Some of you may have discovered the Chump Lady site. I have been following Tracy’s blog for some time now and really enjoy her straight from the hip approach to advising people what to do when their spouse has cheated. As most of us bloggers who blog about relationship issues, she writes from experience and does it with cutting sarcasm and no nonsense advice. Although she doesn’t talk about Narcissists per say, from the content of the letters she gets I am willing to bet money I don’t have that 90% of the people who arrive at her blog were involved with an N.
She too has one very important bit of advice – No Contact!! You might want to check her out if you need a kick in the butt and are filled with indecision about whether you should kick your guy to the curb or not and if you are thinking maybe you could have do more, or done it differently and if he has changed for the new woman.
Or maybe you are just down today consumed with your problems, sometimes helping someone less fortunate helps to take our minds off our own problems if you are feeling generous check out this post today from Chump Lady. This is a cause especially close to my heart.
As many of you know my ex went to Sudan as a volunteer to help start up farms for the people who are trying to survive in a place I can only describe as hell on earth. I thought it was the most unselfish thing he had ever done and even though we were split at the time I chose to support his efforts and see if he carried through. If he did it would prove that he had changed and I would give him another chance.
It took months for him to get ready to leave, he had to fill containers with tools, farm implements and food, get his shots, passport, and then it was too dangerous and Canada had advised Canadian not go to Sudan. All the while he stayed with me pissing off my landlady because he had the containers in the driveway, was making noise at all hours and the usual stuff he did to make people angry. I defended him because he was doing it for such a worthy cause. Finally I drove him to the airport with a love card tucked in his suitcase for him to find when he unpacked; we had our teary goodbye, said I love you and off he went.
He wasn’t gone long before he came back to order supplies and put a couple of containers together of much needed supplies. I was horrified by his stories of life in Sudan, how the people are trying to farm with broken rakes and sticks, the filled to overflowing orphanages, so I started collecting stuff to add to his shipment. I did a farm cleanup and contributed dozens of farming implements, rakes, shovels, hoes, picks, and I cruised thrift stores and bought clothes and toys for the orphanage.
Long story short, He picked a fight with me and disappeared, changed his phone number and just never came home. I received a call from the head of the charitable organization he was volunteering with, he was calling in a panic because he had sent my ex a cheque for equipment for over $20,000 and not heard a word from him and his phone was no longer in service. I figured I knew who would know his new number and told the guy I would get back to him. I called the friend of his I knew would have the new number and told some bullshit story and he gave me the number. I called the head of the charity back and gave him the new number. Guess who showed up at my door a day later. It was all a misunderstanding dontcha know.
He went back to Sudan and ended up getting run out of the country. You can read about it here on my post from 2012 titled Out of Africa
Anyway, that is why I have an emotional connection to Sudan and the orphan’s of Sudan. If you are feeling generous today head over to Chump Lady.