Update and Opinion Needed

I thought I would take a minute to update you all on what is going on in my corner of the world. I went to the meeting with the boss of the funding program and well…………  below is the email I sent to my worker at her request after we talked on the phone. The head or owner of Triangle Resource, the company contracted to administer the funding and assist applicants with the process told me that he could not help me, I had to go back to my worker but to give him time to call her first. So I waited until Friday and called her and told her what he had said, that I had to make an appointment to see her to get my package done. When I called her she made an appointment for me to see her on the 11th, a full two weeks away. When I told her what he had said she told me he never did call her, she had called and asked for more black binders but he had not brought her any. I am sitting listening to her thinking, I will drive down to the flipping dollar store and buy you a black binder for God sake!! They cost a $1.00, $2.00 at Walmart. Come on!!!

She asked me to send her an email saying exactly what was said at the meeting. Below is the email I sent her on Saturday afternoon. Monday before noon I had a return email from her asking me to come see her this Friday and to get a letter of acceptance from the school saying I can start school April 7th. I have xx’d out names.

“xxxxxx,

I am getting very frustrated with this whole process and beginning to feel as if I am purposely being sent on one wild goose chase after another only to hit another brick wall, in hopes I will eventually give up and go away.

I feel my case has been mishandled from day one. I know it is not your fault, you just started with the Triangle Office in Mission recently but you are the only one I can turn to for answers and hopefully some action.

I feel I am being patronized and I find it disrespectful and insulting. I am an intelligent woman who has always worked and supported myself until I ended up in an abusive relationship and my ex sabotaged my vehicle until I had spent every dime I had and charged all I could trying to fix it. Since leaving the relationship I have suffered two heart attacks and two mini strokes. The stress of living on $620/month, (which is absolutely impossible to live on) means that every month I try to survive on that paltry sum I sink further and further into debt and I have less and less help.

I see myself quite literally homeless within a month because I cannot pay my rent this month and am relying solely on the the compassion of my landlord to not kick me out. 

I handed in my funding package at the end of November, xxx at the other office had told me that he would work on it on the weekend if he had to in order to get it done for me to start school. When I handed in all my research etc to xxxxxx she told me that she would transfer all my paperwork into the regulation black binder, write up her recommendation and hand it in to xxx the next day, two days at the longest. 

When I hadn’t heard from her two weeks before Christmas I called and she said she had gotten it back (she had not called me to discuss it with me) and was looking through her calendar to see when she could fit me in for an appointment. I asked if she could tell me over the phone what the issues were and I could email her anything she needed. She told me that my rent was too high, my debt ratio was too high, that the committee wanted to know how I had survived for this long on $620 a month and now why I needed more money to survive. She said they didn’t like the name of the course I wanted to take (something you told me when I was in your office) and I explained the same thing to her as I did you and now xxx, who told me to write it in my rationale which I had. I emailed xxxxxx answers to all the questions she had plus emailed her copies of my rationale (again) and other things she said were not in my package which I knew were in there because I had a folder on my desktop called “funding” with everything that I had printed and put in the package. I sent it all again via email. She also told me that they would only fund $7500 towards schooling, no one had mentioned this to me prior, the course I want to take is not offered anywhere for less than $10,000. I called the school and they told me that if I got $7500 in funding they would carry me for the remainder that I could pay back at $50/month over two years. I informed xxxxxx, by email and was told she would add it to my package. 

I informed xxxxxx that I had options as far as places to live, my brother lives in Coquitlam and I could stay with him or my son has a live aboard 36′ boat harbored in New Westminster he is not using because he is working out of town and I could live on it for the 32 weeks I am in school, reducing the amount of my travel costs. But I am not going to move onto his boat unless I know I am getting into school. To move onto his boat would mean getting rid of my furniture etc but I would be willing to do it in order to get my education. Eventually he is going to sell his boat but he would hang onto it in order to help me out. I cannot have him paying to moor his boat on the off chance I get into school. I am losing my options the longer this drags on. 

I heard nothing back and called again just before Christmas and left a message. xxxxxx emailed me on a Saturday to say you were taking over my file and to contact you to discuss it. I called you on the Monday and you could not fit me in until Jan 14th. My classes started Jan 5th. The school was willing to let me start a week late but because of these delays I missed the start date and now I am looking at a start date of April 7th 2015. 

