You Never Know What a Narcissist Is Capable Of

I think much of society and the victims themselves are in denial of what a narcissist is capable of when faced with having his fragile, fabricated life exposed.

Even when I knew my truck was being sabotaged in ways that endangered my life or when I felt the need to tell someone that if anything ever happened to me, to go after my ex; I still stayed. I questioned myself, how could I love someone who I suspected could kill me? The first time he strangled me until I blacked out; as I lost consciousness and everything went black I thought to myself, “he is going to feel so bad when he realizes he killed me. How will he explain it to my son.”

I remember being shocked that he was not as worried and horrified by what happened as I was. He was on the computer and I was in the bedroom, not wanting to believe what had just happened, he had not said he was sorry, he had blamed me, called me a stupid cunt. A year earlier, if anyone would have asked me what I would do if a man ever did that to me, I would have told them, “I would be out of there so fast his head would be spinning.” But there I was in the bedroom, not packing up my stuff, not calling the police, but thinking of how bad he must feel and trying to think of a way to make it better.

I stayed 9 more years and luckily I survived it, barely. By the end of 10 years with him I was wishing he would kill me and put me out of my misery. By the end of 10 years I was sure he was going to kill me, I just didn’t know when, either that or I was going to kill myself, but I didn’t have the strength to leave any more. I knew what he was, I knew there was no love there, even during his “good” periods, it was just a feeble effort on his part and just as feeble an effort on my part to pretend to believe things would ever be different. I had grown tired and had given up, I was existing, given up on ever having better, I was dead inside, there was no joy, no hope, just acceptance that this was to be my life.

Get out, before you get to the point of acceptance.

Before you console yourself with the fact that he has never hit or strangled you watch this video. You don’t have to be physically abused to be in danger. Narcissists/psychopaths are experts at controlling their behavior, they can put on an act for years before something puts them over the edge.

JC was only physically abusive a couple of times before I left him the first time. For most of the relationship he didn’t lay a hand on me. He destroyed my stuff, called me names, sabotaged my vehicles but there was no physical abuse until the last year we were together. Even so, I didn’t fear him when he went into a rage, I feared him when he went silent. I knew if he was going to kill me, he was not stupid enough to do it in a way he would be a suspect, it was going to be planned.

I know it is hard to believe someone you know, let alone love; could ever kill you. At times, after so many years away from him I look back and think, “Maybe I imagined things”. Sometimes if I am telling someone what went on in the relationship I can see that look in the person’s eyes that tells me they don’t believe me or they think I was paranoid and imagining things. I think, “Maybe I was so emotionally drained, so depleted, I was hyper vigilant and reading things into events that weren’t true”. Then I watch a video like the one above and I know; I wasn’t imagining anything and I was one of the lucky ones that managed to get away.

Fact – Surviving a relationship with a narcissist/psychopath is a matter of how long will your luck hold out.

You are living with a time bomb, round and round you go, when he will explode no one knows; just because he has never hit you does not mean he won’t kill you.


33 thoughts on “You Never Know What a Narcissist Is Capable Of

    1. That’s a good question! I have no idea, but I think it possible! These people can’t stand to be alone. I do know abusers often to threaten and black mail the victim to doing as they want. My ex husband used to threaten to keep my children from me if left! He wasn’t my psycho, but he was mean enough!

