Is John a Narcissist or is John the victim of a Narcissist?

Thought provoking post by Upturned Soul.

An Upturned Soul

If Jane accuses John of being a narcissist, and Jane then tells Mark, Mindy, and Sue that John is a narcissist, and Sue (triggered by her own personal and painful experience of a romantic relationship with a narcissist from which she has yet to recover) then tells Tom that John is a narcissist, Mark (who is the child of a narcissist and has PTSD because of it) tells Robert that John is a narcissist, and Mindy (who doesn’t think she knows any narcissists but is frightened because she’s heard such frightening stories about them) tells Melissa that John is a narcissist – Is John a narcissist? Or is John the victim of a narcissist?


Melissa (who loves to gossip about others, yet hates it when others gossip about her) tells Letitia that John is a narcissist, Robert (who never liked John because Jane loves John and Robert loves Jane)…

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3 thoughts on “Is John a Narcissist or is John the victim of a Narcissist?

  1. ellie2013

    This gave me a headache 😦 LOL But truthfully THAT is how it is. Complicated and depending on whose eyes you are looking out of , extremely confusing. I think the trend now, that Narcissism has somewhat come out of the closet is for people to want to grasp the label sometimes very quickly ( or not so quickly ) to make them selves feel better. Another way of “blaming” someone and taking the emphasis off of ourselves. I think there are “hallmark traits” that HAVE to be present in an N and without those perhaps it is just the “oil and water” thing, you met an asshole, in your book, he just wasn’t right for you but you didn’t see it and didn’t/ don’t want to let go. IMO , one of the hallmarks is the LIES. About everything. Lying when there is no reason to. Then denying the lies even when found out. Or reasoning them away. Lying like that shows a lack of “respect” therefore shows a lack of empathy, another hallmark trait.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. anupturnedsoul

    @ellie2013 Thank you for reading what is definitely a potential headache-inducing post. Sorry about that. Two cyber aspirins on their way to you!

    I grew up with NPD parents, so the kind of thinking which causes headaches is par for the course. My N-related posts tend to reflect the mental yoga required to figure out and clarify the confusion which a narcissist causes – you have to figure out how they’re thinking to unravel the knots of their thinking so that you can untie yourself. Because they’re confused and pass their wound and confusion on to you.

    You’re right about the lies – only they’re hard to notice at first because of all the slippery denial, the gaslighting as it is now labeled in NPD discussion. They didn’t lie – you just misunderstood, etc.

    Narcissists do have empathy, only, like everything else connected to NPD, it is twisted and doesn’t work in the conventional view of it – their version of empathy is what allows them to get under your skin and bury themselves in there with spikes.

    Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ellie2013

      Thanks for the aspirin but I have a bleeding ulcer ( direct result of living with my toxic family and the xnh ) since I was 21. I took THREE Advil LOL. I think any “empathy” they may show is actually feined, they “learn” from watching others , how they “should” act in certain situations and can deliver when needed, to their advantage. It’s all for show.



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