What Happens When A Victim Has The Courage To Speak Out

I listen to CBC radio 24/7 at home. I don’t watch TV or read the newspaper so aside from the internet it is my only source of information on what is going on in the world. If a person doesn’t listen to CBC radio I don’t know if they will know who Jian Ghomeshi is, but until recently he had a talk show on CBC, “Q”,  interviewing various well-known celebrities. I think he has interviewed every celebrity worth interviewing and he is handsome, personable, well liked, and generally considered a “catch” and someone to know. Apparently he used to belong to a popular band and has had TV shows on CBC and is quite well-known, although I had never heard of him before enjoying Q.

jian ghomeshi

From what I could tell he was highly respected in the entertainment industry.

That is until this week when CBC announced they had decided they could longer be associated with Jian Ghomeshi and he had been fired.

“The CBC is saddened to announce its relationship with Jian Ghomeshi has come to an end. This decision was not made without serious deliberation and careful consideration. Jian has made an immense contribution to the CBC and we wish him well,” the network said in a statement.

Jian immediately filed a $55 million law suit against CBC and later posted a message on his Facebook page where he stated he was terminated by the broadcaster because of the risk of his “private sex life being made public as a result of a campaign of false allegations pursued by a jilted ex girlfriend and a freelance writer.”

The Toronto Star published a story on the topic.

In the Facebook post, Ghomeshi details a relationship with a former girlfriend that apparently included “forms of BDSM,” saying that he ended the relationship at the beginning of this year.

“After this, in the early spring there began a campaign of harassment, vengeance and demonization against me that would lead to months of anxiety.”

Ghomeshi said he has “always been interested in a wide variety of activities in the bedroom” but only those that are “mutually agreed upon” and “consensual.”

Ghomeshi said he was open with CBC about the matter because he wanted his bosses to be aware of the situation, but has “never believed it was anyone’s business” what he does in his private affairs.

“CBC has been part of the team of friends and lawyers assembled to deal with this for months,” he wrote. “On Thursday I voluntarily showed evidence that everything I have done has been consensual. I did this in good faith and because I know, as I have always known, that I have nothing to hide. This when the CBC decided to fire me.”

Ghomeshi added that CBC executives told him “that this type of sexual behaviour was unbecoming of a prominent host on the CBC.”

He also writes in the post that the CBC received no formal complaints or allegations.

I reserved my judgement of Jian because as we all know, a narcissist will do everything within their power to destroy their ex partner and I thought Jian might be the victim of such an attack on his character.

But within a day 2 more women had come forward to say they had also been physically attacked by Ghomeshi, but their allegations were questionable because none of them were willing to be named and made their allegations anonymously. Ghomeshi refused to be interviewed by CBC but kept claiming he was the victim of a slander campaign and that the truth would come out.

And THEN, a woman with nothing to gain and is famous in her own right, Trailer Park Boys star Lucy DeCoutere told CBC News that Ghomeshi physically attacked her during a date in 2003.

On Thursday, another woman made allegations against Ghomeshi. Reva Seth (a woman happily married for years but who has packed the secret for years) detailed her claims against Ghomeshi in an article on the Huffington Post.

Carleton University also issued a statement saying it was “aware of allegations about former CBC Radio host Jian Ghomeshi that may involve a Carleton journalism student or graduate.” The university said it is reviewing its records.

The Toronto police are now starting an investigation into the claims against Jian Ghomeshi.

Ghomeshi must be a little uncomfortable with the heat. His claims that he is being harassed by a jilted lover are looking less believable as more victims come forward and are willing to be named. Some of these incidents happened over 10 years ago, but prove “history predicts future behaviour”.  Perhaps the woman did come out with the info because she was jilted and angry, but her speaking out started a snowball reaction that is building and threatening to destroy Ghomeshi who has gone all these years abusing women and getting away with it. arrogantly continuing to victimize innocent women because he has always gotten away with it.

What are these women claiming?

They all tell the same story, they went on a date with Jian Ghomeshi, he was a gentleman, they enjoyed the date, perhaps had a couple of dates and had no red flags that he may be violent. There was no discussion about SMS or even sex. They went to his place for a drink and out of the blue he attacked them, one was thrown down on the floor and punched repeatedly in the head, another was choked and punched while he molested her with his fingers. All the women said they were in shock and when they started to cry he stopped and they left immediately.