      I used to think I’d like to be a fly on the wall so I could see how my ex psycho treats his current victim. Now, I’m not so sure. Nearly 4 years in, they’re still together, so maybe, or maybe not! Perhaps I am blessed in not knowing what goes on behind their closed doors!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Sharon, we were split and dating when he met this woman, he was seeing 6 women and he and I had been for supper and he told me he loved me. The next day I quite by accident caught him at another woman’s house. She was married, that night his car “broke down” in another woman’s driveway and he never left. He claimed she was the love of his life but then came back to me and said he would always love me and I should understand why he had to be with her because he needed a place to live and he had been fired and had no money. She was a widow with enough money from her husband’s life insurance to live comfortable the rest of her life without ever working. She was a young widow, only 47 at that time. She had a house where she lived in the basement and rented out the top floor and that money was her spending money. Within the first 6 weeks she had lent him $20,000 because I was such a bitch and wouldn’t keep insuring cars in my name for him. It’s a long story I won’t go into here. To my knowledge he has never paid her back and she has sold her house and bought a house in a remote town about 8 hours away from the town she grew up in, all her friends and family. He has bought trucks, motorcycles and gone into business for himself. She must have financed all that. So she is now dependent on him, all her money is wrapped up and she has no income. I don’t know if he hits her, I am sure as long as she doled out the money everything would be fine. The physical abuse is not what left the scars for me.
      LIke they say, The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. I have talked to two of his ex’s and they both have told me that he screwed around on them and hit them, I doubt he has changed but I don’t care any more. I don’t think his new woman is as strong as I was, she has never worked and was supported by her husband, she never had kids, or even a dog, so she was used to being home and focusing on the man in her life so maybe things are fine between them and they will be until she stops handing over the cash or catches him cheating.
      All I know is, I could never be happy with him or meet all his expectations. I am far too independent to ever make any man my whole life, I have a son who is a huge part of my life and that was a constant source of discord between my ex and I, I love dogs and he was jealous of my dog, and I was not independently wealthy. All I need to know is I am not the woman for him and he certainly is not the man for me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve been following your blog for awhile now. I was involved with at least one narcissist in my younger years. He managed to destroy my life in 9 months. I still don’t understand how I allowed myself to be manipulated as badly as I was. I was like your ex’s new girlfriend with some money and all was good as long as the money was flowing. When it started running out, it went from mind games and gaslighting to some physiccal abuse. He showed his true colors early on and I don’t really understand why I didn’t kick him out there and then. I relate to so much in your blog and it helps me try to find some answers.

        By the way, I am in Surrey. I know you are in Mission. We ‘re almost neighbours.


        1. Sharon, hello neighbour! I grew up in Fleetwood Surrey until I was 9 when we moved to Chilliwack. At the time my ex and I split we were living in Ladner and his new woman is from Surrey that is until he dragged her off to Powell River. I used to go into Amix everyday but haven’t been to Surrey in over a year. We will have to try to do coffee some time.
          I just visited your blog and commented. You are amazing!
          I am so glad you found something helpful here, that was my hope when I started it, I figured there had to be some other woman feeling as lost and defeated as I was but I never in my wildest dreams thought there would be so many people who had experienced the exact same things I had. It boggles the mind when you find out how many of these toxic people exist and the damage they do.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. We lived in the Sullivan area of Surrey for many years but are now in South Surrey. I’d love to meet for coffee sometime!

            There are a lot of toxic people out there who get what they want through manipulation, isolation, and convincing you that they are the best you will ever find to love you. They do a real number on your emotions, your head, and in my case, my wallet. Thank God I broke free or I’d either be dead or in the psych ward.

            I am really glad I finally reached out to you after being a lurker for many months. I think you are one very incredible woman to have survived all you have been through! Talk again soon.


  1. Wow, you are me! I am amazed when I think about the situation now and think “why didn’t I just leave” “why did I let him do that to me” easy when distance has occurred. I agree with the look on people’s face you tell them about the situation, it starts to make you doubt yourself. I should did doubt, not now. One thing is evident they are not original, all narcissists are the same. Run as fast as you can if you know one, is my motto now. Thanks again for a great post. We survived!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Cheryl, that is for sure. It is easy to think you are crazy because who would do the crazy stuff they do but then once you leave and find out what they are and talk to other victims it is mind boggling to hear how much alike they all are. Its like they get a “How to be a Narcissist Hand book”.
      I had found an article on narcissists about 5 years before I left and although he fit most of the traits I was positive he would never cheat on me, kill me or be as vindictive as he been but every single thing I read has come to transpire eventually. I could have saved myself so much heartache and money if I hadn’t been in such deep denial. That is why discussing it is so important, so victims can see the pattern and hopefully save themselves.\
      Thanks for commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I completely agree with the denial bit. I did not know what being in denial meant until now. I was so convinced he loved me until he left me on the floor to bleed dry. Its been 10 months but I am still struggling to get back on my feet.


