When you are a victim of a narcissist you end up in a very negative place.
Once filled with optimism you feel you have lost faith and hope in ever finding happiness, of ever having dreams come true again in your life. The reason for this is because you once were a person filled with positive energy, you believed in miracles and the goodness in all people. You believed in good things happening to good people and that love begets love.
The narcissist recognized your optimism and was drawn to you like a moth to a flame, his dark toxic world, his hollow existence wanted your light, he wanted to feed off of your positive energy (nothing grows in darkness nothing can live in darkness forever, except vampires) and you wanted to save him from himself. You saw good in him and thought if you gave him goodness he would flourish with your love. You gave him the greatest gift anyone can give another human being.
You believed, like you have been always told; that if you treat someone with respect and love they will return it to you. No one told you that there are soul vampires out there who will feed off of your positive energy until they drain you and only give you toxic energy back.
Then the narcissist drains you and has to move on to new fresh supply and despises you for running out of positive energy, he hates you for expecting him to reciprocate the love because he hasn’t got it to give. Sure at first he acted like he was in love with you, he couldn’t get enough of you because he couldn’t; his negativity was pulling him down into a dark pit and when he started to suck your good energy he was rejuvenated for a time being. But the more energy he sucked out of you he replaced it with negative energy and eventually he started to get his own negative energy back.
Negative energy is bitter, rancid, and he spewed it all over you and you tried as hard as you could to swipe it off and counteract it with positive sweet energy. Every time you have broken away for even a few days you started to replenish your positive energy and he would be attracted to you again and immediately start sucking the life out of you again, every time it took longer for you to rebuild your supply. Like a car battery that is left to totally drain, every time you recharge it the charge doesn’t last as long and eventually it won’t hold a charge at all.
Batteries can be refurbished, just like we can be refurbished but you have to stop depleting it and let it build back up.
You feel negativity all around you, a black cloud that hangs over everything in your life, you sense impending doom, you have lost all faith in your dream. The reason your dreams died is because you were putting your energy into a black hole, you put your faith in someone who could never give you what you wanted or needed. Dreams still come true, good things still happen to good people, true love still exists and life is still worth living; you just have to stop wishing, hoping and dreaming for something that is impossible. How many times were you shown that the narcissist was not the person you thought he was? a dozen? 2 dozen? YOU refused to face reality, you tried to manipulate the situation into what you wanted and refused to give up your dreams. Where did it get you? In a big pit of negativity and despair. So how do you recover?
Stop focussing on someone who is negative energy and start focussing on positive energy, surround yourself with positive people, positive energy and block the negativity from your life. Perhaps there was a time in your life you had enough positive energy you could spare some but right now you are bottomed out and need to replenish and you have nothing left to give. You WILL rise and life will be good and positive things will come your way again but not if you keep dragging the negative back into your life. Cut the darkness from your life and mind. Move towards the light.
As Kim said the other day RISE UP from the ashes.
Think of the narcissist as a volcano full of venomous thick bile that he spews endlessly, the molten bile explodes destroying everything in its path, there is no stopping it, it is awe-inspiring to watch, beautiful even but deadly, get too close and it will consume you, destroy you but picture yourself as the phoenix rising from the ashes of destruction. Stronger, more beautiful than ever before. Rising up, up, up to the light and away from the toxic fumes and destruction.
Here are some quotes to help you on the way. A little top up of positive energy.