Warning To All Women – Beware of Trolls

I have to give a warning about someone who comments on my blog. I have had my eye on him for a while but he was not doing anything wrong as far as I could tell. I didn’t always agree with what he had to say and at times he seemed to be trying to goad me into a fight or something; but I didn’t see that his comments were harming anyone so I let it be and just made a mental note.  It’s funny how you can pick up on insincerity even when you are on the internet. And there are ways a person talks that even when typed give them away.

I have been busy and got behind on reading and replying to comments and came across another comment that made me suspicious, something didn’t sit right with me. At first I couldn’t put my finger on it, the name was not one that I recognized. But for some reason I knew I had seen this person comment before so I did some checking.

As you know when you comment your IP number and email do not show on the screen for everyone to see, but behind the scenes I am privy to all that info if I want to research it, I can go back to the very first comment I have ever gotten on the blog. I had the time today and this is what I found.

What really caught my attention was this man approached a woman on the blog who was obviously very distressed and there is a guy (it turns out to be the same guy) who has done this before on the blog and I told him not to put his email on the blog.  If a person puts their email address in a comment the spam bot will automatically flag it for me but this guy was smart (but not as smart as me) he put his email address like this: “nathanpayne1913 and that would be at hotmail”. See? so tricky. But it made me suspicious right away.

Something about the name Payne stuck out for me, I even had the name written on a notebook I keep for to write things down I want to remember.

So I searched for any comments made by a Nathan, Nathan Payne, and someone else a guy that usually goes by Doug. I have had my eye on Doug for about a year because he had put his email in a comment and I had noticed he changed his username. This is the history of this guy

10/13/13 He commented as Doug Payne, his email address was coomadoug xxxxxxx and his IP# 58-168-3-40

3/18/14 User name Coomadoug email coomadoug xxxxxxx IP# 203-33-192-230

3/18/14 User name Doug email coomadoug xcxxxxx IP# 58-168-55-65

9/19/14 User name Frank email coomadoug IP# 203-33-192-230

11/28/14 User name Falcon email coomadoug IP# 230-33-192-230

11/29/14 as above

12/14/14 Nathan Payne, email nathanpayne1913xxxxxxx IP# 203-33-192-230

1/05/14 User name Cooma Doug email coomadoug xxxxxx IP# 209-85-215-50 & IP # 209-85-217-172

1/22/15 User name Allan Honicker email coomadoug xxxxxxxx IP# 203-33-192-230

1/21/15 User name Nathan email nathanpayne 1913 xxxxxxxx IP # 203-33-192-230

If by chance anyone of these names has somehow contacted you via my blog or any blog beware. I try to catch these trolls but I am not always successful. I try to catch anyone who puts their email address in a comment and tells someone to contact them.

No matter what site you are on I want to be very clear that narcissist hang around these sites and will appear to be a victim themselves in order to suck someone into their web of deceit. The victim is so vulnerable they are just so happy someone is showing an interest in them and seems to care they could easily get taken advantage of and hurt again.

I don’t know what this guy’s game is but it is obviously not an honest one. I have forgotten what user name I used on a site on occasion but I know that it is going to be a variation of basically the same name, This guy goes from Frank, to Doug, to Allan. I would say he is up to no good or very confused.

Whenever you are approached by a man on a website please be very careful.

A couple of years ago a young woman had a blog and one of the visitors to her blog got very friendly, they carried on with an online love affair for over a year. He sent pics of himself and his home, his boats, called her every night, they “fell in love”. He asked her to come down to I think Cuba (not sure now where it was but it doesn’t matter) for a week so they could meet in person and she was so excited. She was confident he was who he said he was, they had talked for a year.

She got down there and he ended up attacking her and she ran for her life, no money in a foreign country the hotel helped her get home. She was devastated and told her story on-line naming the man and what happened. All of a sudden the internet exploded with women who had been approached by the same guy, LOTS of them. He was married, had children, was NOT who he said he was at all. it ended up being a huge mess with the police getting involved and everything.

So beware and be careful!! My ex used to tamper with my truck right under my nose and even get me to help him; the best cover for these creeps is to hide right under the victim’s nose. They are sick like that.