When I went to see you on the 14th of January I got the very distinct impression you had not read my funding package, I know xxxxxx didn’t and after my appointment with xxx he admitted he had not read it either because it was not in the regulation black binder. Yet you told me I had been denied and if I wanted to reapply you could tell me what I needed to do. I was shocked, I had no idea I had been denied, I thought I just had to come up with some alternative solutions. You informed me that xxxxxx had handed in my package in the binder I had put it in and not written her recommendation and that handing in my package that way had actually hurt my case. and that is my fault?

You made an appointment for me to attend the funding information meeting on Jan 23 at 1:00, another delay. I complied and showed up at the meeting. xxx asked if I needed help getting my package put together and I told him I had it all together and was told by you to come and see him to discuss what else I needed to do. I brought up all the issues you and xxxxxx had mentioned and he kept saying to put it in my rationale and I kept saying it is in there. The questions about my budget I had sent xxxxxx never got in the binder but everything else was in the binder I had handed  in to xxxxxx in November. Finally xxx admitted that he had only given my package a brief once over because it was not in the regulation black binder and he didn’t know what was in there. He then told me he had never seen anyone go the trouble I did with their package and that people usually hand in a pile of papers and that I shouldn’t be there, if my package was done I should see you and you should put it in the proper black binder. He told me it was your job and if you had a problem with it you could work elsewhere. I told him that you had told me to ask him for a black binder because you didn’t have any and he said, “She hasn’t told me she doesn’t have any black binders. She needs to call me.” (now I am the messenger?) He said I was wasting my time being there and that I was really close to being approved, to get the info into a proper black binder and you would write your recommendation and then he would look at it. I was shocked when he said I was close to being approved because from what you had said I had been denied. 

If I had not questioned it and just walked out, that is where it would have stayed. There is something really flawed with this system and I am a more than a little annoyed. 

I find it incomprehensible that I am doing everything within my power to comply with the rules and regulations, compiling all the information in a way that is easy to read to make xxxxxx’s job easier (she said herself she had never had a person put together a package that well and I had done her job for her) yet she was  too lazy to take the time to do her part before leaving her job knowing full well she would be gone before I ever found out.

In fall xxxxxx told me to put aside my funding package because getting my disability designation was more important. I went to an arbitrator about being denied disability and was told I never should have applied, she could tell right away I was not disabled enough to be approved. In order to get disability a person must need assistance in their daily activities like getting dressed, cooking for themselves or be mentally incapable of functioning on any reasonable level, so disabled they can not work. It is not likely I would get funding for education if I am so disabled I can not dress myself. 

Then I get told by you one of the things that worked against me with my funding package was that I my disability application was denied. That is kinda like an impossible situation isn’t it. I am really curious if anyone ever gets funding.

I am told I have to exhaust my ei benefits and not have a job in order to qualify for funding, I apply for funding and I am told I don’t make enough money to qualify, maybe I should get a job………..excuse me? xxx tells me they don’t want to set me up for financial ruin and I assured him that is NOT a concern, I passed financial ruin long ago and I am not going to be able to rescue myself without an education because I can not do what I used to to do because of health issues.

He says that maybe because of my health issues I won’t be able to work full time, even part time is better than welfare. And of all the careers out there, being a Life Skills coach is the only one I can think of where I could do it from a wheelchair and can do past the age of 64. It is the only job that I have transferable skills for, I have experience in, and has one of the highest projected growths. The counseling industry is expected to continue to increase well past 2020 where there will be a 2/1 need for counselors or life skills coaches. xxx said I was supposed to do a job search, are there people hiring in that field?, he agreed with me last time I was in a meeting with him that it was one of the industries with the highest expected growth. I have done all I can except redo the whole package again. I don’t do anything 1/2 way I always do my best, I handed in my best already so I am at a loss and totally frustrated. I am being treated like I don’t know anything and am just trying to bleed the system. 

I have a feeling that if I went down to the east end of Vancouver and put a needle in my arm I would get a whole lot better service and attention. Is it any wonder women go back to their abusive partners when this is what they face when they leave and try to get on their feet. It is a sad state of affairs when a woman finds herself in the position of choosing homelessness or getting punched in the head. 

