Another Murder Only This Time The Children Died

I could not believe what I was hearing on the radio. They were talking about a woman who had been murdered by her boyfriend and the bodies were found in a trailer. I thought I was hearing an update to the murder earlier this week but then they said 3 children were found dead along with their mother in Tisdale Saskatchewan. I found this news story about it.

From what the news is saying, the boyfriend and the mother of the children had an on again off again relationship lately. A good friend of the woman said no one suspected he would do something like this and she had often wished she could find a man like him because he treated his girlfriend so well and loved her so much. Yet a close family member of the woman called him emotionally abusive, jealous and controlling. Steve, the murderer, took pictures of the dead family, mother and 3 children under the age of 9 and sent them to the father of the children via text message. Apparently, the new boyfriend had really resented the fact that the father came to the home to visit the children often. 

Sound familiar? super sweet in front of other people yet emotionally abusive, controlling and jealous behind doors, he was never physically violent before, “only” emotionally abusive, jealous and controlling.

Still doubting whether you should stay no contact?

Even if you don’t care if something happens to you, YOU are an adult and you can do whatever you want to do, you can put your life at risk, you can play Russian Roulette all you want, but if you have children; they don’t have a choice and they will suffer with you whatever happens, or die with you. Is anything worth risking your child’s well being? Is this “love” worth your child’s life?

I understand that those of you who have a child with a narcissist/psychopath are scared to death for your child’s safety and I don’t blame you and certainly don’t want to add to your fears and you do have to abide by court ordered child custody agreements and you do have to talk to the narcissist but you don’t have to be his “friend”. You are still far better off and less likely to incur his wrath if you keep it cool and use the “Grey Rock Method” of dealing with him/her. What is more likely to insight his rage is an on again off again relationship.

I can’t help but wonder if the woman would have continued to see him had she ever visited this site and knew she wasn’t crazy, and if she wouldn’t have had a friend telling her that she wished she could meet a wonderful man like that; if thimgs would have been different.

Everyone has to keep speaking out,keep spreading the word about these people so they can’t hide behind their masks and lies any more. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are paranoid, vindictive, or over reacting. If your gut says you are in danger believe your gut, if it is telling you that something is just not right; get out!!

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “Another Murder Only This Time The Children Died

  1. Reblogged this on Love—Life—OM and commented:
    Please read this. You can’t be a sociopath’s friend or continue having an on-again and off-again romance. Doing so only makes them feel more and more in control and results in them becoming more and more out of control when he/she doesn’t get his/her way. My ex was VERY jealous of my son’s father and treated my son like the enemy because of it. If you can’t end the insanity for yourself, end it for the sake of your children’s safety and future.

    Like

  2. When I read this I am thankful I don’t let him see Jacob, although my ex was NOT jealous….I think he caused them emotions in me always having finding out about another ‘friend’ of his or secret lifts etc…I now realise he picked on something that he saw would bother me and made sure my confidence went….however, most people who he wants in his life…like his sisters and friends….none of them would think what he did to me was true. He was known as ‘hulk’ where he lost his temper…but apparently only for things that would bother anyone….like abuse to women….which makes me laugh so much because he never admits he was abusive to me, when he ragged my hair out, threw me around his house, locked me in a room, spat at me, mocked me, broke my things, lied, put on blue gloves to clean me and my items up, film me, drive us off the motorway etc etc…none of this was abusive…all of this was my fault for pushing him too far and for being jealous as he couldn’t handle me. Sometimes the guy doesn’t have to show signs of jealousy or even controlling…as he would tell me to do as I wanted and he didn’t own me….but ACTIONS are what matters, so if your partner doesn’t show signs of other things…look at his actions as that is what counts…his actions should be the same in front of others as when that door shuts….