8 thoughts on “Warning To All Women – Beware of Trolls

  1. MALIA

    Dear Carrie,

    I was looking to this viedo regardin “divorcing a narcissist” by Brad Michael Micklinand from The Micklin Law Group’s, http://www.micklinlawgroup.com and hope this one can help some people.
    Of course you talk too much about it and I found the most what you already mentioned in the topics. Is just great to hear it again from other ressources that help us to believe more and more that the N is a Devil.




  2. Only Me

    Great post Carrie. Of course there are trolls out there, and I have no doubt narcs or psychos love to hang out on them…also, their flying monkey minions are out there too! All seem to enjoy taking pot shots at survivors and recovering victims. If s/he’s a blogger putting the word out on these people, so much better for them if they can win! Or so they seem to believe! Nope, all those trolls are losers!

    As such things to, I’ve been pretty lucky. I never lived with my ex psycho, and actually, never had sex with him (severe impotence due to diabetes and heart disease I think!) Although emotionally battered, I was never financially, sexually or emotionally destroyed. Suicide was never an option for me (although I’d definitely consider it one for my ex! LOL!) I even suggested it to him once early on post D&D.

    I don’t blog much these days, because I’m too busy out there enjoying life! But I still love to read great blogs, and yours is one of them! I also hate trolls and have no use for them. They need to get a life!

    I’ve seen these jerks in action though. I know what you are saying. As for myself, If I don’t like what a blogger has to say, I move on to other blogs I do like! You don’t have to agree with everybody, but if there’s too much difference to be bridged, I see no point in trying to bring them down! I let them go.

    I wish I knew what to do about these trolls. Basically, I try not to give them an audience. I just cut them off at the knees by deleting their comments, and ignoring them. But if anyone has any better answers I’d love to hear them! You may be on the right track in exposing them. I don’t know. Good luck!


  3. fee

    Hi carrie,

    I am naturally paranoid since leaving the ex, so I don’t know if you can pin point where in the world it is but if its near me let me know…I want to laugh as I say it, as I know the chances are slim, but my ex knew too much and my email address was always tampered with….with only messages from ‘him’ moved or gone…or things I had saved from here.
    Also, I was emailed from a guy from your site last year, I am going to dig out his email address, he may be genuine and I didn’t even think of asking where he had got my email address but I have had emails from a couple of females too over the few years I have been on here. I think when we would never think of doing something, we don’t think others would…it didn’t cross my mind…am off to see what he was called…and hope he was decent and not a troll. x


  4. Mark

    Carrie, please don’t discontinue your support forum because of petty bickering and arguments. It hurts those in desperate need of support as opposed to “solving” the problem. Please give those in need this avenue for support. I apologize for causing disruption. My emotions are running high and all over the place at the moment. I promise not to blog there anymore. I feel awful that someone looking for help and reaching out is unable to do so. It’s a given there will be disagreements and disputes. Please don’t personalize like I did. I believe shutting down the forum will do more harm than good. Maybe you can ask someone to monitor and report to you directly if there is issue. Set a firm guideline of rules and remove those in violation after warning. Please don’t let a negative situation outweigh the overall positive. I offer my deepest apologizes to you and everyone I have offended on the forum. We are all in this together in some way. I ask that we all stand together with compassion and understanding.

    Peace and Prayers


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Mark, I just closed that one avenue to get support, people can still respond to individual posts. I wanted time to think about it all. To be honest I am torn as to what I should do about it. I don’t want to make a bigger deal of it than it was. I have to decide exactly what my responsibilities are with regards to the conversation. I have always let people say whatever they want as long as they don’t attack someone else. I have only ever blocked one person and that was my ex and even then I didn’t block him immediately, if he would have come in here and spoke the truth I would have been more than happy to hear his arguments and look at any issues he brought up but he just spewed venom and lies and I didn’t see any benefit to my readers to listen to his crap, it was not productive.
      That conversation the other day was not productive and I felt you were attacked. Yes you got emotional, understandably; emotions run high after leaving a narcissist especially when you are told you are wrong to feel the way you do. We all heard it so often and I always wanted this to be a place where people would feel safe to express themselves even if their thought processes aren’t making a lot of sense. There are ways to correct a person without attacking and someone who has been there should understand attacking someone is not going to be productive. And just because we think one way does not mean we are right and the others are wrong.
      I would not have done anything about it if it had not been made about me, my blog is a reflection of me. Whatever I allow to be read by readers is ultimately my choice, if I allow a person to be attacked on my blog that says a lot about me as a person.
      I had a very physical reaction to the whole conversation and knew that if I came in as a recent victim of an N and saw that conversation I would have left and not gone back. I do not want that so I made it private. It is still hiding in the archives, I didn’t delete it because I wanted to take time to calmly think about it and what I want to do. I could just erase the comments, which is what I think I will do and then make it public again but that all takes time and I just haven’t had the time yet.
      I love Ellie, her and I have talked privately on the phone as friends, she has been a huge support to many people in here so I immediately wanted to back my friend, I certainly did not want to offend her or hurt her feelings but I had to decide what was more important; standing by my principles or worrying about offending a friend. I disagreed with what she said and how she said it and I was upset she stated it as if her opinion was the opinion of the blog and it wasn’t/isn’t.

