How Many Victim’s Hide The Truth From Friends and Family?

I may have not touched on this fact yet, but I hid my relationship with my abuser for years.

I had left him and got set up in an apartment and then he would call and I would meet him, he would pour on the charm, be the loving man I had first met and eventually we would be a couple again. I had done it a few times so I just stopped telling my son and family that I was seeing him.

At Christmas I went along, but that was ok because him and I never did anything anyway, but I hated lying and it was hard to not slip up and say something. It worked well for him though because when he was abusive who was I going to tell? I couldn’t go running back to my family, I didn’t want my son to know because he would kill James. So I saw him in secret. I did get smart and not let him move in but that was a minor technicality, I was still seeing him and he was still disabling my vehicle and still screwing around on me but now he used that as his excuse, we weren’t “together” so it was ok for him to see other women.

I read someone else’s story of hiding the relationship from their family and that is what reminded me. Here it is.

I know the temptation to hide it from family and friends but it really puts the victim in danger, it is vitally important that the victim has a support group and people around her to tell her it is not her fault and she is not crazy. The less support she has the easier it is for the abuser to whittle away at her self confidence and make her feel crazy.

How many of you have hidden the fact that you went back to your abuser?

21 thoughts on “How Many Victim’s Hide The Truth From Friends and Family?

  1. Lori Lara

    Such a powerful post. Thank you for bringing it into the light. It’s so complicated, and without the freedom to talk about it (meaning anything we keep secret), it festers and grows out of control.

    Thank you for sharing your courage.


  2. malia

    When you come from a religion that you ‘re not allowed to have a relationship no matter if the person is N orr not.. is very difficult to tell your family that you have a relationship with a N when you are not married to him.. in my case it s svery hard even to those FEW people I know I cant tell everything.. I am crying at this moment ro release the pain.
    Thanks again.;;


    1. LISA Anderson

      You are a beautiful person. I was inspired by you 2.5 years ago to learn all I could consume about narc people,I too left 2x second time left and remarkably so I drained my biz acct ( had cleaning biz before getting caught IP in narc thing), I depleted that checking acct getting apartment then again fail prey to his charms….my third time for as my charm.more later I am on my phone. But I am divorced now 1 year Nov 2014…funny thing is I still get text messages emails and voicemails from my ex husband



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