  2. Thank yo for sharing this video, it has been 4 months now that I am looking to the the same type of videos, and I am afraid that I get the same end, I am not living with anymore but you never know… God please help us…



    1. Malia, have you downloaded the Safety Plan from the top of the blog. There are many great tips on how to stay safe after leaving a narcissist. Most of them are easy and cheap and could save your life.
      It is horrible to live in fear but you have to be vigilant about your safety, it becomes automatic after a while and it is good for every woman to be vigilant about her safety. The biggest mistake victims of a N can make is to think they can be friends, they let the N in the house after they have split, or go back to him. In the case in the video there is no way that woman saw it coming but you can protect yourself.
      Hugs xxxx


  3. Wow Carrie, your life with him sounds horrendous! I’m so glad you are out. Nobody deserves to be another’s punching bag. You are lucky you survived it, but maybe that is a testament to your own strong character and will to somehow survive it.

    I used to blog about my ex psycho and my experience. I don’t need to anymore! Besides the trolls are always out misinterpreting your intentions to get their own sick jollies. Nearly 4 years out, I’m moving on as they say. I’m happy and at peace about it.

    Funny, reading your post, I was remembering how I was supposed to move across the country long distance into my ex psycho’s home. Fortunately, about the time I was due to move, I was diagnosed with cancer (I’m alright now!)…the thing is, just before my cancer was found, I remember wishing to myself that I had an excuse to avoid moving in with him! I found it! CANCER! LOL.

    Strange isn’t it, that a woman would not want to move in with the love of her life! Did I on some level detect that there was something seriously amiss with him? After my diagnoses, things quickly started falling apart. You know the drill! Devalue and Discard! Now I’m glad things worked out as they did. We are the winners! We went thru Hell, and survived!


    1. Only Me, we are survivors! I no longer blog for me, I blog for all the people out there who don’t know what they are dealing with. I swore if I survived JC and healed I would spend the rest of my life warning others. Breaking the silence and exposing them for what they are is the only way we will ever see them disarmed. Now I find myself in the position of having to find a way to support myself and won’t have the time to dedicate to the blog and I am having a hard time deciding what to do. I think I have helped a lot of people and it has made what I went through all worth while. I enjoy my blog, I enjoy helping people, I haven’t had a problem with trolls since I blocked my ex and made it so I had to approve new commenters. Getting the IP tracker really helped too. It’s been a couple of years since he graced these pages and I guess I have been pretty lucky because the odd troll that has found the blog seem to disappear pretty quickly, maybe because they don’t get the reaction they are looking for, or because I just block them.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Now that I know what a N is, I can clearly see my daughter is in that situation. The worst part is that she does not know it. She thinks everything is always her fault and “he” is just wonderful! Even though he belittles her and everything else, she thinks surely if only she had been better, he would not be upset. Etc. etc. etc.. I am sure you all know that kind of story. Trouble is, I do not know how to get her to realize this without him blocking me from speaking to her. He already has his next victim picked out, and from my research, he plans to take the children, take her home, and make her pay child support. He is just waiting for her next inheritance which will be soon. But she cannot see that.
        My sister had a similar situation, and when she wanted out, it cost her over $100,000 in lawyer fees, and she lost! She had to pay him money for settlement.

        My head is spinning! I need to help her somehow and fast. Any suggestions?


        1. Needtohelp, my heart goes out to you. Have you told her what you see? I know it is a touchy subject and most times the victim will turn against the person trying to help them but I think all you can do is be totally honest with her about what you see happening. Try to put it in a way that doesn’t sound like there is something wrong with her or she is stupid. That will only work in his favor and push her away from you. You need to wear Kidd gloves.
          Once you have said what you have to say then you have to leave it, drop the subject and just be there if she needs you. To try to force her into leaving him will only drive a wedge between you and her and drive her to him. He would love nothing more than for you and her to have a falling out. Can your sister talk to her? Someone who has been there and can see the signs, and been duped herself. Much easier for your daughter to take it from her than you and it leaves you to just remain an objective support.
          You can not stop your adult daughter from making mistakes, all you can do is give your educated opinion and then hope she listens. If nothing else your words will ring in her ears and she will see the danger signs before it is too late.
          Big hugs to you!!


