Apathy And The Destruction Of Society

A short but very well written and spoken speech by a young woman from Edmonton Alberta at Tedx Talks

Watch it here.

Apathy is one of the tools the narcissist (or abuser) rely on the most, without it he could never get away with the things he does. He counts on people “minding their own business” , “not wanting to interfere” and “as long as it’s not happening to me” attitudes.

I wasn’t apathetic prior to meeting my ex, I was uneducated and judgemental, I thought I was too strong to ever be abused and that only weak women got into abusive relationships, and yes I even suspected there was some part of them that enjoyed it. I had a girlfriend who called me quite regularly in the middle of the night to ask for help getting her boyfriend at the time to “just leave”. They were always hot or cold, there was no in between. They could be screaming at each other one night and all lovey dovey the next. He would follow her and spy on her, she was beautiful, many men became obsessed with her. She could have anyone she wanted but she always seemed to attract the abusive ones.

At first I would go running over there and all it took was for me to come around the corner and her boyfriend would switch from the screaming maniac he had been into a calm rational agreeable guy. I finally refused to go running over there and I admit I started judging her. She got a restraining order and then would sneak out to meet him, sneak him in the house after her daughter went to bed and I just did not understand.

That is until I had a restraining order on my ex and I found myself sneaking out to meet him on some dead end road, sure he was the love of my life and it was a mistake, he had changed and our love was going to get us through this. MY love was going to prove to him that he had nothing to fear, I was never going to leave him, I was never going to cheat on him. I knew with every fibre of my being; neither one of us had ever known such a deep intense love and we were meant to be together.

I didn’t enjoy being hit, I didn’t enjoy the verbal battery I endured day after day, I didn’t believe I deserved it either. I just believed he was not that man, at those times he was battling demons from his past and if I stuck with him and proved my love I could help him fight those demons and he would finally realize I was not the enemy and we would be able to bask in the glow of our love forever more.

It was not apathy for me with my friend it was lack of understanding.

Between apathy, lack of understanding and uneducated judgements many abused women are left to suffer in silence and the problem grows and women die.

We have to keep breaking the silence and raising awareness even if the month of October is gone for this year, raising awareness has to be 12 months of the year.


13 thoughts on “Apathy And The Destruction Of Society

  1. Hi Carrie! It’s a wonderful thing you’re doing, when I get strong enough, well when he finally leaves or has to leave me alone, I want to help others. I don’t know if you’ll get this, cause I don’t have control of my own PC, I left my abuser about 22 years ago, & never looked back, he still meddles in my life #1. isolate’s me from anyone I get close with, #2 stalks/cyber stalks, & sabotages what ever efforts I make to make a better life. I’m on G+, I have 4 accounts, 3 , I can’t access & 1 , I can. I fear he’s going to snap- not just a beat me up snap,but kill me snap. He was really obsessed / or still is. I don’t know why he won’t leave my life alone. The Police aren’t doing / never have done their job – serve & protect, cause he works with the DEA on the side. I’m living in a nightmare & I haven’t seen him personally in a few years. I don’t know what to do, suffering most mental illnesses. I hope this gets to you. If you Google my name, their is many pages that relate to my name & my phone & address info, some post’s from G+. Help me please.


    1. Denise, I don’t know what I can do from Canada to help you. I would if I could but you have to talk to someone, a domestic abuse support group or a lawyer. I don’t know. Have you downloaded my free Safety Plan? you should make sure you are doing everything you can to stay safe at least.
      I have been stalked and harassed by my ex and in Canada at least there is very little you can do about it. I saved what I could, copied his slanderous posts on the net and saved them as evidence but he removes them after a while and puts up something else. Very hard to nail him on anything. Very hard to prove they hacked into your computer too.
      I sympathize with you but I certainly don’t have any more answers than you do.
      Can you move to another town? I hid for a year in a dinky trailer for a year and as soon as I had an address again he found me. You would have to leave town and change your name.
      I really don’t know what to say.
      Have you talked to any women’s shelters, therapists, support groups? They would have a better idea of what is available to you in your area.
      I understand how it feels when the police don’t take you seriously I have been there also and think my ex was a rat or something but I don’t know what to do about it.
      I am really sorry I wish I had some way to help you, I simply don’t.