      If you would have said something I felt was totally wrong I would tell you what I believe to be true but I would allow you to have your opinion. I have stated more times than I can count that I think narcissists are disabled, I don’t know if you read that here or somewhere else but how could I not defend you when it is what I believe yet someone was saying the opposite and including me by saying “we”.

      It was an unfortunate incident but I am not upset any more and I am not going to block any one I just want to carry on. The forum will go back up when I have time to deal with it,


  5. Mark

    Thank you for your understanding and sensitivity for all. I was in the wrong as well so by in no means do I think it was anyone’s “fault.” I again apologize and don’t want anyone turned away. I’ve been told I was wrong my whole life. By my parents, family members, and the ex and on daily basis for the last year, “I was making it up, I’m crazy, remember incorrectly, it didn’t happen, I was judging her character” on and on and over and over. It drove me to the point of almost complete insanity! This gaslighting is what helped me finally put the pieces together. Everyone has a right to their own view, but thank you for understanding. No one can, not even my therapist. I’ve been told to “let go, move on, and just get over it,” and of course the smear campaigns doesn’t make it any easier. The lack of validation can be most painful.

    In a sense, I am grateful for the final discard. It wasn’t until I started to question is when this happened. There wasn’t any more “supply” left for her to obtain. She got her kicks, and had moved on to the next source. I was bankrupted financially, emotionally, physically, and almost mentally and spiritually. I read somewhere they won’t kill you only because they don’t want to get caught. However, if I stayed I have no doubt I would be dead. Thank God I don’t have suicidal idealization. However, I heard if they can get you to commit suicide they revel in it. Anyone thinking this is a solution, please get help immediately! I cry, get angry, and some days struggle just to get out of bed and brush my teeth. I have taken up drinking just to get the insistent thoughts out of my head. I am proud when I can get out of the house for something or to get to another doctor appointment. One small step at a time that will hopefully get me to take bigger steps. Much like you Carrie, I am crawling as you were. I don’t see the world the same. I don’t know if this is a good thing or bad thing yet. It’s hard not to when you stare into an abyss.

    I don’t hate her per say. I refuse to let her have this negative emotion over me. I read somewhere as well, they are attracted to empaths and light-bearers. They didn’t target us because we are “bad” people. They already have and are this in
    their lives. She picked me because I was “right” (light). It’s the wrong parts about me I need to fix. I believe the experience gives the opportunity to refocus on our life purpose of helping and healing as we tried to do with narcs. This is what I believe led you to put this website together Carrie. I was finally able to detach when I realized she was handicapped. I enjoyed the story about your neighbor. That should most definitely be a blog. Makes total sense. As you said, if one is born without or loses a limb, it can’t grow back. It is the same about empathy and conscience. If I had not come to this conclusion, I would most likely still be trying to help” her. They can’t be helped, thus, malignant. I still rack my brain on how to deal with this ailment. Attack, withdraw, run, avoid, mirror, abandon. None helps my daughter.

    Much like Claire stated, they leave a path of destruction behind like a tornado. I don’t see my ex as the embodiment of evil. This is a power far beyond me. I refuse to let her have this power. I researched and investigated all I needed to. I became paranoid, afraid, nauseous and confused. I still struggle time to time, but this didn’t help me. They are who they are. They function beyond any human understanding. They are simply sick individuals, and this view reduces them for me. I am only trying to share what helped me so far. If it helps someone else, that’s great! Thank you again Carrie for your sensitivity and understanding. We all have different views and journeys. I hope we can all still come together in support of one another for the same common goal! Brightest blessings to all.



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