        2. He has since stolen her inheritance money of $65,000.00. She is still in denial. Can I get help for a 38 year old child of mine that is so blind to his abuse? She does want a divorce, but he said he needed starter money, so she agreed to let him keep them money he stole. Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I am so not happy about this.


          1. Thank you Carrie Reimer for responding. It means a lot to me that you did. I see this site is mostly for the victims, not the parents of them. Do you know of any other site I could get advice from as a parent of an adult child?


            1. needtohelp, I really don’t know of a site that helps the parents of victims, there are sites for people who had an N for a parent, but I have looked for myself to get a perspective I may have not thought of. You could try the two links I have in the sidebar. The Peaches link is resources all over the world for domestic abuse victims and the Anonymous link deals with narcissists in business and other areas, they may have something useful for you. Let me know if you find something useful and I will make it available on my blog.
              Big hugs


          2. needtohelp, I can understand your anger over the whole situation, of course you are very angry with him and it would be very difficult to not be angry with her for not saving herself. The best I can suggest is to talk to a lawyer and see what recourse she might have. She is not going to think clearly until she is away from his influence. In Canada there is a 2 year time period where charges can still be laid, so she might still have legal rights to that money but whether she will ever see it again is unlikely. It is a lot of money and it is unfair and unfortunate and yes enough to make a person spit nails but right now, if she is wanting to get a divorce then you need to focus on her safety and not the money right now.
            You are going to have to find a way to let the money issue go, what is done is done and if you cannot let it go she will only feel more like a failure and be more apt to stay with him in hopes of recouping her losses. Many women feel they have to stay in order to get what they have invested back or that they have too much invested to leave now. She is 38 and whatever she did she did not do it to you and you cannot take it on as your problem. Her life is not over, at 38 she is still young enough to start over, at any age it is never too late. Women have left at much older ages with less and been happy.
            My mom said to me more than once, “What will you do? you have nothing, how will you survive, your life is ruined.” Not exactly a pep talk.
            Of course you can’t candy floss it and pretend it isn’t terrible as long as you don’t catastrophise it and make it insurmountable. No matter what, as long as she gets free of him, she can be happy and live a life full of joy, peace, and love.


  4. Surviving a marriage/relationship to a narcissist/psychopath is no small miracle. I was wife number 3 (he told me I was number 2)… Those before me had nervous breakdowns after the abuse…all of us are worried about my two little kids spending so much time in narc-ville. I am two years out and counting everyday a blessing…Thank you for sharing your experiences💜

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Army of Angels,
      “Surviving a marriage/relationship to a narcissist/psychopath is no small miracle” that is the truth!!
      By the grace of God we go. When you look back to where you were you realize how lucky you were, when you are in the middle of the muck and quagmire you are too busy doing damage control to realize the danger you are in.
      Thank you for sharing!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you so much for this post Carrie. I’m so glad that you managed to get away and I’m so glad that you do such an excellent job writing about it. I truly appreciate it.

    You see, no one truly understands what I have gone through, they just haven’t got a clue. Coming to your blog is a true validation and I can’t thank you enough for it.

    This video reminds me in every way of my ex “N” and I truly believe that my days were numbered. Today marks my 1 year anniversary of being free from him and with absolutely no contact.

    I hope some day that I feel good about myself again and that I can actually think clearly without doubting my own reality in a sense. It’s like he took everything that I valued and dirtied it beyond recognition. Does that make sense?

    Anyway the good thing is I am free from him and hopefully if I’m lucky enough to find counselling I will be a healthy and strong person. I really hope so. I’m trying so hard you know what I mean?

