A short but very well written and spoken speech by a young woman from Edmonton Alberta at Tedx Talks
Apathy is one of the tools the narcissist (or abuser) rely on the most, without it he could never get away with the things he does. He counts on people “minding their own business” , “not wanting to interfere” and “as long as it’s not happening to me” attitudes.
I wasn’t apathetic prior to meeting my ex, I was uneducated and judgemental, I thought I was too strong to ever be abused and that only weak women got into abusive relationships, and yes I even suspected there was some part of them that enjoyed it. I had a girlfriend who called me quite regularly in the middle of the night to ask for help getting her boyfriend at the time to “just leave”. They were always hot or cold, there was no in between. They could be screaming at each other one night and all lovey dovey the next. He would follow her and spy on her, she was beautiful, many men became obsessed with her. She could have anyone she wanted but she always seemed to attract the abusive ones.
At first I would go running over there and all it took was for me to come around the corner and her boyfriend would switch from the screaming maniac he had been into a calm rational agreeable guy. I finally refused to go running over there and I admit I started judging her. She got a restraining order and then would sneak out to meet him, sneak him in the house after her daughter went to bed and I just did not understand.
That is until I had a restraining order on my ex and I found myself sneaking out to meet him on some dead end road, sure he was the love of my life and it was a mistake, he had changed and our love was going to get us through this. MY love was going to prove to him that he had nothing to fear, I was never going to leave him, I was never going to cheat on him. I knew with every fibre of my being; neither one of us had ever known such a deep intense love and we were meant to be together.
I didn’t enjoy being hit, I didn’t enjoy the verbal battery I endured day after day, I didn’t believe I deserved it either. I just believed he was not that man, at those times he was battling demons from his past and if I stuck with him and proved my love I could help him fight those demons and he would finally realize I was not the enemy and we would be able to bask in the glow of our love forever more.
It was not apathy for me with my friend it was lack of understanding.
Between apathy, lack of understanding and uneducated judgements many abused women are left to suffer in silence and the problem grows and women die.
We have to keep breaking the silence and raising awareness even if the month of October is gone for this year, raising awareness has to be 12 months of the year.