The Narcissist Handbook


When I first started researching what happened to me I was constantly amazed at how similar everyone’s story was to my own. Here I had thought I was all alone and no one understood what I was going through then all of a sudden I was rereading posts of other people’s experiences because I thought I had somehow already commented or it was one of his ex’s. How on earth could all these women have the exact same experiences as me?

It became even more apparent when I started my blog. Sometimes someone would comment and it was so similar to my story I would go and check the IP number to see where the person was from; but from all corners of the world there are men and women telling the same story, right down to the same lines the narcissist uses.

How can they all be so much alike? Take any nationality, sure there are common traits among certain cultures but they don’t all use the same lines and do exactly the same things. Once you get to know what narcissists are like it is very easy to predict their next move.

They always think they are so special and unique when in fact they are the most predictable and boring people on earth.

I have an active imagination sometimes and have often thought perhaps they sold their souls to the devil in a previous life and are destined to do the devil’s work for ever more.

I have pictured an auditorium full of men (women are in another auditorium next door) talking among themselves and then the lights dim and the devil appears at the podium, clears his throat and waits for the room to fall silence, when it does he welcomes everyone and starts giving a course on “How to Get Everything You Want by Using Other People”.

At the end of the course he announces his new book,”Narcissism for Dummies 101″, is available for sale out in the lobby, and encourages everyone to buy it now for an introductory offer of 75% off the suggested retail price. It is the perfect accompaniment to the course.  Inside there are chapters titled,

” The Chameleon – Becoming A “Soul Mate” To Anyone In 10 Easy Steps”,

“Juggling 101 – How To Have Multiple Partners Fighting For Your Attention”. and the invaluable chapter

“History – Rewriting History To Suit Your Agenda (and drive your partner crazy)” and the ever popular,

“Word Salad – A Dictionary for Narcissists Listing Double Means For Words”.

But that’s not all!! oh no!! If you buy the book tonight you can get the special one time offer of 50% off on the “Narcissist Phrases Book” a handy-dandy little reference book every narcissist should have for those times when you want to baffle them with bullshit. Phrases for every possible occasion, “Phrases for when you are caught cheating”, “Phrases to instill guilt’, “Phrases to cause confusion.” No self-respecting narcissist should be without it!

Not only that! For tonight only, a special preferred customer offer, for purchasing the phrase book; for a mere $5, we will throw in the “Facial Expressions That Make You Look Almost Human” an invaluable guide for any soulless person (and it comes with a mirror!!!) it is much like the series of books for children, the “Mr” books (ie: Mr Grumpy, Mr. Happy). and clearly shows how to make a happy face, Sad face, Mad face, Sorry face and much more, the book also gives examples of when the various facial expressions are appropriate. (we will not be held liable should you use the wrong expression at the wrong time and you use the book at your own risk that it may blow up in your face, at which time follow the narcissist motto: deny deny deny)

And that’s not all folks!! Oh no!! because we appreciate your purchase so much, as our thanks to you, we are throwing in the Narcissist Game; yours to keep whether you keep the rest of the package or not. Get hours of enjoyment playing the Narcissist Game with friends, lovers, and family, ripping them off right under their noses, our gift to you!

If for any reason you are not satisfied with the books you can return them for a complete refund up to 60 days after the date of purchase, no questions asked. Just ship back to us COD and we will cover the costs of shipping and handling, and remember you get to KEEP the Narcissist Game as our gift to you!!

(as in true narcissist fashion the guarantee is total bullshit and you will never get your money back, in fact we will charge you twice on your charge card and totally disappear off the face of the earth and open under a different name. You took the course, you should know better than to think a narcissist would ever be true to their word. We say anything to get what we want, we promise anything and totally deny it later anyway and if you don’t know that you should take the course over again. We offer a refresher course for half price!)

22 thoughts on “The Narcissist Handbook

  1. Omg, hilarious and so true. Thanks so much for continuing to help me heal. 12 years abused, 4 weeks in treatment. Life gets better every day thanks to people like you that share.


    1. Dawn , glad you got a laugh out of it! you are more than welcome, believe me it is my pleasure to know I have healed someone heal! Way to go!! Proud of you! you go girl! keep looking forward and stay no contact and you will do just fine.


  2. Great post, Carrie. Saw myself in this paragraph almost painfully so in this from your blog:

    “But that’s not all!! oh no!! If you buy the book tonight you can get the special one time offer of 50% off on the “Narcissist Phrases Book” a handy-dandy little reference book every narcissist should have for those times when you want to baffle them with bullshit. Phrases for every possible occasion, “Phrases for when you are caught cheating”, “Phrases to instill guilt’, “Phrases to cause confusion.” No self-respecting narcissist should be without it!”