I am sorry, I am angry. I feel like no one cares one iota about me as a person, no one has even had the courtesy to read my funding package. I am not going to waste my time telling my whole story again in this email. I am a 56 year old woman who has owned 5 homes in my life, two businesses, worked 11 and 1/2 years with the bank, 14 years in office management, paid ei premiums, property taxes, cpp, been a charitable kind person my whole life and I am treated like I am asking too much for someone to do their job. I know this sounds clique, but I am a customer, and Triangle is here to perform a service for me. Are they not?  My funding package arrived there November 24th I believe, has passed through the hands of 3 people and it is almost February and I have to wait another two weeks to see you again. The miscommunication between you and xxx has cost me over a month in time where absolutely nothing has been resolved and I sink further and further down a dark pit I will never be able to claw my way out of.”

I can not believe the incompetency of this company and the unprofessionalism of talking to a client about the employees and putting the client in the middle between an employee and the boss, so amateurish.  

I would much prefer to just get that job and forget schooling. Schooling will mean another 32 weeks of struggling on not enough money to survive and when school is done you are automatically cut off from support and have to reapply for welfare and go through a 6 week waiting period. If by chance I got the job I could do my education  at night school, online, and I could pay for my own. 

I have called the job twice and they have returned my call twice and we have played telephone tag. At first I didn’t answer their call because the call display said “Private” ever since JC hacked into my phone that way and caused so much trouble for me I don’t answer calls when I don’t know the number. I will check for messages and return calls if I know the person and if they don’t leave a message I figure they will call back or it was not important. The first time they called I missed it totally, the second time I listened to the message and called right back but no one answered. They had said in their message that they would be calling people they were wanting to interview at the end of this week.

I visited their website just to educate myself on the company and noticed several major things wrong with their website, one of their links gets an error page not found message. Then they have a website link that is supposed to provide information on Effects of abuse on children, children and divorce, Domestic Abuse etc. When I clicked on any of the links I was taken to a website that wanted my money, there was no information available, one link was a counselor who charges $150 an hour and is on the other side of the country, absolutely no free info. One of the links was a dating site of all things!!, It is doing more harm than good for anyone clicking on it. If someone is discouraged and looking for answers I can see it being defeating to go to a website there to supposedly to help them and they get directed to a dating site or a Quick Cheap Divorces site. All the other links were totally unrelated links to cheap hotels etc.

And then they offer a safety checklist and the only thing on it is a list of things you should have in a bag ready to take if you have to leave in a hurry. No tips on staying safe before or after leaving. I was going to offer my safety plan to them for free and tell them about the other issues but I didn’t want the first time they meet me to be when I am pointing out all these errors, so I was going to wait until after the interviewing was done. But then just thinking about it now I thought, well maybe I should tell them now and at least it shows I am proactive and want to help and I would be taking the initiative. What do you think?

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15 thoughts on “Update and Opinion Needed

  1. I haven’t read all of this post but I’d be careful about pointing out their errors at this stage or maybe for a long while as it will only piss them off. And even though I’m sure you’re right, it might be more important to be employed rather than ‘right’. If you’re anything like me, I know, since the four years of litigation, how debilitating that was so these days I choose my battles very carefully, and tbh try to eliminate them completely where I can – I’m sure you know about the law of attraction. Historically, I used to attract all sorts of horrid stuff and get drawn or positively JUMP into the drama etc…but it only ever really caused me harm. These days many lovely things are happening and I’m so grateful after all the trauma – people like you and I deserve as much good as we can handle…and then some. It’s going to be a fruitful year…crossed fingers that something wonderful happens to you asap, jobwise and studywise, if that’s what your passion is. Much love from across the ocean….

