I wanted to share what is going on for several reasons.
1. I cannot believe how poorly run these government programs designed to help the impoverished get back on their feet and what I consider to be a total waste of money and time.
2. I want to ask for positive thoughts and prayers about this job I have applied for.
3. Thoughts on giving up the blog. Lets take this one first. I did take time away from the blog the last week or so but I couldn’t stay away totally. I know I have not replied to many of the comments and I feel bad about that but if I don’t take care of me and make sure I can afford to live I am no good to anyone. I am going to have to rely on other visitors to the blog to show support if they can. We are all at different places in our journey and have something to offer, which many of you do and I love to see that. Nothing is more gratifying to me than to see someone who struggled terribly with no contact or whatever and a year later they are on the blog encouraging someone who no contact is the only way to start to heal. I take great pleasure in the fact that I unintentionally created a safe place for other victims to come for support and provide support without judgement, a place where a victim can be honest and know they are not crazy. It amazes me that I started the blog thinking that if one woman found it and was saved from going through what I was then everything I went through was worthwhile. The blog will hit one million views sometime this week with over 1530 followers. That is HUGE, it boggles my mind and fills my heart everyday to see women and men from every corner of the world holding virtual hands through the internet brought together by the common bond of a shared pain. Male or female a heart breaks the same. I love you guys for the love and caring you show to each other. I think you are all awesome!! and what we have here has to carry on somehow.
On that note:
M funding was denied. I hate to even say it because it sounds so narcissistic; but it was denied due to no fault of mine! I will take blame when I screw up but this is unbelievable and I have an appointment with the head of the funding committee this Thursday to discuss it further because it is totally unjust and absurd.
I handed in my funding package in November I believe and didn’t hear back, so a couple of weeks before Christmas I called my worker to see what was happening. She came up with a bunch of things the committee hadn’t liked about my package, she said things were missing, my budget was too high, and a few other things so I sent her the stuff she said was missing (it was in the binder I handed her but I was not going to argue) I redid my budget and asked for information on what was acceptable to the board as far as what I should pay for rent etc but she never got back to me. I emailed her all the info and she was to get back to me which she never did. I received an email from her on a Saturday saying my file had been handed over to someone else and to contact them. I called and was told the earliest I could get in was the 14th of January. As you know that meant I couldn’t start school on the 5th like planned. Jan 14th I went for my appointment and the new worker had not even looked at my file, she is telling me I don’t have approval from welfare to even apply for re-education (WTF? why did I do all that work for months when I might not even qualify to apply??) She is reading down the list of reasons why the committee had declined my application. (hold it! no one said I had been denied! why was I sending all that information if it was turned down?) She says that handing in my application in my own binder had done me a lot of harm, the committee likes their own binder used. (my old worker had said that she was going to transfer my paperwork into the proper binder and add her report and recommendation) My old worker had handed it in just as it was and never added her report or anything. No wonder it got turned down! she didn’t do her job!! Not my fault!!
She says that I missed a lot of the appointments because I was sick. I missed one appointment because I was sick and I missed 4 other appointments because the worker cancelled. My worker was away for several months and her replacement was pregnant and cancelled because she was sick and then my worker came back and was away sick two times. I said to her that I thought my worker had dropped the ball and she said, “she isn’t the only one, it seems everyone dropped the ball in your case.”
The new worker was going down the list of things missing and I flipped through my binder and easily found everything she said was missing, she started to look confused and became very apologetic. She said, “I shouldn’t be saying anything to you but I am so frustrated and feel like my hands are tied behind my back.”
She left the room and when she came back she handed me a job posting and asked if I had seen it. She said that she thought I would be perfect for the job and that I had a good chance and should apply.
The job is made for me, if I was to create a job for myself I could not have come up with one more perfect, it has every single element I want and I am qualified to do. I know without a doubt I would excel at this job.
They ask for a diploma in social services OR 2 years equivalent experience
2nd they ask for a demonstrated desire to end violence against women
and 3rd excellent communication skills, verbal and written
and more, all of which I have experience in at some point in my work history, either managing an office or running my daycare. It is 35 hours per week and the hours are flexible and may require weekend or evenings which is perfect for me, I prefer diversity and have no problem working any day any time, it is what I got used to being self-employed.
I also would not be in an office all day, I would be working between 3-4 transition houses in the area.
I would be writing reports, advocating for abuse victims, and generally helping female victims of abuse get back on their feet.
I immediately wanted the job and was almost paralyzed because I wanted my resume and cover letter to convey I am perfect for the position. For three days I worked on what I wanted to say yet keep it down to a one page resume and one page cover letter. I had to convey my personal experience without sounding “woe is me”. I did what I thought was the best I could do but was still concerned about the parts that showed my personal experiences so I took it to my neighbor to read. My new neighbor has spent many years working in various areas of social services so I trusted her opinion on what I had written. I told her to be completely honest, this was not the time to worry about my feelings, I need, want this job so for God’s sake be honest if you think I need to change it. She sat there reading and saying things like wow, nodding her head, and when she was done she said she wouldn’t change a thing, it was perfect. So I took it home, reread it half a dozen times and then I held my breath and hit the SEND button.
I have my appointment Thursday but if I could get a job I would gladly give up the education because I could take courses over time through this job. If I was working in the industry I could take night school or online courses, who knows, places like this usually offer courses for employees. Another bonus to the job is they have offices all over the province and once working for them I would hear about openings everywhere and if I wanted to transfer to another town I could.
The owner of the house has it back on the market again and showed it last weekend so it is just a matter of time before it sells, if I get this job I won’t have to worry about where I will live, I will have enough money to get a decent place.
That is it for now. Prayers and positive thoughts please!!!