    Like

    • Fee, you make some excellent points, James never showed jealousy either. He pretended to not care one Iota where I was or who I was with. I often felt he didn’t care at all. He never called to see why I was late or ask where I had been. I truly didn’t think he cared at all if I left him. He had learned from past relationships that jealousy was not well received and people would think less of him if he showed jealousy. He used to say that jealousy was a useless emotion.
      What I didn’t realize for most of the relationship is he controlled me by other means, ie: sabotaging my vehicle, making me dependent on him, basically making me his prisoner due to no money and no means of getting away. Jealousy does not always appear obvious. Your ex knew you were very beautiful and could have any man you wanted if you wanted. He controlled you by demeaning you and destroying your self confidence, making you think you couldn’t get any other man and were lucky to have him.
      No one would have ever believed James was abusive to me, he too used to speak out against any man who abused a woman and go on about how he would never hit a woman etc; and I would site there quietly knowing full well he had hit me only days before. When his sister was with a guy who abused her he sat with me telling her she deserved and the guy was a loser etc and the whole while I am listening to her tell stories that matched the abuse I was getting from her brother and thinking, “what the hell am I doing? how can he sit here and pretend he doesn’t abuse me?” I finally told her the truth.
      He was such a nice guy in front of everyone else. No one would believe he ever hit me, he let people walk all over him all the time. He was a wimp in front of other people.
      Even the first few time he was violent with me I was more in shock than anything because it seemed so out of character, he didn’t even look like james, the anger didn’t suit him; unbeknownst to me I was seeing the real James.
      I think so many times people think jealousy is obvious and it can be the opposite. I used to think there is no way a man would ever control me, tell me if I could work or not or tell me where I can go or who I can see and I still feel that way; and it never would happen. But it never did happen that way with James either, he would find other ways to prevent me from doing what I wanted to do, making me lose my job, my vehicle never working right, hiding my car keys.
      There was a time I thought for sure you were going to end up dead at the hands of your ex and I am so relieved every time I hear you talk with such strength.
      You are amazing Fee!
      Hugs and love you and the wee Jacob!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you Carrie, I am 18 mths out of the relationship and knew in my heart I would never go back, but I heard one woman total deny she was with an abusive man just because he wasn’t jealous or seem to be controlling…..I sat and told her neither was dave….that he put them emotions in me….blackmailed me with things but ur right carrie, it was done by manipulation…..quietly killing me, making me believe it was my fault….not all is what it seems. I will send you some pics of Jacob, he is so big now…6 teeth and just a dumpling….I pray he will be nothing like his dad xx

        Like

  3. Over a month ago I cut off my ex boyfriend from seeing our son because he rages at me in front of him. I was always waiting for him to make good on his threats to harm me. But when he yelled at our 2 year old son for just talking to me on the phone and then brought him home in middle of night, I said enough. My son was trau matinee by that. I stood up to him and said the only way you’ll see him again is through the court system.
    This article reinforces I made the right decision. My ex is very jealous & controlling. He has also threatened me so many times and says he wishes I was dead. I struggle so much because I think we should be able to get along and raise our beautiful son. He keeps saying I took “something” From him! Something?? Obviously you can figure out how he thinks. Thanks for posting stories and support. When I feel weak or on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I read. I am overly prepared for this man. I have a German Shepherd, knives, pepper spray and a .38 special. I feel as though I have to be prepared. What a terrible existence! It’s been 9 months and it just doesn’t end.

    Like

  4. Wow this is the first article Ive seen about narcissist that says, “Everyone has to keep speaking out,keep spreading the word about these people so they can’t hide behind their masks and lies any more.” All the other articles says run away, hide, no contact, dont confront, dont say anything. is that because the victims are usually women and women are not expected to be fighters? Why doesnt anyone ever say the names of these men? Would that be illegal to say the name of the person you had a relationship with? I just warned the new woman my ex-narc brought to church with him after I broke up with him 30 days ago. I am a fighter, I challenged him every step of the way, I did no give him money, he gave me money and gifts to try to win me over. I told him I was never going to marry him or have kids with him and after another attempted three day silent treatment, I broke up with him abruptly, confronted him about his illness and refused to be friends unless he seek help. He then showed up to church last week with a woman he was clearly already seeing during our relationship. I told her everything, including showed her pictures, text messages, incoming phone calls and even let her listen to a voicemail. She was crying so I believe she will continue to date him, but atleast I was loyal to another woman and warned her. I told her to google the disorder and find out for herself. I also told one of his co-workers who happens to work with people with special needs and evidently the co-worker asked him about it. I want to post his name, and the information everywhere. He is a weak, manipulative, cheating, lying mentally ill looser and I want other women to know. he is a covert narcisist, so he plays the victim role, hiding behind a stutter, church and suppossedly and verbally and physically abusive father. He is supposedly such a nice guy that women have taken advantage of. Does anyone else want to out these guys, can we start a website, blog, something women can check? Would this be illegal? Someone please let me know?

    Like

    • Cindy, when I say to speak out I should add that you have to do it in such a way as to not anger the narcissist. There are many reasons a victim may stay quiet,
      1. No one believes her and she is told she is too sensitive, paranoid or being vindictive
      2. When you try to warn the new victim they rarely believe you because he has already warned her that his ex is a psycho bitch that wants to ruin his life. He is always the victim.
      3. Fear. They are afraid of him and just want to keep a low profile and hope he leaves them alone, so they go in a corner and quietly lick their wounds.