    Liked by 1 person

    • onandup, that is the train or thought I had at first but the more I thought about it they asked for a self starter, who takes the initiative and is dedicated to ending domestic abuse and passionate about helping victims of abuse. I feel almost irresponsible for not saying something about the links. I didn’t mention that the links are not directly from their site, they link to a site and it provides the other links. So they are relying on someone else to provide a service that isn’t. I was also thinking I do not have an education and may not get an interview but if I make an appointment to discuss their website with them that gets me in the door and who knows they may hire me to clean up their website and put some appropriate material on it.
      The position I am applying for requires someone who is not afraid to approach businesses etc to get support for the cause. I wonder how many other applicants took the time to visit their site and care enough to say some thing? Just thoughts I have been tossing around. I certainly wouldn’t list off all the error in one sitting but they probably don’t even know about the links, they wouldn’t be going in and checking on a regular basis.
      Thanks for you input I appreciate hearing other opinions.
      Personally being with JC did not make me afraid of battles, it did at first but through the past 4 years of healing I am quite confident in my ability to deal with issues in a way that they don’t become battles. I actually wish now that I would have had the confidence to stand up to him and charge him when he was working so hard to destroy me instead of hiding because I didn’t want to make him angry. I used to hate conflict so much before I met JC that I often compromised my own feelings etc to keep the peace and I won’t ever do that again. I live true to me now. Kinda the opposite.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow Carrie, I didn’t know you were going through so much. Bureaucracy always sucks. Lazy people, red tape, errors, funding issues, politics and the such. It’s hard not to, but I wouldn’t take it personally. I think working and online courses may be your best course of action. Can you work part time and still get benefits?

    The job sounds a little shady. Most all businesses (at least here) have proper websites with full credentials and contact information. I wouldn’t give them the information for “free.” It wouldn’t do any good if they are shady. However, you could also use the information as leverage during the interview. After scheduling to further investigate if they are legitimate, tell them you tried to research the company online and found their website. Legitimate companies appreciate this. It shows interest, ambition and intelligence. Let them know you found several discrepancies, and offer them assistance if needed with your direct knowledge. This should make you far more desirable for employment.

    I have an idea that you may have already thought of. You’re very personable, ambitious and intelligent. Have you thought about offering local businesses website creation and/or management? You could the the knowledge and information you’ve acquired putting this blog site together to assist. Also, search engine optimization is huge here. It’s very easy to do, but the market is saturated here. This may help you financially and you could still continue with your education online. I hope these ideas help. Love and Light.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh my goodness – so many things I want to write, but too little time at the moment.

    Good for you for hanging on for so long and for fighting for this as long as you have. I’m hoping/praying that it all pays off for you in the end.

    Just my 2 cents worth on the question, “…maybe I should tell them now and at least it shows I am proactive and want to help and I would be taking the initiative. What do you think?”

    I do not believe that approach would be viewed as helpful. Although you are 100% correct, people take personal offense when their work has been criticized (broadly and generally speaking here), and you don’t want that to be the first impression they get of you. If there was a way to express it indirectly… offering to improve on the direction they’ve already started, asking them what areas they feel they need support in, expressing your desire to provide accurate and genuine help, etc. Don’t show them your entire hand too early on.

    Then, once you get the job, finding out what parameters you’re allowed/expected to work in and then own it and shine as I’m confident you will (you just need to get your foot in the door first).

    You are in my thoughts/prayers. I wish there was something more I could do.

    (((hugs)))

    Liked by 1 person

  4. …sounds like what I get when I ask my lawyer why my divorce is going into the THIRD YEAR!!!! Uuuuuuhhhhhhh!!!

    …no wonder I’m having trouble finding a job! I’m a great employee that does a great job!!!

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  5. Carrie, I woke up at 1 am last night because I fell asleep early due to exhaustion from trying to push myself out of the house. I was thinking about your situation. You said you spoke to the boss, and he said he couldn’t help you. This is not a good sign. When funding is contracted out to non profit organizations it can get even stickier. Some take advantage and do minimal for their own gain. Example; We had tons of fires that destroyed thousands of homes out here about a decade ago. People gave thousands of dollars to The American Red Cross to help the victims. When later investigated none of the victims received any assistance from The Red Cross. The CEO in our county tried to cop out by stating donations went into the “general fund” as excuse. It was also found out her income exceeded half a million dollars annually. She later resigned.