    So well written and so true. I was often what I call mindf***ed so badly, I actually believed him. I believed I was ugly. I believed no one else would ever want me. I believed I was lucky to have him. I believed he wouldn’t do IT again (IT being gambling addiction, alcohol addiction, raunchiest of porn addictions ever). He confessed a wrong doing of 20 years prior (just after we first married) to me in the late 1990’s that I could never get over. The victim of that wrong doing described what happened EXACTLY as my ex confessed it and NO PROMPTING was done, just asked, “Did he ever hurt you in any way?” Yes. The answer was yes but the details matching the confession just did my head right in. Of course, he minimized that saying he was drunk and can’t really remember so it probably didn’t even really happen was what he wanted me to believe. But he was stone cold SOBER when he made the confession to me. Whatever it was that he was doing wrongly, he would promise to get help, go for addictions counseling, anger management or relationship counseling and never ever did. And likely never ever will. My best friend took up with him (though she knew what I had endured for twenty some years of our friendship, she said he just needed “the right woman”). Odd she broke off with him just 18 months later saying, “I see now why Janice had to leave you.”

    My problems I thought I was free of have manifested in my life in ways I never could have dreamed of. That same friend kicked me into PtSD, yes, physically kicked me when he (ex) was holding my arms and I was helpless. Worst nightmare of my life to be thrust into PTSD. I am not out of the woods on that yet and may never be. But I now also have other health conditions including Fibromyalgia that leave me bedridden some days in the dark and quiet.

    There are a couple of sisters of mine who made this entire ordeal worse by siding with him against me. Even though he confessed and his victim’s description of what happened is EXACTLY the same as the confession. They don’t care about that. They, somewhat like him, care only about HURTING, power and control of HURTING others. There are a lot of mental health issues in the mix with both of those sisters suffering social phobia, anxiety, depression and more all while on and off medication over the years. Birds of a feather and all that, I guess, since they are still friends with him on social media and recently tried to extract information about me from him in a very deviant fashion, telling him lies about me to hook his interest, they told him I was seen all dirty and disheveled in a store, my hair a big mess and I was looking at the floor talking to it. He called me because he was upset but upon learning he was “played” he is very angry and the irony is that the sister who called him is the one he always warned me off of, saying “you can’t tell her anything, she is so two faced and such a drama queen, you can’t trust her.” Ironic. Apparently, hurting people matters more to some than kindness of being.

    I thought I was free when I left him, I sobbed with joy and relief that I finally broke free and could start a new life for myself. That new life was short lived because in typical sociopath fashion, he went for someone close to me (they often go for sisters, friends, cousins, etc anyone that will hurt you most) and I was reeled back into the most nightmarish three – four years of my life. I would say even worse than when I was with him, I was just so in shock. Does he care? No. Only in relation to himself. Anything in relation to himself is a drama etc. Anything to do with anyone else, he is very scornful and says, “Get over it.”

    My excuse for staying so long? I don’t have one. Other than I was 19 when we met and his long hair,(my mom always called him Ringo, he looked so much like Ringo), his British accent and guitar playing ways seemed a good fit for a dreamy poet girl with aspirations beyond the stars.

    Sorry I wrote so much here, don’t mean to highjack your blog. Just flew out of me. Hugs to you, Carrie, and thanks again for being such an inspiration for so many of us. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. janni, no worries about your length of comment, that’s what I am here for, a place to vent! Thank you for sharing, PTSD is crippling, and so many victims end up with Fibromyalgia, of course it is a stress related illness. you have been to hell and you are almost all the way back, just keep looking forward. It doesn’t help to have family that works against you. Family should be there through thick and thin but with narcissist nothing is sacred. Vile people that they are.
      You are so much better than any of them and will feed off of each other for awhile and then turn on each other, there is no loyalty with any of them, not even to their own kind. It’s actually funny when a narc screws over another narc because the first narc was trying to screw over the other one and they keep trying to get one up on the other one and thinking they are each so smart and they end up making fools of themselves. We need to all point and laugh and walk away shaking our heads.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I have just escaped my N after close to 23 years of of marriage…. When I realized about four years ago what was going on, it was like waking up from anesthesia, I felt groggy and yucky and sick to my stomach. Nevertheless, happy to have survived the “surgical procedure”. N’s want to labotomize their prey.