    You mention that it’s unrealistic to expect to go back to the way I was before I met him. I think you’re right. I really do wish I could but I know in my heart it’s impossible. I just feel too shattered and broken to be anything close to who I was before.

    Thank you again Carrie, have a nice day.

    Sincerely Vickie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Vickie, give yourself time, you can’t go back to the person you were and you have to decide who you are now and reinvent yourself; that takes time. There is no way a person can be who they were prior to meeting an N because they strip you of your innocence. We all felt evil people happened to “other people” we never thought we would find it in our own bed. You don’t “just get over” something like that. But that doesn’t mean you never find joy again, in fact after a while you will find yourself being so damned appreciative of the goodness in the world because you have seen the worst and survived.
      I do understand that you feel he tainted everything you ever believed in, when my ex and I split I had nothing I believed in, my faith in God was gone, my family that I thought would never turn their back on me, did. My belief that there is good in everyone. My belief that good things come to good people. Everything boundary I had was crossed, every belief was challenged. It takes a long time to repair all that and a counselor will help you with that.
      I looked at it like an opportunity to analyze everything I stood for and it was an interesting education in myself. It can be over whelming but if you take each thing and really look at it. like my faith, I had blind faith and I had to look at why I believed, what I believed, and redefine it. I have faith again, not as strong maybe but more realistic. I looked at why I did things I had in the past and some things I left in the dust because I realized it was not the true me. For example, I used to be OCD about keeping my house clean, that was not me; that was my mom. My mom keeps her house immaculate and so did I because I wanted my mom’s approval. Now I can go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink, I don’t have to dust everyday, my floors get dirty and I am fine with it. I used to be an excellent cook and entertainer, I lost my ability to put a good meal on the table but slowly but surely it is coming back but I don’t obsess about it like I used to. If something doesn’t turn out perfect I don’t care. I have given up being perfect and I am so much kinder to myself. I am a better person and more genuine than ever before. That is a good feeling. You have the same opportunity, and that what it is, an opportunity not everyone gets, use it to be a better you!


  6. i have been out for 2 months physicly but mentally when i heard the word narcissist i loomed it up, i didnt know what it was. after reading about them i realized i was living that life for 6 months. at the time im living upstairs in my own house while hes living in my master bedroom and still not paying a dog gone dime. but anyway i already knew how they real you in, so one day he tried i told a friend so someone would know where i was, he tried so hard got a nice motel room took me to a great lunch, said how much he missef me and loved me, remember myself and a friend already have been reading and predicted what would happen. Yup to a T, made a bubble bath nope i didnt get in tried to “Make love” lol he never said that. and i shut him down i said i gotta go, by this time he was never going to repay me for anything $60,000 in the hole. i walked around the room and said, why get this expensive room, take me to a very expensive lunch and want to go to the comedy club later. you culd of given me this money. and i left. well the next day he called and said his keys were in my purse