    Most “good” people are unaware taking advantage of good intention. It doesn’t even cross their mind. I sincerely don’t want to bring more negativity, but his may be where you’re stuck. I think it would be wise if you sought other avenues. On a personal note, being in business I am very aware of this fraudulent and evil selfish crap. This is where I’m confused about letting the devil in my door. I never knew what narcissism was until this experience or I think I would have caught on much sooner. I believe most don’t and they take advantage of this nativity. This is where getting the word out is of the utmost importance! I hope I’m wrong about your situation, but I also hope I provided you with information that may be helpful. Light and Love!

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  6. Mark it is easy when you first split from an N to become negative and untrusting and see narcissism all around you. Your senses are heightened and it seems the world is full of people who have it in for you. I have never been so taken advantage of as I was when I first left JC. Some if it was my hyper sensitivity but some of it was the assholes of the world taking advantage of my vulnerable state. I was so beaten down I couldn’t defend myself properly and was so broke I had to accept where I could get it and ended up with a lot of guys willing to help but with strings attached (like sex). It was very demoralizing after what I had been through, But I got through it all and now my attitude is much more positive and optimistic.

    As far as the funding place, I have no other options, that is who the government has hired to run that program and I certainly don’t have other options for getting $10,000 plus living expenses besides, they were hired to do a job and I am their client. I paid for this service through my taxes for years. There are narcissists and nasty people all around us, we can choose to not allow a narcissist into our personal space but we have to learn to deal with them on a day to day basis, it is just a fact. I am not going to get paranoid, there are assholes also that are not evil like a narcissist. I don’t think the funding committee is evil, I think they are unprofessional and not doing their job, passing the buck and they don’t really give a shit about the people they serve and I will not let it go, that is what they are hoping. If they can save the government money they will get the contract again but if they aren’t doing their job they will lose the contract, the squeaky wheel gets the oil sometimes also.

    The job is a nonprofit, I don’t want to say more in case my ex tries to screw that up for me too like the last time I got a job. I only went on the net to check on them to find out as much as I could for when I went for an interview not because I thought they weren’t legit. They do a lot of good work for women in abusive relationships but they are funded by donations etc and do not have a lot of funds for things like a website and are probably stretched manpower wise and don’t even realize their site has issues.

    As for doing web sites for other businesses, not my in my area of expertise at all. I know nothing about creating a website. it is fine on wordpress, not much to learn I just type and hit post. There is a lot of techy stuff if a person wants to create their own websites. Besides that one of the problems I have and why I need to re-educate is I have a vertebra in my neck that is crushed and I cannot sit in front of a computer for long periods of time, if I could then I would go back to office work. I can do the blog because i can take breaks and have the option of not doing anything on it for days if need be.

    I am allowed to make up to $200 before it affects my benefits, and anything over that gets deducted dollar for dollar. Which gives me $800 a month to live on. Up here in Canada $800 doesn’t put a roof over your head. Rent for a one bedroom apartment in an old building, in a bad neighborhood costs $650. A basement suite around $800 and a small house is well over $1000.

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    • Yeah, I see alot more evil in the world after this experience. I definitely don’t see things the same. I was thinking exactly that after I posted, they probably want you to just go away, but the squeaky wheel gets oiled. They don’t contract out here. The state and fed handles, and they give grant money to organizations which is entirely different. The cost of living is the same here and I’m paying $750 dollars per month for child support so I’m in the same financial straights. I’m not a single mother so there is NO financial assistance for me. I’m in a one bdrm apt now and sublet the room. It frees up $400 dollars a month in rent. Is this possible for you?

      I would still hold out giving the company info about the website and using it as leverage in the interview. It should make you more desirable for employment. I need to bust my ass to get back to work or I’m gonna completely fall out too. I’m am putting all my effort in recovery and hopefully in 3 to 6 months I will be strong enough to go back to work. I really have no other choice. In the meantime there will be NO contact. But this sucks for my daughter. Hang in there!

