Remember the Covert

This was James to a T. I got a knot in my stomach reading it. After 5 years away from him I almost forget the hell life with him was. I used to have a perpetual sick stomach, waiting for “payback” on some imagined slight against him. We would have a fight and I would wait to see what got broken, lost, driven over, thrown in the mud or spray painted (by accident of course) I own absolutely nothing from before I met James, he destroyed every single thing I owned, every momento from when Kris was a baby.
It’s funny I bought a $400 car 2 years ago and have done nothing more than put oil in it the whole time. I was with James for 10 years and I never had a vehicle run for more than a few months without breaking down.

Grace for my Heart

It’s Narcissist Friday!  

I have been reading some of the more popular writing on narcissism these days, just to see what’s out there. One of the things I notice is that most of the writing is done to expose the overt narcissist. They like to talk about the overbearing boss, the critical mother, the abusive husband; but they usually share characteristics almost anyone would reject. What people often miss are the characteristics of the covert narcissist.

Covert narcissists would rarely be called abusers, but they can push people to suicide. Covert narcissists are not loud and arrogant, but tend to be much more manipulative and subtly cruel. They don’t call people stupid or lazy, at least not to their faces; but covert narcissists will make you feel stupid or lazy and leave you wondering why. Covert narcissists are the real crazy-makers.

Four years ago, shortly after I started Narcissist Fridays…

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3 thoughts on “Remember the Covert

  1. Mary Langner

    I woke up to HLN’s morning news cast this am and the co anchors were talking about a new study on Narcissism. You would have thought they were talking about clowns at a circus, saying everyone has a little narcissism in them. Laughing and casually talking about the results as if it were a study on stubbing your toe. This is exactly the problem with this subject! Nothing is funny about have money stolen, your heart ripped out, things destroyed and physical trauma! Again and I will continue to repeating this, THANK YOU CARRIE and keep up the good work. We need to educate the world on these emotional vampires!

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  2. Nessa

    Thanks for posting this… Ive kept reading and reading and until now, know he is a covert narcissist. He would only fit a few of the traits of other types of narcissists. He is very, very patient. He enjoys helping others, being the hero… if it doesnt take toooo much energy from him. He will throw money at a problem to be the hero too. And, on the other hand, enjoys playing the martyr when things dont turn out in his favor. Its weird how i have this need to explain to friends how he behaves so I dont seem soooo duped. This man did very romantic things, said very romantic things.. he acted perfectly. He never physically abused me. He actually was my hero years ago. Stepped in when my husband at the time was choking/slapping me. So, i had put him on a pedastal years ago. He is still contacting me even though he is now with “the only other woman he’s ever loved”. My no contact is just a lil over a month.. and i still crave his encouraging attention. It’s really a warped situation. And, people do not understand completely unless youve been in the situation. I know deep down this will not be the last woman he will be with.. but, it still stings. I am trying to move on… 2015 will be my helping my life to be happy! (Im still trying to convince myself… sooooooo hard!!)

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