It’s Time to Admit the Truth

For those of you struggling with self doubt and resentment that he has moved on. If you feel you should be further along with your healing this is a post I dug out of the archives. It is from August 2011, 8 months after we split. I had found out he got engaged to his new victim in March (he met her in January).
To be honest I went back in my posts because I am starting to forget how I felt at what time in my recovery and thought I needed a refresher in order to be empathetic to the new victim’s coming in here.
I don’t want to lose patience with new victims of a narcissist. I want to be able to remember how much I hurt, the confusion, the self doubt. It’s hard to believe but he and I split at the beginning of December 2010. So how many years does that make it? Four years and 3 months. Haha there was a time I could have told you how many days, minutes and seconds.
I don’t ever want to forget totally because I never want to lose my compassion but time does heal all wounds, trust me when I say that.
As with childbirth the pain becomes a faint memory only difference is this time you are not giving birth to your child, you are giving birth to your inner child. It is painful in a different way but very similar in other ways. Just like childbirth the end result is so rewarding, given time you would do it all again. I don’t know that I would willingly go into another relationship with a narcissist but if given the chance I would not eliminate the experience from my life because the end result is rewarding enough I would not want to give up what I have now, the inner peace I have found. I hope you all take the time to learn the lessons this experience holds because they truly are worth the pain and not everyone is given the opportunity for that kind of personal growth. I hope you don’t mask the pain with another relationship, or grow so bitter you shut yourself off. I hope you all make this time about you and your growth and what you needed to learn from this life lesson because if you don’t learn the lesson you are doomed to repeat it until you do learn.
Please try to view this as a once in a lifetime opportunity to find inner peace and contentment and face it with an optimistic mind. The rewards are a life time of sunlight and possibilities

Ladywithatruck's Blog

It is the strangest feeling, knowing he is out there, loving someone else, probably saying and doing the same things he did with me in the beginning. He was so subtle about how he made his ex’s sound like horrible bitches. He has mastered the art of bragging or criticizing so that it looked like he really hates to say anything but wanted to be honest with you, he kind of hesitates as if he is thinking twice about saying anything and then says it almost apologetically. I believed him and I am sure she believes him now.

The thing is, even if he came to me and begged me to go back to him I couldn’t, it is so over and that is such an empty feeling.

I have had 3 marriages end, and I have never felt so empty, so much like I’ll never love again. I have…

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3 thoughts on “It’s Time to Admit the Truth

  1. It was my one year anniversary this past Saturday of finally kicking my narcissistic husband out, it was the hardest thing I ever did, but I stuck by my guns and never saw or spoke or contacted him again except to collect his things within the first week of separation.

    Last year this time I was devastated, blaming myself, asking all my friends did I do the right thing, could I have done more etc.etc.

    Let me tell you that this has been the best year of my life!! I am not saying it was easy, but the healing process of forgetting him went a lot quicker than I thought and I now have myself back and more to the point enjoy myself and need no one to fulfill me.

    The worst thing that is left over from my awful time with this man, is the scarring and when I do think of what I went through with him, the knowledge that I lived in an abyss and a very dark place due to him for many years. It can at times make me feel sad but the usual feeling I have is triumph and happiness that I got out of the hell hole.

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    • jacky, congrats on your one year anniversary!! wooo hooo!! Every victim that goes no contact right from the start has a much easier time (not easier, just easier) and quicker healing. You were so smart to stick to no contact.
      So proud of you, another victim gone from victim to victory!!
      hugs

      Like

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