Narcissistic Rage

I wanted to pass along this excellent post from Grace For My Heart about narcissistic rage.
The whole post is the truth, and something I am sure you have all experienced. The narcissist pushes you until you react and then blames you or shames you for YOUR outburst and losing control or worse yet, laughs at you.
James would bait me and then walk away and not let me defend myself. The last time I went back I made a vow to myself that I would not take the bait no matter what he said or did and I was sure I could foresee what would anger him and avoid most of what we fought about. Impossible!!!
When the narcissist wants to let loose with his rage he will not stop until he gets the reaction he wants. He will badger relentlessly until you have to react and then he is happy and blaming you because you are always angry.
The narcissist feeds off of your emotions and any reaction from you proves to him how powerful he is.

Grace for my Heart

It’s Narcissist Friday!   

The anger is always there. It lies just under the surface, almost waiting to erupt. When it is finally released, it will be dedicated to burning and destruction. Sometimes there are warning signs. Other times the rage explodes in an unexpected instant. But even with the warning signs, there is little you can do to stop it.

Narcissistic rage has been discussed in the psychological community for many years. Freud wrote about it. The reference to narcissism is not a reference to the person, but to the type of anger. It is an exclusive anger, designed to hurt or push others away. And it may not look like rage. It may be very subtle, under-handed, or even childish.

A man I know was getting a ride from another man. As he waited for the other to unlock his door, he put his briefcase on the roof…

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3 Replies to “Narcissistic Rage”

  1. my narc always attaks me verbally he accuses me of things that arent true then i get defensive and prove him wrong then he never apologises he said the other day i used a different phone the bill was too high i said i didnt i showed him the proof on my phone he just looked away and said why am i making a fuss it doesnt matter anyway just make sure you dont do it ahhhhhh they are insane i actually tried to stay calm at first but i feel like im being bullied in a playyground their rages happen so suddenly in the middle of a conversation especially if you dont agree with them he also talks over me loudly then blames me never listens is only interested if its all about him cant communicate with them they are on the attack why should we let them bully us not me anymore better when i dont hear or see him such drama x

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    1. Kim, yes I can remember James doing that also. All of a sudden blowing about something that wasn’t true. Accusing me of something I didn’t do and then I would explain, defend myself and I would think I had gotten through to him but later he would be on me again for the same thing, like we had never discussed it. He even did it with his sister at our house. She was in her bedroom and could hear him badgering me about something that had happened and he had it all wrong and I was right but he would not back down. Finally she couldn’t take it any more and came out of her room and said, “Excuse me James, I wasn’t eavesdropping but I couldn’t help but hear what you are yelling about and you have it wrong. Carrie is right,” and she laid the events out in sequences proving that he was wrong. He couldn’t deny it because she remembered exact times and dates. He shut up then, never said he was sorry or anything but you could tell he knew he was wrong.
      Not 5 minutes later he was on me about the exact same thing!! She told me later she was in her room and thought, “What the Fuck???!!! is the man brain dead?”
      It was always like that, and it got so frustrating, after awhile I got to know when it was coming, the tension would build, you could cut it with a knife, I could tell he was building up to a fit of rage. Once he spewed his venomous bile and hatred all over me and had me in tears he would feel so much better and an hour later act like nothing even happened.
      It was enough to drive a person insane. Just remembering it puts my stomach in knots.

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  2. My uncle would provoke my dad all the time. My dad didn’t have a job; my uncle did. I think this is one of the things my uncle used to get angry. He would stand behind my grandmother’s chair, as if she was his protector, and he would just spew insults at my dad when he wasn’t even doing anything. My dad would just be hanging out on the couch watching tv; before our uncle came home, we were all quiet and enjoying the afternoon. But there he was, hurling insults, saying horrible things about my father. My dad would just laugh at first; it was pretty funny how much my uncle was trying to anger my dad. After a while though it got to him. My uncle started getting deeper with the insults, delving into the past, bringing up painful memories my dad was suffering from. This is when my dad started warning my uncle that he was going to Whoop his ass. This didn’t stop my uncle, though; that is what he wanted. My uncle finally dropped a bomb and my dad beat his ass. My grandmother told my dad to get out, when she didn’t even tell my uncle to stop with the insults. Afterwards my uncle cried about it.
    “You see what he did to me? He called me a ‘faggot’…I’m not a faggot…” my uncle cried.
    My dad called him that while he was beating him up.
    My grandmother consoled him.
    “I know… I know…”
    It was sickening. After that my uncle called up some of the other brothers and told them what happened, but of course changed the story up so much it made me want to punch him in his stupid face.
    When my dad returned, my grandmother would not allow him to come inside, or even see his own children, until he apologized to her and my uncle…
    It is all planned out by the narc.

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