Often the relationship with the narcissist ends because the narcissist decides he “deserves better”, “can’t take it any more”, “Can’t deal with your dysfunctional behaviour” (those were the excuses James gave for ending it) your ex may have had his own reasons for ending it; it doesn’t really matter. What matters is he left YOU, WTF???!! after all you went through, all the shit you tolerated, all the times you forgave him and took him back, HE has the nerve to leave YOU???!!
Maybe it was you to leave, if you look at it literally I was the one to pack up my stuff and walk out the door; but he made it so bad I had to go or die. Depending on when you talked to him or who he was talking to; the story changed, sometimes I was the one to desert him other times he was the one to leave my psycho ass.
It really doesn’t matter too much who or why the final split came; now you are trying to heal your broken heart and it isn’t going near fast enough for you or the people who know you.
First of all I have done many posts on this topic and don’t want to repeat myself because many of you have probably read them already so here are the links for those of you struggling:
That is just half of the posts I have done on healing, no contact and how to get through this. I am never sure if people come in here, find the support forum and never go any further; I hope not. It is great to have people to talk to who understand but you need to still be reading and educating yourself. To continually discuss how much you are hurting and how horrible the narcissist was/is embedding the narcissist deeper into your brain. Your brain automatically goes to thoughts of the narc because that is where it has gone for how ever long. Our brains only know what we put in it, so if all we think about is the narc that is who we are going to continue to think about. See what a vicious cycle that is? How do we stop it? by not talking about the N all the time, but by working on ourselves.
Now don’t be offended, I am not saying you are flawed or you need to change, not in the least! I am saying instead of focusing on how horrible the narcissist is, change your focus to how great you are. If while thinking about how great you are you find there are parts you don’t like, change them. You can do that; he can’t. Do what you can to make things better for you. It takes a brave person to take an honest look at yourself and it doesn’t happen in a day.
But from this day forward, on your journey of healing; try this. Instead of panicking and allowing the anxiety to over take you, analyze why you are feeling the way you do, be the logical, rational, friend you would be to someone else going through this. Be your own BFF. It may sound like I am crazy but, we all have an inner dialogue going on in our heads 24/7, “Why did you say that? you dummy” “You look ok but your butts too big” “I am stupid” “I have to keep the house clean all the time” Whatever …………. it’s your dialogue. It is not necessarily the truth though, it is a bunch of bull shit we have been fed all our lives and every time we repeat it we embed it deeper in our brains until we really believe it about ourselves. Question yourself on every thought you have and make conscious decisions about your actions.
Right now you are running on raw emotion and nerves; stop! think! analyze! and then decide! Stop making your decision based on emotion and lies.