine and I will have to handle them the best I can.

          Just wanted to make mention that I don’t think the N breaking up with you before taking up w/ the ow may have kept you from the std. I imagine, like most N’s there were many more that you do not know about. There usually are. No telling where or why or how or who. It’s what they are. Liars and deceivers.

          I don’t believe in revenge. I wasn’t raised that way. I WILL when I have to defend myself. But, to purposely set out to “pay ” someone back is not my thing. Vengence is mine says the Lord. Gonna trust the N will get his at HIS hands!

          Good to chat with you!

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          • Ellie,
            Sorry you are going through a rough spot, hope things work out for you.
            As for the STD, of course there were other woman besides her, but as we discussed before, she had to of known she had it and didn’t care, because any woman in her right mind would not continue knowingly that her man is passing the cervical cancer virus to her. As I discovered she has been in the picture for more than she disclosed to me? this virus comes and goes out of your body in appoximaly 2 years, so first it came from him and his new lady has been with him almost 2 years. Yes, there were more including the wife.
            I don’t look at what I did as Revenge, it was my civic duty to report criminal behavior as well as I did my civic duty as advised by the CDC when I told them! showed them proof of the HPV Cervical Cancer Virus. I am a civic minded person LOL
            You are right on about men, especially the baby boomers, in this town there are none of them what I call have the trifecta Emotionally, Financially and Physically stable.
            This last one I dated for a month and found out he had none of them? The thing doesn’t work, the money is all gone and he literally asked me for some Xanax because he is having a breakdown because he was broke.
            Basically I can write a book on the Psychos of Vegas.
            Someday, I might meet that one person in my travels! but he will have to find me! because I am not looking anymore.

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  3. Excellent post! I have struggled to an extent with this whole issue and have decided not to forgive, and my thinking really followed the end of the article, not to mention who was hurt and how by their behavior so it really is unforgivable. You have helped in my process not to beat myself up through this whole journey, thanks as always! 🙂

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