  7. i have been out for 2 months physicly but mentally when i heard the word narcissist i loomed it up, i didnt know what it was. after reading about them i realized i was living that life for 6 months. at the time im living upstairs in my own house while hes living in my master bedroom and still not paying a dog gone dime. but anyway i already knew how they real you in, so one day he tried i told a friend so someone would know where i was, he tried so hard got a nice motel room took me to a great lunch, said how much he missef me and loved me, remember myself and a friend already have been reading and predicted what would happen. Yup to a T, made a bubble bath nope i didnt get in tried to “Make love” lol he never said that. and i shut him down i said i gotta go, by this time he was never going to repay me for anything $60,000 in the hole. i walked around the room and said, why get this expensive room, take me to a very expensive lunch and want to go to the comedy club later. you could of given me this money. and i left. well the next day he called and said his keys were in my purse, i say how much are they worth to you? he says come on really! 20.00bucks i said no $50. hes really i already checked out, i say so then he said ok i wil, give you 50. lol lol i got it. but i quit answering text and calls so one day im going out with my friend who help get the work van i financed that he was not paying for and he called, i said i dont want to ruin our day he said answer so i did, he said if i ever see you im going to bitch slap you and push your head in the couch untill you cant breath, so my guy friend took the phone and said hey D we were recourding this and i heard that threat and im taking to the po,uce to make a report. we did and now i have a protective order and a court date. the magistrate said with his record he probably wont walk out of the court room..i was shocked. in 3 days it went from i love you to im going to smother you. he also called child protective services on my daughtor he told me if i ever do anything to him they day i kicked him out he said how would like to loose the most precious thing in your life? your grandson. so i called my daughter and told her be prepaired. so he did and she told them she knew who did this hes lying and they told her to go to press charges. so now thats just 2 months after leaving only after a year. he had plans to beat me up because i talked to his ex wife and she said wait till he asks you to go to a motel and he will make a bubble bath, i said he did and it was the same place, onlt she got in he beat her then threw her out of the room naked…wow she said God was watching over you your the lucky one…and now i see i was the lucky one, never meet with them alone or ever..hope this helped stopped someone who thinks hes making up with you hes not, if you go tell someone where your going, i did and let him know i did.


    1. Cita, you said he is living in your bedroom and you are living downstairs and he isn’t paying a dime? If you have a restraining order how can he be living in your house? How can you feel safe? I don’t know if i am not reading your comment right but I from what you are saying he is a scary guy and I would not get too cocky about “beating him at his own game” the best tactic with these guys is no contact whatsoever. As long as there is contact there is danger.


      1. no this is while he was here, when i finally got him out, i got the restraining order. But while he was here he had no shame living in my room. i will never see him again untill jan. 23. when we go to court. im not really trying to beat him but i have all the proof and witnesses the police told me not to ever look at him in court, that the odds are against him just look at judge and keep your answers yes and no or thats not true, but never look at him, he will try to yell at me but that does not look good to a judge. im nust upset sorry for confusing everyone. i just thank God he was watching over me.


  8. I always think how chilling this kind of thing. Even milder bullying within a relationship, where you see one person denigrate another over a period of time in order to sustain their self-confidence at the expense of the other is horrid to watch. Those who take their dominance to the level of physical abuse are, of course, vile human beings who are sometimes both lost and violent at the same time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Peter, thank you for commenting. It really makes a person wonder what is going on behind closed doors at your neighbors, or workmates. This couple appeared to be a loving church going family, no one suspected what he was and that she was going through a private hell; not until it was too late.
      That is the big problem, because people don’t realize what they are dealing with and they can’t fathom the depth of evil in these people they are at such a huge risk.
      Society really has to change their views on bullying, I think it is happening slowly. Up until now people haven’t taken bullying seriously, if it didn’t leave bruises it was not abuse. But any one who takes pleasure in belittling and dominating others is a sick individual and we need to stay away from them and not feed their voracious appetite.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I must thank you for the efforts you’ve put in penning
    this blog. I’m hoping to check out the same high-grade blog posts by you later on as well.
    In fact, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to get my
    own, personal blog now 😉


  10. Hi Carrie, first I want to thank you again for all the information and help that you have provided.
    I believe that the female s-path is extremely dangerous they don’t even care about their own kids.
    She started with me. When she felt that I was no longer what she wanted she discarded me, then it was my older daughter. She took the younger kids in hopes to live off them. First she didn’t let me see my kids. I was lucky the court awarded 50/50 custody. Once she found out that she was responsible for half the support she lost interest in the kids, except for my disabled autistic son. She milks the system about $ 3500 a month between Federal and State funds. Once she got caught in some lies in probate court she tried getting my son institutionalized in a dangerous county facility even though I provide private heath insurance for him. The reason she gave was that my son was beating himself up. Later I discovered that she was abusing him. The Dr. at the institution discharged my son to me and recommended Psychiatric evaluation for her . He said that her story changed by the minute She also called children services and accused me of inflicting emotional abuse on my children. After a investigation Children services determined that she was the problem and mandated her to psychiatric care.

    Thank you again and thank God.


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