For those of you struggling with self doubt and resentment that he has moved on. If you feel you should be further along with your healing this is a post I dug out of the archives. It is from August 2011, 8 months after we split. I had found out he got engaged to his new victim in March (he met her in January).
To be honest I went back in my posts because I am starting to forget how I felt at what time in my recovery and thought I needed a refresher in order to be empathetic to the new victim’s coming in here.
I don’t want to lose patience with new victims of a narcissist. I want to be able to remember how much I hurt, the confusion, the self doubt. It’s hard to believe but he and I split at the beginning of December 2010. So how many years does that make it? Four years and 3 months. Haha there was a time I could have told you how many days, minutes and seconds.
I don’t ever want to forget totally because I never want to lose my compassion but time does heal all wounds, trust me when I say that.
As with childbirth the pain becomes a faint memory only difference is this time you are not giving birth to your child, you are giving birth to your inner child. It is painful in a different way but very similar in other ways. Just like childbirth the end result is so rewarding, given time you would do it all again. I don’t know that I would willingly go into another relationship with a narcissist but if given the chance I would not eliminate the experience from my life because the end result is rewarding enough I would not want to give up what I have now, the inner peace I have found. I hope you all take the time to learn the lessons this experience holds because they truly are worth the pain and not everyone is given the opportunity for that kind of personal growth. I hope you don’t mask the pain with another relationship, or grow so bitter you shut yourself off. I hope you all make this time about you and your growth and what you needed to learn from this life lesson because if you don’t learn the lesson you are doomed to repeat it until you do learn.
Please try to view this as a once in a lifetime opportunity to find inner peace and contentment and face it with an optimistic mind. The rewards are a life time of sunlight and possibilities
It is the strangest feeling, knowing he is out there, loving someone else, probably saying and doing the same things he did with me in the beginning. He was so subtle about how he made his ex’s sound like horrible bitches. He has mastered the art of bragging or criticizing so that it looked like he really hates to say anything but wanted to be honest with you, he kind of hesitates as if he is thinking twice about saying anything and then says it almost apologetically. I believed him and I am sure she believes him now.
The thing is, even if he came to me and begged me to go back to him I couldn’t, it is so over and that is such an empty feeling.
I have had 3 marriages end, and I have never felt so empty, so much like I’ll never love again. I have…
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