Why didn’t these women come forward sooner?

They all said the same thing; they didn’t think they would be taken seriously, there were no physical marks, he was a celebrity and they felt intimidated and that they wouldn’t be believed, they were in shock and never had anything like that happen to them before and decided to just put it behind them and forget it happened. But they all said the experience left them scarred and they all questioned themselves and what they may have done to cause it to happen.

Why did the women not want their names made public?

Again they all said the same thing, because Ghomeshi is famous and has money and connections, the women were afraid of repercussions, damage to their reputations, it would be their word against his and it is common knowledge that women are regularly ripped to shreds in a courtroom, their personal lives are examined with a microscope  and they didn’t want the public humiliation.

And then a couple of women, hearing about the allegations, knowing they had kept their dirty secret for a decade decided to come forward publicly to support these other women.  Lucy DeCoutere and Reva Seth should be praised for their courage to come forward, even all these years later because they gave the other women’s allegations credibility and they have made a statement to society in general that women have been abused for generations and kept silent and they are not willing to be silent any more.

Abusers be warned, there is a revolution happening; women are sick of being abused and “just taking it”, women are sick of keeping the dirty little secrets of men who totally disregard a woman’s rights and feelings in order to satisfy their own selfish needs. For generations men have been taught that they can treat a woman anyway they want and they will more than likely get away with it. Women who have come forward and accused a man of abusing her were treated like the criminal and often times regretted their choice and wish they had kept silent. It has been a vicious cycle that promoted abuse, men knew women were afraid to speak out which meant they felt entitled to taking what they wanted, when they wanted it and if they did get caught they would blame the woman saying she was drunk and wanted it, was dressed seductively, or they do whatever they can to ruin her reputation, totally twisting the events; blaming the victim for her own abuse. I have been there, as if the abuse isn’t bad enough; to then be blamed for your own abuse is devastating and makes any kind of recovery so much more difficult.

When the perpetrator of the abuse is made accountable for their action the victim is validated, acknowledged and able to start the healing process. What holds many victims back from healing is the total denial the abuse occurred or worse, that they were to blame and the shame they pack because of the judgement and disbelief of society, friends and family.

Women unite, support each other, and refuse to be silent any longer, join the revolution.

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5 thoughts on “What Happens When A Victim Has The Courage To Speak Out

  1. If only I could go to the police for the emotional abuse I was in. I would go immediately. That’s what it makes it so hard. I cannot do anything about it. Only keep ‘no contact’.

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  2. Elisabeth, you may not be able to do anything about the abuse you suffered but you can be vocal about it to educate other people, raise awareness and go on to lead a happy peaceful life without him. Seeing you happy and not consumed with him is a much stronger message to him than anything you ever say to him.
    Instead of thinking of what you can’t do, think of the things you can do, doing things for you, learning something new will take your mind off of him, get a makeover or buy a new outfit that makes you feel sexy and confident, dwell on things that will make you feel better about yourself and talking to the N is never going to do that.

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  3. i was warned by my ex N that if i dared call rape i would ‘really’ pay, he said rape not me, there is no point in me reporting anything, after all i have read i know there’s no point, Healing and moving on and learning to love myself will be the best I can be. Once we broke up for 10 months during which time i dated another man, he was infuriated to say the least and when we got back together he was forever looking around my house to see what had changed, i would like to date someone just to rub his nose in it, because i know i made him look good – even if i do say so myself i have aged well am fit and healthy, own my own home, financially independent, work and am capable of looking after myself, where as he is over weight, unemployed, estranged from his family and really has nothing to offer any one, but also from what i have read he still thinks he’s superior – which i do believe is the case. Still i morn the loss of a lie ! How crazy i sound.

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    • Lonely, is it not always safe or smart to speak up about the abuse and if you don’t feel safe I wouldn’t want you to do anything. You can speak out in different ways, even anonymous ways and give other women validation. for decades victims have remained silent and gone into hiding, never saying a word and just like the narcissist would want and mkang it easy for the N to carry on with his trail of destruction.
      You are missing what you thought was the love of your life that turned out to be a lie. It doesn’t change the fact that you really loved him, you have to mourn that loss.

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