Something has happened to the dating scene since I was actively dating.
People meet and within a couple of months or even weeks they are living together, there is no way they know each other let alone love each other and here they are playing house when they should be dating and getting to know each other.
I think part of it is, times are tough, rents are high, people are working long hours, it’s just more convenient to live together than to try and cram dating into the mix, with an added bonus of one less rent to pay.
It is all fine while they are infatuated with each other and still in the throes of new love but that all fades pretty quickly when you are washing his shxx stained shorts and the used tampon is in the garbage can. Gross, I know but those are the facts of life when you live with someone. Many people who never should have gotten together are later dealing with the ugly process of splitting property, and moving out when it simply could have been as easy as saying, “No thanks I don’t want to go out, I don’t think we are well suited.” No fuss no muss. Even if one of you feels stronger about the other one, if you are just dating it is much easier to break up if you are not living in the same house.
I don’t understand it, couples just do not take the time to get to know each other. They rush sex and it is almost expected that by the 3rd date they will have sex, if it doesn’t something is wrong with the person who doesn’t want it. A talk on one of the POF’s forums were discussing this topic and most of the men said if they don’t have sex by the 3rd date they don’t ask the woman out again. Another forum had women moving guys in with them after a month or two, and wondering why they can’t find any decent men.
Women especially need to hold off on sex too soon.
Women’s rights be damned.
Yes I agree women should be able to have as much casual sex as a man, and not be looked down on because of it. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. But the truth is, their bodies are saying something different. When a woman has sex a hormone called oxytocin is released, and this hormone lowers our defenses, makes us more trusting, clouds our judgement, makes us more loving and, get this….. increases our level of empathy. It does not distinguish between casual sex and loving sex and is released every single time we have sex regardless.
So, while having sex may make you more tolerant and loving to your husband (a good thing), it can also make you trust the wrong person and fall in love with someone you should not be with. Consequently, why women can feel so intensely hurt when a short term relationship ends.
Men on the other hand, get a jolt of dopamine, the pleasure hormone; so he will want sex more but not because he is feeling especially close to the woman but because it felt good. That’s it, it felt good. it was pleasurable, and the woman is laying there falling in love.
See where there could be problems with this scenario?
And there is nothing you can do about it, stop trying to deny it, because it is nature, it just happens.
In order to protect themselves women have to understand their bodies better, know that having sex puts you at risk of falling in love with the wrong man, know that your gut tells you when you are in danger and listen to it, Call it intuition, call it a “feeling” , don’t doubt it.
Know your worth before you start dating, know what is important to you, what your “deal breakers” are, don’t have any? get some!!
Don’t date any man you plan on changing, if you find yourself thinking, he would be perfect if…………… or he has so much potential all he needs is a good loving woman like me…………… or “Sure he’s a ladies man but once he is with me he will settle down”…………. “I will change him” in any way………… DO NOT DATE HIM!!
Find a man with your morals, principles and goals in life. Now this will not necessarily protect you from a narcissist because the N will morph into your exact perfect mate in order to hook you BUT it will keep you from making a mistake none the less, and cuts the odds of you getting hooked up with the wrong guy. Like, if the guy does drugs and you are dead set against drugs, don’t even go there; the odds he is going to give them up for you are slim and there are going to be enough things that you aren’t nuts about that are going to appear over time, don’t start off with a major one like that.
Women especially need to figure out what their boundaries are, their “deal breakers” and then do not compromise them even once. If you start off compromising you have no where to go but down and without a leg to stand on. You have to remember the man is on his best behaviour, if he does drugs “once in a while” you can bet he is doing them often if not constantly, if he hit a woman “once” he has hit her multiple times and he will hit you. If he ever says you are too good for him, believe him.
When you meet a man, take time to get to know him and during that time, focus less on being the right woman for him and concentrate more on whether he is the right man for you.