  2. My narcissist, turns out, was GAY! He was SOO good at hiding it from even his school mates. And at 40yrs, was still utterly determined to play happy families & ensure the idea of being gay never entered anyone’s mind, or his religious parents would wipe him out of their sizeable will! Just bear that in mind — there is a huge percentage of men who want to be with other men but find themselves pretending to be a loving husband and dad, stuck in a nightmare, taking it out on loving, caring, giving women! x


    1. Sherree, it is not uncommon for N to either be Gay or Bi. Personally I think it is because they consider themselves to be almost Godlike and asexual; like both men and women should love them and worship them.
      Being is not well accepted by the general population and they always want to appear perfect so of course they would have to have the wife and kids to complete that image.
      They always just figure that if they do get found out they will just deny deny deny, never admit to a thing.


  3. I was wondering about that ‘gay thing’ too. Once my partner had a manager working in his restaurant who was gay. One night my partner got home and told me he was going to fire him all of a sudden. The man phoned me and after a while he told me that my partner was not the person, I thought he was and I was not the right woman for him. It didn’t occur to me to question my partner about it. I was very busy, kids, work, administration of the restaurant. It just slipped into my mind some weeks ago. Somehow I found out, he was not as faithful as I thought he was. So I felt very sick about it. But it also helped me in my healing proces. I can forget he was the right man for me.x


    1. I had a friend of my ex tell me that he didn’t love me and I should leave him. I didn’t understand why he would say something like that. We hadn’t been together that long and yes we had been having the odd fight but I was still making excuses and the good outweighed the bad. I still thought he could never really be unfaithful. Later I looked back and realize that the friend probably knew something I didn’t, which would mean he screwed around on me the whole time. That ………I don’t know, I was going to say still hurts but I am not sure what it is. Disillusioned, disgusted, sorry i stuck it out for so long.


  4. Very true. I’ve been attacked by many ignorant judgemental apaths. Smear campaigns spread through friends and family. Keep on living loving yourself. They attack warm caring individuals they feel they can con. They will only continue to make themselves feel better despite ever being able to be accountable for the hurt, lies and bull they spread to be purely spiteful.


  5. I love this, I was just grrrring over the “apathy” thing today. People have no sack these days, which is why I will continue to fight the good fight even if it’s just me. They might not listen, but I’ll still continue to keep my yap flapping.

    Also, I was wondering if you’d ever seen this…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URzUG_GD_qI Another reason why I won’t stop trying to educate the masses.


  6. Sinderella, I will not be silent any more either. I swore if I survived it I would never shut up and save as many women as I could.
    I had never seen that video before, seen lots of other ones where the man kills his ex but not the other way around.
    They say that often the relationship with an N ends in a death and not always because the N kills the victim but because the victim cracks and either kills him or herself.
    I don’t think I could ever kill someone, but I know I tried to kill myself. I can remember feeling so overwhelmed with emotions and him denying what I knew to be the truth, twisting my words and smirking. it drives a person insane.


  7. I was actually set up to appear the crazy one and pushed to see if I’d crack but I’m strong. I have been victimized by apaths. An easy target. I have felt many things and anger was one of them but could never hurt anyone. People can be very judgemental without knowing someones history or how it was for them. How do they know how that person feels, what they experienced or suffered. Abuse can leave life long effects but some have no empathy. Apaths are a problem in society. I have come across a few. Abused women are still not listened or heard. It’s the dumb leading the dumber all out to hurt the abused in any way they can. All out to get someone that thought the relationship was real when it wasn’t. Shows how weak they are if they have to get an army together to attack one person. Thank goodness for great therapy. Forget them, Love yourself and move on to a better life. We can change but they won’t.


    1. Charlie, without the apath the N would not have the power that he does. If they only knew they were being used by the N and will be tossed aside when he is done with them. My ex had a couple he kept around to do his dirty work, one of them used to just love to tell me what my ex was up to. it took me awhile to figure it out but my ex would go over to Jim’s place and tell him about the women he was screwing or whatever info he wanted me to know about because he knew Jim would not be able to contain himself and would have to tell me. Then I would be all upset and we would fight and I would be crying. Oh it fed my ex’s ego so well and then he would say to me that JIm was lying. It was triangulation with a man. I would tell Jim I don’t want to hear it, especially after I left the N, but he would always call every time he saw my ex and fill me in on what he was doing. I kept saying I don’t want to hear and then I stopped answering my phone when I saw it was him.
      Well, that ruined all his fun, he didn’t have anyone to tell gossip to. My ex hadn;t talked to him for months because there was no point, Jim wasn’t able to hurt me vicariously but then my ex started going over there again, only now he was telling Jim lies about me. Oh Jim was in his glory again, he had gossip he could tell and he told anyone who knew me all the lies my ex was saying. And you know, if a lie is told enough times it might as well be a truth because the more people who hear the more it gets repeated and next thing you know your on the cover of the tabloids! haha


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