Here we are, another holiday that we envision the ex is having a wonderful time with his/her new partner, and THIS year he might be pretending to be the sweet generous guy you met, just like he pretended to be that sweetheart with you, he is going to do it with her.
If you are torturing yourself thinking about how he is treating her so much better than you, then don’t forget to tell yourself the whole story, don’t forget the part where out of the blue he jumps down her throat about something stupid. Don’t forget when Christmas comes and there are no presents under the tree for her, don’t forget to think about how she is going to be so shocked and confused the first time he flies into a rage over some perceived slight, don’t forget to envision her cooking a nice family dinner and he doesn’t show up.
You do have power over what you think about. Thoughts of him/her may creep in but as soon as they do, change how you think about him, it is fine to think about him, it is normal to worry that with her he is different, but it is not reality; you have to fight the lies and tell yourself the truth. Our minds can be our worst enemy, making us doubt ourselves and beat ourselves up, we are not always honest with ourselves so when we start telling ourselves lies we have to argue with our brain. It takes works, we have to be diligent, it’s easy to slip into a pity party, “She’s getting everything I wanted and never got”. Even if she was, it does you no good to think about; you are only torturing yourself BUT I’ll tell you a little secret the narcissist doesn’t want you to know.
Ready?? It is impossible for someone to change over night. No one can change over night and think about it; what did you do to make him turn so nasty just to you. It must have been something really really horrible for them to treat you with such loathing! Even then, if it was THAT bad why didn’t they just leave you? They went and found your replacement first? Normal healthy people don’t do that, normal healthy people need time to recoup after a love relationship ends, they can’t fall madly in love with someone else within a week or two.
The narcissist is make believe, just like the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. The only way he could change over night is if his Fairy Godmother twanged him in the middle of the night and I hear there is no such thing as a Fairy Godmother, just like there is no such thing as a narcissist with a heart. Unless he has met Dorothy, the Lion and Toto and he wears a suit of armor and goes by the name of Tin Man and they are hopping up the yellow brick road with the Easter Bunny looking for a Wizard so they can get the Tin Man a heart.
The new woman will believe she is Dorothy for a while, she will believe the fantasy just like you did. She will happily hippity hop down the yellow brick road with the Tin Man believing she can buy or beg him a heart but she will eventually end up just like you.
So this Easter, and tomorrow and the day after, keep reminding yourself that he was a fantasy and never will be any more real than Easter Bunny.
I wrote this post at Christmas this year but it fits for Easter too.