      I know it has been several months since you posted this. I hope you are feeling better and have healed mentally, spiritually, and physically….

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Well done Carrie. Could this be the book you are writing? Anybody think the subject matter is ridiculous? Well good then, because narcissists are ridiculous! When you can see the humor in the situation, then that’s a great indication of a high level healing having taken place! You’ve gotten past the pain, and are able to look at the big picture.

    I like that phrase – “They always think they are so special and unique when in fact they are the most predictable and boring people on earth.” My cerebral narcissistic ex does indeed think that way. He’s scrawny, bald headed with a huge hook nose, big pot belly and thinks he’s the greatest thing since mashed potatoes! He’s gonna turn 70 in about 12 days, but he looks closer to 80 or 90! Seriously!

    He thinks he’s so smart, but he’s boring, and anything he says has a ring shallowness which tells me he’s not worth my time and attention! In fact, I’ve outwitted him numerous times without even trying! By now, I’ve actually got him afraid of me! That’s true! I’m tougher and meaner than crabgrass! LOL.

    BTW, Carrie, it’s wonderful to see how you’re turning your situation around! You go girl! Love you, and with warm wishes for a bright, shiny future for you!


  4. Oh man. This is so very right on, and so way too true, all of it. (And I can tell I’ve healed a lot since breaking up with my N because I actually LOL’d at your seminar guidebooks sales pitch. )


  5. It’s kinda creepy how they all operate the same. It does make ya wonder if hey had gatherings to share tricks, traps, and triggers. I like that you turned such ugliness, into something humorous. Actually Made me smile. 🙂 Thanks Carrie. Warm wishes. Love and Light!


    1. All of these things and more….. – Phyco’s, Sociopaths, narcistists – all roll into one piece of madness.
      and the madder you are – more they love it…….get’s them “off” in a weird, perverted way……that normal people have no idea what a car-wreck they are in until the mask comes off.
      Love reading Carrie’s handbook – made me laugh. Sure we all could contribute towards this.
      I could write a best-seller about his perverted, stupid, cruel antics.
      Saw “it” in court this week – boy was he mad…..because he couldn’nt retrive some articles from the house after we made the final settlement. Nearly attacked my Solicitor…….. like a child who can’nt get its own way. Solicitor said he was a car-crash waiting to happen…….. After 3 years of the agony and him wanting to see me on the streets. I have given him 25 per cent of the house I paid for…….but take great delight at the fact that I have his documents – they want control to the end…….Don’nt give them an inch ………The Devil will move onto another love of their life?? They think they are invicable?? They have no love, apart from them-selves.
      Good Karma to you


      1. Marrohop, I am glad to hear court is over for you. Now you can get on with your life. I know it sucks to lose 25% of what you worked for but it could have been worse and now you don’t have that hanging over your head and you can do whatever you want with his “documents” they always leave something behind so they have a reason to contact the victim even years down the road. He could call you tomorrow and be as sweet as pie and ask you to come back to him. They are so lacking in human emotion they can’t possibly understand why you would be upset to have to give him anything.
        They don’t understand why we don’t happily hand over everything we owe to them and be grateful we were one of the chosen ones. LOL
        Good Karma to you!! much love, peace and serenity now that he is truly out of your life.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Rebecca, all psychopaths are narcissists but not all narcissists are psychopaths. Actually the verdict is out on whether there is a distinction between narc and psychopath, some professionals say they are the same thing. The facts are neither one has a conscience so without a conscience to guide them they go through life doing exactly what they want when they want which is scary in itself. Personally I think that a narcissist is just a psychopath who hasn’t killed someone yet and you never know when they will crack. They are the most dangerous people on earth because unlike any other mental disorder they have no obvious symptoms and can go undetected in society for most of their lives and don’t get discovered until they do kill someone or get caught at some other crime. But they have always done horrible damage before they are identified.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Hi Carrie. Hope you are doing OK and your health has improved. Please, Please, write a book about narcs. Should think it will bring in money to support you. I am willing to donate £10. to your cause. I live in England as you probably know,. You have enlightened some many people’s lives with your blog. Supported me on many a dark day and other’s to know how the “minds?” of the narc works. After 10 years of marriage, 2 years divorced. Thankfully retained my house due to family love. Never knew how evil, self-serving, and couldn’nt explain the behaviour, until I read your blog. Explained everything. Much love and good Karma Carrie xxx


Don't be shy, add your comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.