      There is no way a person can do a site naming their ex’s as narcissists without legal ramifications. For one thing, these people have not been diagnosed professionally, anyone could come on the site and say anything they want about someone and there is no way to verify it. You would have narcissist coming in and saying things about the victim and ruining the victim’s good name.
      The wrath of a narcissist is not what you want; when my ex found my website he set out to destroy me, he tried to get me fired, evicted, and had a tracking device on my vehicle and hacked into my cel phone. I went through hell for over a year and I was not even naming him at that point. He started several blogs where he used my full name and Ladywithatruck slandering me, basically accusing me of everything he had done to me. I finally put up a post naming him and where he lived and then he backed down a bit. He would put one blog up for a week or two, take it down and put another one up, take it down and out another one up. There was nothing I could do legally because it would be gone before I had a chance.
      I ended up having a 2nd heart attack from the stress of it. I still don’t regret starting the blog but there have been some very strong ramifications from it. He did damage my reputation and jeopardize my future security; if only by causing me to have a heart attack and lose my job.
      I would recommend you put your attention onto raising awareness about domestic abuse and focus less on “outing” your ex. Bad mouthing your ex comes across as being vindictive and spiteful and only gives him more evidence that you are a wicked bitch trying to make his life hell. I know you are telling the truth but what other people hear from him and see is you being vindictive.

      You will never be able to warn all the women who come into his life, you will be more effective saving women if you talk openly about your experiences with young women, warn them of the signs, teach young women to set boundaries and mentor young women to be strong and self confident, so they don’t let a man devalue them.

      My ex had an ex who spent the rest of her days trying to warn every woman he got with after her and he warned me about her and how she would call me and try to make trouble between us. Which she did, and I didn’t listen because he had told me she was a vindictive drunk and she sounded like a vindictive drunk. But how did she have my number if he didn’t give it to her, he liked the drama of her calling, he loved the attention. She finally died a lonely bitter drunk and he reveled in the fact that she never got over him.

      I vowed to never be that woman.

      it is natural to want to warn women about your ex but you could be putting yourself in danger also. Please be careful, there are other ways you can stop the abuse of ALL women and raise awareness about narcissists as a whole without naming your ex and putting yourself in danger.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Thank you for the download suggestions. I will definitely read them. I’ve asked my boss for a 6 months detail across the country. I’m praying it will be the chance I need to take care of myself and my son. I am so hypervigilant that my stress is so high. No one will ever understand the PTSD this causes unless you go through it. It truly is psychological warfare. Even tho my own situation is bad enough, I truly worry and feel just awful for women that are dependent and have little means or support. I could not even imagine their terror. At least I have my family surrounding me and am ok financially. ( I supported him). I search all the time for answers on his disorder. It angers me so much! These f!##/ bullies! How dare they do this and especially to the children. I guess it is what it is. I will never be with anyone again for fear of this. The kids that are murdered as a result of these people…that is the true tragedy and with God’s help I will do anything to protect my child. Thanks for your blog and I’m sorry what you went through to help other women…you are an inspiration Lady with a truck! Sorry for the rant, but its nice to know someone understands, listens and repiles!

    Like

  6. I just shook my head when I read this, but I also thank you for posting it because, it reminds me how many times lives are lost through people giving one more chance to abusive, violent and manipulative people. Some people are simply dangerous, and every skill they have is designed to draw you into their web. Get away now is all I can think to say, to anyone in that situation, and yet I know that is the hardest advice to follow

    Like

  7. How horrifying. And such a terrible but powerful example of why the “off again, on again” relationship is so very very dangerous with these types of people. THANK YOU for the work you do. Speaking out and educating and empowering women is so vitally important. I have started my own work, doing the same, even though at times, it’s frightening. I cannot live a life based in fear, though. And it is through women like you who helped me when I most needed to make sense of what cannot be made sense of. Thank you.

    Like

    • Olivia Rose, thank you for letting me know I have been of some help to you and congratulations on now helping other women. It is the only way we will ever end domestic abuse, speaking out and educating people and supporting those who come behind us.
      Thank you for your comment.
      HUgs

      Like

  8. I m so glad this is posted . They wear
    A mask all the time , they do a lot
    Of damage to children and they
    Are above the law and rules . One
    Thing they are very predictable .
    My daughter got out thank god
    But her son didn’t . The post tells
    All. There IS NO empathy from the
    Narsasist . It’s all about them.They
    Have a back of making them selvs look good and you a monster.

    Like

Don't be shy, add your comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s