My Canadian neighbor and fellow blogger Lou, from “Tales From The Conspiratum” had this post yesterday about Empaths and I have a sneaky suspicion most of you will be able to relate to this video.
I have done other posts on empaths.
Well that is a lot of reading material! Like I have said before; I believe that a large part of healing is digging into our own personality and how we relate to other people. I want to reiterate that I do not blame the victim for their own abuse, no one is immune to a narcissist but there are some people who are more damaged by the narcissist’s abuse and have a harder time healing.
Some people come in here and say, “I dumped his ass and I am happy he is out of my life.” it makes the rest of us think “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be happy he is out of my life, how can I love someone who did the things he did to me?”
What is the difference between the two people? the later are more than likely empaths. If you are like me you have never even heard of empaths, but your whole life you have been told you are “too sensitive”, you have always “sensed” when something bad was going to happen, you usually took your own vehicle anywhere because you wanted to be able to leave any time the urge struck you, you tend to lock yourself away when you are hurt, large crowds can drain you and you can only take being in a crowd for so long and then you HAVE to get away and be alone for a while. Have you ever noticed some people seem to drain the life out of you? or cause you to get anxious and edgy. I know many of you feel “dirty” after being with the narcissist.
My family has always said I am “flakey” , I don’t know about you but I don’t take that as a compliment but I bet most of you have been called similar things your whole life. So when the narcissist told you that you were crazy, too sensitive, imagining things; you believed him; after all you have been told it your whole life.
When we met him he pretended to be so sensitive and seemed to appreciate our sensitivity, we felt we had finally met someone who could relate to us and appreciate us for who we are, we felt accepted for the first time in our lives. After a while I realized James exploited my sensitivity, he would set things up for me to help someone and in the process appeared to be charitable and giving himself but actually I was the one doing the work.
I have always rooted for the underdog, always been willing to fight for the rights of people who couldn’t for themselves, hated injustice of any kind and so when James was “falsely accused” I would jump to his defense. I had a very clear sense of right and wrong and have always been considered a very honest and lawful person, highly respected by my peers, James needed that. Because he lived on the edge of legalities and had blown it with his family he needed to me to give him respectability again in the eyes of his family. he needed to blame the past women in his life for his fall from grace and prove it by being with a woman who would never tolerate lying, stealing or abusing anyone. While we were together I went to his defense over allegations against him more times than I can count. I defended him adamantly and people believed me. After all I was so honest and respectable, he must be also, he became respectable by association.
Not only did he steal my respectability he also got great pleasure from destroying it, he wanted to bring me down to his level, what a great accomplishment in his eyes and then the coup de gras, he left me broken and he walked away professing to be the epitome of respectability and claiming I was the toxic one and how relieved he was to be away from my warped ideas and corrupt way of thinking. The ultimate kick in the gut to an empath.
An empath always thinks about how their actions will affect everyone else before they do anything, we are always willing to give the benefit of doubt because we don’t want to misjudge someone, we want to believe that everyone has good in them. When the narcissist is quiet or doesn’t seem sorry we assign him emotions we would be feeling instead of taking it at face value and accepting he just doesn’t give a shit. The narcissist doesn’t have to work that hard at lying to us because we want to believe the good in him, we aren’t cynical and can’t possibly relate to the things he does. I remember one time going to James while he was in POF and saying, “I try to not take it seriously that you are in POF because I think you do it because you need to know you could get a woman if you really wanted to and it doesn’t have anything to do with me pursay. and you wouldn’t ever do anything about it” His reply was “Something like that.”
More than likely you knew in your gut when he was screwing around or lying but you chose to ignore your gut because, after all you have been laughed at and criticized your whole life for being too sensitive; so now you feel stupid for not listening to your gut instincts. You are criticized for being too sensitive AND for being so stupid for believing his lies; you lose no matter how you look at it.
Well quit feeling like a loser and realize you are an empath and learn to live with it and appreciate it for what it is; a gift.
Below is a personality type test that I have found very interesting and enlightening, it also really helped with my healing and acceptance of myself and my unique personality. My results vary between being an INFP and an INFJ because I fall right in the middle between perceiving and judging, today when I took the test I was an INFP which comprises only 4 % of the population, no wonder everyone has always thought there was something wrong with me and why I often felt I wasn’t understood. For me, finding out that I am a “personality type” and not “wrong” was very healing and explained so much for me. I am hoping you get the same result and experience some healing from getting to know yourself better.