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      • Don’t push yourself, if you can take time to heal do that. Have you talked to a therapist about PTSD? Do you have the option of working part time? I know when I was going through it I didn’t have the option of taking time off work and most days I had a hell of a time dragging myself out the door in the morning but it never failed that at some point in the day someone would do something that made me feel better plus I would get busy and forget for a few minutes during the day. I would come home every night and cry. LOL I can remember sitting in my truck just sobbing and not having any tissues and blowing my nose on my sock LOL Just pitiful! I can laugh now but I was in so much pain at the time. Work actually got me through though. Had I sat at home all day I think I would have succumbed to the depression because it would have been too much time to think. But everyone is different and if you don’t feel you can work you have to do what is best for you.
        I do believe you need to get out everyday, for a walk, a bike ride, whatever just to get some fresh air, see other people, smile at people you pass on the street. Just get out with the living.
        I am really bad for hibernating and locking myself away when I am hurting and I have to really do a lot of self talk to force myself to get out of the house but when I do I always feel better. Spring is a great time of year, rebirth, new life, I always find it an encouraging time of year.
        Hang in there!! you are doing it one day at a time, one hour at a time. one breath at a time.

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        • I am seeing a therapist for PTSD and doing EMDR treatment which is very helpful. But she as with most therapist doesn’t have much experience or even knowledge about narcissist, psycho or sociopaths so it makes it more difficult.

          I need to start getting out of the house more. Next week I plan to volunteer at the church to feed the homeless, start going to the gym again, and sounds crazy.. but put coins in expired meters. Lol! I believe it’s a kind of good karma that will come back around. It’s hard to get out though. I look at people and things much differently now. There’s a kind of “trust” I lost. Small steps is the key for me. Thanks again for the warm wishes Carrie. Mine are with you as well.
          Holy Hugs!

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  7. I don’t know how you have managed Carrie, I got into a mess and I take my hats off to anyone who can keep battling through in order to be able to carry on making a living. I wished this site provided an income for you as the countless amounts of people you have helped is amazing.
    I would keep battling through and I think you have a really great argument and these people who are supposed to be professionals should hang there heads in shame when knocking people back who have come out of the constant battle from a domestic violent relationship and now have to battle what should be given with hats off, keep with it carrie, your such a lovely woman and I will keep you in my thoughts. Its a shame you cant put this mess in a local paper, show them how they handle people who want to make a difference while getting knocked in everyturn…then show them this site….over one million views and countless thousands you have helped….. I would be thanking you massively for making a huge difference and I hope you get somewhere carrie I really do xx

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    • I agree wholeheartedly fee! 1 million around the world is no slouch. Carrie, maybe you could more emphasis towards a simple one time donation of 5-10 dollars. Take your story to the media outlets. Someone is bound to take interest about the abuse of a sociopathic narcissist and your plight to recover. All the best!

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      • Mark thank you for your vote of confidence, There are many blogs out there that provide great information about abuse from a Narc. The difference with me is I have laid it all out there and admit I was the worst offender of things like no contact. I think my honesty has made it possible for others to feel safe to admit they are really struggling. It is all what works for the individual, and certain people really click with my approach some don’t.
        I have thought about charging for a monthly newsletter. Give the option of free or $5 to become a member and receive maybe a video a month and a newsletter, something you don’t get on the blog.
        I have started a book but until I get this funding thing sorted my mind is preoccupied. The book will be a daily inspirational book. 365 days of encouragement, some of it taken from the blog and some from visitors to the blog and some new material. I have read similar books at different times in my life and found them very helpful.

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    • Fee, you are such a sweetheart! You are here a couple of days early LOL well I appreciate your words of encouragement. My God my problem are nothing compared to what you have managed to overcome!! I have an appointment next friday, I thought it was this Friday! but no it is on Feb 6th. I really hate it when I catch myself wishing the time away, time is so precious to me these days and I enjoy my days so much I don’t want them to fly by.
      If I don’t get satisfaction I will be taking it to the papers and my local politicians but I wanted to give them a chance to do the right thing first and not bite off my nose to spite my face.
      I just shake my head in disbelief. When he said to me “I don’t want to set you up for financial ruin” I almost laughed in his face, I wanted to say, “What kind of drugs are you on?!!!!” My God I am so far past financial ruin it is ridiculous! It was a totally ignorant thing to say, as in stupid! If he would have read my package he would have known what a stupid thing it was to say. But that is the whole thing, I really don’t think he is that intelligent, or maybe he thinks I am that stupid and he can feed me the same stock lines and I am going to accept it.
      I am so much stronger now and I will not go away quietly.
      Thank you Fee, you are always so supportive.
      Hugs to you and the wee Jacob the little cherub.
      xxxxxxooooo

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